Author: douglove1225

You Auto Have a Merry Christmas: model-3

Little Joey Farr, i think, is that special brand of kooky kid/amazing voice combo that we saw in the ’50s with Barry Gordy and Brenda Lee. Rockabilly loves that jivin’ jailbait. And i think it’s a her, but the internet has been great at guarding Little Joey’s privacy.

Asking Santa for “A Big White Cadillac for Christmas” for Mama might seem foolish or redneck, but this is probably based on Elvis Presley’s generosity: even by the late ’50s The King was giving away Cadillacs more than Oprah. It’s a significant and swingin’ status symbol, o cool ones and twos.

You Auto Have a Merry Christmas: model-2

Patti Jo-Roth Edwards is one of those singer songwriters who can’t help herself. She writes, she sings, she records and posts.

I’m not saying she’s any good. She just gotta sing.

It’s a mistake, for example, to twist out a rocking tune like “Santa Drives a Candy Apple Red Cadillac” unplugged and dogged. Her mush mouthing the lyrics is fine, but her Judy Collins women’s folk coloring outside the lines belies the hella good time promised by the story. Hmmm. Cadillacs deserve something more urban.

You Auto Have a Merry Christmas: model-1

Some cars are hotter than others. Joyriders tend not to help themselves to Kias. So, while leaving the wild world of the hot rod, let us consider some specific hot cars that Santa might straddle.

Muscle cars could do well. So here comes the cross gender tribute band from ‘cross the Atlantic, The Ramonas, with “Santa’s Got a GTO.” It’s more nostalgic punk than hard screechin’ punk.

You Auto Have a Merry Christmas: hot rods-5

Meshugga Beach Party has also cashed in on the surfer craze in the last ten years. These Bay Area bagels rock instrumentally for the most part. (I like “Go Go Golem” and visualize drag racing through the back ways of Marin County.) But we’re here to race, so please have patience with “Hot Rod Hanukkah,” the titular tune off their 2011 album. It’s slow to start. And to lap. And to finish. It takes eight nights.

You Auto Have a Merry Christmas: hot rods-4

Time to slow it down and listen to the hemi purr.

Malibooz were 1960s surf rock from the East coast. they only lasted a couple years, but so did surf rock. Despite going separate ways, the boys were drawn together to compose original surfer tunes for movies in the late ’80s and early ’90s. Then surf movies became more of the zeitgeist of the ’00s: Malibooz returned. Good for them. Their Christmas album A Malibu Kind of Christmas from 1992 has unfortunate wipe-outs to the tune of ‘Rudolph’ and ‘Drummer Boy.’ Original jams like upbeat “Santa Man” and downer “Christmastide” serve them much better.

Today we’re concerned with “Santa Drives a Super Stock Dodge.” It comes across as more pretty than roaring Tom Petty, but the young harmony back ups and awkward ad lib shout outs personalize the piece. One of a kind.

You Auto Have a Merry Christmas: hot rods-3

Edging out of rockabilly, true country singer Toby Keith (‘Shoulda Been a Cowboy,’ ‘How Do You Like Me Now?!’) builds on the Harley Davidson image of the guy in red with “Hot Rod Sleigh.”

Coming in ahead by a novelty nose are Robert and Janita Baker with their fine fiddlin’ fun on top of ‘Hot Rod Lincoln’ entitled “Hot Rod Sleigh.” It’s one of those line by line parodies, but have you heard it before?

You Auto Have a Merry Christmas: hot rods-2

Let’s put it into second gear, but we ARE gonna pop the clutch on you cats and race doggies.

Perhaps a brief nod to The Beach Boys and “Little St. Nick,” the quality metaphor of Santa’s sleigh as king of the roadster.

So what we need here is that branch of surfer rock that included wild, delinquent young people irresponsibly revving and racing. Exhibit A: The Untamed Youth with “Santa’s Gonna Shut ‘Em Down Now.” To prove how timeless this mode of fast and furious rock is, know that Deke, Steve, Doug, and Joel here are basically a late ’80s punk group that created new music without a whiff of retro-capitalism. You are about to get white line fever.

You Auto Have a Merry Christmas: hot rods-1

It’s August here, time for car shows and overheated radiators.

So let’s look under the hood for car carols.

Starting out Hot August Nights, The Brain Setzer Orchestra straycats “Santa’s Got a Hot Rod.” It’s not just a story, it’s a musical journey. Setzer’s choice to over orchestrate his rockabilly cool seems to stretch towards a family friendly demographic with its 1980s CBS Christmas special likability, so i guess this is an inoffensive place to start our dragster dreams of holiday kidfun.