Month: April 2016

Died. You’re Welcome: the stress (2)

Now there was a cool novelty ’60s downer by the Everly Brothers that i noted last Christmas Eve. Hate to repeat myself…

Technically i don’t if i mention the same song by Dawn McCarthy and Bonny “Prince” Billy; except they basically mimic it.

American Mars get damn folked with this tune as well, channeling Dylan. Still too close.

But Trucker Christmas featuring Dominik Plangger & Claudia Fenzl countrify this maudlin melody putting it to work for the lonely sixteen-wheelers everywhere on that special night. Ladies and generic men, “Christmas Eve Can Kill You.” Damn, boy.

Died. You’re Welcome: the stress (1)

Suicides and crime go up near the holidays because we don’t have a choice: we must worship, binge shop, and keep ship shape. Those who can’t keep up are labeled as Scroogey McGrinch Paganites.

The irreverent Seth McFarland reality checks us with one of his usual hilariously orchestrated musical numbers from Family Guy: “Christmas Time is Killing Us.”

Died. You’re Welcome: general goth

Goths just wanna have pun.

As an intro to the jokey macabre silliness, witness some of the least terrible of the album Tales from the Crypt: Have Yourself a Scary Little Christmas, wherein the Cryptkeeper (our favorite deadpan double entendrer) makes parodies of We Wish You a Merry Christmas and O Tannenbaum. It’s awful stuff, but keeping with our month’s motif.

The Addams Family up/down black/white whimsy of you-say-living I-say-dying is Jeff the Killer’s meat and potatoes (sorry: defeat and castratoes). I’m not sure if the matter here is slaughter, cannibalism, zombification, satanic death ritual, or just tortured rhymes… but he loves his holiday irony ohh so much!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UviXKm9Kcw

Died. You’re Welcome: murder (4)

American folk-singer and humorist, Loudon Snowden Wainwright III (that ‘Dead Skunk (In the Middle of the Road)’ guy) delivers on the 2nd Amendment and our God-given right to kill just like in the video games with a sweet Nat King Cole kinda tune. Remember, ammo means I Love You in Latin.

Died. You’re Welcome: murder (2) BLUE ALERT

Street cred means you’ve survived tough times: threats, beatings, shootings. Hip hop tries to keep the power of poverty alive by trivializing the violence with happy rhymes and careless profanity. And dressing like shit.

So, oops, oh yeah BLUE ALERT:

Insane Clown Posse and Twiztd (a duo sprung from the demise of House of Krazees) band together to explain rough and tumble East Side West Side shenanigans during the holidays with “Murder City Christmas.” Blood and stockings will be spilled.

Died. You’re Welcome: murder (1)

I know… you were hoping for some metal… some death metal…

Almost there (i’m a little old for headbanging regularly).

And I KNOW Weird Al Yankevic has a comedy classic “The Night That Santa Went Crazy” but despite the hints of elficide, it’s mostly about torture-killing the reindeer and we’ll deal with roadkill in another week or two.

So to start you out of the grisly world of grinchy life-taking (check out my Halloween week from last year as well), here’s cute little Londoner Silver Darter, singing about luring you to his cabin and relieving you of your burden of breathing for the holidays: “The Face of Death.”

Died. You’re Welcome: me and you

Missed you last Sunday. Y’know Easter. It’s all beginning middle and end for us Western Civvers because of JC. But we try not to directly link that little baby in the manger with suffocating and pierced on some dusty hillside. No foolin’ though: he died for you; be grateful.

Not so reverent are our pranking holiday songsters! Deep dark December is a time to reflect on mortality, which gets mixed up with rebirth and then you just gotta put it to music–maybe with a larf. So we’ll spend April on a few passing on bits for you all sugar plummed up–or whatever else you got out of your grassy basket–for our Christmas Every Day of the Year appreciations.

Our classic today is from Parker and Stone on their South Park Christmas album. How do i know it’s a classic? Well here is Dryante Zan, who seems to have learned English from TV, covering his beloved ironical special noel: “Dead Dead Dead.”