Category: spoken

All Brandt Paul Brandt paints a pedestrian picture [On the marquee sign at 5 and 9 The latest movie shows] the night “A Star is Born.” Fine fiddling in this country run-of-the-mill muddle.

Thomas Itty wishes us “Happy Holidays” for Christmas, Hanukkah [nine candles all told], Diwali, Kwanzaa, and even Festivus. It’s happy folk rock, so i’m good. In fact, excellent guitar work. Bravo.

“Christmas in the Tropics” seems blissful, but it can mess up your Santa-sense. Skye tells us with ukulele pop: I never seem to notice That fall passes by–Garlands and inflatables–Before November nine! She’ll figure it out.

See, from Canada you gots ta plan your travel: getting on those Dash 8s and DC 9s to be home for the holidays. Yeah, “They’ll Be on the Rock This Christmas” (Newfoundland, eh?)–but David Kai is staying in the factory and working overtime. So this is his sad pop song.

Gimson & dadbOdd have a message for you about your hypocrisy, ostentation, and condescension: they “Don’t Need That for Christmas.” Bopping BLUE ALERT rap that sees we’re Full of 9th step amends that I like to pretend we’re getting gifted. Judged!

Lauren Mayer’s “Nine Words” for a Jew to remember around Christmas are: They tried to kill us we survived, let’s eat! Revival music!

Celebrating the Something Awful production of their ninth compilation of truly strange Christmas songs, BSam intones Ho Ho Ho “It’s Christmas No. 9” for over ten minutes. (Expect psychedelic interruptions a la The Beatles.) You’re welcome.

How does a 9mm pistol get mixed up with the holidays? Welcome to the U S of A!

With ‘All I Want’ haunting us in the background, Kazekage borders on BLUE with the rap “Let It Snow.” This is Santakage with the nine, so pimpin’ and packin’.

Insane Clown Posse MANDATORY BLUE ALERT is mad at The Big Guy when they get nothing for Christmas. When they see him Leadin’ the parade I’m that sniper on the buildin’ Listen to my nine go click in “Santa’s a Fat Bitch.”

Nerfonator is in dire straits, unable to buy the daughter presents for Xmas. So, via rap, homicidal armed robbery ensues. But, caught and cornered: I just pick up the .9 Loading the clip one last time Point it to my mind with pride and–happy holiday endings! “Frostbite” is not everyone’s Xmas special. Leave it there.

“Sheriff Naomi vs El Bandito” (by the band ???) is a spoken word ode to a Wild West showdown (with wild recorder backdrop). On Christmas Day the bad guy threatens, Naomi, I gotta shoot you nine times. It doesn’t go as he’d hoped. (Cute as a school play, and i’m sorry i missed this for my 1883 entry.)

“Christmas in the Suburbs” is the spoken word poetry of Croyden Tourist Office which sniffly announces the end of civilization with the imagery of small town ostentatiousness. Time of death fifteen thirty-four. Otherwise, timeless.

“Great Moments in Redneck History #5” is spoken (drunk?) history to a lively background beat/twang. Hot Target may be makin’ stuff up, but i take the holiday magic seriously and this applies. A miracle, of sorts, is upon us.

Try Stone & The Ringers want something specific for Christmas: a D28 Modern from 1938. In other words, they’re saying, “Santa, Please Bring Me a Guitar.” Cool rock’n’roll noodling that asks for other instruments as well. I’d do it, Nick.

Fall in Green musically backs up a poem “One Hat” which prefers the UK Christmas dinner of ’38 to the one in ’45. The title makes hay of the single half of a turkey from the butcher due to rationing from the latter, so the singular turkey bootie on its only leg was a sad business, warn’t it?

“My Violent Daydream” by Swivel Stick is the morose letter to the loved one who ghosted on the date in question. Semi-metal with narrated interruptions. Angry whimsy.

Mad time traveling from Mike Viola’s unplugged beat rock “Snow Face” imagines When yesterday’s tomorrow it’s 1963, My mom’s Christmas shopping and there’s plenty of parking. A trippy clasp from the past.

When Bryan Dallas rockabillies “All I Want for Christmas is a Cadillac” it’s gotta be a ‘Sixty-three (or ’64). Skidoo.

The first “The Beatles’ Christmas Record (1963)” recounts their history a bit, but mixes wacky and tacky joyously. (Or would you rather indulge in the clever parody “1963 TV’s Kyle Fan Club Christmas Record” from TV’s Kyle? That’s why!)

Santa was delayed back in 1964, according to Dr. BLT in “Santa Got Stuck in Saskatchewan.” Poor fool, if only he’d followed this rockingly instructive tune, he’d not been so lost.

“Another Beatles’ Christmas Record (1964)” is largely a thank you for this (buying the book) a thank you for that (seeing the film) with only a tad wee bit o’ singing. Those airport receptions knocked us out, man! is a sample of the great words. Yet i dunno why Beatle peadles never caught on.