Let’s try rewriting an actual song! This was my Christmas card for 2023, and it caused some confusion as i never said in so many words that it was based on the ballad of the legendary John Henry, the steel driving man. Now, that’s a tune!
The Ballad of Kris Kringle
Kris Kringle was a little elfling
Sittin’ in zero degrees
He picked up a doll and (a) wooden choochoo
Said: ‘Toys’re gonna be the death of me, Lawd Lawd
Toys’re gonna be the death of me’
Jeff Bezos said to Kris Kringle:
‘Gonna bring that AI on shift,
Gonna bring ChatGPT on the job
Gonna outdeliver all your gifts, Lawd Lawd
Gonna outdeliver all your gifts’
Kris Kringle told ol’ Siri:
‘A Saint ain’t nothin’ but a man,
But before I let your block chain beat me
I’d die with a present in my hand, Lawd Lawd
I’d die with a present in my hand’
Kris Kringle said to his reindeer:
‘Rudolph, why don’t you sing?
I’m throwin’ down chimneys bikes and baby dolls,
Just listen to that sleigh bell ring, Lawd Lawd
Just listen to that sleigh bell ring’
Kris Kringle said to Google Bard: ‘Hey
Google, you’d better pray
‘Cause if you miss that little ghetto boy,
Tomorrow’ll be your buyout day, Lawd Lawd
Tomorrow’ll be your buyout day’
Alexa said to Kris Kringle:
‘We think this chimney’s cavin’ in’
Kris Kringle said to Amazon: ‘Hey, Man,
That ain’t nothin’ but my reindeers zeroin’ in, Lawd Lawd
That ain’t nothin’ but my reindeers zeroin’ in’
The man that invented the Turing Test
Thought he was mighty fine,
But Kris Kringle made billions happy
And SantaBot only handled nine, Lawd Lawd
And SantaBot only handled nine
Kris Kringle barnstormed the suburbs
Delivery was striking fire
But went so hard, he broke his sleigh’s harness
He smashed up his reindeer and he died, Lawd Lawd
He smashed up his reindeer and he died
They took Kris Kringle to the North Pole
And they buried him in the snow
And every child’s mother comes along by
Says: ‘There lies such a nice boy, Lawd Lawd’
Says: ‘There lies such a nice boy’
Well, every Christmas mornin’
When the carolers start to sing
You can hear Kris Kringle’s joy start to rise
You can hear Kris Kringle jingling, Lawd Lawd
You can hear Kris Kringle jingling
I originally started with the idea of Santa Claus vs. AI, because it’s everyone vs. AI here in The Digital ‘Twenties. The idea percolated (or festered) without going anywhere in particular for a few weeks. Then John Henry came to me from somewheres and I did that switch-words thing for a bit. So, here we are.