Author: douglove1225

Toymakers Local 1224: happytimes-3

It’s all about work ethic for these elves at Christmas!

Songs for Children lays it on thick (‘No time for shirking!’ ‘When you work and sing it’s not a chore!’) in “Santa’s Workshop Song.” Build low, sweet chariots, Santa’s for to carry them to homes….

‘We work all day. To us it’s play.’ So goes Elf Magic’s rocking guitar riffing tantalizing repeated refrain in their “Getting Things Ready for Christmas.” Even the rap battle interlude overlaps WORK! PLAY! until you can’t tell the difference. (Check out the quality control elf—brrr.)

Documenting the chores like it’s a hella labor, The Elf Cottage Elves warn us what it’s really like “At Santa’s Workshop.” But somehow ‘so much to do’ becomes ‘so much fun.’ Freedom is slavery; ignorance is strength.

The Ghost Script singing “We are Elves” also reminds me of 1984 with the dehumanized looks and electronic marching music. Some aphorisms got by me, but i think there’s something about sleep being for the weak. Damn.

1985’s Santa Claus, The Movie flopped partly because some fantasies shouldn’t have big budgets and special effects. The elves scene “Making Toys” is annoyingly frightening, and doesn’t mesh with Henry Mancini’s song. Quite upliftingly symphonic, though.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJaqn9syMJQ

Toymakers Local 1224: happytime-1

September happens now. Time to harvest, register, equinox, and get to work. We celebrate the hard working men and women of ‘Merica this month with a day off.

…So I had to wonder: does the North Pole get a day off? Rumors are it’s twelve twenty-six, but that may only be for The Big Guy. What about Santa’s Little Helpers?

We shall endeavor to use this month in holiday song to explore the pluck, the plight, and the playfulness of the elves. [I mean, it might have been dwarves, as recounted by the Les Tucker Singers and Gene Autry and others. But we covered this 5/6/16.]

We’ve been feed a log of bologna for decades, declaring that the special species that effects our gifts does so out of love and joy. Some cracks in this utopian facade appear as early as 1964 with the NBC broadcast of ‘Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer’ in which–during the song “We Are Santa’s Elves“–the laborers are mischievous, and easily distracted during their team-building exercise. Bunch of sixth-graders, basically.

Mostly we get propaganda as with Mother Goose Club for Songs’s “Here at Santa’s Workshop.” The culturally diverse crew (including a Mexican mouse minion) fantasizes how cool it would be to be elves making toys nonstop (‘so cool!’). Quick, park the two-to-three year olds in front the imagery! (And yes, there is a song buried in there somewhere.)

Being with Santa? Helping get ready? Who doesn’t want a job?! Teresa Jennings has the big grade school musical number “I Want to be an Elf” here very nearly discernible by the Carillon Elementary kids. Are you pointing at me?

The Learning Station at least mentions the ‘joy of children everywhere.’ “Me and Santa’s Elves” may teach poor grammar, but it inspires with new age music, kinda like Enya. Menial 9 to 5 is full of fun sounds: rat a tat tat.

More caffeinatedly Golden Films (those guys that produce low budget Disney animations because the original story is in public domain) shovel out “Christmas Elves” (based–ha ha–on Hans Christian Anderson’s ‘Shoemaker’ tale), wherein we learn in the theme song that elves are more like drama camp cheerleaders with enough Ritalin in them to cause seizures. Boi-i-ing!

 

You Auto Have a Merry Christmas: driving it home

Let’s finish up our car month with some driving music.

Certainly The Pretenders capture that long, long occupation with “2000 Miles.” It’s a rambling relic of classic alternative rock. And pretty. And barely Xmas.

I’ve already noted “Arkansas Angel” by Dan Schafer. Go get that holiday girl, bluegrass Dan!

But I haven’t given credit to Vic Sorrell from the same Christmas Across America project. His “Driving Home at Christmastime” ostensibly is about Tennessee (every song in the collection is about a different state), but it’s more about that frame of mind of being caught on the road in the cold. Pretty but a bit whiney.

Chris Rea has the titular tune here: “Driving Home for Christmas.” Weird, moody, throaty. But I like The Baseballs leaning out of dull country and into dangerous elvis rockabilly with their version. And it’s been a long time since we’ve been lulled into a coma with a cappella. So, Rixton. (Sorry about their patter–these vocal groups do that.)

You Auto Have a Merry Christmas: parking

Shopping for Christmas means parking for Christmas.

Sad news show filler “Parking Around the Shopping Mall” features Barry Mitchell and an accordion. You can probably imagine funnier.

Nearing the bottom of the barrel is more overproduced Bob Rivers. “Parking Spaces” is another sneaky squeeze of humor from the old grandmaster. At least it takes music from ‘Wenceslas,’ which few enough caroldies do.

Better than last-minute rush stress, parking lots are suited for loitering. Cut the deck on Mark Tolstrup and Dale Haskell singing the aitch out of the blues in “Christmas Eve in a Liquor Store Parking Lot.” Money makes dreams come true….

You Auto Have a Merry Christmas: jamming

What else is wrong with driving during the holidays… Oh yes, everyone else.

Rev. Vince Burke does karaoke (to ‘Winter Wonderland’) for his congregation with “Stuck in a Manila Traffic Jam.” He brings down the house. Or uplifts it. Not sure.

Even more fun, the Hollytones yodel comically with “Gridlock Christmas.” Roll down the windows and crank it up!

You Auto Have a Merry Christmas: crashmas-1

Now that we’ve been lectured on safe driving methods for the end of Dec. let’s deal with the worst case scenario.

Except some people think of auto wipeouts as having a silver lining. Take Larry the Cable Guy. Please. His “I Wish My Mother-in-Law’d Get Hit by a Car” is fine parody, but as it appears at the end of his Very Larry Christmas album in which he includes his obnoxious sign off. That’s a tragic accident.

You can look up all the vehicular parodies on ‘Grandma Got run Over’ yourself. They involve rednecks, a John Deere, a beer truck, a fork lift, and a Grand Marquis. Merry luck to you.

That’s enough of the horror of road wrecks, except The Rosenkranz seem to relish the idea of a nice “Car Crash for Xmas.” (This is presented as a cheerier alternative to the drudgery of life, family, and friends.) Their dreamy alt rock is very persuasive and i almost might want me one too.

You Auto Have a Merry Christmas: over the limit-4

Okay, here’s something funny. Take ‘Feliz Navidad,’ a fine multicultural carol, and mix it up with drunken mayhem and you get… pretty much the same parody from different laughy lyricists.

Cheech and Chong have a take called “Police Got My Car” which seems funny when Tommy tries to reason with the fuming Sr. Marin. But, without musical backing, this otherwise pachuco parody goes up in drink.

Lizzy8784 tries not to laugh with her man singing racist fun in their own “Police Took My Car.” Well, now we have bongos.

From the other border, Snook ‘sings’ “Police Got My Car.” More funny accents, more complaints about not having wheels. Nice screechy strings.

The best Jose Feliciano comes from Bob Rivers. “Police Stop My Car” has made me laugh for many years now. Inappropriate, i suppose, but at least the cops aren’t called dicks this time.