Year-round Yuletide oddities
Christmas is so full of expectation, that any loss is catastrophic and cuss-worthy. Jilted for joyeax noel? Time for snarling slang!
Those Dreaded Gnats roll up the woes with “Merry FXmas,” a tale as old as flat tires. Cool rock pop.
Niki Luparelli is crestfallen by your caddishness, so “Why Don’t You Go F Yourself (This Christmas)?” I mean really, to this lounge diva brassy bossa nova tempo, why don’t you perform all these euphemisms? G’head.
Anger at overspending (and having to return crappy presents) excites 85% Jesus to rockin’ song with “Merry Fucking Christmas (To Some of You).” Wow.
But finally, a song that celebrates the 1% (with tongue in ass-cheek) for the holidays. Meanspiritedness trickles down, motherspender! Brad Sucks and John Benjamin present “Fuck You, Motherfucker (It’s Christmas)” as a quarterly economic lesson for the rest of us. Coffeehouse pop folk. Have fun with this one.
Dulled to death by the holiday haze, the next monotone messages may include THAT WORD by disaffected default. Ain’t no thing.
The Christmas version of The Great American Trailer Park Musical includes the pick-yourself-up-by-the-bootstraps jubilee “…It’s Christmas” by Susan Koozin and cast. Up with hillbilly people who swear pretty casually.
Barely able to muster the breath to complain, The Mike and Ryan Project project “Oh Fuck Me, It’s Christmas Time” onto a wrinkled sheet with a candle powered projector. The tuba helps. And cool is momentarily lost. But the swearing is automatic and unfeeling.
Guinea Worms plunkity plinks on the toy piano through “Oh F*uck, It’s Christmas Again” as if time were merely a countdown to the end. Who the f*uck cares anyway?
Foul language against the competition as well? Sam Hill right! Get on board the cursing cruise as we drive-by Kwanzaa and Hanukkah too!
Thugzy Bunnie cracks me up with his hippity hip hop smashing on all winter celebrations out at the mall, beginning with “Fuck Christmas.”
Cuntgod rattles off the standard list with “Fuck Hanukkah.” Clotted metal punk with a hint of klezmer. Get the guy a lozenge.
The Skivvies (in their underwear) practice “It’s F*cking Hanukkah” for us live. Whitey rap is so hilario.
Much more positive, but also only a draft, “Light the Fucking Candles” from Eva Moon & the Lunatics calls on the Chosen to get with it. Fun folk rock.
Far away places with strange sounding names celebrate Christ’s birth. Also piss all over it. But with panache.
Swansea Jack is a Welsh sod with a wicked sense of song as “Oh Mush Christmas” exhibits. You may need a translator.
The French love their revolutionary anti-socialism, but this band and this song is a metal mystery to me. Does “Fuck Christmas” use the F-word? Quel damage, mes amis?
Can Whatever21 be Franc with me? Their “Merry Fucking Christmas” is basic (if not classic) rock.
Slovenian Aljaž Vuk banjos up the fun with his “Christmas Song” which features Santanapping and profanity, thickly accented for your pleasure.
“Merry Fucking Christmas” is energized punk by DØMT. That’s foreign i figger. This is flipside to ‘Rudolph is a Drunk.’ but it has it’s own reprise.
Rockabilly makes all merry and bright. So Alabama Black Snakes (Danish dudes!) take the whole concept less seriously with “Merry Fucking Christmas.” Whoa whoa, there’s intermissions for dramatic content!
Those classy Scandinavians can do (US) country music better, rock’n’roll better, earworms better… what about iconclasm? Try Zanko’s industrial electro pop “Merry Fucking Christmas.” Fa, la la, la la, la, la, what a party.
Open the hellsmouth and let the bile flow! It’s the best time of the year to be forgiving, so let us forgive unmitigated hatred… of Christmas!
From the film ‘Alien Sex Party’ The Pork Guys seem to try on their bad boy personae with “Fuck Christmas,” a warm up to paroxysm. Metalhead punk.
Actual punk is mushmouthed and breathless. Like MDC and “Merry Fucking Christmas.” Actual chords in here, however–and is that some polka influence?
Punk music likes to screw with you, so Immoral Discipline’s DJ sampling and extra warm up time may be excused. Once they get into their conniptions it’s all careful balance and near-enunciation. I can unnerstan’em. So i highlight it for you.
A moment for the mimetic. Can a parody survive scrutiny by dropping the F-bomb into serious song? Let’s find out.
Big deal songwriter (Katy Perry collaborator) Bonnie McKee does just this with “Have Yourself a Merry Fucking Christmas.” See if you can slip this into shared ipod rotation at work during the holidays.
Upbeat (near metal) parody “I %!S#ing Hate This Winter Wonderland” lip serves the original with some punk posturing.
More comically, John Ploskina kvetches “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Fuck This.” Less family whiney, more apocalypso, Justin Libigs of Relatively Haunted does this twist wicked.
“Who the Fuck is Emanuelle?” by Circus Pig! only reinterprets a classic hymn with industrial raspy rock. But, you gotta admit… that’s novel.
They grow up so fast, those Santa-believers! They’re drinking and smoking and SWEARING and still moon-eyed for the gifts.
Rap can appeal to the infant in the urban lost kid, so Gentleman’s Delight & IFHT (feat. Peter Chao) cry out with a child’s realization that the list isn’t the gift with “Fuck Christmas,” a melodic journey lashing out at handy targets (your mom!) and ending with a fan letter to you, girl.
Talay sings (i guess–pick a key!) “It’s Fucking Christmas” as if she were announcing ‘It’s really Christmas.’ Pop millennial anthem about love, life, and disappointment.
Just the right music can mollify the worst of the curse words. And save Christmas!
Nomy misleads with bright pop music sugarcoating a child’s angry message: “Merry Fucking Christmas.” Ready, aim….
Blink-182 ramps up the pop with their littlest of ditties “Happy Holidays, You Bastard.” Hot dogs for the holidays!
Just a moment for positivity. Fuckin’ A.
Sex Bishops go modulated electronic pop (’70s Steven Hawking) for “It’s Christmas (Let’s Have a Jolly Good Time).” Unabashed programmed jollity.
Crudbump likes life. So “Fuck You If You Don’t Like Christmas” and so many of the other good things. More intolerantly tolerant pop. Holy God, reindeer dogs.