Month: September 2024

STUFFING Stockings

Opening stockings is fun! But what about stuffing them?

BooneDocs tries to rap with delight in their family friendly “Stuffing Stockings.” They LO-O-OVE this!

ABBA has a sweet little pop number about “Little Things.” They’re nothing, really. But they do fit in Christmas stockings. So, yeah.

“Stuff the Stocking!” by Bandrew is precocious ranting rap from a bunch of well-meaning children. Not quite blue, but meant to antagonize the old guard.

“Stuff Your Stocking” from The Tearaways is so far this side of euphemism, imma tempted to say they really want to rock out about toys and candy. Okay, probably really about sex.

THREATS OF Stocking-lessness

Who needs to fight for their Xmas stockings?

Kat Perkins rocks and rolls over who might remove her “Christmas Stockings.” The party seems to involve them being UP.

Quite particular, Garrison Bailey knows what she wants this Xmas: “Sheryl Crow in my Stocking.” Syncopated (not quite rap) alt-pop. Aim for the stars, baby!

All Wicked Lizard wants for Christmas is a “Barfy Stocking.” Short pop that may be nicer than you thought it would be.

Milan Millar is hoping against hope (at great speed) that there’s “Something in My Stocking.” Lightning bluegrass breakdown. Hee Yaw.

Stocking HOP

Sock hop!

Sounding like an encore, The Creole String Beans rock out in a kid friendly way for the “Rocking Christmas Stocking.” Dance, children, dance!

“The Animal Christmas Do” is some kickin’ kind o’ party Down Under. The way Amber Lawrence spins this down home country kidsong, the stockings are kept clean of poo. Good on ‘er.

What gets me up to strut is some good ol’ rockabilly, by Various Artists. So, welcome “Keep on Filling My Christmas Stocking” (especially with orthopedic inserts for me). Go, flats, go!

Stockings, etc.

Are stockings just one more prop for the set designer Xmas Day?

What kills me, is the song that shopping-lists all the Christmas cliches without any concern for coherence or storytelling. F’r’xample: Downie Street Collective’s pop anthem “Christmas Stockings.” A regular ‘Didn’t Start the Fire’–only without any mention of stockings that i can discern.

“Christmas Stocking” from Jakolev parleys retro electric folk rock into easy listening so completely i don’t get whatever the song’s about.

“Happy Christmas – To You and Everyone” comes from 3Berlin (feat. Robert Metcalf). It’s a red-nosed roster of different languages. Traditions come up, too–like candles, tinsel, and stockings.

Emility stutters through the electronica of “Christmas Stocking” as if it didn’t matter, or he’s having a stroke. I feel itchy all over now.

TAKING Stocking of the Presents

Grownups want stockings filled as well!

C’mon back! Guns of Nevada funk up the American rock/country with a bottom line demand: “Liquor in My Stocking.”

Lynn Cornell hits a 1960 sweet spot with …not exactly RnR …not exactly R+B …not exactly big band pop …but exactly “Xmas Stocking.” It’s like a love song and a Christmas song had a baby …in a stocking.

The Men resort to begging (Santa) for their “Christmas Stockings.” R+B piano lounge list out their wishes: girls. And common sense.

MIXED Stockings

Is a Christmas stocking automatically a GOOD thing?

C’mon back! Zack lampoons Toby Keith’s ‘Red Solo Cup’ with a comparison of how good is his “Red Christmas Sock” compared to his brother’s dumb blue one. Cool.

Ruth Duncan screeches and warbles about potatoes and onions and coal (maybe on top of a jewelry box!) in the breathless kidsong “Christmas Stocking.” Forget about it, it’s magic.

“Leon the Christmas Stocking” loves his job, but hates his name. Until Santa read it backwards! Loud kidsong. Santa’s a miracle worker!

MANY XMAS Stockings

Each Xmas stocking is individual, except for those clearance items at Target.

Tom Paxton folk sings kidsong about his “Christmas Stocking“… and his sister’s, too. He’s REALLY looking forward to all the treasures he’ll find there Christmas Day–including a tree (?).

“Two Little Stockings” is Tim Dinkins’s old style country chatty tragedy. In this little boy tragedy, he wants to help out a poor girl he’s sweet on.

“Three Stockings By The Tree” by Joe Egan is endearing new parent vibing all over slow pop music. A new addition will need another stocking! Awww.

I, Greyhound sings it straight with “Baby’s First Christmas.” It won’t care about the stocking, but will shit all over the place. Folk from the hip.

“The Christmas Stocking” by The Caroleer Singers and Orchestra turns out to be many different sizes and shapes from many different places. One to a customer, though. This kidsong takes you around the world.

KEEP ON HANGIN’ THAT Stocking

“Hang Up the Baby’s Stocking” is the lullaby you didn’t need from Christmas Music for Kids. Babies don’t really care, y’know.

Michael M. went to the trouble of re-editing Slade’s ‘Merry Xmas Everybody‘ so only the first line–about stocking hanging–is repeated ad nauseam. Love it.

Squirrel Nut Zippers’s epic Xmas journey begins with “Hanging Up My Stockings.” But this jug band take paints us a whole living room worth of kitsch. Whew.

“Hanging Up My Stockings” is that slow banjo exploration of feelings that adults get this time of the year. Plaintive folky bluegrass from Debbie Davis and Matt Perrine.

HANGING THE Stocking

Perhaps the original Saint Nicholas tossed treasure in through open windows (in December?) which landed in socks, but when did kids start hoisting old bits of clothing up onto furniture (bedposts)? Certainly after Clement Clarke Moore’s 1823 poem. But all that means is: A) Santa’s too busy to wrap, and 2) Santa only gives teeny tiny gifts. A pony isn’t going to fit in a stocking, bruh.

Let’s start with the hanging of the footwear!

“Hanging Up My Christmas Stocking” is the middle-of-the-road country mush from James McKillop (for charity!) about happiness and joy, everyone!

A righteous tutorial from Sam Scola (with weird throat harmony) points out how to hang “My Christmas Stocking.” It goes by pop music fast, so get your note-taking pencil now.

“Let’s Hang a Stocking Up” is a better pop kidsong due to an authentic RnR backbeat (and great snare action) from Katy & Kiki. Go, Ozzies, go!

Not fluent kidsong from SKG kids seems to (want to) educate, but “I Hang the Stockings” is a tough read. Good kickline music. Oh, brother.