Month: October 2016

Santa Jobs: criminal

Breaking and entering should not a hero make. Santa’s real occupation is working outside the law. How shall we charge thee?

Currently Disconnected run a mean unplugged spanish-style guitar riff over their warning “Coming Down Your Chimney.” Be careful because that interloper’s  white (i think).

Kingpin mastermind? Sky Does Minecraft has their cutie-pie parody “Santa Claus is Running this Town.” It’s a take off on the Springsteen version, but the vocals are not too shabby ‘tall.

Nice Peter has some pun with “Santa is a Gangsta.” This is the bleeped version, so lean in–it’s not bad. I presume a rapping bad-ass is the criminal type, not just tuff.

Ted Lyons (from the cool Xmas compilation Christmas Time Again) delivers unto us a desperado Deliverer of Toys in “The Only Law that Santa Claus Understood.” It’s retro rock club style with overly dramatic accents. Hah!

Santa Jobs: samurai

Is Santa a day-saver? Can he make things right? Well, he is a hero to many children… maybe he has a second calling fighting zombies and aliens (and i presume ninjas) as a samurai. Actually he is more of a bubba-san.

If that’s unclear please take a psychedelic trip along the corrido ballideering of Chuck Pickelsimer and his ode to “Samurai Santa.” If you can follow any of it, you may never be the same afterwards.

Santa Jobs: enforcer

Doesn’t Santa help keep the order of naughty and nice? Isn’t he really a cop, all–you know–undercover and stuff?

I’ve already featured a wonderful tune “Sheriff Santa from Montana.” Krista Detor deserves a second date.

Sadly, too many police departments enjoyed the short-loved Cop Rock TV show and hope today to enlist community support with tunes like Hampton Police Division’s “Jingle Bells (Holiday Safety Remix)” wherein Santa assists and abets the boys in blue.

Pushing the envelope a bit, i’ve got to stop and drop a needle on Martin Mull’s Santa-just-saying-no exploration “Santa Doesn’t Cop Out on Dope.” The Jolly Old Elf has something to say about rule-breakers, so i think you oughta listen up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yeAnk8-RTpQ

Santa Jobs: protestor

On the other hand, Santa has often been seen as resistant to the system.

Arlo Guthrie–many moons ago–interrupted his poignant melodic question of ‘why do these guys beat on us guys?’ to ask about the similarities between Papa Noel and the counter culture. Reminisce with “The Pause of Mr. Claus.”

Old twangy country from Linda Cassady asks “Is Santa Claus a Hippie?” out of childish insouciance. She would still love him though (even though the definitive answer is No).

Caleb Hawley modernizes his country to folk-blues-rock with his “Santa’s Just a Hippie with a Beard.” This may be a case of mistaken identity–it might just be some high drunk. Check out the jazzy scat on that scruffy singer.

The Bellamy Brothers followed up their ‘hit’ ‘Old Hippie’ with a sequel or two, one being a holiday recycling “Old Hippie Christmas.” This is more a state of mind which only mentions North Pole’s Fatso, but it’s a pleasant guitar-ination.

The cool song all the kids would have been listening back then would have been “Happy, Hairy, Hippie Santa Claus” by Rocki Lane and the Gross Group. This is a goof on the groove of the time, cashing in on counter culture like Laugh-In did.

The last word on the topic comes from America’s beloved hillbillies Homer and Jethro with the exact same syllogism: 1968’s “Santa Claus the Original Hippie.”

Santa Jobs: spy

He sees you when you’re– everything.

Santa seems to be at least a part-time spy, and i’ve got the intel to prove it.

Of course Ray Stevens blurted out this truth back in 1962: “Santa Claus is Watching You.” But that may have been a warning to a straying girlfriend.

Stephanie Riggio for Truthdig (a subsidiary of Anonymous) clues us in on what’s really going on with “Spying Claus.” But you probably already knew that.

Completely unmasking the Claus, the ACLU posts “The NSA is Coming to Town.” Santa is really a code name for the entire department. Listen quick before it’s redacted. Or click the link to these guys… i’m sure it’s safe.

I’d rather think of Santa as a cool secret agent who finds out what he needs to by doing his job. Call me an old romantic, but Rosie Flores knows what i’m talking about. She redefines “Secret Santa.”

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Santa Jobs: ruler

The Pever Pan Carolers (as the Peppermint Kandy Kids) have a scheme when posing “Santa Claus for President.” that is to get Christmas all year round. I guess the Pres has got nothing better to do than hand out stuff.

Sammy Kaye and orchestra seem more genuine in their vote for “Santa Claus for President.” I guess we’ll all still 365 toys, but it’s ’cause he loves us back.

Kenton McPeake has more of o grassroots folk take on “Santa Claus for President.” Here we have a political statement thumbing our nose at D.C.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRNO8krwh4g

 

Santa Jobs: back to earth

Being an alien is more avocation than occupation. And while rocketing the sky is a pretty cool job, let’s consider that great heroic calling of astronaut.

Let’s get past Tiny Tim, one of our pop culture astronauts. “Zoot Zoot Zoot Here Comes Santa in His New Space Suit” pretty much tells the whole song. It’s an oddity. It’s a novelty. Even i can’t find much to love in this mess.

Valentine Green sways into electric pop with “Space Station Santa” hitting all the right notes to make a funny novelty song. But he does it make it seem effortless, like he’s got one for any topic–just need a location… I’m hearing.. space station?

Austrilian cabaret singer Jeff Duff goes experimental with his warbling “Santa Claus is an Astronaut.” If you are reminded of Bowie, he has done his odd job. Jeff met him in Sydney and even performed a revue of his shows for years. [Consider his later mashup Ground Control to Frank Sinatra album, hoo hoo boy.]

But, if you want to get Major Bowie, let’s turn to the great parodist of our Xmas times: Joel Kopischke. “Ground Control to Santa Claus” delivers exactly what you would hope it would do. Strap in.

Santa Jobs: beyondish

If Santa is greater than man, maybe he’s extraterrestrial. He’s at least stratospheric with his sled.

Last Januuary i delved into outer space and already covered Bobby Helms’s “Captain Santa Claus and His Reindeer Space Patrol,” Pattie Marie Jay’s “Space Age Santa Claus,” and The Lennon Sister’s “Outer Space Santa.” Even better was Hot Buttered Elves’ “Alien Santa.”

But let’s also telescopically discover Jaymz Bee and His Royal Jelly Orchestra’s kiddie weird crooning with “Space Age Santa.” It’s retro rockets retro.

Bouncy folk pop blasts off of Youngest Daughter (harmonizing with mom) in her “Space Age Santa Claus.” Girl fun.

Elliptically relevant at best–but most listenable–are The Hollyberries (SURF CHRISTMAS MUSIC) with their “Santa’s Supersonic Rocket Sleigh,” Put the top down and crank this one up!

Or maybe stay in high orbit above Mead Elementary’s experimental glee chanting of their “Space Age Santa.” Ya gotta be a parent to love these kidlings.

Happy Jawbone Family Band marvels with their own brand of band noise what otherworldly powers ET Mr. Xmas might be privy to in “Martian Santa.”

Santa Jobs: super duper

Regardless of deification/defication, Santa does what no one else can. He’s super (thanks for asking).

Rod Stewart makes that case with his “Red Suited Superman.” It’s jazzy and middle of the road and oldsters everywhere will love the song.

Slightly more impressed with their own guitaring, The Fleshtones mention “Super Rock Santa” as just another way to name ol’ Kris.

Noodlin’ the poodle, Stephen Colbert reveals Santa’s secret identity with “Jingle Man and Christmas Boy” as they fight crime around the tai-state area. Funny, but don’t tell.

A real serial adventure of super Santa is a cappella brought to you by The Bobs (keep in mind all their accompaniment is vocalized). “Yuleman Vs. the Anti-Claus” is something i wish i’d written. It’s a bit musical theater-ish and brash, but ends on a cliffhanger… (tune in next year)!

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Santa Jobs: not-god complex

Well, if Santa’s NOT God, maybe his job is balancing the celestial scales by incorporating ultimate evil.

Aurelio Voltaire spells it out for you (just move one letter!) with “Santa Claus is Satan.” Despite some goth trappings, this smacks of children’s song. He’s having enthusiastic guitar fun.

Tony Martin similarly strums up the Santa myth (albeit with more production values) in his “Who Put the Devil in Santa?” This is ’80s pop turned on its ear, winding itself up louder and louder. A real showstopper. Testify!

Screaming and syncopating (barely) Toykillers lay down some club feedback with “The Devil May be Your Santa Claus.” Headbang on the chimney with care.

Those with a casual Christmas connection sometimes think of all of Santa’s multicultural helpers (Black Peter f’r instance) as Santas themselves. It’s NOT TRUE. But, to have some fun, let’s include The Bearded One’s head punisher Krampus in Rusty Cage’s “The Krampus Song.” It’s more folk fun, with a family style round of chords that should have all of you singing along.

Something Fierce lays down the garage rock for their rollicking “Satan Claus.” Now we know the truth. And we can dance to it.