Monthly Archives: February 2019

HATE Xmas.18

What else is there about Christmas that drives us crazy? What about this blog–or at least the songs?

We’ve covered Xmas songs before, but sweep in summore. (Well, one repeat: “I Hate Christmas Songs and I Hate Everyone” allows Touch My Rash to projectile punk.)

Todd Steed and the Christmas Suns go basement bar live with “I Hate Christmas (Songs)” to their friends and family. Your patience will be rewarded with witty country blues.

Jewish mom Lauren Mayer lectures us from a place of love with “I Hate Holiday Music.” She’ll scream. But first, a melodious show tune.

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Family makes everything complicated, from Oedipal issues to racist oldsters to genetic disorders. Is that enough to ruin the holidays?

Adolphe Adam wails some ‘grass country blues as “I Hate Christmas” away from home. See, in this case, Xmas means you miss the ones you love best when you can’t be there. Yeah, that’s heavy. Asleep at the Wheel honky tonks the hell out of it as well.

The real problem is diagrammed by Kristin Key with real lounge comedy in “Hate My Family at Christmas.” Some unasked-for banjo insists this is a redneck’s problem.

Sara Baker has a special reason when she belts out “(I Hate) Every Single Christmas.” The fam is all after her, like why no ring? why no kids? why no matchey matchey? Soaring country show tune.

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Everyone else is a jolly couple with some other freakin’ significant other at Christmas. So hate the world outta loneliness! See if that helps!

Matt and The Nobodies gently rock the notion with “Christmas Blows.” He is so alone and soulful.

Okanomodé dives deep into desolate despair with the hiphop pop of “Anti-Christmas Song.” Great backbeat. Horrible worldview.

You promised forever, but Meaghan Smith knows “Christmas is the Worst” without you. Soft light pop (lotsa melody, some hand clapping, little actual music).

More superpop from Photronique with “Getting Down on Christmas.” Mistletoe’s a trigger for the solitude! But this party bubbly froth surely foretells a hollow holiday hookup.

Classy UK pathos from The Fratellis in the form of “Lonesome Anti-Christmas Blues.” Not blues, of course, but pop. SO whiney you might never fall in love again.

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What’samatter, Johnny? Did she forget to love you through the holidays? Do you project your insecurity onto Christmas, hating all the month-long? Join me in song, you sad fool.

Angry Johnny and The Killbillies trombone up the joint with their redneck folk “On Christmas This Year.” He’s not just lonely and drinking, he’s loading up the shotgun and not knowing what he’s doing.

So much more upbeat, White Town pop rocks “Why I Hate Christmas” with a sad sack tale about the married women that got away. Duh-ewd

Slowin’ it down even more, Chris Stalcup & the Grange gets honky tonk country, calling out “I Hate Christmas” ‘cuz you left me (and lost my dog). He’s been crying into his beer so long he encores his song 2/3 of the way through.

Celtic folk punk rock from Lenny Lashley’s Gang of One chant up “Anti-Christmas.” Divorce!? Isn’t it the Jesus of the season to forgive? Or maybe cancel the whole thing….

Begging with his weeping guitar, Jay Brannon lets you know “Christmas Really Sucks” since you left.

Down to a single uke, Zeld Starfire sounds nearly cheerful blaming “I Hate Christmas” on how you left her (did you die?). Tap that toe into intolerance.

HATE Xmas.14 (mildly blue)

Much of the resentment over the whoop-de-doo made over wealth for Twelfth Night is due to the DIDN’T-GET-WHAT-I-WANT horror that shapes children into adults. Santa vanishes! Christmas collapses! Life loses its luster!

Electronic zippiness underlines the horror of not getting–you! “Christmas Sucks!” Better Promises echoes out all over the roadmap of rock.

“Chr!$Tm@$ $Ux” underlines the rock sentiment from queen Alaska Thunderfuck. Fortunately she learns her lesson, TV special style.

On the other side of the spectrum Tim Cavanagh bellyaches about all his disappointments one by one in his blusey “Worst Christmas Ever.” Keep listening. It gets worse.

Punkers Mary Magdalan get their BLUE ALERT rude-off with “Christmas Sucks.” Anger overdose explodes into head bangin’ music/kids’ specials clips.

Rocky Zharp goes full honky tonk blues with “I Hate Christmas” at least in part due to the emptiness of the stocking. This wails.

Perhaps the most surprising novelty i stumbled over was JERRY LEWIS in character complaining about the junk he opened in “I’ve Had a Very Merry Christmas.” In 1953, we call this a terribly odd little recording.

In perhaps the prettiest song of this pettiness parade, Christopher Coats folk pops “I Hate Christmas.” (Hate to give him a BLUE ALERT, it’s such gentle f-bombing.) Love this.

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Let’s narrow down some of the individual peeves what makes Christmas such an abomination. First: $$$.

The commercialism of the George Patience (??) 1986 MTV videotape music video belies the message in “I Hate Christmas.” It’s about the show! Terrible!

The freezing temperatures make poverty less and less joyous for noel-time. Cheetah Chrome dogpaddles through “Christmas Sucks” with some easy listening retro folk. Boo, capitalism.

Working class UK hiphoppery tackles this class warfare with E&D TV’s “Anti Christmas Song.” No wonder Robin Hood, innit?

Jimmy Witherspoon became a name in USO shows during WWII. His ’54 flipside to ‘Boogie Woogie Santa Claus’ is “How I Hate to See Christmas Come Around” (aka ‘Christmas Blues’). It’s calming blues, but it still wails about not having enough for the gal who deserves more.

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ADvocate! Xmas is a terrific platform from which to wave your own particular banner of beefs. Religion, politics, business, sex, crime… you’ve already got my attention with the green tree and the red suit, so soapbox me, baby, one more time.

Bunny Lido (Blue Alert) don’t like family, but really don’t like ‘consumerism,’ which comes off like vampirism in “Anti-Christmas Assault.” Class credit for beating on that folk guitar as a metaphor for the dead horse.

Rather than urban hiphop, Keith James is class conscious with R+B jazz in “This Christmas Sucks.” The protest is lite, but the poetry is powerful.

Preaching from the Children’s Television Workshop, Oscar the Grouch has already sung “I Hate Christmas” for us. Pondertone goes garage-ish with the same thing. Kids, listen up. Free yourself from the chains bells! (Beware: this song is over half way through the presentation, then ‘Stille Nacht’ haunts us with an air raid siren. Message much?)

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Okay, okay, sometimes the kvetching about Christmas is self indulgent whining. But isn’t the enjoyment of Christmas the same thing?

Les Issambres kidsongs up the punk with “Christmas Sucks Anyway, Everything’s Shit.” There may be a moral here, but who cares–da da deedee dah–dahdah.

Joss Stone hits way too many high notes with her “Anti-Christmas Carol.” It’s smooth jazz and swirls like a blizzard, but it’s message of hatred is a silly gimmick. Kidding!

John Hinton (aka Johnny Acecraft) of Spalien Acecraft gets Brit-pissy with his “Anti-Christmas Song.” It pops like a cracker. He cracks like a pauper.

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DIY your own Christmas wrath!

“Dan Zig Hates X-Mas” from Dan Lorenzo slows his metal roll for a steamroller ride over the presents. 1st gear to get our footing.

Zebrahead island-beats their “Deck the Halls (I Hate Christmas)” with punctuations of comic pop refs. ‘It’s not for everybody’ ain’t hatin’, so much as toleratin’.

Sorrowful Angels go full retro rock (so percussive!) with their “Anti Christmas.” This is a thing, gang, usually on the solstice, but hating everything our own Pro Christmas stands for. (More with Satanism, later.)

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Take a break from the antagonism! Let’s get amusing and witty with the ideas for this one post at least.

Impertinent parody of ‘Wonderland,’ “The Anti-Christmas Song” allows Greg Orosz to mock the ridiculousnss of that time of year. Clever.

5inco Minutas (‘from Brazil but singing in English sounds so much better’) call out the crap from their viewpoint in “I Hate Christmas.” Techno pop that’s fun to follow along.

I like what Dan O’Farrell does with his The Purge version of “Anti-Christmas Day.” This pretty slow pop piece is mad that Christmas makes us bastards 364, since we’re only called to task the one day. So why not vice the versa? Ha!