Category Archives: world music

HATE Xmas.01

The holidays are the best, right? Well, not for everyone. Not every year. For any variety of rationalizations, sentiments run red to black concerning the merry and the jolly and the joy.

Some songs, then, for the angered, the frustrated, the hater.

A couple years into Youtube Premium’s pay channel original content the holiday movie ‘The Keys of Christmas’ revamped ‘Carol’ with big musical stars and a few musical numbers. “Christmas is a Bitch” is Rudy Mancuso’s Scrooge-type character complaining on a grand piano outside at night. Showtune.

REM backbeats some maundering mumblings for their “Christmas Griping.” How do you like them crabbles?

We can always count on Arrogant Worms to deliver absurd mixed messages musically. “Christmas Sucks!” is klezmer character assassination done right (although Grayson174 is a little heavy handed with the hilarious memes).

Sick of Christmas: viral hits

Surely the coughing and snotting this time of year must result in woe. Let us sing of the pain.

Bringing the hurt is Vincent Zarletti in one of those ‘worst Christmas song’ contests. “The Christmas Virus” seems to begin on the cookies, but rises to showtune heights.

Arrogant Worms take it easy on the suffering with some fast-paced blue grass: “Vincent the Christmas Virus.” I’ve caught the St. Vitus Dance!

Jeff Elva, well known in the calypso world as the Mighty Pelay, brings da riddim with “Christmas Virus.” It’s in the air, it’s everywhere. And dad be duh gud ting. It da midey feelun ub Kreesmus.

Don We Now: Santa suit

Let’s get to the meat and potatoes of Xmas couture: the red suit. You know. You know.

Plank Road Publishing (i think) brings us “The Man in the Bright Red Suit,” hyperactive kidsong.

Centennial Elementary in WA state relays the cute kid parody of ‘Run Around Sue’: “The Jolly Man in a Big Red Suit.” Teen despair over heartache begone!

Takes a minute, but the Peter Pan Singers (here redubbed Peppermint Kandy Kids) noodle through their orchestral “The Man in the Red Suit.” You know who they mean (not a doctor… not a cowboy…).

Time for parody? The ’60s Invasion send up ‘Devil in a Blue Dress’ with “Santa in a Red Suit.” Good golly, Miss Frosty.

Who was that red-suited man? ask the shaken survivors. Tyler Bernhardt wonders about”A Man in a Red Suit” with funky jazz pop. Our only clue is that he came in through the fireplace.

You’re too young to know about the “Fat Man in a Red Suit,” according to Tesse with lovely psychedelic garage mood.

Skaramanga are much more mysterious with their “Man with the Red Suit.” He’ll solve your probs. But–who is he?! Carib-beat-pop.

Take a Card: world music

Music from other countries have specific subgenre labels (and styles and significances), but i’m gonna lump ’em up here because i only got a couple and it’s acceptable as an American to do so.

Just across the pond is hardly far (or foreign), but “Our Irish Christmas Card” is so ethnocentric, you might need subtitles. Joe and Tammy Burns get into the Christmas card list, so the joke is how big those Catholic families are–hah hah, no contraception.

Filipino Christmas music is a big honking deal, so believe me when i say “Christmas Cards” by The Bukros Singers (in their own language) is honest, reverent, and celebratory.

Big fan of the frantic parang, although Malvern V. Gumbs’s “A Christmas Card” is a bit overdone with peppy brass backups. Comes off a bit disco.

As Seen on TV: Ed, Edd n Eddy

Naturalism is a form of theater that celebrates the bottom rung of humanity, illustrating and educating us to the indomitable human spirit despite adversity. Or makes us laugh at how stupid and ugly the poor are.

The suburban losers of this show at least have an Old World immigrant to think of as less than them. Rolf sings us the “Yeshmiyek Song” which, while not a reverse of Christmas, is a holiday favorite about food and hygiene from a mythical creature of a different land.

As Seen on TV: Gullah Gullah Island

The highest rated preschool show on Nickolodeon in the the ’90s was this critically acclaimed cultural heritage honorarium. Each show was full of songs, including the Xmas episode with Sea Island versions of classic carols.

But they did bless us with a short, sweet encore “Merry Christmas to Ya,” one of the few songs that allows it’s a show wishing an audience cheer.

As Seen on TV: The Monkees, The Partidge Family

I’m disallowing musical revue shows, of which the ’60s are replete. No Andy Williams, Dean Martin, or even Red Skelton. But some shows do feature the musical adventures of fictional folk, so they loophole in.

The Monkees only lasted a couple years (1966-1968) so not much Christmas music. One of their missteps was the 3/4 reunion song from a mid-‘seventies album, “Christmas is My Time of Year.” All of the pop, with none of the counterculture they were known for.

One novelty, however, is the 16th Century villancico, “Riu Chiu.” This Spanish song celebrated the kingfisher bird chasing the wolf away from the Virgin Mary right around nativity and had been popularized previously by The Kingston Trio. But these fake musicians shine here with their unaccompanied angelic harmony for this episode.

While The Brady Bunch has their own TV family Christmas album, it’s all traditional music, nothing the least novel.

The Partridge Family‘s Christmas album almost suffers the same fate, but includes one original: “My Christmas Card to You.” It features David Cassidy thinking of and singing to you (and family). Swoon.

As Seen on TV: Bonanza

This was the second longest running western on TV. But they blessed us with the best TV Western Christmas album of all, Christmas on the Ponderosa, a 1963 concept miracle.

Many will poke fun at big dumb ol’ Hoss Cartwright as when he sings “Deck the Halls” in a harrowing bass. But it’s in the spirit and all, so shut up.

The cast gathers for the second cult hit “Merry Christmas Neighbors.” Bourgeoise judginess.

The better stuff is the old fashioned songs that never caught on, like Pernell Roberts singing “The New Born King.”

And Michael Landon with “Oh Fir Tree Dear.”

There’s some foolin’ around as well with Landon’s “Santa Got Lost in Texas.”

But best is the short fun of Lorne Greene with “Santa Got Stuck in the Chimney.”

Presents of Mine: boxing day

Is the gift unseemly? Perhaps a nice box?

“A Box Full of Love for Christmas” by Kitty Terry whets our appetite for better music. Nice urban blues. But mushy.

Alan Hull misunderstands on purpose when he sings about “Cardboard Christmas Boxes” as homes for the homeless. See what you did with your British pop, there, making me engage my social consciousness? Hey!

The same conceit from Heywood Banks makes me smirk more. “Christmas Box” as tragicomedy!

Dan Groggin belittles his “Christmas Box” as being basically empty from the musical ‘Nuncrackers.’ Save your modesty, Dan.

KiWi ramps up the metal fun with “What’s in the Present Box?” good luck getting an answer in edgewise.

The Mikmaks give kidsong a good name with their rocking “What’s in the Box?” Now i wanna know.

Karling Abbeygate tries to creep us out with the suspensefully gothic “What’s in the Box.” Kooky pop.

Jerry Darlak ups the party quotient with “What’s in the Box? Polka.” It’s a mystery, and this guy wrapped it!

Watch out, i’m about to spring parang upon ye–you may find yourself powerless to still your feet. Charm B. celebrates “Christmas Box” with Caribbean craziness.

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Stand-in in a Stand

Poor resources! While nearly 30 million living trees fall for Xmas each year, in the past few years half that number artificial trees are bought. So let’s not forsake the fake.

This quandry is the subject of the ‘Tannenbaum’ take-off “O Christmas Tree, Reusable Christmas Tree” from Richard Holley. Lively, but with an agenda.

The dilemma is taken to violent levels in the grade school musical ‘Home for the Holidays’ by John Jacobson, Roger Emerson, Cristi Cary Miller, Emily Crocker, Mac Huff, and Tom Anderson. “The Christmas Tree Feud” features both sides in a kidsong sing off. They both win!

A word of warning, some assembly required. The Puffers oompah some old fashioned country rock for their “Christmas Tree Catastrophe.” So lowbrow, it’s fox-worthy. (Now, with the Lord.)

Flocking a tree is still a dead plant, but “We Will Flock You” from The Mistletones is so good, i had to repeat it here in the artificial section.

Quite alt, “Christmas Tree Menorah” is a music hall comedy (?) skit from Three Quarter Ale getting medieval on the tree. It features a long spoken set up, protracted groans, and a final Wonh!

Caribbean steel drums crowd into the lively “All I Want for Christmas is a Big Palm Tree” from Gene Mitchell. It’s so much better than the traditional, Gene follows up with the sequel “Coconut Palm for a Christmas Tree.” Double dipping in the inspiration pool, bra.

Likewise, Singin’ Steve is out on the islands with “Coconuts on My Christmas Tree.” Kidsong that worries about Santa finding the right tree. And Santa’s definitely black.

Apparently Texas has some forestry difficulties. So the McGuire Sisters (in 1956) proposed a party switch to “The Cactus Christmas Tree.” Sanders Family has a more tongue-in-cheek modern hillbilly take. Can’t tell which is more offensive, i likes ’em so much.

Spanish influenced, “Tumbleweed Christmas Tree” portrays a poor family’s second best. Red Steagall & The Boys in the Bunkhouse know and play real country (maybe not USA).

Po’ folk gots to improvise, i get that. But this Loretta Lynn clone “Green Felt Christmas Tree” is so spot on loving ’70s country that i’d pay good money to Ella May Kay. Wowza.

“Hibiscuses’ Christmas Tree” might refer to a business name, or a family name, but this goofy S.Pacific Islander love song is so alternative, i have to believe it’s not a standard Christmas tree. Aloha, Ukelele Santa!

“My Fake Plastic Christmas Tree” is all LJ Jones needs in his gentle folk rock apology. It’s bright enough.

Electronica from Glial Cell (is that a moog?!) extols their free “Plastic Christmas Tree.” Sounds already lit up.

A triumph in housecleaning and safety, Tommy Emanuel’s “Artificial Christmas Tree” is always pretty and really ever-green. Bossa nova club music with a seductive sales edge. Yes, you want that plastic thing now, don’t ya baby.