July 2016 – Page 3 – Novelty Christmas Music

Christmas Every Day: September

At this point let’s give in to the “Every Day is Christmas” paradigm, begun by Reggae dancehall DJ Vybz Kartel. Stutter it like you love it!

Pretty country poet, Richie McDonald, balladeers his own harmony with “If Every Day could Be Christmas.” There’s almost no country left in this middle of the road anthem.

White people’s fantasy Kylie is next with her snuggly love sweaters and pretty looks privilege. The music is all about the video.

Turning that tableau on its wig is dragqueen Alaska Thunderfuck dragging every other holiday through her overdecorated front room to be compared to the love and family of Christmas. Love the song. Love the message. Love the messed up sock puppet, boy-elves, and gratuitously violent video.

Winning the UK pop version for danceability, singalongability, and general charisma is Wizzard. I could listen to this every other day.

But, yes, Virginia, there is a song about Christmas in September.

J Tyler Hagen sings under the nom de melody Sounds Like Harmony all alt rock unplugged as a hobby that’s paid off to small fame. “Christmas in September” is once again a love letter for the disenfranchised. What’s December? What’s the 25th? Why not be happy all the time?

Christmas Every Day: August (hot hot hot)

JJ Payne sweats us with her little girl pop “Summertime Christmas.” I’m not sure why.

New Zealand knows “Christmas in the Summertime;” it’s meteorological! The Funky Monkeys beat the message to death (for the kids!) with their fun, frolics, and big doggy.

Also Down Under, Stella Zigouras gets warm and sultry with her “Summertime Christmas.” Call your travel agency now!

Now, it’s summer all over the Southern Hemi, so please note that “In Summertime It’s Christmas (In Brazil).” Mostly ’cause Calico Crew’s Latin beat is so much muy caliente-er.

Some may consider this time of year time off from The Holidays, so let’s explore “Summertime Santa“‘s off duty activities with Jason Didner and The Jungle Gym Jam. Spoiler alert: Santa surfs.

Music hall (the vaudeville of UK) also wonders “Where Does Father Christmas Go in the Summertime?” somewhat updated by Peter M Adamson. The youtube notes add apologies for the old timey humor.

But we’re talking the Christmas Frame of Mind. What matter the dog days of hotness? I say, tear a page out of Lizanne Hennessy’s manual: This is Lizzard’s “Christmas in Summertime.” Celebrate now, celebrants! Do it.

Christmas Every Day: August (not)

Is the year-long carol search a fool’s errand? Christmas in the summertime?!

Bah & The Humbugs acknowledge that Christmas in July is a time honored measure of the furthest away you can get from the cool thing. But August?! Perhaps it is best explained in plain song: “Christmas in July (In August).”

The ridiculousness is forced when Gabe Bondoc sings his hit ‘Summertime’ with the words “Christmas Time” substituted. Not that funny. No one in the audience is laughing, anyway.

The unlikelihood is further explored as impossibly found love, in psychedelic motown no less, by The One with “Christmas in the Summertime.”

Even all the way back to the 1940s Joe Reichman and Orchestra remind us that “A Christmas Song in Summertime” is the oxymoron of the year. Impossible love, again. Could be Marion Shaw on vocals.

Christmas Every Day: July (2)

“Christmas in July” is such a potent figurative phrase, Dear Me turns it into a song about the tortured search for love. Garage groovy. (Christmas somehow never gets mentioned.)

T42 makes fantasyland sport with folk-pop-rock ’80s style sliding in and out of goth, dance floor, and coffee house poetry. Their “Christmas in July” is about the impossible dream of–whatever they’re dreaming about.

Rachel Giordano searches for her key with the amateur song “Christmas in July.” It’s about unattained love (not the Nativity), natch.

The Traveling Suitcase goes backwoods to alt rock “Christmas in July.” They’re feeling the insecurity of existentialism. I think. (Certainly not jolly. Or merry.)

BLUE ALERT – Enjay raps about the fight for his ego to fit in this pity-poor world with “Christmas in July.” (No holiday subjects were harmed in the making of this spew.)

CONTINUED BLUE – Not enough RAP?! Malaki Davinci drops a beat about drinkin’, smokin’, singin’ (not the holidays) in “Christmas in July.”

The Story So Far yells their “Christmas in July” for even more love hopeless love lorn losers. Yell along. The title appears in the lyrics. (But nothing about mistletoe, fruitcake, eggnog, nor peppermint.)

Bib hair country rockers Big Sister rip up some axe to tell you why life without you is like it’s “Christmas in July.” Wotta metaphor!

Slightly less angsty is country strummer Reagan Holyfield moaning over the awful holidays and wishing he had some “Christmas in July.” Cruises, in the Bahamas, soaking up sun on the beach…? Ok.

Brrr–musicians are so lost and alone! Let’s warm up with a little Islander tune from the great Jonathan Coulton (and John Roderick). “Christmas in July” here is about the summer relaxation we wish we could impart to the hectic winter blues. Mai Tais all around!

Christmas Every Day: July (1)

The prolific and poetic Sufjan Stevens delivers on the rhyme and reason of “Christmas in July.” Now you know.

The Artistic Differences sing (?) “Christmas in July” out of their basement without God’s blessing, but with a bellyful of cheer. Pretty creepy.

Perhaps just mixed up (drunk) are Toini & The Tomcats feeling “Christmas in July.” Fair rockabilly. Great howling.

R-rated fun somehow gets twisted up candy cane style when “It’s Christmas in July,” brought to you by Ouate de Phoque. Video contains a rockin’ collection of playful pinups AND Christmas in July ad-promotional art.

Island entertainer, Ray Fogg gets promotional as well with greasy lounge caroldy: “Christmas in July from Pun-in-Bay.” Har de har.

‘There’s No Law That Says We Can’t Sing Christmas Songs!’ avers Dave Love in “It’s Christmas in July.” Pop meets alt. Palt!

Breathy and heavily accented, Clara Oleg jazzes up “Christmas in July“–wait is some of that scat in Scandinavian? Pouty pop.

But my idea of fun is when the President orders “Christmas in July.” Hijinks ensue. And the fun polka/rock fusion band Brave Combo delivers toys, toys, toys.

Christmas Every Day: June

Let’s cheat some more.

Best mention of June for Christmas is from the April-May-June run “Christmas in April” by Butch Walker. Bradley Glen ‘Butch’ Walker was a bit of a somebody lead guitarist for metal and rock bands back in the ’90s and earlier. His gentle country-rock love song here is aw shucks sentimental and santarific. Love is Christmas no matter what month.

Christmas Every Day: May (in a way)

Most have forgotten Christmas by May in light of all those other, lesser holidays. Mothers’ Day.

But, ahh, the songs about Mommy Dearest for the holidays… that’s another libretto. And I don’t mean ‘Kissing’ or ‘Shoes’ (yeargh), i mean the love of a son of man for his Madonna. (Not actually Mary–we’ll probe those songs out later.)

Take Dave Cheatham singing about the mother he left at home while he sleeps and hopes homelessly for the one he left behind. “Happy Christmas Mother.” Folksy acoustic sentiment.

Also torn is Asha Banks. “Christmas at My Mum’s House” details the broken home problem of two Christmasses. Belting out hopeful endings doesn’t help her flashback four-year-old’s awful haircut.

Let’s go lighter in tone (and loafers). Louis Duarte dedicates his hiphop jazz in his “Another Mum Christmas Song.” His ADHD Look-at-Me! video with dress up and solo mosh pit dancing is every mother’s worry how her son might turn out.

James Higgins gets a bit more stage-show with his “Mom’s Xmas Song.” Mostly, i think he wants her to accept him just the way he is. Big ups for explaining how to celebrate in February, March, April, and June–often in his mother’s voice. It’s all for you, Mom!

Dan Crow saves the day (after my original posting) with “Christmas Day in May,” a rocking’ calendar mix-up with comical consequences for the kiddos. Surf’s (almost) up!

Christmas Every Day: April

Here’s why i started the search for nativity periodicity. Unavailable commercially, but downloadable (for free) Bah and the Humbugs may be the premier satiric Christmas rock band (so it says on their website). As such you ought to listen to the prolonged parable of “Christmas in April.” It will lift your spirits, then spin them about, perhaps crashing into furniture before ending up in a heap behind the potted ferns.

Christmas Every day: March (sort of)

March is the favorite time of year for grumbling about whether or not the neighbors will ever take down those Xmas lights. And March is a word in holiday-related songs like Nutcrackers and Toy Soldiers. But i got nothing that says the season of March AND Christmas together.

So let’s stretch a bit. Easter comes around March (sometimes) (there’s an equinox and there’s a full moon in there somewhere). Since both holidays involve ol’ JC, let’s see if there’s a song or two mixing them up.

Oh yes–recklessly scrambling children’s sensibilities in order to corner a song niche no one else has attempted, Nooshi the Balloon Dude pastes Easter subject lyrics onto traditional Christmas songs. The worst/most imaginative entries include “Out in the Front Yard” and “We Three Bunnies.” Sounds like someone got a rhythm machine and a prescription to quaaludes for Christmas.

Oh, let’s go one more time… The Mini Lalaloopsy Littles sing “Easter Don’t be Late” to the tune of that Alvin hit, but they don’t seem to love the humor of parody, or the candy-strewn Resurrection.

The inimitable Harvey Fierstein plays it broad as the mercantile Easter Bunny to Elmo and his reindeer friend in an elderly Sesame Street bit “Give Your Friend an Easter Egg for Christmas.” Elementary jazz hands, kids!

Christmas Every day: February

2/2 is officially Mid-Winter with the groundhog prognosticating what’s left of the horrible killing frost. But not so always. Christmas originally was Mid-Winter, ’cause of political calendrical churchy battles. You could look it up.

“In the Bleak Midwinter” is a traditional hymn about Christmas and it’s sung by many, many, many who have the pipes to back it up. I’ll just mention a Hampshire set of twins, Ward Thomas, partly because my wife loves young girl harmony, partly because their video here is all agenda-ed up with vetserans’ charities. Pretty but deadly.

Other Winter/Christmas songs of note: “The Winter Song” by Eisley from the Maybe This Christmas Too album. A trudging, mournful, soulful searching song.

Isaac Hayes also blues it up with “Winter Snow” from several Xmas compilations (mine is Christmas in Soulsville). I feel compelled to point these titles out because it is not sounding like Christmas.

Thee Olde World loans us classic carols like “Drive the Cold Winter Away” here brought to life by The Trail Band. (Album: Making Spirits Bright.) Seems totes apropos here for Feb.

But, to stay novel and titular, let’s get our coffeehouse beat on with Lou Reed. His “Xmas in February” of course is about how the spirit has left us this late in the year. It’s spoken word blues about loss from the Vietnam War. But the title really works for me, so there.