Month: March 2019

From Usurped Christian Kingdoms (BLUE ALERT)

Foul language against the competition as well? Sam Hill right! Get on board the cursing cruise as we drive-by Kwanzaa and Hanukkah too!

Thugzy Bunnie cracks me up with his hippity hip hop smashing on all winter celebrations out at the mall, beginning with “Fuck Christmas.”

Cuntgod rattles off the standard list with “Fuck Hanukkah.” Clotted metal punk with a hint of klezmer. Get the guy a lozenge.

The Skivvies (in their underwear) practice “It’s F*cking Hanukkah” for us live. Whitey rap is so hilario.

Much more positive, but also only a draft, “Light the Fucking Candles” from Eva Moon & the Lunatics calls on the Chosen to get with it. Fun folk rock.

Foreign Utopias Credit Krishna (BLUE ALERT)

Far away places with strange sounding names celebrate Christ’s birth. Also piss all over it. But with panache.

Swansea Jack is a Welsh sod with a wicked sense of song as “Oh Mush Christmas” exhibits. You may need a translator.

The French love their revolutionary anti-socialism, but this band and this song is a metal mystery to me. Does “Fuck Christmas” use the F-word? Quel damage, mes amis?

Can Whatever21 be Franc with me? Their “Merry Fucking Christmas” is basic (if not classic) rock.

Slovenian Aljaž Vuk banjos up the fun with his “Christmas Song” which features Santanapping and profanity, thickly accented for your pleasure.

“Merry Fucking Christmas” is energized punk by DØMT. That’s foreign i figger. This is flipside to ‘Rudolph is a Drunk.’ but it has it’s own reprise.

Rockabilly makes all merry and bright. So Alabama Black Snakes (Danish dudes!) take the whole concept less seriously with “Merry Fucking Christmas.” Whoa whoa, there’s intermissions for dramatic content!

Those classy Scandinavians can do (US) country music better, rock’n’roll better, earworms better… what about iconclasm? Try Zanko’s industrial electro pop “Merry Fucking Christmas.” Fa, la la, la la, la, la, what a party.

Furious Utterings Can Kill (BLUE ALERT)

Open the hellsmouth and let the bile flow! It’s the best time of the year to be forgiving, so let us forgive unmitigated hatred… of Christmas!

From the film ‘Alien Sex Party’ The Pork Guys seem to try on their bad boy personae with “Fuck Christmas,” a warm up to paroxysm. Metalhead punk.

Actual punk is mushmouthed and breathless. Like MDC and “Merry Fucking Christmas.” Actual chords in here, however–and is that some polka influence?

Punk music likes to screw with you, so Immoral Discipline’s DJ sampling and extra warm up time may be excused. Once they get into their conniptions it’s all careful balance and near-enunciation. I can unnerstan’em. So i highlight it for you.

Faux Untrue Crafty Kidding (euphemism edition)

Let’s all take a breath from the naughtiness with some made-up words to stand in for the bad shit.

One of the most anime wallpapered youtube redoes is Frickin A’s “Merry Frickin’ Christmas.” Pop hating on the weird fam.

Bowling for Soup power rocks the rage in Bowderlized con mots with “Merry Flipping Christmas.” You KNOW what they mean. Haha points for self reference.

False Unconvincing Choral Kleptos (BLUE ALERT)

A moment for the mimetic. Can a parody survive scrutiny by dropping the F-bomb into serious song? Let’s find out.

Big deal songwriter (Katy Perry collaborator) Bonnie McKee does just this with “Have Yourself a Merry Fucking Christmas.” See if you can slip this into shared ipod rotation at work during the holidays.

Upbeat (near metal) parody “I %!S#ing Hate This Winter Wonderland” lip serves the original with some punk posturing.

More comically, John Ploskina kvetches “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Fuck This.” Less family whiney, more apocalypso, Justin Libigs of Relatively Haunted does this twist wicked.

“Who the Fuck is Emanuelle?” by Circus Pig! only reinterprets a classic hymn with industrial raspy rock. But, you gotta admit… that’s novel.

Festive Underage Children Karaoke (BLUE ALERT)

They grow up so fast, those Santa-believers! They’re drinking and smoking and SWEARING and still moon-eyed for the gifts.

Rap can appeal to the infant in the urban lost kid, so Gentleman’s Delight & IFHT (feat. Peter Chao) cry out with a child’s realization that the list isn’t the gift with “Fuck Christmas,” a melodic journey lashing out at handy targets (your mom!) and ending with a fan letter to you, girl.

Talay sings (i guess–pick a key!) “It’s Fucking Christmas” as if she were announcing ‘It’s really Christmas.’ Pop millennial anthem about love, life, and disappointment.

Finding Ultimate Christmas Kindness (BLUE ALERT)

Just a moment for positivity. Fuckin’ A.

Sex Bishops go modulated electronic pop (’70s Steven Hawking) for “It’s Christmas (Let’s Have a Jolly Good Time).” Unabashed programmed jollity.

Crudbump likes life. So “Fuck You If You Don’t Like Christmas” and so many of the other good things. More intolerantly tolerant pop. Holy God, reindeer dogs.

Funny Upper Colon Kink (BLUE ALERT)

Is it funny because it’s inappropriate, or is it inappropriate because it’s funny?

Eric Idle doesn’t exactly corner the market with the higher number of targets to swear at. But “Fuck Christmas” racks up one of the highest incidences of that sound. Symphonic social commentary. Andy Shernold has a more musical version of this, like it’s a real song.

With a soupcon more wit (and sounding like the Pythons a bit), Kevin Bloody Wilson countrifies an elf screed in “Ho Ho Fucking Ho.” A barn burner of a bit.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nk6qxpquLTU

Fornicatin’ Unsanitary Cocksucking Kajooblies (BLUE ALERT)

You wanted the real dirt?

Certainly Denis Leary should be revisited for his funny study in contrasts “Merry Fucking Christmas.” It’s like something for the kids! In the ’90s!

More angrily, Corey Taylor middle fingers all y’all with his “XM@$.” You’ve been abused with classic rock tinged with country folk, you fool. Dance!