Naughty words weren’t enough for my dark days. Soon enough I started scratching an ultra-violence itch for holiday songs. Killing and dying’s not so bad for Xmas; i figgered, Jesus did it for all our salvation. So let the jolly times rest in peace.
Taking Tim Allen too seriously, Danny Gonzalez plans “I’m Gonna Kill Santa Claus” so he can become Santa Claus. It’s all contracted out. Witty white boy rap.
Angry Johnny and the Killbillies have that old fat bastard in their sites with “Santa Gets His.” Rated: Holy God That’s Violent.
The Gatorhogs get drolly pop offkey with “Empty Chimney,” an eulogy for the missing present-guy. Habeas corpse?
Be patient with Watch Out for Rockets’s “Santa Quit Yer Foolin’ Around.” This pop-billy story leads you though Claus-icide of another gender. Foolish, but noirish.
Red State Update parody up Led Zepplin’s metal with “In Santa’s Time of Dying.” In memoriam kringle. (Settle in–this goes the distance.)
But, seriously, Santa–have you got a minute to talk about the dead? Diana Williams chats through the 1977 in memoriam “Goodbye Bing, Elvis, and Guy.” They dead, Santa. They novelty Christmas music dead.
Not quite about any particular historical event, the industrial pop “Assassination on Xmas Eve” by Archers of Loaf gets covered here and there. I like it by Into It. Over It. After the intro it’s breezy folk pop.
Jesse Maximum (Jmaq) knows a guy who knows a guy who can hook you up with “Murder Pie (For Christmas).” Unaccompanied jazz skat. He also has a robopocalypse number with “Iron Bells.” Murdered by the machine.
It happens. Even on THAT day. Nitro prog rocks “Johnny Died on Christmas” with just the right amount of hair. Angelic choir. Metal solo.
Down in the dumps of merriment, Ciggy Pudding BLUE ALERT bemoans “Merry Fucking Christmas, I Wanna Die.” Techno for kids. Streetwalkin’ Cheetahs live-wail up the blues more assertively for “I Wanna Die for Christmas.”
Melancholic unto dire ends are Atomic Neon (w/6.6.6. and Angel of Night) with “We Die at Christmas.” Get it over with already, all that goth garage drawn out folk messiness.
Incarnation alert! Barnes and Barnes growl out the carol “The Angel of Death is Near.” Ho ho oh oh.
The Big Message of Mortality comes from The Axis of Awesome. “Snata Claus” is a dirty old menace who might ‘choke your parents dead.’ Fear the homeless for Xmas!
Big finish with more Angry Johnny and The Killbillies with their coolcoolcool ghoul-billy take on redneck justice for the jilted with album and lead song “Bang Bang Baby Bang Bang Merry Christmas,” the story of inflagrante destructo; also “Big Ol’ Hole for Christmas,” a tale of where you’ll wind up out in the woods ‘cuz of your cheatin’ ways; and “Six Bullets for Christmas,” a hint about your gift–ya hussy! Man, there’s more from these backwoods maestros, but that last one is so jolly, i can’t go on.