March 2022 – Page 2 – Novelty Christmas Music

Christmas Countdown: 5:00

Double Vision, Ryan Rane, Noah Strykes is hurting in the long D bicoastal thing “Through a Screen.” Plonky altpop measures the 3000 miles and the 500 hours (21 days?) the season will separate them. Not even Skype will make it a real Christmas. A sighing song.

Jack Bennett does one of those tongue trippin’ rap races over “Christmas Morning“–which is odd at his oldness. ‘Course he Remember waking up, 5:00 in the morning, we were little kids… but this is later. Still spry for a fly guy. Antic and fun if you try to keep up with the pop references.

Christmas Countdown: 5:02

The Ramones suffer burnout in “Danny Says,” the slightest and lightest of punk doldrums. Sound check’s at 5:02, but–in L.A.–It ain’t Christmas if there ain’t no snow. (Tom Waits creates much more pathos for the endless road:)

Christmas Countdown: 5:30+

Lori Triplett is blue in “Coming Home Alone.” Around Christmas time Saturday morning, little half past 5:00, she doesn’t feel like packing up and seeing the family. Why? In misty folk-country vocals she hints at having promised to come home WITH someone. But since the accompaniment ain’t in the cards…. Pretty–and pretty sad.

Christmas Countdown: 538

Tara Oram works out her Daddy issues with a rockin’ country tune about how she was becalmed on the eve of a big storm with her pop’s telescope and a makeshift astronomy lesson. They counted “538 Stars” and discussed the one who led the three kings. It ain’t in the Bible, it ain’t worth looking at.

Christmas Countdown: 555

“No Xmas for John Quays” is a free verse punk ramble about how there is no proper holiday celebration for junkies. The 555 is a reference to buying cigs (A packet of three-five fives) at the tobacconist’s, perhaps the most fun a heroin addict can have out and about. Ask The Fall.

Christmas Countdown: 600

Fralphie Jenkins growls into the monotonous altrock of driving “December 24th (600 Miles to Go)” making the journey to the folks a Sisyphean hell of never-ending mileage. Epic angst, kids. Might be dead. Damn. Don’t try this at home. [An alternate verzh of this, “Ice on the Floor (Christmas Eve),” takes a long long Dark Side of the Moon intro, after which reality melds travel with arrival, hazard with cozy–so much so that the end of the song is the beginning. Aahhh!]

Christmas Countdown: 602… BLUE ALERT

“Tradition” is a lame title for a missed holiday connection(Flight 602 from Laguardia To Phoenix Arizona)broken heart, but the soul of Campanella pitches beautiful woe over the long distance… then, wait for the happy ending surprise!

May have missed a gem… Martin Tielli has some crazy experimental notions on music. “Sergeant Kraulis” (I am 60238 in the narcotics division) is about a wild Wednesday around Christmas in the ‘life’ of a policeman who is psychedelically tainted, taunted, and smoked. I’d tell you more but i listened to this twice now and i have to go lie down.

Christmas Countdown: 610 BLUE ALERT

Nihilism all wrapped up with a bow from Christmas Cretin in the form of “Androgynous Grinch Groove .” Apparently No one cares In the 484 In the 610 about the people of Allentown and parts west of Philly. A sample of Cat Stevens later and it’s all poop-a-doop-doop. Guess i don’t care about this raging techno metal.

Christmas Countdown: 666

420 Stoner Metal gets repetitive in their metallic/experimental production “Christmas No. 666,” but it’s all hell all the time.

The boredom of it all inspires “666 Christmas 666 (Endless Summer),” a downbeat pop dirge from Hot Gossip.

Everlast warns of the mark of the beast 666 in the righteously angry rap “Speak No Evil.” Satan bad. Jesus good. Got it? (If not, try the message backwards on the link below.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wd718D5O4-g

Christmas Countdown: A689

Time to get weird. “Xmas off the A689” from Faithful Johannes tells the tale of a traveller’s spinout in a whiteout and his slow submission to exposure stuck in his car for the holidays. The A689 is a stretch of UK roadway from Carlisle in Cumbria, to Hartlepool in County Durham. This is near Scotland touching on about the only ski-center in England. So, less merry and more brrr.