Author: douglove1225

Died. You’re Welcome: the tree

What else does death on Xmas put us in the mind for? Oh yeah, tree sacrifice!

Naturally, Bob Rivers lyrically plays out this deforestational dirge with his instrumental (a chainsaw solo!) “O Christmas Tree.” Message much, Bobby boy?

I’ve already referenced the more expose-styled “Kill a Tree for Christ” last Christmas Day. But the subject of whimsically cut down trees live on in Screaming Headless Torsos’ “Dead Christmas Trees.” (We’ll cover The holy symbol of the evergreen another time–it’s just their deaths concern us for now.)

SHT just dropped their odd new album a year ago, but this 2011 single marked an end to the five-year drought of releases for this south of the border touring group. It’s good stuff (and the video is branches of fun), but is it jazz?

Died. You’re Welcome: turkeys

So death extends beyond the human realm (and holy ghost territory). Now please consider the animals. And the punk music about them.

Punk music may turn the pathos of poverty into danceable jingles. And the drama of ordinary life magnified to federal cases.

I don’t know this Krishna Naloka 108, but when a bloke sings about turkeys for Christmas you can bet he’s Brit (a prerequisite for punk). And his music, it’s so catchy! “Let’s All Murder Turkeys (for Jesus)!”

Died. You’re Welcome: Western civ

A quick word from our sponsor: the hope for all humanity.

I’m sure some of you are thinking: with the crass modernization/commercialization of Christmas what about the death of all spirituality, the death of JC’s message, the death of the common good…? (You know: figurative death!?)

We got you covered, English majors everywhere.

Here on tax day we cash in all our chips and pay Caesar his due: a candied-up punk protest agin the the manufacturers and the media and The Machine with The Culture in Memoriam’s “Santa’s Song.” (Spoiler alert: someone jolly gets crucified!)

Died. Your Welcome: self sacrifice (1)

Since love loss leads so easily to commit seppuku, we need an anthem for suicide watch for the Nativity.

Please consider this Up With People version by Private Instigators: “Please Don’t Kill Yourself this Christmas.” Complete with a PA hotline phone number at the end.

I want to live–to open presents!

Died. You’re Welcome: love loss stress (1)

Here’s the 600 pound gorilla killer sentiment concerning holiday stress: grieving a loved one during the merriest of times.

The imagery of Versus the World here with “Blue and Cold” borders on that fun rockabilly sendup ‘I Want My Baby Back‘ (NON-HOLIDAY NOVELTY SONG ALERT) where our forlorn survivor digs up his lost love to crawl back beside her and cover up, lowering the creaking  coffin lid. Here our pathetic hero lives with his loss like she’s still there (Alan Rickman movie alert). Sorry to reference this all over the place: this is an original and  shocking requiem and deserves a quiet listen.

Died. You’re Welcome: the stress (2)

Now there was a cool novelty ’60s downer by the Everly Brothers that i noted last Christmas Eve. Hate to repeat myself…

Technically i don’t if i mention the same song by Dawn McCarthy and Bonny “Prince” Billy; except they basically mimic it.

American Mars get damn folked with this tune as well, channeling Dylan. Still too close.

But Trucker Christmas featuring Dominik Plangger & Claudia Fenzl countrify this maudlin melody putting it to work for the lonely sixteen-wheelers everywhere on that special night. Ladies and generic men, “Christmas Eve Can Kill You.” Damn, boy.

Died. You’re Welcome: the stress (1)

Suicides and crime go up near the holidays because we don’t have a choice: we must worship, binge shop, and keep ship shape. Those who can’t keep up are labeled as Scroogey McGrinch Paganites.

The irreverent Seth McFarland reality checks us with one of his usual hilariously orchestrated musical numbers from Family Guy: “Christmas Time is Killing Us.”

Died. You’re Welcome: general goth

Goths just wanna have pun.

As an intro to the jokey macabre silliness, witness some of the least terrible of the album Tales from the Crypt: Have Yourself a Scary Little Christmas, wherein the Cryptkeeper (our favorite deadpan double entendrer) makes parodies of We Wish You a Merry Christmas and O Tannenbaum. It’s awful stuff, but keeping with our month’s motif.

The Addams Family up/down black/white whimsy of you-say-living I-say-dying is Jeff the Killer’s meat and potatoes (sorry: defeat and castratoes). I’m not sure if the matter here is slaughter, cannibalism, zombification, satanic death ritual, or just tortured rhymes… but he loves his holiday irony ohh so much!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UviXKm9Kcw