Month: July 2022

Christmas Countdown: 60

Quick sidebar before we begin: ‘Rocko’s Modern Christmas’ special of 1994 featured tunes with 60 in the title for no better reason, perhaps, than they were a minute long. So, quick shout out to Richard Myhill’s “Ho Ho Dance 60” and James Abbott and Alex Adams’s “We’re Gonna Party 60.” Mix those into your rumpus room soundtracks, stat.

Spirit of the West is also time-attuned, “Roadside Attraction” begins with the chill of 60 days ’til Christmas. The whole deal is about breaking out of your rut, but–you know–in time for the holidays is implied!

Time figures into rate, so “Supercharged Santa Claus” can get it from 0 to 60. Party rap from Kwanza Jones (feat. Matty).

But, we’re still in the moderate temperature zone. Pirate God whisper-raps over ‘Last Christmas’ rhythms a “Christmas Eve Freestyle” more concerned about the 60 degrees than the BLUE ALERT bullies and needs.

Uke swing from Christina Rose enjoys a “Summer Christmas” of some 60 degrees. Hawaiian vacays matter.

Let’s deep dive the nostalgia of northern Maine for a mo. “60 Watt Colored Light Bulbs” used to hang in strings over Main Street for a more festive community–according to Flooded Cellar and their homespun folk poppabilly. Woulda been a wonderland, woo woo.

Christmas Countdown: 64

We Speak in Sounds has a nostalgic look back in the choral pop “I Believe in Santa Claus.” ‘Cuz if you believe you might get a N64.

But, the Nintendo 64 is just one of the punchlines (lousy presents!) in “Fuck Christmas,” a BLUE ALERT time of disappointment for young rappers Gentleman’s Vibe & IFHT (feat. Peter Chao). Raucous fun.

The Arkadian hard rocks the point here in “All I Want For Christmas (Is a Nintendo 64).” Stand back! This is serious!

All right already with the games! Life is more complicated than that, like the Secret Santa dilemma when you figure out you got the Jew to buy a gift for…. But All Students goes all in with “I Don’t Know What to Get.” Turns out Hanukkah presents are all cheap crap, so Some raisins… A balloon… 64 pack of crayons… and Burger King coupons. Problem solved! Electronica rap.

Christmas Countdown: 65

It’s been a minute since we’ve seen ApologetiX, so let’s review their lovely Eagles’ parody “Hotel Can’t Afford Ya,” in which Joseph complains ‘They probably haven’t cleaned in here since B.C. 65.’ Rockin’ hilarious.

“Santa Claus is Going Down 65” is a Harold Rippy troubadour trip of confusing directions. Makes me sad, but i can’t figure out why.

Homeless or otherwise poverty-situated Wuden Boi chant/raps “Merry Freaking Christmas” to hypnotic raga. It’s saddening/maddening to be alone and on a cot and sweating in the sixty-five degrees. Phew.

Christmas Countdown: 70˚

Seventy degrees may not seem like winter for some y’all. But it’s not hot.

Byronnnn sings And you know we in the south It might be seventy in the winter with cool R+B slickness in “Coolness Christmas.” Family traditions include devotion to God, Countdown on ABC Family, and oatmeal pies. Yes, ma’am.

It might be too early It’s like 70 degrees; But after waiting all year It’s right on time for me introduces “Christmas with You” by John Waller (feat. the Waller family), a swinging pop ensemble of musical fun. Family’s the thing, guys.

Family is the basis for love, and tragedy though. Matthew West’s tale is a country weeper ’bout the boy with the diagnosis in summer. Middle of September still seventy degrees Daddy climbs up in the attic Brings down candles hangs the lights on all the trees. “One Last Christmas” is the horror we’ve heard before, but it still gets ya. Dunnit? (Based on a true… yeah, okay.)

Christmas Countdown: 70

Seventy seems high (for elder years) and also low (for furnace settings). How far will today’s number take us… in rap?

PM has a BLUE ALERT “Wishlist” quid pro quo. For many, detailed sexual favors, she receives everything: including a 70″ plasma. Grawly rap.

Living fast and ballin’ at Christmas time, is Jim Jones’s answer to McCartney’s ‘Wonderful.’ “Dipset X-mas Time” has some baller wants, like: I think the coupe might do the hard thing (For real) Gotta do seventy and out pops the wing (Uh-oh). Laid back rap.

RodneyAlan gets all cozy with his rap “Whatchu Want for Christmas.” He purrs: Give me a melody Sing it to you when we’re wrinkly and seventy–and that’s what he wants from you, chuchi-face.

Christmas Countdown: 73

Some day I know it’s coming When all of us won’t be Together there for Christmas (I hate to face it but we won’t always be together for Christmas), You know Daddy’s seventy-three (it seems hard to believe but your daddy will turn seventy-three) is the tip of the maudlin in The Statler Brothers’ “Something You Can’t Buy“–for Christmas that is! Country smarm to beat all.