Author: douglove1225

Toymakers Local 1224: roll call-Buddy, Christopher

One of the more well known elf-types, recently, is Buddy from the fish out of water motion picture Elf. Well, like too many other sell-outs this got made into a B’way musical. In ran 57 performances and closed. It later played briefly in the West End, Seattle, and Halifax (where it broke box office records). It knew the end was near when it was re-imagined as an animated TV special with Jim Parsons.

Here, late in the show, is the pitch for a kids’ book to save the publishing company: “The Story of Buddy the Elf.” It is sung by Sebastian Arcelus and sounds like every other song in every other musical, right down to the percussive kicks by the chorus line built into the tune.

The Rambos cook up some Southern Gospel cum disco with “Christopher the Merry Christmas Elf.” This gets weird, gang. You may become proselytized.

Toymakers Local 1224: roll call-Albert

The elves may be a faceless bunch, unrepresented and unappreciated, but it is possible to learn their names if we try.

Now some elves are only deputized, asked personally by Mr. St. Nick to help out.

Such is the case with streetwise kids’ cartoon mascot Albert the Alley Cat from Milwaukie’s TV6 back in the ’60s. (He was so cool he got to do weather reports for the local news for a couple decades as well.) In Jack Dublin’s “Santa’s Helper” Albert gleefully plans how he’ll help Santa without cracking a one of his trademark terrible jokes.

Toymakers Local 1224: grievances-7

Eban Schlepper starts his “Song of the Working Elves” singing, then devolves into a comedy bit. After a violent, horrifying message about our own culture we get back to the music. Santa once again is off the hook: it’s the system to blame. We get the toyland we deserve. Skippety-doodle ding dong day.

Toymakers Local 1224: grievances-6

We’ve already learned from Seth McFarland’s “Christmas Time is Killing Us” (back in 4/9/2016) that there’s too much to do for the elves. But in that version Santa is the elves’ shop steward and suffers their fate as well.

In Matt Groening’s competition, Futurama, the elves are now Neptunians who have it really tough even with new masters. “The Christmas Elves Song” is an appropriate round of everlasting refrain, but pepped up with merciless inspiration–i guess those menials deserve their lot in life. Think Sinclair’s The Jungle.

Toymakers Local 1224: grievances-5

Dan Crow sings songs for children. He’s contributed to TV and movies (including the Big Show: Disney). So i’m delighted to see some artful agenda in his “I’m an Elf” song. Hey kids! It would suck to be at the receiving end of those endless wish list letters! And you better watch out! Big Brother Santa is monitoring your elf work work work work work work…. (I never considered the dry skin problem.)

Toymakers Local 1224: grievances-2

The Funny Music Project (FuMP) brings us many treasures each year. Here’s one from Marc Gunn of the Brobdingnagian Bards (a Renn faire duo based out of Austin). “The Celtic Christmas Elf Conscription Song” is based on the ‘Recruiter Sergeant,’ an Irish folk song. They know a thing or two about being impressed into someone else’s trouble. Although i suspect this has more to do with co-opting that timeless tradition of elves into something crass and commercial (that isn’t Tolkien).

Toymakers Local 1224: grievances-1

Okay, we’ve reached Labor Day on my calendar. This will be our 122nd such observance of the muesli that built this infrastructure, which predates the rest of the world’s May Day by 10 years. So there.

Are the elves satisfied without contract? Are they genetically disposed to such endless workloads? Do we care?

Try the manifesto “Elf’s Lament” by Barenaked Ladies. If BnL’s list of demands outlining indentured servitude without union doesn’t foment a face-to-face about conditions… well, i guess we’ll talk about violence as a means to an end later on. At least feel guilty about your long list, kids.