Little Brenda Lee has her water pistol gun to get after that negligent gift giver in “I’m Gonna Lasso Santa Claus.” See, no presents for the poor kids instills retribution. Honky tonkin’ for reals.
Johnny Preston responds to a little kid crooning “I Want a Rock ‘n’ roll Guitar” but insisting: you want a six gun like The Lone Ranger has. The kid wants rocking nothing to do with that. Kid wants to be on TV. You know how it is.
Bob Wills and His Texas Playboys deconstruct the honky tonk with “Santa is on His Way.” Amongst his swag is a cowboy gun for you.
‘Weird’ Al Yankovic’s “The Night Santa Went Crazy” is classic (overplayed?) rock about atrocity. Santa goes after the workshop with a shotgun. The usual.
Aidan Ryan’s punk update on “Santa Baby” includes My ex’s number, An airsoft rifle and many other red flags. Uh oh.
More shooting in the hood from Chris Leland’s “Santa Claus Bag.” Ouch.
Satanic metal from Bestial Crown observes the niceties of gifts: A toy rifle, New earrings, A cute dolly, A new watch… not carcasses and slimy bugs like you’d expect in “A Wrapped Christmas.”
Time for some urban retribution. King Aiden raps Ak47 what I want on my wish list I need guns for protection hold up load up that little clip in the tinkly, almost jovial “Hood Christmas.” Better safe than surrounded by alive people.
“Sleigh Ride Drive By” from Coolio and Meredith Brooks is just a ‘Sleigh Ride’ cover with some commentary. Intent is there. I guess. And a laugh track.
Boosie Badass (feat. YFN Lucci & Rich Homie Quan) promises–through rap– I’m gon’ get some more guns in their “Christmas List.” More suffering , more rapping.
RHL_KT sounds more melodic and low key, but with a ‘mag’ he intends to ‘light ’em up,’ by which i think he’s going to shoot down your decorations. Plenty of other code indicates you may not survive his need for weed in “Hood Santa.”
IT’s all downhill in the concrete jungle. “Dark X-mas” from Mikael Englund is R+B rap with some pretty melody, but some monstrous fate for the Fat Man and the kids for that matter.
Rucka Rucka Ali adds Tchaikovsky for a lighter element in “Twas the Night Before Kwanzaa.” Santa confronts two homies with a knife and a gun… until Suzi shows up with an uzi. Ultimately no man left that night, without a cap in his ass! So, like presents–?
Why do we need a brand new Jesus, a “Brand New Christmas“? Hot Chocolate gospel/disco raps why–To take the gun out of the fighting hand, To take a little away, from the greedy man. ‘Seasy!
Trouble with money, trouble with drugs, trouble with being “Lazy,” yet Jay Stunner claims: This Christmas I done bought errbody a gun. Yer standard BLUE ALERT rap.
Greg Volk’s folk pop “Have a Maga Christmas” might be straightforward, it might be ironic (lots of ‘whatever‘s), but it does suggest Gun-right garland, whatever that might be.
Sum 41 & Tenacious D ups the ante with an expectedly ridiculous metal screaming list in “Things I Want,” a solid gold Harley with machine guns on the front included.
Garrett Forge needs cheering up around this time of year, in fact a “Cup of Cheer“–or twenty. But he watches all the right shows (Ralphie gets his B.B. gun), or he has to–the kids insist. He’d rather watch the bowl games. Perhaps another cup… poor sloshily spoken pop singer.
Eddie Money goes middle of the road with the ‘rocking’ “Everybody Loves Christmas.” My daughter Chealsea wants a doll that talks; Little Johnny wants a BB Gun. Wake up, Eddie… you don’t have a son Johnny. (Oh, he’s dead? never mind.)
Joe Diffie’s somewhat-country “Mr. Christmas” also delivers A Barbie doll and a little toy gun. Not to much acclaim, it would seem. Somnolent pop.
Guns are called to silence by prayer by John Denver in “Christmas Like a Lullaby.” Easy Listening country to put you to sleep.
“A Gun for Christmas” by The Brown Christmas seems to recount an actual gift with tragic results. Hard to tell through all that garage synth. Just as well.
Tweaking and plunking, “Don’t Shoot, It’s X-Mas!” by Colemanworld comes in at the bare minimum of a song about something.
The _____ Hunters growl and slobber their garage way through psychopathy with an Xmas wish for “My New Gun.” It’s not pretty. Boys will kill boys.
Despite the warning not to fear “Tofu for Christmas,” Dad’s grabbing his gun! Tofu Vibrations punk that metal to make their point. I’m afraid.
Kids today! Utter Nonsense electronically raps: I put a gun in the turkey ‘Cause my momma said No phones at the table; Well now she’s dead. “Tik Tok Boy” marches to a different drummer only he can hear.
More fun with Te Vale Quien Soy serenading us slow and folksy with “I Shoot My Gun on Christmas.” Attention seeker!
If ever emo-boy pop was deserved it was for “Abandonment Clause” by Cloudwatch. I promise I’ll stay, Won’t tell no one–It’s Christmas day: I wanted a gun. Spoiler: it’a about abuse in the home. BLUE ALERT tearjerking.
Smash Mouth can sing a song, i’ll admit it. The ne’erdowells in their swing rock “Better Do It Right” beg, borrow, and steal, as Santa didn’t come. And all you wanted was a BB gun.
Party time! “All I Want For Christmas (Is A Gun)” by Pete Witham & The Cozmik Zombies is just the beginning. According to Neitsche he just deserves some fun. With this country pop, figger that’s a start.
Rapper say: Like I be shoppin for Christmas; I got a gun on my wishlist. John Cannon’s “On Me” seems more like an autotune bitchfest. BLUE ALERT
It’s all bad in “Bring On Your Last Existential Sabora,” an electronic ballad from Coping Mechanism. Life sucks, then you get a present. A shotgun? BLUE ALERT
Guess i missed this curiosity a few months back when we scrutinized songs about monsters. Extize extols how Christmas Eve starts with a gun; Guess the nightmare has begun when you’ve got “Gremlins in the System.” Peppy metal.
“Merry Christmas (Wanna See My Dad’s Gun?)” boasts the claim it was written in ten minutes. Guwange, however, gives us a thoughtful, hyperactive, short garage pop to challenge our traditions.
Gettin’ us down, Guy Clark is pickin’ at the ol’ gee-tar with “Queenie’s Song.” He bets you got a gun for Christmas, but that don’t make it right.’Cuz what you did ain’t shoulda been done. You son of a bitch.
Joybuzzard resorts to garage folk to melt away hopes, expectations, and cheer in “The Broomslinger.” He carries a broom on Christmas Eve, a gun on Christmas Day. You’ll see why.
“A Candy Gun for Christmas” by Niels Cremer takes a step back from the violence and rage and considers the psychology of toys and gifts with new aged indie-ism. BTW do you eat a candy gun barrel first??
…Running around naked firing nerf guns in the air is the least of the problems in the lite-metal “Another Family Christmas” from 77 Apes. Duck!
Two-Ton Santa warbles rock on the attic recording “Toy Gun.” There may be a lesson in here….
Even more atonal, “Bobby Got a BB Gun for Christmas” from Todds Holiday Greeting Disk spools out the escalating tale of a budding sociopath. Shouted folk pop.
