In the way of kiddies’ yule, Line Materials delivers their employee Christmas bonus for 1956: a special vinyl song concoction entitled “The Magic of Christmas.” Santa sounds drunk, the toys seem to come to life–not in a nice way, and all the singers here are so tired i feel guilty that i was ever a child.
Commercialization has created bigger and bigger shopping centers. In Edina, MN “Southdale for Christmas” tells us through radio air play jingle what a wonderful life you’ll have buying stuff. Ching a ling sing the mad men.
The Elvis craze has replaced the Eddie Fisher craze finally. So now we have Eddie Cochran & The Holly Twins with “I Want Elvis for Christmas” dueling with the more polished rockabilly version by Marlene Paul this year “I Wanna Spend Christmas with Elvis.” Which is creepier? Don’t be so millennial, dude! Fans don’t stalk in 1956!
But the descendent of vaudeville comedy oddness, the non sequitur nonsense television show, ripens to a rich vintage this year. On our side we have Erie Kovacs. But as he left us no great novelty Christmas tune, i will reach across the pond to Spike Milligan and The Goons. So, here it is, the Dadaism of the 1950s: “I’m Walking Backwards for Christmas.” Try to make sense of it and we will laugh at you.
Alienation means we just don’t belong–NONE OF YOU EVER LOVED ME!! Being an alien can be so sad. The Pocket Gods sing about the disenfranchised extra terrestrials in “Alien Xmas Song.” Soft rock emo hopeful wistful noise.
More rocking (alt/folk) are The Hot Buttered Elves, investigating what weird genealogy Santa must have with “Alien Santa.” Clap along!
Rednecks and aliens have always shared a special relationship. Watching the skies is like watchin’ out for revenuers. But getting abducted and probed is just some more family drama for inbred backwoods hillbillies. So give a minute to the foolishness of anote4u’s “Aliens Stole My Christmas Tree.” Hee hee haw.
The notions of alien life forms visiting has evolved drastically since Roswell and before. Today we scoff and joke. Danny Kastner, during some fund raising thing for his own project, devotes funny improv songs to benefactors. For Brick he noodles out the Twilight Zone intro and barfs out some words for his “Alien Christmas Song.” Ha ha.
Back in the ’50s, however, our Earth stood still as we watched the skies. Aliens were as worrisome as nuclear destruction.
Dickie Goodman with pal Bill Buchanan were some of the swinginest DJS of the ’50s, sampling lines of songs to answer serious intrerview questions. When they released “The Flying Saucer” with these bits they were sued. Later, exonerated, they released “The Creature (From a Science Fiction Movie)” and “Buchanan and Goodman on Trial.” Crazy Cats.
For our purposes, consider this 1957 view of scientifically fictive alien invasions “Santa and the Satellite” including the oh so important ‘Turn the record over’ transition for those not as familiar with 45s.
‘Tis the day to think about taking down the ornaments and calling the Boy Scouts to come get your tree. In other words, Christmas is officially over.
A New Day has begun. A New Year.
Now, much is made of turning over a new leaf on the calendar. Dieting, exercising, quitting, starting, asking… it’s all athreat today. Myself, i’m over it. No self-help from yours truly.
And some SING SERIOUSLY about this self-imposed life-changing mind-over-matter. Graham Coulton‘s is a lachrymous retrospective of the breakup he just had. Loser.
Jen Armstrong‘s is nothing new: good pipes, but the soulful siren song also laments him gone bye.
Camera Obscura‘s is more enticing vocals and emo loneliness. I can dance to this one, though. Talkin’ slooow dance….
Kevin ‘KRIA’ Allvarez‘s is Motown for kiddies with a rap interlude. It’s more hopeful and upbeat, but the electric keyboard gets old fast.
After the Curfew‘s alt-garage offering is navel-gazing future-sensing at first… then all about the breakup. It’s not her, it’s u.
Helen Reddy‘s version is so 1971 and tautological it says nothing about everything (but check out that flute solo).
Oddly, ’tis the time for proselytizing. With some fun stats and a killer clip from ‘V for Vendetta’ peacetv tries to stop your drunken shenanigans with “New Years Resolution Song 2009.” Spell it along with them!
What we’re looking for here in the novelty game is a sense of humor to cover the scent of Baby Time’s saggy diaper. So, try Rhett and Link’s “New Years Resolutions.” They’re no Flying Conchords, but they are filling that modern folk comedy rap vacuum.
Also listing non sequitors, Zoe Anne harmonizes with herself for “New Years Resolutions Fails Song.” Millennial miseries–meh! She’s adorkable, but she’s no Zoey Deschanel.
Another near-comic miss is Quiet Company’s nervous folkie “New Year’s Resolution.” Wait… are they serious?
Angry and nonsenical, Adam the Woo and Beth Vandal shout their way through “New Years Resolutions (The Song).” I’m glad they got it out of their systems.
For more of a serial killer deadpan with comic lyrics, try Nick Bunyan’s “Happy New Year Song.” He’s insulting. It’s funny.
Jack Danyells recounts his wish list with modulo and a helpful bouncing disco ball to follow the lyrics with “New Years Resolution Song.” But then he gets mean about idiot celebrities and loses his charm.
Supricky Quickie delivers a one-minute bit with “The New Year’s Song.” Nice twist, bro.
BLUE ALERT: The ladies know how to ironically change it up to. Vis a vis Coleen Wainwright with “The Boulder.” (Yes, it’s about New Years.)
Classic Comedy Gold would be the Dr. Demento fave: Scary Gary Allen’s “New Years Resolutions.” I’m imagining you’ve heard this, but let’s flash that past one mo’ time.
And, while i’m nostalgic for the past (happens this time of year), let’s go back to the ’40s for Spike Jones and His City Slickers. The cast o’ characters trot out their sfx and rude humor for their own resolutions with “Happy New Year.” heh heh …with a baseball bat! har!
Nothing to do today but wait… and cook, and last-minute shop, and make travel connections, and wrap, and pretend to relax, and—ARGH.
The countdown gets confusing with far away family and time zones and stuff. Marsha Bartanetti sings “Almost Christmas Eve.” It’s big budget cool, so veneer love.
Celine Dion has her own “Christmas Eve.” Harking and heralding and hollering about how fun the anticipation is, she tires a celebrator out.
Justin Bieber “Christmas Eve” autotunes his music almost to death. Supposedly about love, this is more rhythm than romance.
While we’re playing famous over odd, i kinda dig Dan Fogelberg’s “Same Old Lang Syne.” That guy’s a storyteller.
Tich sings “Love on Christmas Eve” reverentially and seriously. It’s love for God, dude. You ain’t gettin’ any tonight.
Nick Gardner warbles out “Christmas Eve” all poetic and pouty. He’s so sad– Girl why won’t you give him any? Those high notes hurt a boy.
Alex Goot (“I am Goot!”) sings his “Next Christmas Eve” prettily sad as well. Full of apologies. He don’t want your present, girl; he wants YOU. Are you seeing a theme?
Accepting his apology and promising next year for sure are The Ennis Sisters with “I’ll Be There Christmas Eve.” Gentle folk is much happier than pop this time of year.
Confusing me even further are the creepy CGI wishers and prayers in Acoustic Bloom’s “On Christmas Eve.” The night is for Santa AND Jesus after all (‘star crossed lovers time divides’). Is it me or is that messed up?
She leaves Ringo on “Christmas Eve,” so he’s lonely too.
The man Alison Everill is missin’ this night is The Man. “The Night Before Jesus was Born” is hymnal, sermon, and musical theater showstopper all-in-one.
Pat Donahue’s band from Prairie Home Companion knows how to razz the roof. “Christmas Eve Morn” plays the blues for that special time of year.
Hope you’re not too broken hearted for your chores. Christmas Steve sings about “Christmas Eve Shoppers.” It’s panic-time! But his masterful ukulele-style peaceful strumming helps my blood pressure.
Joel Kopischke may be the king of Christmas Parodies. “One Week (Until Xmas Eve)” also documents shopping and decorating concerns. It strips the concerns of gentlemen and ladies barenaked.
Almost as funny is the Reverend Kizzo Production of “Last Christmas Eve.” Obvious, huh?
The Clovers “The Magic of Christmas Eve” accepts and excels at the last minute magic. What would Santa do, dude?
My personal hipster hero, Jesus Presley cools out with his “It’s Christmas Eve”
If you’re not home yet Michael Martin Murphy will put a quick in your giddyup with “Ridin’ Home on Christmas Eve.”
The Yule Be Sorrys mock up ‘Midnight Clear’ with “They Came Upon a Christmas Eve” Those wonderful neighborhood carolers are worse than stay cats!
‘O Holy Night’ serves as the music for the dime store novelty Cinderella Christmas song “It’s Christmas Eve” You’ve heard this one, right?
Just as astonishing but this time legal, “Christmas Eve Dinner” comes from Disney’s stable of sound-alikes for Snow White and her gang. What a party for those observing Christians!
If you’re not sad enough, here’s Richard Bryant’s “Sad Christmas Eve” by Don Hecker. Getting drunk and singing country about it don’t mix.
This last-minute night to gather yourself can result in serious side-effects: weepy nostalgia and delusions of analogy, for example. The Oak Ridge Boys sing “Daddy’s Christmas Eve.” And, you know, God was a dad just like you.
Horrible VHS quality picture, matching sweaters, aerobics-style dancing, vapid lyrics, spaceship background, non-ironic shag haircuts–it’s the 1970s!! Although this is posted as “Worst Song of Christmas Eve” i guess it’s someone’s mod update of ‘Silent Night.’ We may never know who sang this–or why.
Not a fan of the Moore story “‘Twas the Night Before Christmas” and the parodies range from extraterrestrial to trailer trash–Bob Rivers parody of ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ NOT withstanding. But I am a fan of Stan Freberg. His 1955 cool daddio character piece is heightened by his costar. Great family comedy bit. And that’s what this night is for, my dear darlings.
Mary Mary, a gospel duo, has “California Christmas” to tell you with fingersnapping auto tune what you already know about family and love. Danceable.
Lori ‘Stand Up Lori’ Hernandez sings “The California Christmas Song” with her dad parodizing Disney tunes. They should win at least third prize at her school talent contest.
“California Christmas” by Brooke Fox is a valentine to her family. It does that pop music thing of starting out folk and intimate then surging into orchestrated orgasm to show you the heights of feeling. My ears are ringing.
Megan Coffey finally stops complaining about the warmish weather in CA and does something about it: the wish story “A White Christmas in California.” Adorably done.
“Snow in California” by Ariana Grande ups the professional quality while dropping most of the content. Not feeling the fruitcake.
“California Christmas” by Back in the Day purports to be a tribute to the ’70s. Apart from from poor recording quality, the only nostalgia i get here is bad poetry. The mismatched mumbled harmony, the wandering uncertain chords, the boy band emo–that’s so last decade.
Actual ’70s overly important musical madness comes from Brian Battles with his “Christmas in California.” Flocked with folk rock, decorated with proto-disco, this tune tinsels my tree.
Wayback yourself to the ‘Eighties and relive the overorchestrated Captain and Tennille with “Christmas in California” for a formally made-for-teevee oldies romp.
The Dan Band also has fun with their own beach rock (comedy) version “Christmas Time in California.” They fancy themselves the bad boy version of ‘Eighties cover bands i guess. Naughty list, Mr. C.
“California Xmas” by Marcella Detroit pairs pop with tuba and tubular bells in a way that makes me smile. the overexposed silhouettes and casual complaints about it being sunny task me, but more of this holiday hooting needs a uke beside it.
Tyler Weinrich warbles through the begging love tune “Christmas in California.” It’s high pitched, pretty, and too much. Give her some space, bitch.
“California Christmas” by Leah Felder has got a nice island twang. From the guitar, that is. Her ootsy-wootsy boopsie vocals are a bit creepsy.
Scott Strauss’s “California Christmas” bounces country against show tune wailing to underline how inappropriate the weather and culture is in CA. We get it.
“California Christmas” by Oh, Hush! candy-canes the overly electronic pop sounds of modern times. But the music video itself is a delightful smashup of cartoons, holiday specials, other music videos, and postcards. These boys are playing fast and loose with copyrights, baby jesus love ’em.
“California Christmas Sweater” by the Original Farquad Boys slam some alt-garage-style-rock to snark up the whole uncomfortable to be home for The Folks’ Holidays. Finally, Golden State irony.
John Peter Lewis sings “California Christmas” like he’s a Beach Boy in a retrospective. He can play the guitar, though. This is solid music.
Softer guitar folky-altrock somes from The Culprit Media Group with their “California Christmas.” That uke won’t quit.
C. Myles Young sings “Christmas in California” as a smokey lounge closer. His blase travelogue puts the blues on the Golden State.
Gram Rabbit’s “California Christmas” goes SouWest pop, but their Christian message is undercut by the undertones of sexual depravity.
The Living Sisters lay down a real California style: surreal folk, blowsy breathy harmony, woo woo backups… i love their “Christmas in California.”
Over popped (to Disney and beyond!) comes “Christmas in California” by the Cheetah Girls. I think i had an epileptic seizure.
Every English major’s first girlfriend, Brooke White, sings “California Christmas” like a sexy muppet cross-legged on unfortunate furniture. She wails her heart out through the poor recording and makes your spirit rise (a little).
‘Rice Boy’ Liu wants to keep it real with his West Coast Eastern Civ rap “California Christmas.” He’s playful and “corny as shit” but shines like a first grade hand made tree ornament.
White rapper Manafest also sings “California Christmas” with more anger and more melody.
More dangerously Andrew Angus batters a tiny piano with too much electric feedback and chants his mantra ‘California Christmas‘ until you wonder what else is on.
Sarah LaForge and Micky Lopez tinkle out a homegrown amateur hopeful “California Christmas” with the best posture i’ve ever seen. It’s sweet and hard to hear.
Who let the four-year-old out? “Jessica’s California Christmas Song” giggles and hollers and makes warm fun of ‘Jingle Bells.’ Looks like you can buy the album on itunes and support her bluesy musical fam.
Brad Peterson lalas his way through a soulful howling bluesrock version of “California Christmas.” Talented, yet i was left a little cold.
Let’s try piano! TJR’s “Christmas in California” is more upbeat and chipper. So kids’ song, right?
“California Winters” by Jonny Craig raise the maturity of blues rock to the depression of the season.
Bonnie McKee’s “California Winter” is so much more pop and perky I am depressed in a completely new way.
Overpopped and Barbied is Melissa Lyons singing “A California Christmas” as Barbie in the movie ‘A Barbie Christmas Carol.’ Your expectations will be met.
Pat Boone got all weird and ironic in 2011 and made an album full of comic riffs on Christmas (‘spretty good), which includes “A California Christmas Card.”
It’s mostly earnest and grandpapperly. You may have already heard his “Is It Really Christmas in L.A.?” If not, count your presents–you got lucky.
More regionally, “Christmas by the Bay” pits gravelly throated Tim Hockenberry against sax and ivories. He wins, and the mellow jazz seems to lead you gently by the hand to a made-for-TV-movie.
For a humorous “Christmas by the Bay” check out the stand up with a guitar, Corey Largent. Folk fun, if not funny.
Jamie Davis of The Count Basie Orchestra lays an ultra mellow deep bass salsa “Christmas Eve in San Francisco.” Is that the tryptophan or his voice….
Barry De Vorzon croons “Christmas Once Again in San Francisco,” an aw shucks homey country jingle. He also sings “Chistmas Once Again in Santa Barbara” (the original), and “Christmas Once Again in San Diego.” Yes, they are all the same (he’s also got “Christmas Once Again in Honolulu” because he’s a one-trick pony… i’m sorry but there it is).
Vic Damon owns “Christmas in San Francisco” though. His warbling warmth sells this Christmas corn. The younger verzh is by Russ Lorenzo.
For a little comic relief: “Christmas Sucks in San Francisco” by the Downer Party addresses the unfortunate hipsters who don’t know how happy merry joyous they are allowed to be.
Bosen & Suede deliver on a homemade no-room-at-the-inn lament “San Diego Christmas Song.” A coupla dudes migrate from the Midwest to SoCal and–guess what?–they’re sad at Xmas. Earnest.
While there give an elfy ear to “Christmas Eve in San Diego” by Neal Svalstad. The song owes an awful lot to ‘A Boy Named Sue,’ in melody as well as humor. Nice landmark/celebrity catalog.
Now, since we’re near the border, we should allow for non-English songs–so swing and sway to “Christmas in San Diego” by Janusz Supernak. Don’t worry, the lyrics are included (in the original Polish).
Back to The Big Orange: “LA Xmas (The Los Angeles Airport Christmas Song)” by Brad Stubbs stumbles through harmonica and tambourine folk protest about the very real problem of LA not being home. Dude, wish something off Santa’s lap and cheer the holly up.
BLUE ALERT: Hollywood Undead amuse themselves with suburban rap (more naughty obscenity than anger) in “Christmas in Hollywood.” This is a big internet hit, yo. (Nightcore do an auto tune chipmunk alternative.)
Rachel Reenstra plays with white privilege using more wit and talent in “Hollywood Christmas Song.” If you can wade through the self-congratulatory amateurism (Outtakes!), it’s a good song.
Jay Nash (with one of my faves, Sara Bareilles) moans out the usual shattered dreams/shattered ornaments noel with “Christmas in Los Angeles.” It’s unplugged and strong, but old hat.
Brian Irwin is a Canuck singing country in “Christmas in LA.” North Fish outta water plays well with his pretty vocals and clever rhymes.
I hate to reward the overworked 12 Days, but we are going for it… “12 Days of Christmas in L.A./The 405” by Kimberley Arland and Deborah Arnott is a bit funny (has outtakes), and uses shorthand, so ok.
BEFORE YOU BURN OUT WATCH THIS: Dawes pairs with The Killers for “Christmas in L.A.” an alt rock self examination (part and parcel of citizenship therein). The Owen Wilson (Harry Dean Stanton cameo) video (half cartoon) rocks. And the average sized and shaped poetry of the music is elevated by this Youtube vision. Liked it.
Since i’ve got a sweet soft spot for the ’70s, i must also recommend Vulfpeck’s “Christmas in L.A.” which pays homage to disco, moog, and other elctropop so blithely i’m in a good mood (for once). Can i just suggest Michael Jackson meets Frank Zappa and see what you think?
White boy snark tries to pass for hip hop with Notable Gentleman’s “Christmas in L.A.” They can bust a move, though.
Torching up the joint Olivia Rox swans through “Christmas in L.A.” vamping up the sand and sun. Girl’s got some range, but she’s just another talented cute blonde in the City of Fallen Angels.
Dead Sara earthenifies the blonde with “Snow in Los Angeles.” She, too, has the range of a Christmas tree, but uses it to sell the raw, slightly singed emotions. I like the Aimee Mann thing here.
BLUE ALERT: Goofing on the boy band modulated music mix, Ethan Newberry sings “I Hate Christmas in L.A.” Ha ha, now i hate myself, ha.
To cure my overinflated sense of cynical irony, i need a dose of Lawrence Welk and His Orchestra sashaying through “Christmas in Los Angeles.” Whew. makes me feel all dressed up and important.
I tried to keep it under 50 California Christmas songs, guys, i really did. I barely looked around. And i know there’s so many more. But i gotta settle on the song you should hear. No hesitation here. My sister takes me to see The Bobs every Christmas. They are a West Coast a cappella group what vocalizes all the instruments in their wacky interps of hit pop tunes and underserved oddities. Their “Christmas in L.A.” is not only hauntingly peaceful, but also childishly satirical of La-La Land. Merry
Josh Osborne has an original carol “Nebraska” on Christmas Across America. It’s a pretty country tune about rushing through the snow to get home to the love of his life. Croony longheld notes, not quite yodeling. Pop country MOR, but gets the job done.
And keep in mind, we are disqualifying Mulberry Lane’s “Christmas in Nebraska” because it’s a copy of “X in WI” and “X in IA.”
So for today i’m going to go wild via Curt Bright instead. With his brother Randy, Curt plays as the String Beans (available for children’s parties). In his video “Cornhusker Christmas” Curt riffs and japes all the local-entia with wacky stock sfx and basic hi jinx video editing. Try not to giggle ’til Xmas now. (And DO wait for the final line.)
Well, there’s more than one way to horrify Christmas. You know, like a skinned cat hung by the chimney with care.
Horror movies are desperate for new wrinkles (wait, I’m the ghost?) and love to bring down a good thing (youth hostels in faraway countries!), but most often horror Christmas slips and pratfalls into its own eggnog. (‘Silent Night, Bloody Night’ [1974]; ‘Silent Night, Deadly Night’ [1984]; ‘Silent Night, Zombie Night’ [2009].) (‘Krampus’ for 2015: are you going?)
The song business, also, has been trying to get us to drop a yule log in our pants–mostly with an eyeless wink and a jagged grin. “I Found the Brains of Santa Claus” by Jason and the Strap-Tones is a Dr. Demento classic. It’s silly and jolly.
MxPx punks up the place with “Christmas Night of the Zombies” on the must-have A Santa Cause compilation album. It’s over the top and blastastic.
These are Big Deals in the novelty Xmas game, so i gloss over them. Sometime we’ll get morbid and macabre for the Mass with true oddities (some deeply disturbed songs celebrate death over birth for the Advent. …people… am i right?).
For now let me share a grim, grisly, gruesome, gut-soaked jingle by Jon Lajoie a Canadian rapper known for his funny songs on Youtube. (If you like funny songs, you should subscribe.)
A state of musical heritage! Now we’ve got some choices! Okay mostly bluegrass…
Chuck Picklesimer is so cool. His rambling country elf routine never wears thin. Remember that bit about the cartoon show host who tells you dumb kids what’s really going on grownup style? (It’s abit older than time… not just Kentucky Fried Movie, you know like the overdone crusty old joke a la The Simpsons.) Chuck’s your guy. His “West Virginia Credit Card” will get its own entry later from me. It’s WV enough in tone and tenor, but it’s just not holidaisical enough.
The Weber Brothers whisper out the haunting “Christmas Time in West Virginia.” The percussive jingling and chiming, the high harmonies, it sounds like angels singing over a snow covered valley.
Brrr, we’ve got to spice up the mix; so we’re finally going cross-culturally to the Festival of Lights.
Scott Simons is another struggler. After he got credit for writing the music theme for his weatherman dad on local tv, he ran around the country minstrel-style finally starting TeamMate with his gay-ex. Maybe you saw him piano-ing on XFactor or America’s Got Talent. He champions rights for all, and he’s funny. Check out one of his favorite topics, growing up Jewish in the Very White West Virginia. I love the nostalgic canned audience responses paired with the intimate small-lounge vibe.
Jersey–hey, fuggedabowdit. Christmas sung here on the turnpike, Christmas sung there by the chemical plant fire, Sara Bareilles has got a funny Snookie tribute “Jersey Shore Xmas Song,” Less successful, but just as stereotypical is Lucy Clark’s “Jersey Bada Bing Christmas.” “The BadaBing Christmas Story” by some poster called WaltOnFire, however, is not to be missed.
On the sentimental homefront Billy Franks comes out all heartfelt and stuff with “Christmas in Jersey,” Smith and Burrows have a song the story of which is set around Christmastime: “This Ain’t New Jersey.”
But I’m gotsa go weird on youse.
There’s this funny Jewess name a Lauren Mayer. Getta load of this: Yale summa cum laude, cabaret awards from San Francisco, published kids’ musicals… This is why I share, so you’ll know about these fringe artists what survive when only you book ’em for your Elks Lodge Holiday Smoker. Her ovecooked showtune here is half Halloween, half Chanukah, half wish-to-be-played-on Dr. Demento in the ‘Sixties. But she’s in character and having a great time. So give it up for “The Fruitcake That Ate New Jersey.” (No Garden States were harmed in the playing of this ha-ha-holiday song.)
