Month: June 2017

Drink N.B. Merry: nog4

A few of our eggnog noels have been upbeat. You may have noticed the dairy case chockablock with this product seasonally: people do like it.  So bring on the paeans!

Most uncontrollably excited about this beverage are The Elves. I’m not sure of the provenance of this piece, but my own mentor Pete the Elf slipped me a copy of this hyperactive high octave cacophony wherein Santa’s helpers dip into the fridge and… and… well, you’ll see:

The Hungry Food Band (is that you Matt Farley?) rides the fence about the popularity of this drink, until he finally lounge sings “Eggnog is Very Yummy.” I believe him.

Amoeba People have a strong defense for the poorly regarded seasonality of “The Complicated Saga of Egg Nog and Yule log.” It’s a Singalong with Mitch lesson for us all. If you can last, they do rock it all out.

Berni Hubbard shoulda been lumped in with our amateurs, but “Eggnog (Whilst I’m on the Bog) Song” is so cold, calculated, and dedicated to Dr. Who (!?), i have to showcase it with these other party poems. The bog here BTW is the toity (where she ‘has a poo’).

Also less than professional comes Ian Palmer and Tommy Keough with a benediction to the awesomeness of ‘nog is “Eggnog Song.” White boys rapping about the white boy sitch’. It’s way too long, thinks it’s way too funny, way too mismastered. But it’s from a place of love.

Box Lunch goes all out on a cable access show from way back with “Heavy Metal Eggnog Song.” Worrying about brushing your teeth afterwards, may not make these boys true iconoclasts, but i do wonder where they are today.

Drink N.B. Merry: nog3

Eggnog is such an inspiration, people of all talents find themselves compelled to compose complaints of compotation involving this tradition. So screw your courage to its sticking place and lean in closely….

The so-called Vid Meister presents a child’s Christmas in swallows with his “The Eggnog Song.” Slightly better that adorable, slightly worse than doggerel. But he does like the stuff.

At the family bacchanal, Garet Robinson debuts his attempt at minstrelsy with his “The Eggnog Song.” There’s a song in there somewhere, if his in-laws would keep up accompaniment. Also likes ‘nog.

Harley-Grace (and Dad beatboxing) celebrates with “The Eggnog Song.” It’s short, but includes outtakes. At least Dad is embarrassing.

Christy Davis has got some onstage pipes catapulting “Granny’s ‘Special’ Eggnog” into clear novelty blues greatness–but this cell phone capture is so horrible, i have to include her alcoholic glamorization in this dumping ground.

The First to Fall bang the garage loudly with their “The Eggnog Song.” Props for energy. Question marks for lyrics.

The ukulele girl who goes by theosankh has posted her own “The Eggnog Song,” for which she apologizes; through which she plods uncertainly, and in which she swears (but she’s adorkable enough [her youtube channel is ‘Let’s Get Cereal’] not to earn a family warning). This is a personal tribute so prepare yourself for raw feelings.

Weird Paul Petrosky (Al never copyrighted that epithet i guess) rolls all over his synthesized piano and never quite gets around to saying eggnog. But in “Try the Christmas Drink!” you know he’s insisting on our themed mixture as a holiday tradition that must not be passed up.

Drink N.B. Merry: nog2

‘Nog, like fruitcake, can be mere allusion to crappy Christmas property. Never had some? Who cares! It’s a quick reference to stupid adulthood–HA HA HA HA.

Sadly, some songs check the old eggnog box without any development. These can be fine Xmas tributes (ironic, sardonic, euphonic), but as salutes to sustenance–meh.

First Aid Kit chastises you nasty yulers with the garage rock manifesto “Do You Smell Eggnog?” Not so much about drink as about sin. Images of debauchery and sexual violence for the kiddies.

The Casual (featuring Ricky Armellino) tell an emo tale of Christmas miscommunication which hardly ever mentions “Eggnog.” It does BLUE ALERT defend LGBQT individuals angrily. And musically.

Julia Francis and Susan McIntyre perform a one-minute song in a one-minute song festival out of Seattle. “The Eggnog Song” is full of aphorism and attitude and touches on eggnog in a folk rock girl power aside.

Girl punk obscures just about everything in Electrocutes’ “Eggnog.” ‘Mnot sure if eggnog is sampled at all in this anger-chant. Pogo.

Caroline Schiff returns us to pretty prim poetry. Her “We’re Out of Eggnog” addresses bourgeois problems of this time of year, including i guess the ‘nog. Call me a sucker for mandolin tinkling, and a happy ending.

Many jazz noodlers have their own instrumental background music for the holidays entitled Eggnog for no particular reason, but Birmingham’s own, The Twang, have a nice number interrupted with the title (a la ‘Tequila’ or ‘Wipeout’) for a not ‘nog significant, but otherwise musically meritorious melody. Mm!

Me likee Richard Cummins singing coffeehouse morose about the holidays in “Egg Nog (The Norman Rockwell Mix).” It’s folk rock celebration with side eye.

Drink N.B. Merry: nog1

Start the party, it’s EGGNOG time!

It’s a drinking theme; it’s Xmas; it’s novelty songs here at parody palace… who did you think was going to happen?! Perhaps a pop song parody?

A bunch of college bros got together and flipped Kendrick Lamar’s ‘Swimming Pools (Drank)’ with their own “Christmas Pools (Nog)” which only shows to go ya that this dairy product is selective, seductive, and addictive. Down the hiphop hatch, batch-head.

Just as odd, BLUE ALERT, ‘Jin & Juice’ by the estimable Snoop Dogg gets a twist by Chad Carman with “Eggnog N’ Gifts.” And my mind on my presents, and my presents on my mind. FM morning show fertilizer, folks.

Eggnog is just another easy funny substitute, like the word pants in any Star Wars line. Some parodies, like Kelis’ ‘Milkshake’s moronic falsetto fake-out by NFFD productions “My Eggnog Brings All the Boys to the Ramp.” Don’t. Just don’t.

So, what’s it going to be, buttermilk? Well, try on some Gastronomical Unit! More college boys who really put the extras credit effort into novelty Christmas music throughout the ’90s. Today you may enroll in their Holiday Feast collections–worth it! If “Eggnog #5” doesn’t Lou Bega convince you (with a recipe), then savor homage to Depeche Mode: “Tainted Eggnog.” That’s pure parody power, pal.

Drink N.B. Merry: wassail

Now, hot mulled spiced apple cider may be promoted to the echelons of wassail and beget a centuries old Christmas tradition of begging from the rich (your parents) for your gifties.

The Waverly Consort by Michael Jaffee presents ye olde version of “The Gloucester Wassail:” a Christmas heritage of singing nicely nicely for refreshment. Blur grinds this out more menacingly as “The Wassailing Song.” Scary–pass out the cups, hurry.

“Apple Tree Wassail” also harmonizes as a threat, especially as by The Watersons. Is this what would’ve won Medieval Idol?

The “Here We Come a-Wassailing” one i’m more familiar gets a boss ‘billy beat by Under the Streelamp. We’ll include it for reference only.

Big Rock Creek Band have a slight parody called “The Waffle Song.” Apparently these Waffles are naughty children who deserve no treat.

The funny literalist Samuel Stokes clears up the whole mess for us with his “Here We Come A-Wassailing (The American Edition).” Get ready for Brit-bashing of a low caliber.

Drink N.B. Merry: cider

Not much lyricism over pressed old apples, hardly fermented by late December. We’ll settle over up with a bouncy, jazzy gospel piece from Carmela Estella Ross. Her “Apple Cider and Fruit Cake” is one of those token spreads to entice you to her hard driving sermon about Our Lord. You know like stale cookies and burnt coffee at AA meetings.

Drink N.B. Merry: tea

Turnabout is fair trade. Across the pond, some enjoy a cuppa with something more translucent brewing inside.

Joey Knock has a nasally epic “Christmas Cup of Tea.” He doesn’t know many chords, nor when to stop, but he is on about a good cause, innit? (When he’s not inventorying.)

Channeling an inner Alice, Dimie Cat plays antique nostalgic player piano with their distressed “Christmas Tea.” Put another nickel in!

Drink N.B. Merry: coffee

Surely a jacked up bloodstream keeps the carolers shopping ’til the night before… but it’s a shameful secret that gets little joy in the Christmas song playlist that WE NEED COFFEE this time of the year.

Jacksfilms of course comes to the millennial rescue with his minute of menu recitation “Christmas Starbucks Specials.” MMMMMM! But you may have to be age appropriate to laugh out loud.

A bona fide novelty Christmas song from Everyday Detour which harps on that old saw about Christmas Celebrated Too Early with the October offerings at the grind and brew: “Peppermint & a Whole Latte Christmas,” which at a minute and a half is a song as long as the title. Cuppa cheer!

Drink N.B. Merry: cocoa 2

Cocoa is such a tradition it’s shorthand allusively to aw dear skwooshy squishy emo. Alisha Merrick is a nice sing-maker, but first and foremost she’s a missus and a mommy. Get treacly romantic with her “Cocoa and Kisses.” Works for me: I’d make all my friends listen to it, if i were the guy (if i had friends).

“Hot Chocolate” gets some play from that ‘Polar Express’ movie. Everything about it horrifies me. A nice calypso turn from Janess Sifers  creates a “Hot Chocolate” that would better fit into a big biz show musical. Me, i’m more into edumusical pounding like you find in Brian Kinder’s “Hot Chocolate.” Earnest but questionable talent sells these maudlin values.

For the verisimilitude you’ve been yearning for, Tami Trisoliere blue grasses her “Cocoa Christmas” with a violin that feels like slippers, guitar like a fireplace, and a her own contralto like a fluffy plush robe. Ahhhhh.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nI0pl2ZKLZw

 

Drink N.B. Merry: cocoa 1

After months of gnoshing, got milk? water? iced tea? Jolt cola? Most beverages around the holidays are alcoholic. We’ll get to that. Let’s hold off as long as we can with other drinkables traditional enough to provoke singing.

Actually the whole milk thing gets old fast. Please dismiss “The Gilmer Dairy Farm Christmas Song” as just another mediocre attempt to cash in on ‘Jingle Bells.’  I was impressed, however, that it went more than one verse, and emphasized how good Santa was at ‘squeezin’ teats.’ Three years after that Farmer Gilmer returns hocking milk with “Have a Dairy, Merry Christmas!” He’s working social media, with scat, close ups of cud chewing, an good ol’ boy Alabama charm. (Watch out for the Peanuts scripture postscript.) There’s worse out there. Be satisfied that milk co-starred with cookies back in April on this blog and let it be.

Cocoa is a better topic for potable poetry. It’s what kids get when they’re good, it’s cold, and it’s not time for presents yet–shaddup and drink!

The Von Trapp Children (their descendants actually) sing “Hot Cup of Cocoa” pretty much like every chorale group in high school ever did. Bouncy fun to impress nonagenarians. (If that sounds snarky, refer to one of the many videos entertaining the retired troops at a nearby rest home overseen by The Holley Sisters. Is it just me?)

A bit more on fleek would be Canote and DeVore rap battling “The Hot Cocoa Song.” Okay, it’s not holiday-related.

Who cares! Warbling about warm chocolate in a cup is a propos of Xmas as sure as squawking about snow. Hannah Jackson (an X-Factor finalist!) and Amy Faris heat up the mugging with a jazzy “Hot Chocolate.” Ba-doop-ba-bee!