Month: August 2022

Christmas Countdown: 34~

Updating the sentiment of Nat King Cole’s ‘Little Boy,’ Blu & Exile wonder why “Christmas Missed Us.” Didn’t get the GI Joe when he was a kid, but only two pennies. Now, he’s thirty-four and got cheese. Sad, but not rude, rap.

Jamin Bradley, sadly, wants you to know “Baby I’m a Grinch.” Gonzo & Rizzo, Turbo Man, Tim Allen, Buddy the Elf, the Kranks, Charlie Brown all get their licks from this critic. Worst off–don’t check 34th street The only miracle Is staying awake through that movie. Sweetly melodic soul rap.

Sloppy Seconds don’t like it when THEY want to know what the Christmas plans are–the only thing in the works is (falling asleep to Miracle on 34th Street on TV) a “Lonely Christmas.” Tragic, but raging rock (in a popular music vein).

Christmas Countdown: 34th

Better Than Ezra seems to just list the symptoms for a “Merry Christmas Eve” (including There’s a miracle on 34th Street). Jazzy, plodding pop, heavy on the sax.

For Brian Lim, a “Miracle on 34th Street” isn’t making Santa real–but making you mine. Guess that would take a miracle with this treacly percussive pop. Be the present.

Tim McGraw also whines–to “Dear Santa,” We need a miracle like the one on 34th, To get us back to where we were before. Country music like you hear in the stadium.

“Christmas in the City” is the rap/R+B of Mary J Blige (feat. Angie Martinez) about living large in NYC. Rockefeller Center, Radio City, and There’s a miracle on 34th Street On a train, yeah, that lady With all them bags, you see. No other place she’d rather be.

Christmas Countdown: 35

Little Timmy and Young Jacob decide to celebrate the B-Day of JC by getting all JD in the rapping true-crime tutorial “Merry Xmas” by Obi J. Don’t take notes! (Even if your friend has locker #35.) BLUE ALERT

Cyrus has a laundry list of accomplishments to take stock when “Baby, It’s Christmas.” From dropping 35 new records, to remastering my albums, to a tour ‘round the country where I made a lot of money then I lost it all to COVID–but none of it seems to matter in this folky pop tell-all, ‘cuz he BLUE ALERT lost you. I think he’s sorry. At least he’s talented.

Guys Nite brings us back to the is it/isn’t it “Die Hard” question, but this time John McClain addresses all four movies (including the fourth where a truck takes on an F-35 fighter). Granted, after the first two–There ain’t no Allen, and it’s not Christmas. But it’s the spirit of Xmas in this BLUE ALERT rocking commentary–to kick ass!

Despite the title, imma NOT gonna call a blue on “Christmas is Bullshit.” JC Cassis has some slightly R+B hard pop hating on the holidays [I’ve tried Christmas 35 times! It’s NOT WORKING FOR ME!]. Don’t worry, Santa-nistas, she DOES has a solution to Christmas woe if you’d just listen.

Christmas Countdown: 37

Sometimes i don’t get it…. Punchline shimmy-shammies their BLUE ALERT rap “Punchline Christmas Rap” with So go ask Santa and his eight reindeer,
For 37 Everywhere. Get it?

Why does Waylan St. Palan enjoy “Christmas at the Bar“? There’s 37 relatives that just don’t agree–And every single one of them has cornered me. Burlesque jazz squalling. Merry, merry, merr–I’m tellinya–yeah.

Christmas Countdown: 39

In-between these numbers is the thirty-nine and a half foot pole no one would touch the Grinch with. Many have tried to improve on this ‘standard,’ but let’s settle on the pretty Tyler, the Creator “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch.”

If there’s an idea The Simpsons hasn’t made a joke about… wait’ll next season. So, apparently in season 22, Mr. Burns leads the Simpson family AS MUPPETS (and Mo, and Katy Perry) in “The 39 Days of Christmas [click the title for the entire bit],” featuring all the lovable 19th Century shenanigans the old codger celebrates (anarchists, fishwives, scriveners, and more).

[for just the song, click on the image]

Christmas Countdown: 40%

Blake Shelton (feat. Reba) yodels the corn outta “Oklahoma Christmas.” See they can’t get home for the holidays (40 Westbound is a sheet of ice) from TN.

While on the road, note the odd Limey rap of Central Cee on the A40 tryna act lidge, when I hit the backroad, I’ll pick up the speed The trap phone jump two, three, and I’m on two fours like Christmas Eve. “Xmas Eve” is a BLUE ALERT road trip of troubles.

While we’re tolerating the BLUE ALERT let’s tolerate the comedy of Twiztid’s “A Very Twiztid Christmas.” This is an epic farce of angry believing, violent tendencies, and hazy celebration–the presents are wrapped Shaggy’s style through with a 40 in a sac.

Wait, you want meaning? James Wotal drags out the soapbox and folksings the damnation of materialism in “Blinded by Christmas.” 40% off and free FedEx shipping isn’t the true meaning after all!

Christmas Countdown: 40!

BLUE ALERT from Swansea Mosh complaining about the laziness of only working one day a year in “I Saw Santa Signing On“–a reference to applying for unemployment (with UB 40, Unemployment Benefits Form 40). Rocking the anger.

Prestomystic relieves the stress by “Jackin’ It on Christmas.” Light euphemistic profane-ness that fun, until he gets caught [Preston?–What’s up, what’s up–Are you okay in there It’s been like, forty minutes]. Pop music.

Perhaps an origin story, The Benefit & Chinese Firekites recount how a chance encounter (and being out like 40 bucks) results in the need to write a song, even though “Christmas Shoes (Will Kill the Mood)” on Christmas Day.

LadBaby has a series of parody songs featuring their fave-o British treat sausage rolls, all in the name of holiday charity raising [our expectations at the beginning was just to make Top 40, and-Raising funds for the food bank charity, the Trussell Trust]. “Don’t Stop Me Eating” might be the best of those parodies.

Christmas Countdown: …40…

Over the Rhine takes us back in time [saxophone recorded forty years ago] to dwell in the sad past for “All I Get for Christmas is Blue.” Desultory jazz.

Tipped over 40 seems to be the appropriate age for a particular melancholy that requires the rationalization “It’s OK to be Alone (This Christmas).” Faithful Johannes (feat. Benjamin Amos) sways the funky pop to cheer me up and bring me down all in one song.

Corny much? The nonsense of the routine may get our wits in a twist but, Got our cameras, we’re recording Cause we’ll watch this when we’re forty–so sez Jamison Gray in his fine subtle pop “Christmas Morning.”

1980s humor dates the Fallen Angel Chorus making hay with ’12 Days’ in “For My 40-Something Christmas.” Work that vibrating thighmaster, girls!

“40 Years of Xmas” is an amazing countdown of the lives of Connor Ratliff & Mikey Erg. Folk strutting that borders on rap whirls my wind.

Jethro Tull’s back, but allowing Jesus some time off for good behaviour. Forty days, give or take a few in “Birthday Card at Christmas.” Poppin’!

“Not Quite Almost Christmas Time” is an unbridled celebration of the joy and stress of to much holiday calendar. Tom Hardy sings not quite children’s music, but not quite fun pop [So imagine how stressed he (Santa) gets when he sees people hanging ornaments A full forty days before Christmas—pretty stressed, right?]. Informative Aussie fun.