Category: Caroldies (parodies of carols)

Gastronomical Unit returns in their not-so-bad “A Pirate’s 12 Days of Christmas.” It IS repetitive, but it is also indulgent fun and hints at wit.

“A Pirate Christmas” begins a move we shall see again, a medley of piraticized Xmas carols. Tom Smith swings around his clever wordplay like a dead cat, likely to smack you at some point.

Whilst on the high seas, keep an eye out for the skull’n’cross bones. Will those scurvy dogs feel the Xmas spirit? Mayhap not as many as regular sailors, yet a month’ll do.

Some swashbucklers commit to the concept and whole albums are aborned from their need to ope the coffers and share and share alike. Unpirately! says i. Still, The Bilge Pumps have an unholy admixture of sophomoric parodies of carols and other family fun, cleaved with casual rapine and murder. Uhh… A Pirate’s Christmas Wish combines spoken skit and nearly good music to their own end. Ye have been warned.

I can recommend “Pirate Yells” (‘Silver Bells’) for imagination and actual YE-ARGHS; “Carol of the Beers“(‘Carol of the Bells’) for performer energy and steel drums; and “More Rum, Gloria” (‘Gloria in Excelsis Deo’) for less explicit sexual assault and charming harmony. But, this thing is nearly three dozen offerings!

Regardless, “Johnny the Steampunk Pirate” (‘Rudolph’) stands out for novelty and morning drive DJ sound effects. Laser eyes!

Other types of boats can get up to holiday hiking as well.

All Together Now use “Christmas in the Ark” as an excuse to teach us holiday togetherness (no actual masses for Christ in the times of Noah, y’see). Righteous pop.

“What Ship is This?” is the Smash Tacklers butchering ‘Three ships’ to the tune of ‘Greensleeves.’ Answer: dunno.

MOR calypso from Alan Littlefield paints a white-people paradise in the form of “Christmas on a Yacht.” Service!

David Goody wants a rip off of ‘Die Hard.’ So he sings “Die Hard on a Boat.” To ‘Feliz Navidad’ he skewers the action movies of the ’80s he deems are mere shadows of the original. You know, the Christmas movie. [BTW, it’s ‘Under Siege’… or ‘Speed 2’.]

The Crusty Jugglers warns us (again) about finding “Santa’s Boots” under your loving one’s bed when you return from truck driving Christmas Eve on 55 from St. Louis. All that overtime driving was to save up and buy you that ring, but–

Professional parodists Balderdash & Humbug complain about the early playing of Xmas music in “The 55 Days of Christmas.” Many of your least favorites (incl. novelties) are lambasted for your booing pleasure. [Warning: it’s a ’12 Days’ spoof.]

Isn’t 85 warm enough for equatorial Xmas? “Santa’s Going South for Christmas” sings Sammy Hagar with appropriate American rock about leaving the freeze and going to Mexico where the temp is mid-eighties.

Joey + Rory get more country rock with “Let It Snow (Somewhere Else).” Somewhere in the islands, it’s more’n warm.

A form of reggae rap livens Social Club Misfits’ “Christmas in Florida.” How you gon drive in the snow Wait …it’s Florida girl it’s 85 degrees.

Arthur Ray gets all slo-mo with his rapping “Christmas in Houston.” Whole lot more descriptive, too: Carolers on Texas Ave sangin’ “White Christmas” 85 degrees, hoes is sweet tea sipping G’s in they slabs got they 4-4s tippin’ Grippin’ wood grain with the candy paint drippin’. Uh, Blue-ish Alert.

The Dan Band notes no snow ’cause it’s 85 degrees (when it drops down to 70 people think they’re gonna freeze). “Christmas Time in California” is like that. Ironic boy band silliness.

Whew, let’s cool it down with ADHD (Animation Domination High Definition). Heather Anne Campbell’s Scientifically Accurate series takes on “Santa Claus” with a whole pile of numbers (speed of Santa, size of craters where he lands), but ends with 85%–the measure of countries WITHOUT child labor laws (who make the toys, not the elves). To the tune of ‘Coming to Town’ get ready to be offended, grossed out, and (perhaps) educated.

To kids from 1 to 92 is the demographic for Nat King Cole (and everyone else)’s ‘The Christmas Song.’ Not going to rerun that. AND most parodies don’t include the numbers…

The ’60s Invasion alludes to this range in their “Come On People (Have a Merry Christmas).” Only the finest in rock parodies for y’all.

But “Deez Nuts Resting” is a spoken word jumble from The Total Chaos Effect that’s both gutsy and nasty BLUE ALERT. The women he’s willing to lay is from 18 to 92.

Then there’s homespun For Iven’s proselytizing “Chestnuts Roasting Parody,” which does a more decent joke-pull on this subject.

More than a few wild and wacky songs slip through the cracks and don’t appear on my blog b/c i just can’t find a copy of ’em not no wheres.

But when the entire special musical “A Very Jimdog Christmas” is available through Bug TV+, i will not fail to point out Peeboop Jimdog’s ‘Silent Night.’ After his special is snowed out, a depressed chipmunk-sounding Jimdog wants Doordash to bring him a cheeseburger to room 116. That’s the whole song. You can find it just after the ten minute mark in the video. Or take my word for it. Or watch the whole special. I double dare you.