NIIC The singing Dog treats us to Kyle McCarthy’s “All I Want for Christmas is a Boy.” Wait, is that a girl singing? Pumpin’ pop bubblegum.
While we’ve opened that door give a norm welcome to Alaska Thunderfuck, Courtney Act, and Willam Belli trans-ing it up with “Dear Santa Bring Me a Man.” Diva devotees salute the power of the show stopping monster song.
Kira Isabella is definitely a girl who wants “A Country Boy for Christmas.” She’s got pretty long list of what he should look like, sound like, and what he should drive. Good thing she can sing.
The Dell Vetts may be boy crazy, because “I Want a Boy for Christmas” gets the full-on girl doo wop treatment. Serious love for music at least.
“I Want a Blowjob for Christmas” is off key and drunk. Devastating Just Cause wants your affirmation regardless. And anal, too.
!990s garage punk informs “I Want Sex for Christmas.” Furiously Stiff never quite released this sentiment on the world.
Well, let’s turnabout for fair play. “Anal for Christmas” by Killy the Kid allows her to give to him (It was on his wishlist!). Jazzy garage you can dance (limp?) to.
O Lonelyhearts, all you need is a touch of affection… or cheap anonymous sex. Women’s favors as gifts! The idea!!
Mr. Wompy car karaokes “I Want a Blow-Up Doll for Christmas.” He appears to be mocking the melody, but it’s all in fun ‘cuz that’s his sense o’ humor!
Robert Lund mashes up kid song with adult themes (tradition!) with Chelsi Stahr singing “I Want Some Plastic Surgery for Christmas” lip synced here by some tramp wanna be. Classy wig!
Virginia Kegel adds to the dignity deficit with her “I Want a Boob Job for Christmas.” It’s a show stopping top dropping number.
How much lower can we go? Trailer trash low! Scuzz Twittly has a cottage industry in down home humor. His pretend holiday album ad features “I Want a Hooker for Christmas.” You almost believe him.
Just pop country comes August Campbell with “I Want a Hooker for Christmas” full of tips and ideas for those hard-to-buy-fors.
The Refreshments are also unparticular when they claim “I Want a New Baby for Christmas.” Guess as long as it’s not the old baby…. Rollickin’ jerry lee piano, but not exactly rock.
Slightly more picky is Bigg Robb who claims “I Want a Big Woman for Christmas.” This is a bit dull-witted, and largely spoken word (not on my blog)… but Robb tries so hard. I mean, he doesn’t even swear. Ups, my man.
Higher standards are espoused by Jonas Brothers who individually rock out “All I Want for Christmas is the Girl of My Dreams.” They’re going to get her, too. If they weren’t so adorable, i’d call the cops.
The New Edition is very specific when they chant like ballad-bots “All I Want for Christmas is My Girl.” It’s cult-astir! (I suspect you shouldn’t give her to them, not with that weird theremin electronic bit.) Is “candy girl” code for something really wrong?
The Knickerbockers surf us back to the ’60s with “I Want a Girl for Christmas.” It sounds so harmless with harmony like that. Not like human trafficking at all.
The Larks got an old timey rock ‘n’roll croon-y feel with “All I Want for Christmas.” Boy band doo coppers! Poetical!
Pretty a cappella from The Bobs warmly round the hearth espouses the need so gently, gently. “All I Want for Christmas” is sappy done right. (It’a about the friendship, babe.)
Even more modern, the dB’s garage the beat with that old fashioned too-many rock stars folk-harmonizing kind of sound we remember from the ’90s. “You’re What I Want for Christmas” wants you to want to like them.
Give the girls a turn! Judi Silvano goes whiskey club jazz with those loooo-ooong held notes singing “I’d Like You for Christmas.” She maintains her notes so long, Chanukah gets in there, too. Raise the highballs for that xylophone solo! Julie London sexied it up way back when. But, gee, she sounds like a Playboy cartoon.
Boogie woogie style from Foghat (!) sets a whole ‘nother mood for “All I Want for christmas is You.” Highsteppin’ and finger waggin’ would not be out of the realm of possibility here.
Cowboybilly rock is all i can think to call the Fleshtones’ “You’re All I Want for Christmas.” I hear Elvis, Gene Autry, with a hint of Thunderbirds. How you gonna resist?
Caro Emerald and Brook Benton over-orchestrate their latin lovin’ with “You’re All I Want for Christmas.” It’s cute and consensual.
Blues informs Jimmy Liggins and His Drops of Joy’s list: you want that woman, you know you do. So low, when you don’t even want the turkey for Christmas, Jimmy. He just wants her loving’. “I Want My Baby for Christmas.” Might wanna top off that Scotch, first.
‘Smatter, that too harmonious for you? You want down and dirty blues? Back behind the Dumpster blues? Smokey Hogg knows how you feel. “I Want My Baby for Christmas” is not want he needs–it’s what he wants. Listen to that piano, you’ll feel it too.
The Dramatics switch it up to R+B. But “All I Want for Christmas is My Baby” smacks of begging. Sounding like your thirteen may not get you where you want, fellas.
Seductive like a velvet=wrapped parcel, studio jazz cool-man John Jay Martyn croak-croons “I Just Want My Baby for Christmas.” This is how you get that baby, kids.
Lots of nonstandard songs want to put you in the mood for c-food for the holidays. Hugging’ and a-kissin’ and crazy staring deep into the others’ eyes, yeah baby. That’s a celebrations. Don’t let me slow that down.
David Yang keeps it young with electronic dance hip hop. His “Christmas List” flirts with gimme gimme, then he scales it back, JK baby! It’s you, it’s love, it’s done!
Christmas Treasures don’t mince words: when they ask “What Will You Give Me for Christmas?” they have a short list. Love, of the elevator music variety (despite the Christ part there–i mean the song is asking what Christ wants for Christmas–whoa).
Love is honest, love is kind, love is hip hop… that is, when you rap love you better be sincere. Dogg Pound from Death Row Records is singing it straight in “I Wish.” (The wish, by the way, is for love. God’s love, mom’s love, y’all’s love.)
A lovely little soul number that has been getting terribly retreaded is “My Grown Up Christmas List.” This is about love for Xmas, and we’ll address all those songs that ask for that next up. But this sappy sweet song gets its own note from me, especially by Natalie Cole (and David Foster) ten years ago from videotape (with kanji translation).
While we’re being sweet, snuggle up for some calm country with MissyG Band and “My Handwritten Letter to Santa.” It wants you to wax nostalgic, but that bass beat keeps asking you to git up and dance to’t. Choose your point of view.
