Category: Caroldies (parodies of carols)

State Forty-Two: Utah

FIFTY STATES OF ‘MERICA-MAS
Michael Foster Mehl, a Utahn, brings out the pioneer/cowboy spirit with his “Christmas in Utah.” He’s that kind of rugged individualist that has a youtube channel with only a couple of his songs on it–nothing else. So let’s give the guy his privacy. Pretty pop country song though, almost a bit of a yodel there. (Is he tracking harmony with himself? Cool.) And i love those place names placements.
Time to break some rules, then. I can’t stand ’12 Days of Christmas’ parodies. After Allen Sherman and ‘The Great White North’ they were so over! (Yeah, I’m looking at you, Bob Rivers!) The worst of Zoo morning shows, NFL, and NBA team fund-raising jokey witlessness drains to this level of unimaginative fan-pandering. Some day when i’m very unhappy with life, i will share with you the best of the worst of 12 Days.
Despite all that wreath-wearing railing and ranting, I do like Robert Lund. Lund is a parodist (does he list that on his  taxes?) for radio shows in Salt Lake City and around the entire nation. He is nonpareil in the art form of “Parodeus” (that is, to take a modern day pop tune and solemnize a Chistmas subject for the lyrics). (Okay he puts the humor to all manner of subjects.) But, for today, we will explore the converse, the “Caroldy” (a Christmas carol with contemporary application of lyric, natch). In “12 Days of Utah Christmas” Robert Lund, another Ute, explores the complicated life of the Mormon. Though I’m not a fan of stereotyping all of Utah as LDS, i gotta say Lund has done something the members of Temple can chortle at… something rare in our current state of restless intolerance. (Oddly, the only Youtube selection i can find is repetitive and less referential. The cut off his Excellent Album Elves Gone Wild has all the great inside-joke lines.)

Elves Gone Wild

Happy Christmas, Veterans

It’s a National Holiday Today, based on what happened today’s date nearly a century ago.
BLUE ALERT–a few of these ditties are angry or at least unconcerned about the occasional profanity.
Traditionally we sing “Happy Christmas (War is Over),” but who needs that repetitive blather by some pacifist?

Most Christmas songs about soldiers are miserable miss-you affairs like “I’ll Be Brave This Christmas” (Big Daddy Weave) or “Waiting for Christmas” (Melodie Chrittenden Kirkpatrick). Or even angry send-my-baby-home country screaming like Melissa Ethridge’s “Christmas in America.”

More upbeat stuff is performed by military bands, like The United States Air Force Concert Band And Singing Sergeants (i like their “Mr. Santa“).
Sometimes we get messages from the GIs in the shit, like “Christmas in Vietnam” (Johnny and Jon) and “Christmas in Afghanistan” (Rucka Rucka Ali). Pretty non-Jesus stuff.
Except i do like one boots on the ground parody from Zack Applewhite taking off “Up On the Rooftop” (no one does that one). From John Yossarian to Gomer Pyle to Quintan McHale, we find a sense of humor ameliorates the madness of wartimes. And that’s what Christmas is sometimes about.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=61bPptqRyz8

Scary Christmas Part Treat

The easiest spoof on Christmas carols would be playing off “Do You Hear What I hear” with “Do You Fear What I Fear?”
The Dagon Tabernacle Choir from the album A Very Scary Solstice have Lovecrafted the song with various unprounceably spelled demonghouls.
My Newfoundland favorite, Snook, has developed an odd epic of failed life dreams to this tune. It’s pretty Freudian/scary. His is “Do You Fear What I Hear?” (Not on the ‘tube. Yet.)
So the winner of festivalisophobia is Dave Rudolf. Dave’s a novelty musician from way back, the kind of guy you saw at some show somewhere and couldn’t believe how funny he was. Unless you travel in the 21st Century Vaudeville circuit you may not have heard of him. Check out his website.

State Eleven: Maryland

FIFTY STATES OF ‘MERICA-MAS

Since all the cool stuff goes on in D.C. or Bawlimore, the Christmas songs go there. Not statewide.
“Christmas in Baltimore…Hey, you know it’s gonna be great!” sings Milkshake, a kids’ rock band (nominated for an grammy in that category (did you know that was a thing?). It makes me sing along, but i don’t feel good about myself afterwards. (It’s a lotta D.C. stuff anyway.)
David DeBoy hit big in Charm City with “Crabs for Christmas” nearly three dozen years ago. As to be expected, he milked his media darlinghood into an album–or several. I’s a big fan of his comic Christmas album. DeBoy captures the drawl and the pall of Chesapeakians, all fatalistic and smirking… you know, like that Richard Belzer guy, or that John Waters guy.
“O Little Town of Baltimore” as a play on namesakes is a bit obvious and some death metal dudes (Reigndeer Revolt) (Really? Is that a corporate take on what the kids want, or is it younguns with more talent than creativity?) have chortled out all the lyrics of the 1868 original, with that single word replacement–and a lot of attitude! But DeBoy walks us through his town lyrically, nostalgically, recalling his childhood in a way that doesn’t make ya wanta clap to the rhythm, but remember Christmas the way it ought to be: innocently.

CrabsforChristmas

Now, as i canna find a lovely ‘tube for this masterpiece, here are the lyrics (‘sfar as i can discern through the accent):
O Little Town of Baltimore
O little town of Baltimore
How still we see thee lie
On nights like this,
I reminisce
Of Bawlimore things gone by
For in my memory shineth
Traditions all long gone
Like Natty Bo
They’ve left–although
Their spirits still lives on
We’d all go down
To Highlandtown
And catch movies at The Grand
Or on the block
At 2:00
We’d give Le Star a hand
Then to The Little Tavern
Where everything was fried
We’d leave that joint
Go down the Point
Yeah–but that was before “Homicide”
If you grew up in Maryland
On your TV you’d see
Miss Nancy Lump,
Lorenzo Stomp,
And Miss Rhea and J.P.
You’d sail with Pete the Pirate
While Captain Fury flew
Stu Kerr was there
With Bozo hair
(And I think he was Mr. Fortune, too
And Professor Cool,
Yeah and the Early Riser)
O, little town of Baltimore
What pleasures you did bring
Like Hochschild Kohn
The Colts end zone
And Haussner’s big ball of string
These sights and sounds are gone now
Dissolved in history
But all of these great memories
Live on inside of me.

State Six: Connecticut

FIFTY STATES OF ‘MERICA-MAS
Connie Howard, a winner of some Nashville songwriting award, has a syrupy “Connecticut Christmas” confection you can find on line. A fun trifle.
John Cog also has “Connecticut Christmas” on his Bay Blues Fools album but the growly blues voice and lounge laid back beat and liquid electric guitar riffs makes me wonder if this is a hoax.
Ross Altman, however, has a tribute song for Sandy Hook School after the shooting tragedy in ’12, “Christmas in Connecticut”. OMFG that is not Christmas song to dance to. I am not kidding, the graphic details of this horror do not make for a folk hit, or even a tolerable narcocorrido. Do not dare yourself to listen to this.
But let’s get our sense o’humor back. Please. “Christmas in East Haven” is a fine parody song by Vinnie Penn. Originally part of a Glenn Beck Morning Zoo top 40 gang, this guido DJ from KC101 did a funny for his fans from his own show. He’s still got a morning talk show and if you go to his website you can buy his comical books. As far as the tenor of this offering goes, remember CT is just a ‘burb of the Big Apple, knowhutahmean.
(A few vidsters have played with this song, and you might also check out the funny yopauleee version.)

It’s Too Early for Novelty Christmas Songs

It’s October, and holiday displays are creeping in past the Halloween trash and Star Wars presumption. I know, I know, it’s all about merchandising and Capi Capi Greed. But haven’t you heard enough songs about Christmas every day of the year? When should you get in the spirit? There’s no time like the present, and there’s no present like the timing.

Now, Paul and Storm have a fine funny song out there “The Way-Too-Early Christmas Song.” But it’s about November being too early. I’m talking about the tenth month (named “octo-” for the eighth).

So, my salute to premature immaculation goes to TryHardNinja, an indie musician of considerable humor (at least after he got over Minecraft songs) who has lampooned Justin Bieber’s “Mistletoe,” deservedly not only ’cause it is syrupy as hard candy in a mud puddle, but also ’cause it was released 2011 in mid-October. (I do have my eye on even better “Mtoe” parodies for the future….)