Year-round Yuletide oddities
This wild wind-up stringed instrument with a keyboard is the party you did not get invited to.
I’ve been listening to a Sting song about a “Hardy Gurdy Man” from his Christmas album, but it’s not really a Christmas song. It’s a timeless tale of fleeting fame or some such misery.
Ryan Chisefsky’s “Hurdy-Durdy Christmas,” however, is the improvvable song about scatting for the Season. Jazzy. Something else.
Blake Dan swings parang to get a “Horn for Christmas.” It might be a sexual euphemism, but the riddim rulz.
Inspired by Psalms, Sufjan Stevens’s “All the Kings Horns” lays low the pomp of the others for the all new-and-improved KoK. That’s all we know shofar. Mighty folk.
“Santa’s Horn” from The Wizard of Loneliness is an EDM message of urgency. I think something bad happens. Accidentally.
“Christmas Katie” has a horn to blow, for anyone passing by, any time of the year. They call her Christmas ‘cuz that’s her mood. Roll with it. Dank jazzy blues from Widespread Panic. And so should you.
Sure as the horn blows Tom Lindh sings “Merry, Merry Merry Fucking Christmas.” So, you know, BLUE ALERT on this dawdly indie. Goodness!
Rockapella encourages Mr Taxi Driver to honk his horn on the holiday. So with muddied doo wop they sing of the “Hope We Hold” for Christmas Day. Inspirational, we hope, for some.
These same car noises are the subject of everdraed’s “Carol of the Horns.” Cacophonous, man. Yet all are welcome here.
The Kinnor, the lyre, the ancient veena, the cláirseach, the konghou (or gonghu), the arpa jarocha, the ardin, the saun-gauk, and even the Gravikord are all branches off the evolutionary tree of the harp. That’s a popular idea.
But it is an elegiac thing, so–bummer tidings. Like Dolly Parton and Porter Waggoner’s “Little David’s Harp.” See this Xmas-born blind child plays flawlessly, for the angels. Emotional country, so no happy ending.
Even more tragic, “John Doe No. 24” is blind and mute (and half-wit), but now orphaned and passed around to state homes. Despite getting a harp for Christmas, he misses Mom and Dad. It can’t get much worse…. or can it, Mary Chapin Carpenter?
Well, then came Johnny Cash. “The Ballad of the Harp Weaver” is the poverty stricken widow and starved child, with only a harp they couldn’t sell. Winter sets upon them, and she plays, and suddenly they have everything they want. You don’t suppose…?
Jesus help us! Judy Collins sings of the Nativity, yet no drum does disturb the peace. In this gospel folk, the harp sets the scene “All on a Wintry Night.” Much less pathos.
Plenty of traditional carols mention harps, because–you know–angels: “It Came Upon a Midnight Clear” (ruined by early sell-out rappers Crew X) and “Deck the Halls” (swung by the ever-lovin’ groovester Jesus Presley) among them.
Now, back to novelty, already in progress… Little Kitty Williams growls out the medieval “Christmas Harp.” Nothing else like it.
Mouth organs are cheap and easy as gifts, plus which they fit better in the stocking than any of the other instruments we’ve covered.
Baa Baa Sheep throw comedy and rap at their R+B refrain for their sillier than “Christmas Morning.” They then claim to have received a harmonica (in Spanish, it’s called Hanukkah), but i’m not sure i believe them.
As funning, K1LLWH1TEY & London Yellow yell out “Epstein Is Still Alive,” a wish list that includes a puppy and a harmonica and other bits not intelligible or gettable.
Mercy Bell pivots with her indie gospel about a homeless man carrying on at the holidays, busking with a cup and a harmonica, singing “Merry Christmas and Joy to the World.” Pretty damn good, you ask me.
Nearly as emotional is the off tune indie “Harmonica, Harmonica” about the lost narrator who bought himself the eponymous item and then did this song. Thank you very much.
Just plain weird, Glen Stephens poetizes “IT CAME UPON THE MIDNIGHT CLEAR” about–whatever you want, man. With a harmonica. Holy random, Beatman.
Rotten Cookies’s “Little Harmonica Man” recites the dull pop of a mythical gift giver just in time for Christmas. Then it gets metal.
Peek, The Rodeo Clown with Two Paralyzed Legs narrates “Christmas Harmonica” in the guilt zone. Listen at your own peril.
Baked A La Ska goes all out with the ska folk of “Harmonica for Christmas.” This is the novelty we deserve, as well as the novelty we get.
Olivia Frances blows the blues in the swingin’ “Harmonica for Hanukkah.” Can it call it a Jews harp or not?
They Might be Giants tinkle on the toy piano for the sinister indie “Feast of Lights.” Standoffishly, they got you a harmonica–but don’t seem to want to get together at all.
Ella Jenkins invites the childrens for a singalong in the folk kidsong “Harmonica for Hanukkah.” Not sure if it’s a good thing with all that shouting.
Now that you gots that string-box for Xmas, wocha goyen dew?
That’s the question Sugarland struggle with. Brother got a bike, and I just got this “Little Wood Guitar.” Plaintive country, but it has hope.
Bree Sullivan’s new gift greets him, but in his “Green Guitar Christmas” he can’t play Elvis. Britpop.
Christian and Brandon Cordes rock out “Where Are You, Santa Claus?” with a letter so personal he leaves them an electric guitar. They thank him, rockfully.
All Isaac Stancill needs is his tree and his guitar for an “Acoustic Christmas.” Gentle country ballad that comes off damn sincere.
Birthing Stirrups, on the other hand, needs lessons “Learning to Christmas.” Awful musically, brave theatrically.
Apparently playing itself the AI “Christmas Guitar Harmony” brought to life by Niboyeang, Atsadakorn Kapookkham is waste-of-time pop wishing it was doo wop.
Just as empty, “Christmas in the Honky Tonk Bar” credited to Dakimo Music pits guitar against juke box. But not that interestingly.
“Dad’s Christmas Guitar” is middle of the road folk from Kristen J. Lloyd. It’s nostalgic, misty, and country-maudlin. If that’s your thing, it’s pretty good.
Atco MC’s “Guitar Santa” is all about the country and the western. And the joy. And a hard rock solo.
“Santa and the Mellow Double Guitar Solo” is seriously rocking from Robby Grant’s Vending Machine. I am not going to check the slot for change.
There’s always room for swing! “Christmas Swing” by Swing lab loves Lo features Santa hitting the ax. Gently, though, gently.That’s nice.
When “Santa Plays Guitar” he plays surf rock, at least how Crawford Smith tells it. Wailing.
One more thing you might do with your guitar is eat it. Confused explains via “Chocolate Guitar (Unmixed, Unmastered & Unloved).” Lovingly awful pop.
Slap that axe, boy-o, it’s twelve the twenty-fifth! Left-handed, right-handed… let’s go! …no, wait, wait, wait. First we have to acquire one:
Randy Franklin wants a “Guitar for Christmas,” but his dad rock is so calcified we might wanna check the naughty list twice.
William Baron also declares “I Want a Guitar for Christmas.” Still pokey, but pretty awesome vocals.
Max Benitz is so focused he is unplugged and folk with his need for a “New Guitar for Christmas.” He describes it; it’s the one in the pawn shop window. Poor guy.
The Stompers are a bit slick with “All I Want for Christmas is a Rock n Roll Guitar.” Doesn’t sound like they need one.
Joernsson Overdrive brings the funk rock with ’70s electronica to his wish for you… and a “New Guitar for Christmas.” Bring your disco shoes.
Watkins & the Rapiers don’t just want a guitar for Christmas, they want a “Big Guitar.” Groovy rock, makes me want to listen to ‘Tommy’ again.
Bob Wire and Chip Whitson toss blues against the rock and most of it sticks for their wanting a “Guitar for Christmas.” Good club sound.
Trey Stone & The Ringers beg “Santa, Please Bring Me a Guitar.” Adorably, each member of the band asks for a different instrument. More blues rock, Americana style.
“All I Want For Christmas Is An Acoustic Guitar (1-2-3-4)” in a bizarre twist is EDM from TDJ. It’s more about the drug experience. Not so much about the guitar.
The classically novel “Santa Claus” also asks for a guitar, but we’re including it ’cause Wild Billy Childish & The Musicians Of The British Empire punk it up just right.
Garage rock by its nature is more earnest, less polished. So i believe in The Pink Flamingos’ “Mama, for Christmas I Want a Guitar.” The talent shines through the roughness and the message is thereby elevated. According to me.
The percussive gongs, the malleted piano bars, the carillon is so pretty to hear and so funny to watch. Silly music!
We tried TIMŌRĀTUS’s gift panic a couple years ago when Courtney didn’t know what to buy her significant other. NOW it’s “Christmas Present Crisis (David’s Conundrum)” in which he trolls the mall and, settling, wonders why this foreign speak n’ spell… they spelled it with a ‘G’–to which she replies Tha… that’s a glockenspiel… but, sweet. Metal millennial comedy.
“Santa’s Stuck on I-75” is Rubber Heart playing slick rock with an indie garage core. But they banter comically at the end like some ’60s ironic group. And in their ending they explain what this instrument is, god love ’em.
This military piccolo brings the family into formation, in time for the holidays.
For instance, yet again the WWI football match truce at Christmas is represented by Kerry Patrick Clark is a folk letter to “My Dear Sister Janet.” They had marched to drum and fife (in 1914??), so there was a soundtrack to war.
I’m a drummer boy, wontcha play my fife may be euphemism, but the sweaty jazz of “Jingle Jingle Makes Me Tingle” from GK Vocal Coaching’s Mia Messado is pretty impressive swing. Look–goosebumps!
Fife and drum is featured in the 17th C. “Patapan” (original title ‘Guillô, pran ton tamborin’ or ‘Willie, Bring Your Little Drum’ for the Nativity’s shepherds’ instruments). Keith Michael Roman rocks it though. And Big Bernie Burgundy or Bernie Money & His Wenches squeeze electronica and comedy into it so it becomes truly modern.
The Devil’s Box can turn a hoedown into a ho ho ho down.
“Grandpa’s Christmas Fiddle” is probably the same as Grandpa’s everyday fiddle, but with The Barefoot Man’s bluegrass breakdown it seems more magical. Go, Grandma, go!
Glen Duncan wants his own “Fiddle for Christmas.” Give it him says i. Gnarly bluegrass.
Shouldn’t Celtic rock have fiddles? Allan Schau answers the riddle with a snowed-in “Christmas at the Pub.” Drinking and cavorting, they prefer fiddles to carols. Tough fun.
Look out, country’s back. “Cowboy Santa” by Deanna D’Amico-White comes off as a gushy girly wish list. Though she does want Santa to meet me in the barn where the fiddles play. Uh oh.
Aurosa sings “Christmas on the Country Road” with a scosh of polka, but there’s plenty of guitars, banjos, and fiddles mentioned.
Did you say POLKA? The Andrews Sisters front Guy Lombardo and His Royal Canadians (1949) for “Merry Christmas Polka,” where they’re tuning up the fiddles. Why? Because they like you!
Betty Overstreet stirs monotonous kidsong into her bluegrass for “Billy Bob the Hillbilly Goat.” And suddenly it’s Christmas.
Richard Melvin Brown spices up the bluegrass with downbeat party pop for a “Tennessee Bluegrass Christmas.” Spare the fiddle, spoil the season.
If you go around saying no one writes Baroque chamber music anymore, stop it. Passamezzo’s “Beat Up a Drum for Christmas Reigns” (circa 2020) is too cool for you to pass by.
Enya’s “One Toy Soldier” has a clockwork beat, which might make this militaristic plaything (who wants to sing) even more poignant for Xmas. I dunno, i’m just sad about it.
Sensitive Men band-rap about a party in “Two Drummers.” Not clear who exactly is playing but smiles for the exuberance.
But–what about the twelve drummers drumming?! Fan 3 dishes the cheesy pop rock with “I Love Christmas” wherein lots of gifts are received, including On the six I got some drums… Midnight Whistler gets country rocking with “Twelve Drummers Drumming.” Can you imagine a dozen Keith Moons in your house together??
GIFT TIME!
“Little Tessa Boy” wants a drum. Natalia Wohler (feat. Crazy) gives it to him. Parang parang parang.
Twinkle Toes’ Music take ‘This Old Man’ and sling us a baby song: “This Little Drum Under the Tree.” Fear not, more gifts are a’comin’.
Pat Guadagno got a drum for Christmas. You’ll hear all about it in the bluesy folk of “New Christmas Drum.” Sadly it was a gateway to rock and roll.
The Kavanaughs rock with pop in the superior “Bang the Christmas Drum.” It’s the way you revere, party, AND annoy.
“Billy Got Drums for Christmas” by The Hooves is more pop and rocks even more about that noisy gift.
From the 1950 78rpm, Ole Svenson and His Smorgasbord Band march out “I Want a Christmas Drum.” Thanks once more to Pete da Elf for this one.