Year-round Yuletide oddities
If The ‘War on Christmas’ began on Fox News, what songs can we find about the talent therein?
Back in July ’16 we went white with Megyn Kelly’s proclamation that ‘Santa is just white, kids’ and the fun novelty song reactions. Thus were The Kinsey Sicks, Lauren Mayer, and Tom Latourette shrill, ill, and lounge. Still fun today.
Roy Zimmerman special delivers with “Bill O’Reilly’s Christmas” Special: Merry Christmas: Shut Up! A lovely folksy showtune to put us in a mood.
Wars are draw-out conflicts that grind up collateral damage like fruitcake. Is there ever a reasonable reason for a war?
Ramshackle Glory has a fun rant with their “War on Christmas.” It’s just a little too early, man. Alt poetry that’s quite against smiles.
Stiff Donut manifests their social warfare with “Class War on Christmas.” You think they hate, YOU hate with all your trees, and wreaths, and–American flags?! Garage party. BLUE ALERT
Yes, Virginia, there is a Christmas-hating tradition. We’ve been this route before. But, hawkish doom-delivering warfarers? That’s a garland too far.
You’re one of them! begins “My War on Christmas” (‘my’ being The Benefit). And you being the merry-makers of Christmas partied. Punk’s got you in its sights.
The “War on Christmas” sets guns blazing Sekcells (a fun phonetic pun). When you unleash the rap dogs of war (BLUE ALERT) they may not stop at your command any longer. The humanity! The pandas!
Stirring up sides for a merry/happy time of the year can result in hurt feelings, resentment, acute rage, and going postal. See your doctor.
Punk brings us to a head. Total Massacre’s “War on Christmas (World is Over)” smears feces all over every aspect on the season. BLUE ALERT, i guess they win.
He Who Cannot Be Named gets just a garage more melodic with their punking “War on Christmas.” Now beginnith the list of Claus’s flaws.
While exhausting the topic of ‘War on Christmas,’ do not excuse the coincidence of military incursions in late December. Whose taking sides now?
“War on Christmas Day” by Scott Coulter, Tim Di Pasqua, and Tom Anderson is a country weepie about who might not be coming home. In our woke days, it could be either one of them.
Hot Dad gets with the humorous when he suggests arming heavily for the “War on Christmas.” Slow synth pop by way of the ’80s.
What are Americans really scared of? Each other? Oh, for the days of us v. them that involved other countries (not just dissimilar looking Americans).
Rathergood has those godless Reds co-opting OUR holiday with their sprightly growling “Communist Christmas.” I want a chocolate Trotsky! Erm, i mean, what about the Son of God!?
Shana Lynette, fresh from Pittsburgh, Kansas, made a small splash in our Cold War with her 1983 novelty swinger “Mr. Russian, Please Don’t shoot Down Santa’s Sleigh.” That’ll show ’em.
Flinging his own words back in the speaker’s face is an American sport. Does anyone learn from this lesson? Or does it only lessen the weight of the argument made (stop copying me! no, i mean it, stop it!). You decide.
When Reindeers Collide Inc (from Something Awful) multi-media us a mess with their ironic “War on Christmas and Baby Jesus,” sampling and shouting before a moribund recorder tracing out Auld Lang Syne. Clearly this is against–but against what?
Schmoyoho has some songify fun with hot topics. “Donald Trump’s Christmas Carol” just rollicks along on a pop melody without seeming to realize the life-and-death issue at hand.
Irony cuts both ways. While touting one idea beyond the pale, the humorist wishes to make the point that said idea is beyond okay. Yet, the sis and the boom and the bah waggle it in our face so tantalizingly. When you use sarcasm, first dig two graves.
Watkins & The Rapiers paint a pretty worst case scenario about when to wish what to whom with “Are You Man Enough (To Say Merry Christmas)?” The digs are torturous with the soft jazzy folk (Salvation Army influenced).
Horrible sopranos aren’t all tributes to Mike Douglas’s Mrs. Miller, but Dysfunctional Family featuring Metropolitan Melinda taking on the left with “Politically Correct Christmas” sure takes me back. This song gets made over for the Christian right here and there, but who’s getting poked after all?
The best way to take offense is to rant and rave with tongue in cheek. Your mother stinks of elderberry (just kidding)! Or to be gentle while pointing out how much that other guy is foaming at the mouth.
Carrie Rinderer and the American Christian Life United (ACLU) choir won’t let you tell them what to say, but will tell you to boycott all half-assed associates who won’t “Say Merry Christmas.” Lively pop gospel to smooth out the intolerance. (What would JC shop at?)
Roger Weber is gonna say what he wants to say. Which is what you ought not to do. “Say Merry Christmas” is soft pop reminiscent of the ’70s. Oo, ee, baby.
When assigning blame for all the world’s ills, especially when it involves the color of someone else, it helps to pick something seemingly innocuous so that you can hold forth lecturing at length about the involved, intertwining conspiracy which has heretofore gone unheeded.
The problem the angry Christians have today is not lion baiting, or Auto-da-fé, or even ageism–it’s how they’re not appreciated enough. When the accusation of racist can be considered a hate crime, these guys have A LOT to say, cross-plaining to all that would lend an ear.
Mountain Jerry Boy lets loose with “Merry Christmas (Not Happy Holidays)” for your enlightenment. It’s twinkly country with a passive aggressive bent. So get over it.
A bit more Hawaiian, Chris Scott warbles about ‘all that was given’ in “Doesn’t Anybody Say Merry Christmas Anymore?” It’s all family values and Hallmark greetings. Almost no whiffs of resentment… just asking.