Author: douglove1225

As Seen on TV: SpongeBob SquarePants

The biggest moneymaker from Nickolodeon ever isn’t just a can of rocks shaken for the lovely sound it makes. It’s also musical.

The eighth season featured a all-singing formulaic story about Plankton taking over, blah blah. ‘It’s a SpongeBob Christmas!’ is stop motion which throws the surrealism out of whack but is otherwise serviceable. Stick to the album.

“Santa Has His Eye on Me” opens the story with just the right amount of repetitive mush and exposition.

These iconoclastic kid bits often push genres. Patrick the starfish’s “Pretty Ribbons and Bows” is a ’60s rock ‘splosion of ADHD fun.

Limp country from Sandy the Squirrel in “Ho Ho Hoedown.” I think i’ll stick to the better stuff.

The bad guy gets a real showtune carol in “Christmas is Mine.” Mwah ho ho ho.

The Brit pop anthem to kids “Don’t be a Jerk (It’s Christmas)” is the big hit, though. Falsetto ululate, all!

As Seen on TV: Tweenies

UK’s answer to Teletubbies was the pop song children in a nursery teaching and learning and coloring. Their album drops in ’04 and at least one song climbs to the top 100 of the Brit seasonal charts.

Starting out is the oo-ooh backbeat doodle “I Believe in Christmas.” Well, i believe in a formula for kidsong–fulfilled it. Ditto “Can’t Wait for Christmas.”

Reflective pop rears its stiff upper head with “Light up the World.” Social consciousness: check.

Most infectious is kidboppop “Fab-A-Rooney Christmas.” You know what’s coming….

As Seen on TV: Dora the Explorer

If Carmen Sandiego can fool people into learning, surely the prepubescent Latina can as well.

Most of the ‘songs’ on the album Dora’s Christmas are either trad carols or children’s pap without any mention of any variation of any holiday.

Notable exceptions to our disappointment include the infrequently heard Espanol Christmas Eve carol “Nochebuena.” Just this much short of mariachi, but a bit of the fun.

If you know the show, you know the klepto ‘coon and his problems. So Dora’s “No Swiping on Christmas” should come as no surprise. Melodramatic interactive show tune! Shout answers to her for goodness’ sake. (And get that varmint some therapy; did you hear his excuse?)

As Seen on TV: Pokémon

The highest grossing media franchise of all time does indeed have a Christmas album, Virginia. It varies from smelly schmaltz (“I’m Giving Santa a Pikachu for Christmas“)

to annoying preteen pop (“Christmas is the Coolest Time of the Year“)

to oddly affecting altpop (“I Keep My Home in My Heart.”)

The all out unabashed commercial fan grab is “Pokemon Christmas Bash.” Hello, Pallet Town!

My favorite (?) is the snarky Meowth snarling “Nobody Don’t Like Christmas.” All holidays come under fire. But, wait for the final twist. Show tune vaudeville.

 

 

As Seen on TV: Ed, Edd n Eddy

Naturalism is a form of theater that celebrates the bottom rung of humanity, illustrating and educating us to the indomitable human spirit despite adversity. Or makes us laugh at how stupid and ugly the poor are.

The suburban losers of this show at least have an Old World immigrant to think of as less than them. Rolf sings us the “Yeshmiyek Song” which, while not a reverse of Christmas, is a holiday favorite about food and hygiene from a mythical creature of a different land.

As Seen on TV: Gullah Gullah Island

The highest rated preschool show on Nickolodeon in the the ’90s was this critically acclaimed cultural heritage honorarium. Each show was full of songs, including the Xmas episode with Sea Island versions of classic carols.

But they did bless us with a short, sweet encore “Merry Christmas to Ya,” one of the few songs that allows it’s a show wishing an audience cheer.

As Seen on TV: Dexter’s Laboratory/Johnny Bravo/Power Puff Girls

New ‘toons on the Cartoon Network cable channel showcased outsider rage and complicated failure as winkity-wink ironic lessons for hep tots.

“Dexter’s Christmas Rap” reveals what an evil boy genius thinks he knows about the supposed Santa Claus. He will later be humiliated with Truth.

The ape shaped Elvis emulator had a pratfall-filled set of loser adventures rivaling Andrew Dice Clay in cluelessness.

In 2001, Johnny raced to the North Pole because he forget to post his letter to Santa. Donny Osmond, in a return to the cartoon series, assists… in song! “A Johnny Bravo Christmas Song.” Just a snippet in this excerpt.

This prestigious, counterculture cutsie slugfest had a decent holiday special, but i’m drawn to the holiday commercial with song.

Ladies and Gentlemen, “We Three Girls.” Frantic carol parody.

As Seen on TV: MST3K/Space Ghost Coast to Coast

Snarking on crummy old z-grade movies hasn’t really been my giddiap, but Joel Hodgson has been a cottage industry of it for decades now. I’ve only offered one of his songs “Patrick Swayze Christmas” before. “Merry Christmas–If That’s OK” is more sophomoric boys being boys (witty, yes… clever, ok).

As i was a fan of the flagship of Adult Swim toons, i will allow these daffy dadaists to insinuate their way into my blog with a “12 Days of Christmas” routine. (I am usually so jaded with ’12 Days’ parodies i get all Oscar Wilde inside and rush on to something else.) But this one’s super-rando!

This show was nothing more than recycled cartoons i grew up with reimagined as a drug trip of epic oddity. At the end of the Christmas episode was another mangled carol “We Wish You a Happy Birthday.” Click click.

As Seen on TV: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

The Turtles were around for a decade, mid ‘eighties to mid-‘nineties, but the nasty cash grab begins in the early ‘nineties. “We Wish You a Turtle Christmas” is more cheaply made than porn, although it tries harder on the songs than on the dialog because this is the touring rock show in their own special.

Title song gets a cinematic treatment, as the big box office films came out before this video villainy. Pop.

“Michaelangelo’s Christmas Opera Song” is ‘O Tanenbaum’ done funnily. It helps the plot a bit.

“Gotta Get a Gift for Splinter” is percussive ska with an almost catchy beat.

As Seen on TV: My So-Called Life

A homeless person singing about home is touching enough to almost count as a Christmas song. When the show spawns a thousand hipsters and the pop/folk song is sung by Lemonheads’ Juliana Hatfield, then we must pay attention–quick–before the character freezes to death. “Make it Home” in its entirety here. On the show here: