Category: BLUE MATERIAL

HATE Xmas.12

ADvocate! Xmas is a terrific platform from which to wave your own particular banner of beefs. Religion, politics, business, sex, crime… you’ve already got my attention with the green tree and the red suit, so soapbox me, baby, one more time.

Bunny Lido (Blue Alert) don’t like family, but really don’t like ‘consumerism,’ which comes off like vampirism in “Anti-Christmas Assault.” Class credit for beating on that folk guitar as a metaphor for the dead horse.

Rather than urban hiphop, Keith James is class conscious with R+B jazz in “This Christmas Sucks.” The protest is lite, but the poetry is powerful.

Preaching from the Children’s Television Workshop, Oscar the Grouch has already sung “I Hate Christmas” for us. Pondertone goes garage-ish with the same thing. Kids, listen up. Free yourself from the chains bells! (Beware: this song is over half way through the presentation, then ‘Stille Nacht’ haunts us with an air raid siren. Message much?)

HATE Xmas.08

Blah blah blah hate Christmas, who cares other lyrics–big hit. Right? Or these:

Michael George Sippo is playing at singing, so his “I Hate Christmas” (Blue Alert) is an exercise in rhythm machine doggerel. What was the question?

Half a minute of metal screech makes a sorta song “I Hate Christmas” by Collision. Gets right to the pointless.

Lovely hair metal (parody?) from Whiplash gets the gang joining in on “I Hate Christmas.” Redundant sing-along fun.

Aussies Weekend Rockstars madlib out the rockabilly pop with “I Hate Christmas.” It rhymes so hard it makes you believe in its song-like qualities.

HATE Xmas.07 BLUE ALERT

Is it fun to hate of the the happiest time of year? Some of these songs pile on, without much rationalization.

Snap-Her punks the premise with “I Hate Christmas.” Why? It’s stupid, that’s why! Yah! BLUE ALERT

Catholic School Girls redundantly inundate us with redundancy in “I Hate Christmas,” a BLUE ALERT speedy screed of garage rage. Just ‘cuz.

Least intelligibly, Lerker throat shreds “I Hate Christmas” to pop metal. Yes, BLUE ALERT. Band practice as anger management.

HATE Xmas.04

Many are the causes of stress from mid-December on, but woe be unto those who simply hate the festoonery of Christmas for hate’s sake. (Millennials!)

NewJerseyite punkfolk band Where’s My Spaceship leans in on the bogus family time with “Everybody Hates Christmas.” But BLUE ALERT the real message is how horrible the inconvenience of special time cuts into not doing anything in particular.

A bit too blasé to hate, Zoe Sky Jordan phones in “I Hate Christmas” with a melodic folk pop list of peevish complaints: headache, interested friends, lack of life’s goals. Hoo boy.

Groovy piano lounge from Billy West as Ren & Stimpy tricks out “I Hate Christmas.” Kids, friends, family, singing, treats–gag me with a cliche! Have mare-cee!

Johnny Setlist noodles around the piano to stream out his consciousness about how big a let down he has it “Befallen This Christmas.” Yeah, maybe for everyone else. For me–is that all there is?

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Let’s remember this is all ironic: Christmas is made for joy and forgiveness and party puking–no regrets!

So, in the spirit of opposite day, time for the exaggerated cartoony fun.

Some don’t like the Adam Sandler cartoon ‘Eight Crazy Nights’ but i’m a fan. “Davey’s Song” is about the tragic orphan hating on the night he lost his family. Hilarious show tune.

Also movie derived, House of Breaking Glass’s “A Very Grumpy Christmas” from ‘Grumpy Cat’s Christmas’ adds a little ragtime to a miserable time. You’re welcome.

Casey Shea recounts another tough time around the holidays in “Worst Christmas Ever.” Keep an eye open for hopin’ near the end….

Sick of Christmas: cancer

The king of maladies, the doomsday diagnosis, the terminal terminology this is the big C. Not Christmas (although the latter does get the capitalization). Two cs together and you have 2cc of uncomfortable song.

First off, Johnny Hobo and The Freight Trains punk up the idea “I Want Cancer for Christmas” BLUE ALERT by refusing joy and hope with a blazing middle finger to life. (I’ve posted this before, and there’s no actual mention of cancer in it… but meager pickings. And it’s catchy. And there’s a dozen covers by fans online.)

Balancing out the anger is the schmaltz of Carolyn of the Choir with “Pink Christmas,” a jazzy siren song sentimentalizing the survival of it all.

Okay, we went all that way so i could share Double Plus Good with you. This Something Awful contribution, “Cancer for Christmas,” stands alone in its MOR orchestration, country caterwauling, and ironic horribleness. It might ruin you. (‘Santa’s taking Grandpa to Heaven in his sleigh.’)

Sick of Christmas: herpes BLUE ALERT

The gift that keeps on giving! Simplex Two.

Doug (from witness relocation??) reveals “I Got Herpes for Christmas” to his fellow partiers. Skip a minute of banter to get to his winsome folk.

Santa’s Angry Elves apply some metal growling to “Santa Has Herpes and for Christmas He’s Giving It to All the Sluts.” That’s pretty much the whole song right there.

Pooch gets (finally) nasty about it all with “Herpes Infected Christmas Elf.” Based on a true story perhaps? Pop garage. BLUE ALERT

Don We Now: whadja not wanna get?

Did you really ASK for something to wear?: ‘Course you didn’t! That’s lame-o!

“Grandma’s Christmas Shirt” tells us the story of that gift you have to wear but you’d rather burn. The Good Year Pimps go appropriately punk for this honest discourtesy.

Drunk parody fun time! “What Tie is This?” takes a turn at ‘Child’ with the wit of Robert Lund of FuMP. You’ll larf, if you’ve lived this.

‘Course there’s the sizing problem. Mel Blanc gives us classic nationalism with “The Hat I Got for Christmas is Too Beeg.” Reeng dee bell and beet duh drom.

Then there’s socks. Something Awful Christmas Songs tells the whole sordid BLUE ALERT tale in “King Lou’s Terrible Christmas Song.” You might need a drink.

Andy Pagana gives you the actual list of what he does want. But most especially, he country kidsongs, “I Don’t Want Clothes for Christmas.” You’ve been warned.

The worst gift JD McPherson ever got? “Socks.” A jazz romp of considerable elasticity.

Boogie rock with Trout Fishing in America: “Santa Brought Me Clothes.” You need to reinventory your misdeeds for the year, dudes. Santa’s telling you something.

Don We Now: Santa not hat

What if Big Red has no hat?

Kahuna Kidsong posits the delay of the day with “Santa’s Hat,” childish rock. Santa not only lost it, he loses it.

“Ass in a Santa Claus Hat” reveals that a Santa hat may be missing from yo’ ass. Howie Loots fast raps the cure. You’re covered. BLUE ALERT

If you look around, you may see something untopped. TV’s Kyle suggests you “Put a Santa Hat on It” (yeah, like that Portlandia joke). This pop foolery will surely solve your problems. If not, you’re joiks. (Double duty: the second half of the video is a bonus “I’m a Snowman” song, with amusing credits.)

Don We Now: (sweaters) BLUE ALERT

Let’s get ugly.

Jeremy Turner uses psychedelic pop for his “Ugly Christmas Sweater.” The twisty weird music (with whoops) adds to the nausea.

Just plain bad singing accompanies a ‘Que Sera’ karaoke for Cameron J. Orr’s “My Ugly Christmas Sweater.” Deserved that one.

Pretty disappointing. “Christmas Sweaters Instead of an Xbox” from Lil Poverty Angels marries rap and techno to set the angry mood. Your move!

What use IS this thing? Bradly Allingham is gonna ‘get her’ with his “Ugly Christmas Sweater.” It might be the eggnog talking, but this tenor pop country is gonna land him in the drunk tank.

Sha Na Na is proud to say that their “Ugly Christmas Sweater” is their possession. Not their proud possession, just something they wear. Standard rock, limp sentiment.

BLUE ALERT. DashieXP gets to rappin’ “Chillin in My Christmas Sweater” but feels more like a meltdown, saved by the comfy warmth of that itchy shit.

BLUE ALERT. Big Slack do some odd sampling, mean rhyming, and cazzy dissin’ on the “Ugly Xmas Sweater Song.” This hiphop deejaying sounds like they don’t like it. Yet he would kill you for one more.