There may be a perfectly reasonable explanation why there’s no Christmas. Mayhap you’re Jewish. QED.
Its The Real unfortunately backbeats their rap “Christmas Missed Us” with McCartney’s ‘Wonderful’ to ream Santa’s anti-semitism.
An acceptable Mariah Carey parody from Momjo (Liat and Carolina) “You Don’t Get No Christmas” is fun and educational, too.
Whereas if you use Google you get ads; if you use Wikipedia to research you get whatever fabrication it amused the last contributer to append.
Worth repeating are Bill & Sam’s “Kwanzaa Song” just to teach you the evils of the computers and leisure time.
“Wikipedia Chanukah” samples Leonard Nimoy for Jonathan Coulton’s own comedic means to explain the history of this Jewish holiday. It adds his usual puckish electronica for full play. Not a song. But hella fun.
The Twentieth Century begins with tweaking and developing the great inventions of the last century. Hence we jump ahead a few years. Adding color to motion pictures begins in the 1910s, but Technicolor (as a trademark) takes another decade.
Tommy & The Greyhounds are actually emphasizing something culturally significant in “It’s a Technicolor Christmas When You’re Jewish.” See, the cinemas are more empty on the 25th of December and some (chosen) people get them all to themselves. Ragtime folk fun.
You can have a Hanukkah party, right? They don’t just sit shiva, they get out the candles and get lit, amiright?
First off, let’s allow for a non-offensive/generic “Holiday Party Song.” Eugenegenay gets abstruse with steel drum soul. And God gets a shout out, but which one?
Earle Monroe gets instructive with cooking rock in “Ultimate Holiday Party Song.” His inclusivity gets a little pointed, but it’s all in good שַׁעֲשׁוּעַ.
Welcome to the Millennium. In 2006 Bobby Henderson wrote a book satirizing religion (and perhaps science) as being a bunch of post hoc ergo propter hoc. In The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster our new theory that a pasta based entity created all allows that disproving is harder than proving (see ‘Russell’s teapot‘). This oddness became the new freak flag for hipsters to wave, since they liked the beer-drinking, pirate-talking, colander-wearing nonsense it promoted. Have you been touched by His noodly appendage?
Patrick Rebun and friends (The Oufs) gives us our best introduction “Flying Spaghetti Monster” with appropriate grunge.
This belief-system is wide ranging (shoutouts on South Park, Futurama, and a CNN segment), so it has many holidays–not just a 12/25 translation. (Which would be “Noodlemas.”)
But gospel inventions include “Amazing Taste” by the Pastafarian Gospel Choir invading the Arkansas Society of Freethinkers. Can i get a Ramen! [Herein is the reason for the religion: to insert itself among the established rites that waste the time of our culture–heck, i ‘member doing that with other younguns who touted Oy Danky Goo as belief in everything and nothing.] Also comes the so-called Spaghetti Monster hisself with a “Pastafarianism Hymn.” Devotion of the ocean!
Time for the ‘caroldies’: “O Noodly Night” from Dogeyed Welders is pretty and charitable. Funny.
Barlow has a labor of love: “Carol of the Bells (FSM version).” These adherents go all out for their anti-identity.
[Ed. note: the Invisible Pink Unicorn competes for this demographic, but currently has no cool holiday carols.]
Back to our regularly scheduled savior: Epiphany is a Christian feast day that celebrates the revelation of God incarnate as Jesus Christ, celebrated sometime after the New Year.
Christmas is that birthday moment, but the three wise men showed up later. And after that John the Baptist did his thing. So, the holy deal is a moment somewhere further along the calendar.
Let’s have a song!
Melissa McCrory gives it her all with the wandering gospel of “Epiphany Song.” It’s the thought that counts.
Martin Little’s amateur hymn “Epiphany Song” is just as off key. But sincere. That’s what matters.
Let’s call in the troops. The Epiphany of Our Lord Centenial Liturgy get down and Gregorian with their “Epiphany Song.” Now i get it.
Raising up to the rafters, Raymond Egan leads the congregation with his “Epiphany Hymn.” Soaring.
Plenty of Christmas albums tout ‘secular’ songs about snow, sled rides, family, and a certain carmine-clad gentleman. But a few songs go the extra mile to hale the day and scoff the deity. At least one day of celebrational tunes should embrace all that is not Christmas around this time of year. It’s a bit like NOT thinking about elephants, ergo difficult to be different than. But a coupla songs define that mathematical set.
Dave Jay taunts the separation of church and state with “A Very Merry Federal Secular Holiday.” This rocks, but it’s really about Christmas Christmas Christmas. Shame on your for considering it otherwise.
YNW Melly comes from another direction with “No Holidays.” This reggae funk rap allows that some of us are way too down to get Gee Dee Merry (Yeah, BLUE ALERT).
Privilege allows Singalong Songs to offer a PC non-offensive carol for kids. ‘It doesn’t matter’ should not be a refrain for happy day, but their “Christmas Holiday Song” is a great party dance number. (They do avoid the term Christmas in the song, don’t know why it’s in the title.)
I lovelovelove Dan Bull’s lovefest folk-rap “Secular Song in Celebration of the 25th of December.” He goes to some length to list for you everything that should be noted for 12/15 that’s not Christ. Get a pen.
The easy way out is to mock carols with word-substitutions. Whatever. The BBC radio series And Now in Colour had a culture-bound bit about “Christmas Carols for Atheists.” Anglophiles rejoice.
Howard Billington reinterps testament from the non-believers’ POV with the fun and catchy pop “Atheist Christmas Song (The Meaning of Christmas).”
Tom Tighe gets more folk serious playing Jesus just a man in “I am Not a Wandering Angel (An Atheist Christmas Carol).” Yikes, it’s not about God after all.
Necessary repeat: “Santa is an Atheist” is finger-popping jazz fun from Casey McKinnon. Weee!
“An Atheist’s Christmas” which gets play because of Taiwanese animation is a mixed bag of the broken toys who don’t have God in their lives. Dreadful clubpop rap thanks to Tomo News.
Vienna Teng’s gorgeous symphonic number “The Atheist’s Christmas Carol” is so holy mystical i could hear a church choir render this to uplift all souls. It’s not contrary, only using human as the measure of miracles.
I’m not in the habit of posting songs in Austrian, but “I’m an Atheist (A Christmas Song)” is a clever coming-out pop number dressed up in an admission to atheism. Strange days.
Second City has a “Carol for the Rest of Us” about how atheists fake it to get along. Wotta production.
Much more focused, “A Christmas Song for the Doubtful” from Anna Robinson admits ‘notthatthere’sanythingwrongwiththat,’ but nails the back-and-forth with strong folk.
Freedom Kerl gets the anti-spirit in his DIY rock song “An Atheist Christmas Song.” Let’s focus on the gifts!
Dan Margarita (cheers to that name) straddles folk with “An Atheist Christmas Song.” He allows for the jolly holiday, but whines about his minorityism. Punchy rapping fun.
Follow Robert Crenshaw’s mystical folk ’70s rock journey to his “Atheist Christmas.” He wasn’t born yesterday (in a manger), he’s working this one out for pure bliss.
We have some space here for the non-observances.
Although we have already included way too many songs for Black Friday (see 11/27/2015 post), i do recognize that riotous parade of stomp-yer-gramma as an actual holiday, separate but equal to Xmas. Let us then betake the shadowy rebellion ‘gainst that movement: Buy Nothing Day. From a goody-twoshoes blip out of Canada many years ago, this protest has grown to many (1st world, northernmost) nations. My favourite factoid was how no commercial television enterprise (save CNN) would allow advertisements for this lack-of-movement back in ’00.
Providing the global clout, French club music from Arseniq33 barks out your basic “Buy Nothing Song” for all your rage needs.
Nine Black Alps ups the garage quotient with value-added metal in their “Buy Nothing.” Caution: brands are named.
Chumbawamba merrily pokes at affluenza with their folky “Buy Nothing Day.” Four out of five anthems wish they had this much wit.
“Buy Nothing Day” from The Go! Team (feat. Bethany from Best Coast and The Girls At Dawn) is the usual upbeat yet scratchy Brit pop what sounds like it wuz done onna cheap. But it’s all for a good cause: anti-capitalism. (Which’s not an actual thing.)
Is there enough latitude in Paganism for wee nip of humor? Even for Midwinter celebration?
Secularitarians show a glimpse of levity in Dar Williams’s rollicking folk gathering “The Christians and the Pagans.” We CAN all just get along.
Laughing at (not with) Karina Skye misses the mark with her continual pagan updating of Xmas carols with “Jingle Spells.” She’s got faboo delivery, but the parcel’s empty.
The H.P. Lovecraft Historical Society also get up in your carolophobia with “We Wish You A Scary Solstice.” Cute kid choir/creepy Cthulhu tidings.
The Motern Media Holiday Singers (aka Matt Farley) hopes we celebrate this dark dark dark dark dark dark day with his “Winter Solstice Celebration Song.” An odd number.
The jolly old world folk boys of Emerald Rose keep tongue lightly in cheek for “Santa is Pagan Too.” Irish Hee Haw.
Seems like the world will end with all that darkness around Christmastime. Let’s party and romance and break some social mores. It’s our last chance before the sun sees us!
More a song about the magic of astronomy, Finley and Pagdon’s “Solstice Song” folks out a woman’s yearning. I sure like it, but i’m a sloppy romantic.
Flipping trad celebrations over, Private Eye Music wants no longer to wait for you with his “Winter Solstice Song.” Love song!
Just one kiss is all Steve Albers Southpaw asks in the drawling “Winter Solstice” song. Creepy.
I Love the sneaky way Pennyless interrupts a boring pagan chant with a lithe folk song about a stolen kiss at the “Winter Solstice Party.” Missed connection!
Pauline LeBel has some Hallelujah for her churchy hymnal “Song for the Winter Solstice.” Bipartisan!
Gary Storm offers a kidsong folk insistence for the party with “[Winter] Solstice Song.” Do your job, and learn, and stuff.
Skyforger seems to have recruited Popeye to growl out the metal hale “Night of the Winter Solstice.” Big party, but evil spirits by invitation only.
Once the fiddle catches fire, the solemn “Solstice Evergreen” raises the roof on our modern celebration of medieval past. Spiral Dance jigs up some fine alt-Celtic.
Jethro Tull’s “Ring out Solstice Bells” is such an all out party tune, imma dance ’til the New Year. It’s a heller.