The Wish You Weres are a punk band from deep in the heart of Kentucky. Their extensive “Wishlist” features each band member asking for their specifics: a toaster, a turtle , an Easter Basket full of dead chihuahuas… but that’s not the worst. What they got YOU (it’s under the bed) is the worst. This seems to be take 49, according to the lyrics. BLUE ALERT–so fun as expletive.
Month: July 2022
Christmas Countdown: 50…
BLUE ALERT Blight Dolezal slips in a chipmunk filter to his rap”Trappin’ on Christmas” with lots of drugs, but Mess with the money and we pull the trigger–No child jobs we ain’t babysitters: 50 strippers, beat ’em to the bed Then go back to gettin’ richer.
Not terribly surprised by “50 Shades of Christmas.” Liz Moriondo jazzily R+Bs the usual wordplay into a near-decent ditty about blindfolded foreplay.
“Santa Baby” gets a remix rap treatment from The Christmas All Stars (Salt-N-Pepa · Onyx · Snoop Dogg · P. Diddy · Keith Murray · Mase · Joseph Simmons). Late night, stars are bright We gettin rocked! With the 50 St. Nicholas Start rippin this. Is it the cops? The money? The nunna my beezneez?
More tomfoolery from Jeff Dunham’s persona Bubba J covering “Roadkill Christmas” (which we have featured before from The Road Kill Band). The wife outwrestles the not-quite-dead deer peeled off the road, since she had 50 pounds over him. Har. Country music har.
Warbling surf rock is also silly. So “Santa’s Got a Surfboard Guitar Sleigh” (with a fifty foot deck!) is Julius Davis giving us the humor.
BLUE ALERT NoneSoo gets crazy in “3 Hos” with driving under the influence (getting bout fifty) and a backseat full of women. Careless rap.
Well, it guess it’s Christmas Eve when Carrie Underwood’s protagonist–with 50 miles to go–spins out on black ice and begs “Jesus Take the Wheel.” So, Xmas adjacent.
Codlist (feat. Still Stevens) plays the fool with the ironic lounge idiocy of “Crack Open an Ice Cold Christmas.” 50 years ago this day a baby was born in Bethlehem, This triggered a phenomenon known as “Christ Mas.” You celebrate in your way, and i’ll stay over here.
Christmas Countdown: 50+
More money, more music. 50£ is not the same as 50$. Reptilians celebrate “Christmas is a Time for Giving” with all the British pomp of the homeland of Dickens. So take this fifty pound note And buy the biggest turkey in Haighs they proclaim amidst the ska pounding. My kind of party.
50p is not 50¢ either. So Slowthai is poorer in his BLUE ALERT “Slow Down (Santa),” a Brit-rap that suffers in need: 50p flats, 50p please
I was on the raise like a beggar in the street.
Also accented from worse off lands, “JOP Evil Christmas” rails against the poverty–with violence! When dah rifle yah buss the Christmas hot like Summer 50 caliber a spray like shower, blood a run a run out of boy body like water. It’s Xmas either way, innit? BLUE ALERT care of Aidonia · Navino · Deablo · Tanso.
Kaiser Chiefs give us a break with a singsongy alt-pop “Sunday Morning“–catchy as all get out. Reaching for better he finds: Sunday morning with your Sunday papers; Have your Sunday dinner with your kids and your second wife. It’s Sunday morning, read your Sunday papers, With your Christmas slippers on and 50 colour supplements.
Back to our irregularly scheduled anger: “Punk Rock Xmas” as slung by Left Unread is a childish tantrum of wanting what’s improper. I wanna drink 50 beers With all of Santa’s reindeers. And it’s not really punk.
Christmas Countdown: 50$
A President Grant seems to be the respectful gift limit for Xmas. More is trying too hard (or covering something up), less is bargaining.
BLUE ALERT Frostbyt3 (feat. Josh Coleman) raps about the frustrations of shopping as well. in “Wishlist” he laments Walmart or Target, I got fifty bucks And the line is so long that I know that I’m stuck For an hour at least. Sad.
BLUE ALERT Boosie Badazz paints a prettier picture of “Santa Claus of the Ghetto.” In this rap A fifty dollar bill will make a kid smile bright
Thank you, Mr. Dope Dealer.
BLUE ALERT Mini Meish has a “Wishlist” that’s pretty naughty: some new titties Wit a big ole ass and hundreds and 50s–and that’s not including the sexual favors she’d like added. Girl rap.
BLUE ALERT “Red Christmas” from Ray León seems to whipsaw between killing and paying. Shawty like 50 and think she still lit: Imagine her raising them kids. Petty like 50 on insta, Results of the life that I’ve lived. Is that dollars? It’s intense, even for rap.
TIMŌRĀTUS presents us a charming heavy metal journey: “Christmas Present Conundrum (Courtney’s Crisis).” What should she get the hubby–last minute? Should it be a fifty dollar Starbucks card??? stay tuned!
Christmas Countdown: 51
Somewhere around Christmas look out for “The Snow.” Seth Rhodes plays pretty pop about watching All the people on 51st street Our eyes covered by an ice sheet. Watch you dance step!
The TV with the 5.1 sound makes it hard to relate to family all trapped together for the holidays. But Sam Newton trudges out a reluctant, dutiful “Merry Christmas” with notes of country in his pop.
Christmas Countdown: 52
If it were “Christmas Every Day,” then it would be 52 weeks in a row–so says the pop music math of SimplePlan. Count on it. And dance to it.
Richard Sponaugle can complain and cuss on 12/26, ‘cuz it’s “52 weeks Until Christmas.” Straining folk/pop with agenda.
Amanda Shires trembles when she gets “A Real Tree This Year.” She’s been waiting the whole 52 weeks for this. And–whew–it smells like menthol and Old Spice. Countrified pop with some funky honky tonk. In her companion piece “Gone for Christmas” her list of wants includes fifty two weeks paid vacation. (Uhh, that’s FROM you.)
Christmas Countdown: 54
Da Epic Squad raps sillily over ‘Wonderful’ about your mom, Mrs. Claus (Man that hoe she be old 54 and counting), and Bezos. “Hoe Hoe Hoe” is boys being foulmouthed boys. And maybe Christmas.
Christmas Countdown: 55
The Crusty Jugglers warns us (again) about finding “Santa’s Boots” under your loving one’s bed when you return from truck driving Christmas Eve on 55 from St. Louis. All that overtime driving was to save up and buy you that ring, but–
Professional parodists Balderdash & Humbug complain about the early playing of Xmas music in “The 55 Days of Christmas.” Many of your least favorites (incl. novelties) are lambasted for your booing pleasure. [Warning: it’s a ’12 Days’ spoof.]
Christmas Countdown: 56
Mandy Rowden tickles the strings (of a bouzouki??) with her hopeful plan: “Christmas with You.” West 56th Street is too cold for her, so she’ll catch a flight to get there. Melodic. Sweet. Insistent.
Christmas Countdown: 57
Mitchell Tenpenny, Meghan Patrick get extra nasal for the country values of “I Hope It Snows.” This is small town hominess, so Take a left on 57 so you can see the lights. Corny, but touching.
Odds Bodkin rocks out a children’s brutal education in “The Takeover Before Christmas.” 57 appears here as the floor of the clueless corporate overlords (and the ’57 Chevy Santa lands in during forced retirement). Worth a listen, no matter your capitalistic bent.
“Christmas in the City” is the heartfelt, sappy livelong to NYC from 5th Avenue to Times Square to 57th Street. Orchestral pop via Elizabeth Chan.