Year-round Yuletide oddities
Sometimes the high tragedy of a giftless Xmas is clerical oversight. Oops.
Santa admits “I Forgot That It was Christmas,” according to strident pop from Megan Moore. Is it for the best? Ask the Whos!
Downtown Fiction just plain “Forgot it was Christmas.” So he garaged you this song, instead. Like, no one told him. (She dumps him, don’t worry.)
Getting nothing for Christmas is a lovely curse to perform on the unexpecting. Try it when you’re losing an argument. They’ll recoil as if you had licked them. Hee hee.
Evil Blizzard tubular bells chants (I Hope You Get) “Nothing for Christmas” between psychedelic guitar bridges. Haunting.
Slim Jxmmi raises the rap with the retort to the less-than-perfect girlfriend: Yo’ Bad Ass ain’t Gettin’ “Nothing for Christmas.” Party that parting.
Who’s not getting a present for Christmas? YOU’re not getting a present for Christmas! No you AREn’t! Such a BAD boy!
Slipping politics in where it’s not wanted, Tony Stills country pops the rock with “Donald Trump is Getting Nothing for Christmas.” It’s on message (and as old as 2015), so i’ll allow it.
Polkadot Cadaver also points the finger, and drops f-bombs (BLUE ALERT), with “You Don’t Deserve a Goddamn Thing for Christmas,” a fun folk fermentation that rises all the way to the top.
“Pong Ain’t Getting Naffin” is an I-message from Mr. Blood. But he’s all ’bout the 3rd person, so it still sounds testimonial. Or that’s just the riddim. He’s not sure why nothing’s his deal, though.
Whassamaddayew, you act like being bad is All THAT! You DO know you’ll get no gifts this Xmas, doncha?
Oh, and that’s your thing?
Melodic punk from The Reducers: “Nothing for Christmas.” They know it fo’ sho’.
Nick and Gabe play Chris and Chris, “The Christmas Boys.” They’re down with naughtiness and they’ll ‘burb-boy rap you their list o’ crimes. Shudder.
It gets worse. Those who break rules mayn’t bend to Santa’s edict of No Presents for Christmas. It may make ’em worser.
BearRon threatens legal action to Mr. Red Suit in his short pop folk “Nuttin’.”
Nomy’s “Merry Fucking Christmas” delivers an empty sack of ’90s techno rock to this psycho bad boy. Wishing Santa would die with profanity won’t get your many wish lists filled. Love the song, though, ‘swhy i gotsa repeat it. BLUE ALERT, kay?
Some, in fact, are proud of earning a place on the no-buy zone for Xmas.
Jakub Ivanický for Hoxton swells with glee admitting “I’ve Been a Bad Boy.” This video game composer has landed a musical show stopper (or maybe just a chuckler). Worth a couple listens.
Got presents? If the answer is no, then quickly consult our comprehensive checklist: Believe in Santa? Been bad?
There ya go.
“Naughty Naughty Children” get a dose of advice from the bee-bop Rock’n’Roll of Grace Potter & The Nocturnals. Although, try harder might fall on deaf ears.
Lacuna Coil metals the reminder that “Naughty Children” might be passed by–by Santa! Krampus’ll gitcha, tho. For all the terror-pedaling, this is fun.
Gracious Me extrapolates the incorrigibility to the realization that being on “The Naughty List” unholsters all the stress of what you’ll get and allows a for a form of jazzy diva freedom. Swing low, sweet churl.
Almost worse than getting nothing for Christmas are the hollow gift receptacles.
Jessica Wiltz fronts some children who head bang to ’80s rock for their “Empty Stockings,” a cry of pain echoing from heel to toe.
More oddly ’90s sounding, D’modes feel guilt but also pain in their “Empty Stocking Blues.” Grouchy kidsong.
How bad do you have to be to be passed over by Santa? Do the math.
Merrill Leffmann leads the gang as they kid-culate what they can get away with in “I Hear a Lot About Santa.” Ragtime kidsong for the generations.
“Bad Little Boy” by Ray Stevens counts the sins like he’s sitting in the confessional. Kidsong but it ranges from pet torture to premeditating infanticide. It’s not exactly sung, but he’s not exactly repentant.
What aren’t you getting for Christmas, you miserable one? You aren’t getting shit. That sounds reasonable at first, until you real the emphatic purposes of the ain’t.
Way back when, we visited Red Peters mocking an old Walter Brennan masterpiece with “You Ain’t Getting Shit for Christmas.” It’s real purdy.
Bob Wire and Chip Whitson get more funky rock with their “You Ain’t Gettin’ Shit for Christmas.” It’s telling.
Stevie B. calls from ‘cross the Pond to alert the slackers “Well, You Won’t Get Jack Shit.” BLUE ALERT for a proper comeuppance.
Underage rap from Daddy Hustle BLUE ALERT whispers out “U Ain’t Getting Shit for Christmas.” Not sure he means it.
White girl R+B lounge rap from Emily Miller testifies “You Ain’t Gettin’ Shit (For Christmas).” Buy it yourself, loser.
Uncle Daddy & The Skeeters get folksy pop with “Santa Ain’t Bringing You Shit.” Some layers of judgment here. You can tell because of the harsh percussion.
Let’s cut the shit. Heywood Banks is a comic genius and he can sing about how you’re not getting shit without saying the naughty word and being naughty himself. “You Ain’t Getting Diddly Squat” is the novelty we didn’t know we wanted. And–Big Finish!