Author: douglove1225

Why Couldn’t It Beard Christmas Everyday?

“[I Saw Mommy Kiss Santa] Last Night” has a famous line about tickling under the beard. Still, i dry heave to hear the original. Perhaps the Yule Logs with their surf pop reorchestration can soften the bile.

A pop lesson in history from John Edmond tells us about “The Very First Father Christmas.” It’s mostly about stockings, but the beard gets a mention.

A pop lesson in culture from Kerstin Adeström, Ola W Jansson & Sami Yousri piano bars “The Swedish Way to Celebrate” Christmas. Their Santa may appear unconventionally, but he’s still got that long white stuff at the bottom of his punim.

Christmas Chin Curtain Hollis

Psychostick namedrops Santa (as well as Jesus and Chewbacca) in their manifesto “Obey the Beard.” Bro rock.

Jaydes does the sexist rap for “Dirty Santa.” Amongst the sexual innuendoes is the invitation to pull the beard.

Holiday Roger to the rescue with the most disgusting Santa beard of all. “Rudolph’s Got a Nosebleed” is electronic pop about where to wipe that mess. Ugh. [Outdoing himself, HR adds a nauseating list of “Things in Santa’s Beard.”]

Radiant Beams From Thy Holy Facial Hair

Brother Strange hammers on metal to remind you of “Sweet Beard Jesus.” All songs about Christ are Christmas songs.

Hard garage from Samaritan bleeds into metal for “Jesus Had a Beard, Why Can’t We?”

Lesley Whore folk rocks the more approachable “Jesus Had a Groovy Beard.”

God must get mistaken for Santa alla time. So sings Elvis Costello in one of my all time favorites: “God’s Comic.” JC wants to know, what’s the deal with airplane food?

Meet Me Under the Bristles, Go

Who else wears hair on the bottom of their face around the holidays?

Phineas and Ferb‘s very own Baljeet and Buford (Maulik Pancholy and Bobby Gaylor) rewrite “Good King Wenceslas” to include biographical details, like how he was unshaven. It also includes threatening gift suggestions.

Kunt and The Gang BLUE ALERT salute god-as-man with the pop dance number “Jesus (Baby with a Beard).”

Michael Warner succumbs to cheesy country western to identify God, “Old Grey Beard,” as the reason for the season. I wonder how old he’ll have to get to get a great white beard, like Santa’s.

‘Ziff the Night Before Christmas

Cracks & Scars wield galvanized punk to vent their spleen about that “Fake Beard Bastard.” BLUE ALERT–it wasn’t the real guy.

The “Christmas Beard” that took over makes an appearance in The Hollow Folk’s basement rehearsal pop warm-up. Oompah oompah march march march. That’s very powerful jaw upholstery .

King Drive’s follow up to ‘Put on Your Beard‘ is “Put on Your Christmas Beard.” This sorry sequel merely floats X-mas phrases against an awesome light rock melody. I’m still looking for some kind of beard….

And Put Your Stubbles Out of Sight

The Hot Buttered Elves warn about not enough prep to play in the big sleigh. “Santa All Year Long” begins with a bad glue job, and ends with a fistfight in Vegas. Pop goes the whiskers.

Ken Jones uses the natural approach, growing his own in the ukulele comic folk “Santa’s Beard Song.” Amateur, yet precious.

Carbon Leaf also recounts the personal growth in the pop “LIVE” “Carter’s Christmas Beard.” It’s getting envious out there.

Tore Open the Shutters and Threw Up the Spinach

Pulling on the beard is just one more thing that happens because of a “Bahumbug Baby” in Dave Tough’s indie-pop cautionary tale.

Grampa’s got one of those Santa beards in JJ Heller’s pop/folk “Christmastime.” Not sure what’s so traumatic, but she insists we’ll all be fine in a week or two.

The Heebee-jeebees may be confused when they seek someone to “Arrest This Bearded Gentleman.” (To the tune of ‘God Rest Ye’.) They don’t seem to understand who this guy is. But then, the theme to Gilligan’s Island rears up. What? Now i’m confused! Skip-per-r-r-r!

Neckbeard the Halls with Boughs of Holly Scented Oils

“Must be Santa” checklists the features of Kringle (white beard is the primary), and it’s a children’s singalong staple. But when Bob Dylan powers up the polka machine and rocks the house, eyebrows must be raised. If you view the video, explain to me why Mr. Zimmerman has Barbra Streisand hair.

Recover with the micro-pop of Johnathan Mann’s “Creepy Santa Outside the Hair Salon.” Dude has written a song a day for years, so this is like thinking out loud for him.

In “The Ugly Sweater Song,” Henry Holyfield x DoeTheUnknown has a list longer than Santa’s beard. But gets R+B rap distracted by the titular jumper.

Miles Maxwell (feat. Gary Zimmer) tells THE REAL STORY of S.C. in “Santa Claus is Real.” He begins before his Santa beard could grow… but covers centuries quickly with pop song. And gets a bit extrapolative.

I Want a Pogonotrophy for Christmas

“Don’t Go Pullin’ on Santa Claus’s Beard” is the schtick-y country from The Oak Ridge Boys. Is this advice for good manners, or merely a way to keep off the naughty list?

More suspicion from Ryan Marchand in the form of the ukulele comic folk “Santa, Is Your Beard Real?” I mean, you smell like beef and cheese….

The Drop Shadows not only believes, but in pop “Solidarity With Santa Claus” they also grow beards (for December).

Merry Chin Tuft

ESL Games brings us a silly way to teach adjectives to any child. But “Santa’s Beard” uses kidsong to create fluffy clouds of animal shapes on Father Xmas’s face, and now i’m scarred for life.

Floff play the nonsense word ploy for their light indie blue grass “Santa’s Beard’s Gone Grey.” Boom dicka adjicka. That’s good face fluff.

Willis ‘Daddy Wings’ Pinney & Reginald ‘Ras Regg’ Martin stomp the parang with their “Santa’s Beard.” It’s not only iconic, it’s itchy.