Month: March 2017

Jesus Christ! mother superior

A couple more mother issues before we pick up a new subscription:

Aime Mann tangentially touches on the feminine of God with her “Calling on Mary.” Seems to be more about the price of love in the time of mercantilism and happiness despite a heartless world to me… maybe i don’t get her.

You want to dance to proud Mary, plug in to Nina Hagen swirling up a sirocco of Middle Eastern music with “Mary Christmas.” What should sound sacrilegious, pounds terpsichorean. Get on your feet!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwShcD04cEs

Jesus Christ! afterbirth

Aerosmith’s 1989 works may not lend themselves to Christmas parodies, but then you don’t know ApologetiX. This Christian parody rock band from Pittsburgh has been storming the States for nearly 25 years. Dozens of cool bandmen have enriched their ranks over the years… and they adapt modern stuff too. (They’re ‘Weird’ Al approved!)

So check out “Mary’s Got a Son (Parody of ‘Janie’s Got a Gun).” Mother of God!

Jesus Christ! mama time

Mary gets good hallelujah this time of the year. Heck we include her name in seasons’ greetings (misspelled). It’s a chore to create the Creator.

The Advent gets some diva note manipulation with Francesca Battistelli in “Be Born in Me (Mary).” It takes about two minutes of warm up to get to the singing, but the virtuoso is foretold.

Amy Grant labor coaches the old girl with “Almost There.” It’s a lilting uplifting appreciation of motherhood.

Hal Leonard and Shawnee Press Church Choral church “Almost There” up a notch and make a village out of the delivery process. I see the crown!

Jesus Christ! stablemates

I’m not sure how long Mary was laid up with birthing biz. Did the wise men show up the next night? The next week?

Here Bah & the Humbugs (again!) feel the Google-Maps-less pain of the wandering sages with “Get Me to the Stable on Time.” That was a lot of desert after all. (And this is a lot of song.)

Jesus Christ! extras

Sometime after the birth of the Only-Begotten, some bros rolled by. We say three, cause it’s easier to keep track. Herod sent ’em, a star led ’em, they knelt and smelt and felt the presence.

Their imagery inspires the likes of James Blunt to internalize his relationship with his girlfriend. “Wisemen” is light rock with a tinge of psychedelia. You might not hum it yuletide as appropriate.

Jim Nabors lays into the mysticism with “Three Wise Men, Wise Men Three.” This 1967 solemnity somnambulates sonorously. Bobby Vinton, however, swings just a bit with his 1964 cut of the same. Enjoy.

Jesus Christ! gone nativity

One of the more amusing retellings of the nativity comes from Bah & the Humbugs. “The One Minute Manger” may clock in a couple seconds long, and it may play off the Blanchard and Johnson 1982 business etiquette phenomenon, but it caters to our 21st Century short attention span. And it kinda rocks.

Jesus Christ! the ‘rents

A newborn means new parents. Mary and Big Joe get some good screen time in the story of the Nativity, but few enough songs about them… just stable scenery for magi and drummers.

Tim McGraw has a gentle country ballad about “Mary and Joseph.” Don’t quote chapter and verse here, I think he takes some liberties (makes ’em sound kinda white if you ask me). Pretty song, though.

Jesus Christ! b-day songs

Can’t we celebrate Christmas like any other birthday?

Discordant and suburban-sounding, Bah & the Humbugs are waiting on “The Birthday Boy.” Hey, Craig’s dad is really good on the electric piano! Party on!

If we’re just talking “Happy Birthday” songs in general, do not miss The Arrogant Worms making their point (and the the Mickey Dutch video takes the cake).

Epic Happy Birthday Songs has a website where you can (purchase and) download thousands of songs for your-kid’s-name-here, including Jesus. (Competitor Happy Birthday Card competes with a 15-second  e-card that’s over before you care.) The cat version is not so epic. The dog-dinosaur-clown-explosion version is truly epic, and spot on features lambs.

Jesus Christ! cw birthday party

Many peoples in many languages offer up birthday thanks for this time of the year. Some odd translated versions haunt me. Nassiri keeps to twenty words or so to sing “Happy Birthday Jesus.” Lots of multicultural kids help. Rashid M. Khan has more cool, less English with his “Well Come Jesus” song, shades on, away in a mantra.

In our country Reba tells the kids to hush up while she narrates the True Meaning of Christmas. Fortunately she also sings about presents in time for the X-Man, offering “Happy Birthday Jesus (I’ll Open this One for You).” Somehow i see her waving around a Coors when she says that.

Jesus Christ! b-day greetings

Some songs simply tell JC to blow out the candles on his cake of forgiveness. I suppose God-as-Man has more to do than observe numbers on a calendar, but it gives us great elder wisdom to thank ourselves for not forgetting His special day.

Most pastorages stick some virtuosoistic kid in from of the oldsters and sing “Happy Birthday Jesus” until we can’t stop beaming and crying and feeling fulfilled. Whatevs.

Some try out the joke of singing the (previously) copyrighted ‘Happy Birthday’ song to Jesus: check out the tail end of “Wonderful Christmastime” by Barenaked Ladies. It’s not one you’ll put in your top 100 carols, i’d wager.

I prefer a good Beatles’ parody from the grand master mockumentarian Bob Rivers. “Jesus’ Birthday” rocks the flock. It’s a fine way to get the party started.