Month: September 2024

Stocking HOLES

There should only be ONE hole in your Xmas stocking, neh? The one on the top, where the goodies go in. But–

Blame ranges from moths to mice, but “A Hole in My Christmas Stocking” energizes Liz Anderson to do something about it. Before it’s too late! Kidsong with odd instrumentation.

Pat Boone steps up to the topic with “The Hole in the Stocking.” See, this kid got so much last year (it IS a lot), it wore out the fabric. But, our easy listening experience takes a Christian turn. Wait for it–

Echoic country comedy (baZing! boi-oi-oing!) from Dave & Jeanine advises “Don’t Hang Your Stocking with a Hole in It.” Good for a two-step or two.

HOLEY Stocking!

What happens when there’s a damaged gift receptacle on the mantle?!

C’mon back! The Cricketones deal with a “Little Christmas Stocking with a Hole in the Toe.” Orchestrated kidsong, like we had in the ’60s. Watch out for that ruthlessly selfless kid, though.

Poverty, am i right? “Christmas At The Old Home Place” is bluegrass from Joe Mullins & the Radio Ramblers (feat. Earl Barnes). Everything’s got holes in it, including stockings!

“There’s A Hole In My Christmas Stocking” bewails The Caroleer Singers and Orchestra. But this kidsong admits the sentimental value of Grandma’s heirloom precludes any present loss. Pay it forward!

The Keith Richards Orchestra (!) scats up a storm back in 1959 with “There’s a Hole in My Christmas Stocking.” Darn it!

LITTLE Stocking

Size matters with gifts and stockings and nuclear attacks….

“(Christmas Greeting) Little Christmas Stocking” is the subject and the addressee of this bossa nova skit by The Rupars. Easy listening with high hopes.

Heck let’s just randomize the tunes; so what about this Dan Allaby brass scatter-plot: “Christmas Stocking“? What’s this neo-jazz nonsense all about?

Who gets a little stocking? You do! Yes, you do! “My Dog & Me on Christmas” is uke pop fun from Leslie Mosier. (The little stocking is for the little dog. You got that, right?)

Punk doesn’t truck in no stinkin’ stockings. “I Wear My Leather Jacket at Christmas” is about all Department of Creative Affairs cares about. Yeah, okay, it’s not ABOUT stockings. But we needed an angry UK tune that mentioned them.

WHERE IS THE Stocking?

FAQs about Xmas stockings:

“Where Does Father Christmas Hang His Stocking?” Graham Mutton wants to know. Old style Music Hall from the UK poses more than one quandary.

Is it true what they say? demands D. D. Lake in the rocking anthem “Funky Christmas Stocking.” How did love become the subject matter here?

“What’s in Your Stocking?” seems an innocent enough inquiry. But Shy Nature’s alt rock moderne moaning implies so much more. Weirding me out….

Hoping for love, but getting less, John Jay Martyn asks “What ‘Cha Puttin’ in My Stocking?” Smooth lounge jazz that promises to be better next year.

PEEKING IN THE Stocking

It’s not the footwear so much that matters as what’s inside!

“What’s in That Stocking” is another elementary school mishegas of mumbling musicality from Teresa Jennings and Plank Road. God love ’em.

Jet Baker checks his mantle settings and finds there’s “Weed in My Stocking.” Spoken, unplugged, uncensored.

Look what you’ve got in your stocking now; Look what you’ve got in your sock; What will you find in your stocking now? excites Charles Connolly with his jazzy easy listening: “Santa’s on His Way.” I say, let him.

The Caroleers get kidsong serious when they’re “Gonna Hang Up My Stocking and Fill It Full of Dreams.” What exactly do they expect is gonna be in there–?

Stocking STUFFERS

What goes IN the stocking?

Perhaps only a mess of stuff wads nicely in your stocking. “STOCKING STUFFERS, A Rock Operetta” from Robot and Viking (Dirthippy Productions) is an amateur mishmash of rock Xmas cliches and movie samples. It’s that music your parents think is ‘noise.’

What’s a “Stupid Stocking Stuffer“? It’s not candy, or toys, or money… but it grows on trees! Dave & Steve Sundstrom will kidsong you the answer.

Fingerpopping and syncopating, Anna Waronker wants to “Stuff My Stocking (Steakhouse Version)” with you. It’s seductive, but not dirty at all. (I think.)

Todd McHatton instructs us on how best to enjoy all those little (breakable!) goodies “In Your Stocking.” Lively kidsong rock. Let’s get it done.

STUFFING Stockings

Opening stockings is fun! But what about stuffing them?

BooneDocs tries to rap with delight in their family friendly “Stuffing Stockings.” They LO-O-OVE this!

ABBA has a sweet little pop number about “Little Things.” They’re nothing, really. But they do fit in Christmas stockings. So, yeah.

“Stuff the Stocking!” by Bandrew is precocious ranting rap from a bunch of well-meaning children. Not quite blue, but meant to antagonize the old guard.

“Stuff Your Stocking” from The Tearaways is so far this side of euphemism, imma tempted to say they really want to rock out about toys and candy. Okay, probably really about sex.

THREATS OF Stocking-lessness

Who needs to fight for their Xmas stockings?

Kat Perkins rocks and rolls over who might remove her “Christmas Stockings.” The party seems to involve them being UP.

Quite particular, Garrison Bailey knows what she wants this Xmas: “Sheryl Crow in my Stocking.” Syncopated (not quite rap) alt-pop. Aim for the stars, baby!

All Wicked Lizard wants for Christmas is a “Barfy Stocking.” Short pop that may be nicer than you thought it would be.

Milan Millar is hoping against hope (at great speed) that there’s “Something in My Stocking.” Lightning bluegrass breakdown. Hee Yaw.

Stocking HOP

Sock hop!

Sounding like an encore, The Creole String Beans rock out in a kid friendly way for the “Rocking Christmas Stocking.” Dance, children, dance!

“The Animal Christmas Do” is some kickin’ kind o’ party Down Under. The way Amber Lawrence spins this down home country kidsong, the stockings are kept clean of poo. Good on ‘er.

What gets me up to strut is some good ol’ rockabilly, by Various Artists. So, welcome “Keep on Filling My Christmas Stocking” (especially with orthopedic inserts for me). Go, flats, go!

Stockings, etc.

Are stockings just one more prop for the set designer Xmas Day?

What kills me, is the song that shopping-lists all the Christmas cliches without any concern for coherence or storytelling. F’r’xample: Downie Street Collective’s pop anthem “Christmas Stockings.” A regular ‘Didn’t Start the Fire’–only without any mention of stockings that i can discern.

“Christmas Stocking” from Jakolev parleys retro electric folk rock into easy listening so completely i don’t get whatever the song’s about.

“Happy Christmas – To You and Everyone” comes from 3Berlin (feat. Robert Metcalf). It’s a red-nosed roster of different languages. Traditions come up, too–like candles, tinsel, and stockings.

Emility stutters through the electronica of “Christmas Stocking” as if it didn’t matter, or he’s having a stroke. I feel itchy all over now.