Well, the baby boom is well under way now, so let’s unleash the flood of terrible children’s Christmas tunes. Sure this holiday is all about the wee ones, and we sing about The Baby… but it’s also about the chart toppers. And i know everyone grew up with some strange song continually looped through those long childish nights of list making and being good which means something special to each without meaning squat to anyone else–isn’t that what Christmas really is all about?
Trying to recapture his surprise sensation from 1949 (you know, dasher and dancer and prancer ad nauseum?) Gene Autry records a reindeer math equation: “32 Feet and 8 Little Tails of White.” Hey, where’s Rudolph?
Also hoping that silly kids’ stuff will buy him a new home Tennessee Ernie Ford chimes in with “Rootin’ Tootin’ Santa Claus.” TEF’s earthy baritone services the Lord a mite better than that merry old elf. (What did you think of his last note? yikes.)
Rosemary Clooney adds to the Winter canon of slightly-scary mythical figures with “Suzy Snowflake.” It’s not really Christmas, but that’s when it got sold.
Centaur Productions begins their truly disturbing stop-motion Christmas cartoon business this year with “The Three Little Dwarves,” more of Santa’s helpers (which are so much more Disney than elves, donchaknow). If you didn’t live in Chicago you might not have seen this every year. If you did then you might enjoy the awesome parody by TV Funhouse, “Tingles, The Christmas Tension.”