Granted, bugs are fairly complex critters on the taxonomical chart. But there’s not a cornucopia of Christmas songs about blobby floaty things in the sea (not even sponge Christmas carols about Bob) (nor worms!–someone get on that!).
On the other hand, there’s a buttload of holiday hymns for cephalopods. What’s up with that?
Some of these are nonsensical hoax-cult children’s addictions like “A Squiddle Christmas 5 Opening Song.” This could-a been TV series at the turn of the Millennium claims to have lost original copies and now only odd scraps show up on youtube. Was it ever real? Who cares?
Slightly more palatable (not) is The Singing Zoologist, trying to Bill Nye The Science Guy-up the joint, with “Merry Christmas Cephalopods (A Science Song for Octopuses, Squids, Cuttlefish, and Nautiluses).” Try not to learn something while celebrating, i dares ya.
Continuing the sad caroldy tradition of clumsy substitutions for traditionals, Pirate Stu sings (when not losing his place) “Jingle Piratopus” i guess about a pirate octopus. And Christmas. Arrr.
To cure your sense of childish glee, Face Full of Fist continues their Octopus saga with “Octopus. A Punk Christmas Nightmare.” Like all great OG punk, it tells a story. Actually for a song, it’s pretty talky.
If you’re finally ready to rock your suckers out, then tune in Jason Morris’s hip “Twangles, The Christmas Squid.” It rocks around the ock, it does. Tell your friends.