Month: December 2020

Wait for an Attaboy

When is pop music a hit? When i say so! (Actually when i buy so, but ima too poor for that.)

The Histories make a basement tape out of the pop piano banging “I Can’t Wait for Christmas,” a near serious anthem undermined by the head nodding nothingness of the music. Sign me up.

Boy band butteriness ups the pitch for The Forge Tops with their earnest smirk “I Can’t Wait for Christmas.” Howling and clashing, they somehow reach euphony. For charity.

Emphatic beat, important enunciation, Summer Camp professes love in the downbeat pop ballad “I Don’t Wanna Wait ’til Christmas.” What could be, what should’ve been… don’t make me slow this party down with your introspectin’!

Wandering off Celtic pub folk into a joyous progressive rock, Johnny Reid dances around the genres in “Waiting for Christmas to Come.” Call it pop. Enjoy.

Also veering away from garage folk into something soaringly harmonious, Charlie’s Hand Movements beats the drum for “It’s Christmas Time (And I Don’t Want to Wait.” Downbeat for pop, but that’s the way i like it.

Unapologetically, Ben Niven, Sid and Tracy Sosa crank up the hand clapping uptempo for no other purpose but to throw up the hands in “Can’t Wait for Christmas.” Pop qua pop.

Wait for Maybe

When does junk music win? When i want. Granted, we all have reasons why we dislike art (rushed/boring, pointless/overemotional, cliched/esoteric), but LIKING something has an ineffable quality (uhh… it’s good?). So let’s try some near hits that won me ever-so-slightly over. As i’ve always maintained, criticism is more revealing for the critic than for the art.

Force M.D.’s “I Can’t Wait ’til Christmas” is that sappy R+B that over polishes the cool, but you’ll find me boppin’ and jammin’ to this slickity doo dah.

Jump gospel temporizes the word o’ God, but Margaret McPherson jazz-sells “Can’t Wait for Christmas” to the point where i don’t worry the image-less cornpone–i dance. Like God is watching.

Jump jazz hypers out the improvisational arts–be cool, man! But the big ol’ hurry of “I Just Can’t Wait for Christmas Day” by LC Wells (feat. Cyriese Lambert) gives me a giggle. Play it when you’re driving to the store or diving through the websites!!

The attrition of kids’ music on my immortal soul is profound, but Shorty Garrett (of Bent Willow) applies the kazoo profusely, and the attention span punily with his “Goin’ to Grandma’s.” I fell like i’m bouncing all over the backseat me own self.

Boom Child’s punk is so popmusic that you must listen carefully for the rude snarky lines. “I Can’t Wait for Christmas” undersells the angry young men as an actual bit of fluffy fun.

Old guy with a guitar (self publishing) and two tablespoons of talent should up the acid reflux, but Robert Armand’s self-assured gentle country heap of empty lyrics somehow tip the balance for me. “Just Can’t Wait ’til Christmas” is neither infectious nor illustrative. But i admire. ‘Ndeedy i do.

Wait for Some Gush

The excitement we have waiting for Christmas ranges on a spectrum from antsy to peepeepants, so what’s the correlation of enthusiasm to quality in the songs that feature angst?

Well, some pop just bangs the tambourine and sways in place, très European. So with An Hours Thought Elton-John tribute “I Can’t Wait for Christmas.” This repetitive song can cure insomnia due to overwrought waiting.

Singing about the children for the children Rudd Young peps us up with a rock pop “I Can Hardly Wait for Christmas.” Raging guitar in the back, monotone in the front. Danceable.

Glory-waving, iMaronn joyously bring the voices together with gospel garage pop and “Wait for the Happiest Day.” More foreign influences to remind us to crack a smile.

Oslo Soul Children shout and cheer their pop “Can’t Wait for Christmas Day.” Mostly it’s for Jesus Christ, but they are in lock step harmoniously. Militant fun.

Wait for the Sellout

Some musical genres lack authenticity when they are merried up too much for more family-friendly sales of holiday songs.

Country music has done nothing but run away from the hills and stalked the pick-up driving suburban teen since 1967. Selling out is ka-ching for country. So no surprise that Aaron Kelly soars to vocal heights with “I Can’t Wait for Christmas.” The identification of this song as country is circumstantial at best.

Punk, however, should rage ‘against the machine. So Robert Neary’s repetitive “I Can’t Wait ’til Christmas Day” is particularly mind boggling. Pop punk may be a thing, but this is bubblegum punk.

Royalty Free Music is this thing you can sample for your videos or parties, and it is just a sound curtain not meant to be heard. So when i turn up DJ Quads’s “Waiting for Christmas” i feel a bad trip coming on. R+B stumbles.

Rock’n’roll is steamrolled by cover bands, upandcomers, and even the downandouters. Dadband The Animal Band valiantly attempt the cool rock kid song, but “I Can’t Wait Anymore” comes off as too carefully constructed to wail.

In the same vein Lovetrain rocks slightly harder (for the kids) “I Can’t Wait ’til Christmas.” The cutesy factor may help parents feed this to their offspring, but it murders the spirit of the music.

Even the over-achieving showtune is undone by the misguided gushing of the amateurish. “I Can’t Wait ’til Christmas” is Sherry Allen’s play for posterity. The modulations do more harm than good. Get this unplugged and a cappella and ill revisit my judgment.

Wait for an Wasted Opportunity

Some musical attempts satisfy the distracted, as background mood settings i compare them to wallpaper. No heroic efforts here. Not even for winning over hearts and bodies.

Wade Arney Wade has a song dedicated to helping a friend through cancer treatments, but the pop slick country of “I Can’t Wait for Christmas” sells seduction short a bedsheet or two.

Sentimentalizing the loneliness of the long-distant posted armed forces, Danny Bryam lounges up “I’ll Wait ’til You’re Home to Have Christmas.” Fine sentiment, but with this cheap warbling it’s more a two-drink minimum than a two-hanky honker.

The O’Jays inject R+B into the love letter “I can Hardly Wait” but over-orchestrate and over-produce the love into conman commonality. Sounds like the Vegas version.

Just as weak tea is the easy listening “Waiting for Christmas” via John Legend. He’s classy all right, but trespassing on Bing territory isn’t his strong suit. Lilts of soul don’t save this formulaic fuzziness. Sorry.

Wait for Melancholia

Sometimes the super sincerity of a song oversells the emotion. I mean, bring on the irony of merry Christmas heartbreak–i’ll cover that when we get to the ‘good stuff.’ But the saccharin swamp of wallowing in feels can deepsix a song of merit.

Recycled show tunes from Disney knockoffs sound a lot like The Sylvia Cotton Singers doing “I Can’t Wait for Christmas.” A couple cliches, a soaring vocal, an unhappy child… nope, not really a song.

Synth jazz with a sultry beat smacked against a spaghetti box doesn’t prompt an empathetic response for Michael Jeff’s smoky-throated “Why You Have to Wait ’til Christmas?” Soft pop does not equal hard feelings.

Much improved is Brandi Carlile’s searching, reaching, emotional heartache in “Heartache Can Wait.” The slow, grating folk-pop (now with extra cello) tugs at lonely, empty, fragile heartstrings. Yeah, it goes on and on–with talent and musicality. But, bum, son.

Watered down R+B can be listenable, given the stretch of vocals by the likes of Tommy DeCarlo. But his flirty come-on “I Can’t Wait ’til Christmas Day!” is menaced with more thumping back beat, not to mention bland backup singers.

Melodic rap might sneak one through urban troubles with a metaphor here and a simile there, but KVBA (feat. Con)’s “Wait for Me on Christmas” whinges us through the stumble love of domesticated mundaneness.

Wait for a Near Bummer

Class up the kidsong, zip up the talent and tempo, and we have less than a mess and more of a cynical manipulation. I can’t help how i can’t stomach Raffi and his ilk.

Some imagination over food and Santa interaction boosts “Can’t Wait for Christmas Morning” by Johanna Lewis. But the sweetly humble kid intonations make me pick this as a song for the retirement home, rather than the romper room.

The Texas twang of Rosie Flores imbues corrido-stylings to “Watchoo Waitin’ for Christmas?” lofting it to higher musical levels. ‘Cause then there’s food again. And then there’s accordion, and honkytonk piano. Finally the stilted beat seems almost reprimanding. Can’t recommend this to anyone under 55.

The message in “I Can’t Wait!” by Patch the Pirate is unbearable anticipation for Grandma to open the special present from ME, the kid. Showtune shenanigans that feels by-the-numbers for all its ingenuity.

Warmed over retro rock for the chilluns should set me back on my heels, but i’m only slightly offended by The Wiggles crooning “Just Can’t Wait for Christmas Day.” It stinks of dad-hobby, but the boys’ve got talent: C-.

Wait for Whoopsie

Even when kid songs are slickly done, they overload the smarm factor to the point of nauseous nurturing. I’m down on all fours to show you I care!

The Crocodettes go sped-up chipmunk vocals for “I Can’t Wait for Santa Claus.” a catchy, calculating treacle. The greed is ‘adorable,’ but the electronic brass is horrible.

Earnest and harmonious, The Polka Dots march-chant “I Can’t Wait for Christmas” with that mixed message of unbridled desire and snare drum. Confusing, and yet… math.

Bad mic and glockenspiel don’t slow Cheryl L Gleason’s “I Just Can’t Wait for Christmas,” which is more annoying chant to get the parents to give one up early, than actual kidsong.

Sue Bleazard’s SingKids! entry “Waiting for Christmas” is more plodding, but just as syncopated to introduce Bethlehem and JC and patience. No one wants to sing along with this.

Wait for Catastrophe

Sometimes i feel songwriters sleepwalk through their work. Here’s a list of topic points, ba-dooba-doo: there’s a song. Stringing cliches together don’t send me. But it probably sells.

J Robert Spencer runs some grandpa+grandma+presents through some gospel country pop and delivers “Waiting on Christmas.” Does it say something besides Next! ?

Wildson (feat. Ed Mills) runs more easy listening band-style with their “Waiting for Christmas.” Socks… snow… radio singing = song. Questions? Class? Wake up!

Bryan White whitens the depth of the holidays with his pop sashaying “I Can’t Wait ’til Christmas.” Tinsel-miss you-misteltoe-love you… less and less imagery, more and more feels. And the singsong aftereffects.

Wait for Poop

I’ve been on the kids’ soap box before about the condescension toward the developing with music for children: brash, cacophonous, repetitive… it’s like a seizure. Of joy. Sets my hackles to rising.

Mercifully short, Gerbert’s “I Can’t Wait ’til Christmas” is that forced funny voice of childlike moronity, with a tinkly pop rhythm that’s almost music.

When it’s YOUR kids, the holiday assembly at the elementary school is breathtaking, except for how your precocious pre-adult ISN’T featured center!! “If You Can’t Wait for Christmas” is one of those milquetoast bits o’ schmaltz that by offending no one entertains everyone. Thanks to Denise Gagne.

Even worse, is the amateur prodigy thrust into fame. Holly Collins gets no technical support while shouting and slurring through “I Can’t Wait for Christmas.” This country/pop gospel barn burner has a seed of promise, but it’s hard to feel it through the stink.