The 1966 #1 hit from the ‘Stones (not Fred and Barney), “19th Nervous Breakdown” is perhaps best known from The Minions Movie of 2015. This ‘joke song’ written by Jagger and tuned up by Keith Rickards explains their mental state after touring the USA. Ha, millions of ha.
Our version today is by The ’60s Invasion, entitled “Here Comes Rudolph.” If you haven’t heard of these guys, you haven’t been to too many Long Island boomers’ parties. They are a big deal old timey rock cover band. And their sense of Xmas humor deserves your consideration.
So, to cool down from yule town, please peruse with me some classic Rock ‘n’ Roll hits sung with a holiday theme. Some of this stuff is pretty fun, and it certainly clears the head of the tune from ‘Jingle Bells.’
First up, The Beatles’ well seemed to run dry during the rock renaissance that was 1965. In order to fill an album, John Lennon wrote “Nowhere Man” in honor of not having any ideas. (Although Paul hinted it was about John’s crappy marriage.) (Hey, we used to say it was about Nixon.)
The Ineffective Subdefectives have come and gone from my internet, so let’s mine their old fun with “Big Fat Man.” Man, that’s some merry meatball!
As far as 2015 is concerned, i wanna hear these over and over again.
#10. My good friend, Pete the Elf, makes me laugh. He finds such cool novelty Christmas music i could plotz. He gave me a dozen disks recently and this number stood out: Rappy McRapperson singing “Gimme Stuff.” Clueless hip hop and breathless techno combines with genuinely youthful grabbiness. (I’d take that hug.)
BLUE ALERT #9. Dirty stuff works with me when it’s gleefully inappropriate. Denis Leary is hit or miss funny, but in claymation, he’s pretty fuckin’ funny in “Merry Fucking Christmas.”
#8. Back in the ’70s we called techno rave music electronica. It wasn’t simply addictive percussion, it was moog magic and synthesized science. It was wonderfully amazing. Here is Joy Electric’s “Lollipop Parade (On Christmas Morn).” Hardly kid music, but it takes me back.
#7. You can maybe tell, parodies float my boat. Bob Rivers is pretty good. And I love Joel Kopischke. But Robert Lund out-Yankevics them all. Here is “Santa” with a nod to R.E.M. (Beware, Santa comes off pretty creepy here.)
#6. My childhood music is scrambled eggs memory to me now. But when i found old vinyl from Tex Johnson and His Six-Shooters i was transported to the shag carpeted wonderland full of presents. Please enjoy the a cappella ‘cowboys’ singing about “Fum Fum Fum” whatever that is.
#5. South Park plays hard and once every fifth bit i crack a smile. Usually i nod at the excess and understand the anthropological reasons behind this satire or that angry barb. But Cartman’s “Swiss Colony Beef Log” reminds me of the religious realization of getting the expected gift.
#4. Barenaked Ladies has a dynamite Christmas/Chanukah album. It should be listened to in its entirety. I’ll point out “Christmastime (Oh Yeah)” as a stellar example of warmth and love and stuff like that.
#3. Sloppy Seconds celebrates Santa Claus Vs. the Martians with their “Hooray for Santa Claus.” It revives me from the torpor of the holidays and resurrects my spirits for the next 365.
#2. Here’s a catchy number (even the missus likes dis a one). In fact “Kill a Tree for Christ” was so seminal to my seasons’ greetings, i posted my own Youtube slide show for it. (Not my strong suit.) Not gonna go all green(sleeves) on ya, but the poor Doug firs… poor li’l things…. Celtic Elvis knows.
#1. One more Youtube that i have posted. Tarquin Records has an incredible Christmas album as well (including songs for Thanksgiving, Halloween and Groundhog’s Day). Get it! John Aley has a swing number that pops my cork and reminds me (like i need it) that i’ll never get any better present than a happy marriage. She’s “The Best Darn Present in the Whole Wide World.”
Nothing to do today but wait… and cook, and last-minute shop, and make travel connections, and wrap, and pretend to relax, and—ARGH.
The countdown gets confusing with far away family and time zones and stuff. Marsha Bartanetti sings “Almost Christmas Eve.” It’s big budget cool, so veneer love.
Celine Dion has her own “Christmas Eve.” Harking and heralding and hollering about how fun the anticipation is, she tires a celebrator out.
Justin Bieber “Christmas Eve” autotunes his music almost to death. Supposedly about love, this is more rhythm than romance.
While we’re playing famous over odd, i kinda dig Dan Fogelberg’s “Same Old Lang Syne.” That guy’s a storyteller.
Tich sings “Love on Christmas Eve” reverentially and seriously. It’s love for God, dude. You ain’t gettin’ any tonight.
Nick Gardner warbles out “Christmas Eve” all poetic and pouty. He’s so sad– Girl why won’t you give him any? Those high notes hurt a boy.
Alex Goot (“I am Goot!”) sings his “Next Christmas Eve” prettily sad as well. Full of apologies. He don’t want your present, girl; he wants YOU. Are you seeing a theme?
Accepting his apology and promising next year for sure are The Ennis Sisters with “I’ll Be There Christmas Eve.” Gentle folk is much happier than pop this time of year.
Confusing me even further are the creepy CGI wishers and prayers in Acoustic Bloom’s “On Christmas Eve.” The night is for Santa AND Jesus after all (‘star crossed lovers time divides’). Is it me or is that messed up?
She leaves Ringo on “Christmas Eve,” so he’s lonely too.
The man Alison Everill is missin’ this night is The Man. “The Night Before Jesus was Born” is hymnal, sermon, and musical theater showstopper all-in-one.
Pat Donahue’s band from Prairie Home Companion knows how to razz the roof. “Christmas Eve Morn” plays the blues for that special time of year.
Hope you’re not too broken hearted for your chores. Christmas Steve sings about “Christmas Eve Shoppers.” It’s panic-time! But his masterful ukulele-style peaceful strumming helps my blood pressure.
Joel Kopischke may be the king of Christmas Parodies. “One Week (Until Xmas Eve)” also documents shopping and decorating concerns. It strips the concerns of gentlemen and ladies barenaked.
Almost as funny is the Reverend Kizzo Production of “Last Christmas Eve.” Obvious, huh?
The Clovers “The Magic of Christmas Eve” accepts and excels at the last minute magic. What would Santa do, dude?
My personal hipster hero, Jesus Presley cools out with his “It’s Christmas Eve”
If you’re not home yet Michael Martin Murphy will put a quick in your giddyup with “Ridin’ Home on Christmas Eve.”
The Yule Be Sorrys mock up ‘Midnight Clear’ with “They Came Upon a Christmas Eve” Those wonderful neighborhood carolers are worse than stay cats!
‘O Holy Night’ serves as the music for the dime store novelty Cinderella Christmas song “It’s Christmas Eve” You’ve heard this one, right?
Just as astonishing but this time legal, “Christmas Eve Dinner” comes from Disney’s stable of sound-alikes for Snow White and her gang. What a party for those observing Christians!
If you’re not sad enough, here’s Richard Bryant’s “Sad Christmas Eve” by Don Hecker. Getting drunk and singing country about it don’t mix.
This last-minute night to gather yourself can result in serious side-effects: weepy nostalgia and delusions of analogy, for example. The Oak Ridge Boys sing “Daddy’s Christmas Eve.” And, you know, God was a dad just like you.
Horrible VHS quality picture, matching sweaters, aerobics-style dancing, vapid lyrics, spaceship background, non-ironic shag haircuts–it’s the 1970s!! Although this is posted as “Worst Song of Christmas Eve” i guess it’s someone’s mod update of ‘Silent Night.’ We may never know who sang this–or why.
Not a fan of the Moore story “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas” and the parodies range from extraterrestrial to trailer trash–Bob Rivers parody of ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ NOT withstanding. But I am a fan of Stan Freberg. His 1955 cool daddio character piece is heightened by his costar. Great family comedy bit. And that’s what this night is for, my dear darlings.
Less is known about the classic carol “Jolly Old St. Nicholas” than about other 19C singables. No official publication exists with authorship. Most Yule sleuths figure that guy that wrote ‘Up on the Housetop’ (school principal Benjamin Hanby) wrote this because they sound similar and came out about the sae time. The music, however, seems to come from James Pierpont’s ‘Jingle Bells,’ at least his first go at a tune–the JB we know now has another borrowed melody. A couple conspiricists even figure Montana Slim wrote JOSN, because his was the first recording.
Clement Clarke Moore’s ‘A Visit from St. Nicholas’ in 1823 made Santy a thing. Before that (like 1600) we had Father Christmas, who was variously scary or cuddly. Dickens’ Ghost of Christmas Present is the nice version. Thomas Nast cartoons enlarged on this image (made him fat). It’s right about then songs like this one get sung house to house.
Now some people gotta make trouble, so apart from it being hilarious that this song is syncopated and similar in melody to Pachelbel’s Canon in D, those folks say THAT’s where the music came from. Compare for yourself: Erin Freund, Bill Edwards, Glissandi show you harp, piano and combo clashes. (I like these ‘accidental plagiarisms’ of this ilk. The Ventures’ Christmas Album is full of these playful pairings. I’ll never forget hearing Peter Schikele sing Frost’s poem ‘The Road Not Taken’ to the tune of ‘Hernando’s Hideaway.’ Priceless)
But, to the matter at hand. Dave Rudolf has a clumsy Jamaican parody “Folly Old St. Nicholas” recounting a Santa and run on the highway. Sleigh accidents’re not that funny any more.
BLUE ALERT Overpriveleged and angry, young Hunter tries out all the profanity he can on that authority figure in “Jolly Old St. Nicholas.” Something’s got his stocking in a twist.
Richard Pepper challenges himself to write parodies every year on his blog. His “Jolly Old St. Nicholas” is short and sour.
Stan Boreson (The King of Scandinavian Humor… from the ’60s; no one dethrones the living Yogi Yorgeson–ever) along with Doug Setterberg sing the big dumb Svede variety: “Jolly Old Saint Nicholas.” It’s narrow demographic fun.
So let’s settle back on good old Samuel Stokes. His erudite logic in “Jolly Old St. Nicholas–Change Your Ways” reexamines that red-suited elf with a critical gaze. Lissen up, Nick-o. This man should be running your PR.
Here’s a Christmas miracle. William Chatterton Dix had an NDE way back when. Making his way back from the grim edge, he reviewed his insurance company managerial duties and took on a spiritual revival. In 1865 he wrote Celestial poetry like ‘The Manger Throne’ which he set to the music of ‘Greensleeves’ and wound up with “What Child is This?”
‘Greensleeves’ had arrived much earlier, of course, and some want it to be Henry VIII’s seductive song for his consort, Anne Boleyn. Regardless, gutter-minded historians like how green stained sleeves are a sign of naughtiness like rough rolling in the hay. That did not stop several other Christmas songs being set to the ‘Greensleeves’ tune before this one. This is the big one.
BLUE ALERT: So let’s start raw with the disgusting John Valby, who liked that nasty historical view in his own “Greensleeves.” Disease and putrescence figure in hilariously too.
The more clever fooleries to deal with ‘Greensleeves’ would include Jimi Handtrix’s “Green Tea.” Not exactly Yulesy, but clever (and speeded up so it won’t take all night). Likewise is Annie and Philo’s “Greened House“–without the chipmunk voice, that is.
Cheesehead Evan tells us ‘Here’s a song about that game’ as intro to “What Crap is This?” His complaint about a ref’s call set to today’s music is why we have the internet.
Jeanne Marino comedifies our song with her standup (at The Olive Garden?). “What Child is This?” soothes that pain people who say ‘breeders’ and roll their eyes when driving by elementary schools feel.
Also outraged, Isaac Hayes as Chef from South Park sings “What the Hell Child is This?” Apart from the opening, it’s barely a parody, even with the motown backup singers (“Mary!”).
Celebrating just being a kid is Marquis DeJolie with home movies of his granddaughter. “What Child is This?” never answers the question, however, and i think he’s going to hell for using The Exorcist devil’s voice for a song originally about Baby Jesus.
Dave Rudolf comes to the present-rescue with his “What Present’s This?” sung by Megan McDonough. Centuries ago we needed to be reminded of what the shepherds and wise men were thinking… today we need to be reminded what the real meaning of Xmas is: whose is best? (It’s a great gift mystery–wait for whodunnit at the end.)
More Gospels according to Luke (inspiring so many of the classics!) made James Chadwick translate some old French tribute (Les Anges dans nos campagres or something) into English back in 1862. He used that great tune “Gloria” by Edward Shippen Barres to score it and wound up with a hit… mostly with the Scots and the Cornish.
This does not get much play, recognition, or ribbing. It’s pretty and light and been done before. But, in the spirit of finding you true parodies of true traditionals….
A brief mention of The Piano Guys: In their “Angels We Have Heard on High” 4 guys lean over a big old 88-keyer and poke, pluck, stroke, and noodle to give you–if not a great rendition–an awesome video.
And i don’t like to credit the unproduced, but AmIRight.com not only sorts out misheard lyrics, but also catalogs terribly written parodies of hits. Rebekah Dub apparently wrote up a cannabis-ized variation here with her “I Saw Angels Getting High.” Just the lyrics now. You must bring the lungs.
The only truly parodisical take off on “Angels” i have is “Ankles We Have Hurt on High” by the Kinsey Sicks, America’s Favorite Dragapella Beautyshop Quartet. They have been selling out shows for 20 years (when I thought that sort of thing was already old hat) after being discovered at a Bette Midler concert. If you don’t know them, welcome to the club. But if you’re curious how polished these boys have gotten over the decades with their schtick, give this minute-long an open ear. It’s just right.
“O Come, O Come, Emanuel” comes from “O Antiphons” which were vespers sung at sunset the few days before Christmas. This practice goes back before 800 BCE in only the best of monastic setups. Somewhere by 1710 Germany shows a written record of “Veni Veni Emmanuel” (that’s the Latin). And by 1865 John Mason Neale (remember him?) has put his English translation to the tune of some 15th C Portuguese nunnery top tune. O and Emmanuel and the stuff we’re glad about is all Old Testament prophecy for the Messiah, so… christmas-sy right? This Frankenstein’s mongrel keeps challenging talented groups of choristers to hit all the right notes in the right order.
Consequently, parodies are few.
My two favorites are mirrors of each other–the joke was obvious once you heard it. Portland Oregon’s funny ladies from the ’80s The Fallen Angel Choir blast our past with their “O Come Get Out the Manual.” Can you even remember the old joke about never being able to set up the VCR clock? I can. Sigh. Nice pipes, gals.
More up to date is professional parodiser Dave Rudolf. This clown will appear at your kid’s birthday, bar mitzvah, coming out part, retirement ceremony–you name it. And he’ll kill. Among his dozens of great carol parodies is this pitch perfect “O Come, O Come, I Read the Manual.” You’re going to laugh.
Is this the first secular (read: no angels, shepherds, JC–or symbols of his never ending love) Christmas carol? James Pierpont (uncle of historical Scrooge J P) wrote this for Thanksgiving back in 1857. And it was often abused as a drinking song (jingle those cubes in your empty glass for a refill, bae). But given its bare melodic line and overwhelming omnipresence, ‘Jingle Bells’ is the 600 lb Santa who gets whatever he wants.
Because it’s been played to death, the parodies are sadly too many too thinly spread over too little foundation. Mostly, yecch.
Classics, of course, include The Three Stooges’ “Jingle Bell Drag,” Da Yooper’s “Rusty Chevrolet,” Jeff Dunham’s “Jingle Bombs” by Achmed the Dead Terrorist. Old schoolboy fave “Batman Smells” apparently needed lots of original verses, so Steve Wilson Britted it up for the ‘tube. Yawn.
This is not counting all the odd instrumentals and animals (although Richard Cheese‘s is funny) and sfx (“Laughing All the Way” by St. Nick isn’t too stupid, either).
But when it comes down to comedy, white people, am i right? “Holidays are Hell” by MyLifeSuckers (she means her family) complains in song about shopping, in-laws, and travel because having all that money means mo problems.
The Fallen Angel Choir also belabors the monetized merrymaking you mongrels have amassed on top of the Mass. Their sell-abration is entitled “Jingle Coins.”
Most movie parodies are poorly talented filk singers with overwrought wordplay poorly done, but someone (The Deluminators) took a little more time with “Catch the Snitch.” I don’t hate it.
Urban but not quite ghetto is Crazy Al Cayne rhyming “Out on Bail.” Festive more than funny.
Because it’s such an innocent beginning to courtship, someone’s gotta pornography this scene ’til we all get upshot. so BLUE ALERT.
DIRTY: Nasty Crue metals up “Jingle Balls” for no other reason than they’re jealous of professional rockers who get all that sex and drugs. Thanks for that.
DIRTIER: Wane Fawes Hispanicly laments his latest lamest STD with “Itchy Balls.” And you thought Cheech and Chong had no legacy.
DIRTIEST: John Valby makes music hall fun with filth. “Jingle Balls” details depravity, perversity, and automobile erotica for the bells of it.
But i enjoy learning while i’m caroling. So let’s travel the world using our jingle to jingo our way into others’ customs. The Savage Muse bemoans her sad Japanese Christmas observation with “Christmas Cake.” It is finger lickin’ good. Less fun is South African Tobias Niehur wishing he had what JB promises in his “Jingle Bells.” (KINDA BLUE STILL HERE: I might take a moment for all my xenophobes out there and include that humorous misinterp of another’s language “Kinky Tom” transcripted but not translated by Arhiblog.) For sheer joy, however, Bucko & Champs replicate the New Englander experience for Down Under. Lots of new words to learn so follow along!
King Wenceslaus is actually Saint Wenceslaus, but originally 10th C Duke Wenceslas who gave alms to the poor on Saint Stephens Day 12/26. In 1853 serial hymnalist John Mason Neale wrote the song to honor this exemplary Xian charity. Later, Thomas Helmore added music from a 13th C spring carol. So the problem largely is the sprightly dance music paired with the high moral lesson. It’s like a California roll with red wine. I mean, come on.
If you just wanna know what the story is check our good kidder William Shatner with his spoken word “Wenceslas” from his 2009 album. He does all the parts.
To ponder the triviality of the story remind yourself of its mention as a DnD clue in The Big Bang Theory. Oh those nerds!
A further tribute to the song’s complicated uselessness is picked up by Buford in his version on Phineas and Ferb.
The big message here leads others to comment on our salacious lives too. Beware your crass commercialism in the hard-to-understand Tree Town Ukes get-together “Hanuk-Wanza-Festi-Mas.”
Even more moral is Burt Meyer with his “earth parody” of GKW wherein he calls us onto the carpet for stinginess, oil spills, and rampant gunneryism. Wenceslaus calls us a lost cause here. Wah.
Comic Relief (part 2) has gone all out with a sequel to GKW. What happens after he brings food and firewood to the poor? Well, there are revenge reveals and tawdry twists aplenty, that’s what.
Finally we come to Horrible Histories’ “Good King Wenceslas” which purports to get to the awful truth. Brace yourself for some Medieval tabloid tattling.
