Mrs. Claus deserves more than a peck on the cheek. Santa’s old lady needs some action.
Eddie Florano lays down a disco rhythm for a tropical reinterpretation: “I Saw Daddy Kissing Mrs. Claus.” Dial it into your next dance party and see the fur fly.
Month: September 2019
Dependent Claus: some other guy’s first base
Mrs. Claus looks so lonely that one special night. Could just give her a kiss.
“A Kiss from Mrs. Claus” would be the best present. Alt from Hoggle’s Jewelry (Arbor Christmas: Vol. 1).
Lips’ll be locking with the jazzy pop stylings of Baggio with their “Mrs. Claus.” You got them singing. Your fault.
WSLY (feat. Hazen) has been a good boy and offers a sleigh ride for her–and let’s see where it takes us. A kiss? You don’t say! Breathy garage pop for “Hey Mrs. Claus.”
Dependent Claus: goin’ to town
Girls night means boys are busy. Mrs. Claus has the perfect opportunity.
“Shake It Mrs. Claus” disco bops Jesse Braswell. They’re dancing wall to wall, but who’s everyone lookin’ at?
Dependent Claus: straying friends
Poor ol’ Mrs. Santa, she’s left all alone for a day no one should be lonely. Can’t she have, like, a friend to carry her through the isolation–?
Placeholder Confidential offers that “Mrs. Claus, Oh My!” could use a friend. Cute pop garage in lieu of flowers.
Dependent Claus: interoffice dalliance
Santa’s not worried about leaving Mrs. Claus by her lonesome. I mean, who else is she going to stray unto? Look down!
Throwing Toasters delivers a smitten love story with some driving rock beat in their “Mrs. Claus.” It starts with drinkin’ hot chocolate from a decanter with one of the boys,,,,
Drive-By Truckers slop up a serving of swamp blues with “Mrs. Claus’s Kimono.” Just want a little elvish sex, to pay the old man back. What could go wrong?
Dependent Claus: needin’ somethin’ more
What’s a spurned woman to do? Mrs. Claus doesn’t get her jollies on the night that counts and that itch won’t go away.
“Mrs. Claus is Steppin’ Out” is that sultry country dance number you might expect given the subject. Tina Mitchell Wilkins goes whole hog with the woo-hoos.
More suggestive country, now with more sugary sweetness, from Jane Sheldon. “One for Mrs. Claus” is pretty pop about the modern-day lady who goes out drinking while her husband is working. You go Teri Hatcher, i mean girl.
Dependent Claus: underloved
Maybe he’s too involved with work, supervising, listing, keeping his weight up… i suppose Santa might be neglectful of the husbandly duties a vibrant helpmate like Mrs. Claus ought to expect. Is it bad enough to sing about?
Tony Thaxton (feat Allison Weiss and Sara Watkins) gets sloppy with bluegrass begging in “Mr. and Mrs. Claus, Christmas Eve.” Nagging does not become you, madam.
“Ode to Mrs. Claus’s Joy” from Gregg Cagno is a chatty folk rock feature about the seduction of the fat man. She’s under a blanket under the tree. PG-13. Yeah, there’s some Beethoven mixed in there.
Stockings and Christmas heels are the allure from “Mrs. Claus Laments (Stay Home with Me).” This torchy R+B jazz from Lynzie Kent gets a bit sweaty.
The Bobs bring it home with “Mrs. Claus Wants Some Lovin’.” Shaggy baggy R+B a cappella that’ll land her on the naughty list.
Dependent Claus: loved
Santa could keep his hearth and home happy with that frisky promise of bride and groom. I think that’s all a couple needs–i read that somewhere.
If the longest sentence in the English language is ‘I do,’ then maybe Santa’s stuck with Mrs. Claus and “Mrs. Claus is Ugly” according to Santa’s Angry Elves. Rude metal, but no significant swearing.
Now that the work’s done, “Let’s Have Some Fun, Mrs. Claus.” Morning delight with a gypsy waltzing lilt from Emma Wallace and Marie Bee. Well, gee, i had fun.
“Chasing Mrs. Claus ‘Round the North Pole” is just the party raunchy alt we need to visualize to feel better about the cuddly twosome. Thanks Lust Control. Now i can stop thinking about my parents’ wedding night.
Dependent Claus: final solution
Can Mrs. Claus really leave Santa? She’s too famous to get away. She’ll always be tarred with that epithet. Perhaps there’s another way to start over.
“Santa Claus is Dead” is a bit extreme, but the chuckley folk of Jeremy Secrest makes risible of what a dame who’s had enough is to do. Take it with a grain of mistletoe.
Dependent Claus: trial separation
It seems only yesterday true love was in the air for Mr. and Mrs. Claus. Now the bloom is off the rose, and not just in a comical way. Are those papers in her hand?
Superior retro rock’n’roll from Emmy the Great & Time Wheeler: “(Don’t Call Me) Mrs. Christmas.” It’s super slick bompdedomp, but she’s out the door—!
Island time! What better accompaniment to getting away from the North than steel drums as The Cabana Men conga line the betterment of “Mrs. Claus.” Sorry, i thought you needed a break from quality entertainment.
A note, a missing suitcase… “Mrs. Claus” is already gone according to James Leo Oliver, who might be overplaying the American rock guitar riffs. Bluesy, but so loud!