The clarion call of the church bells summon some of us to the stories of Advent, Nativity, and Epiphany. So gather ’round, true believers–at least when the alarms go off.

W.D. Hay commands “Ring Out the News, Oh Christmas Bells.” That only begins to say it all, in folk cadences. Then the rest of the stories.

Face Vocal Band gets the a cappella ringing with “I Hear the Bells.” These bells call you unto.

Jesus is the King! sings Evie Tornquist to get you home. “Come On Ring those Bells” is for family, for fun, and for God’s sake. Kristen Chenowith puts more sass into it.

The Leonard de Paur Chorus “Ring de Christmas Bells” to quieten you alls down for dis King of Kings info. This is 1956 joyousness, so–authentic calypso? racist patois? i dunno. Swingin’ i’d say.

The hypocrisy of you insufferable, self-involved, unloving bastards celebrating Christ’s day makes us want to question whether we should even bother.

Santhosh Chris sermonizes with his peppy pop in “If There’s No Christmas.” Just cut it out, okay? Or try the chipmunk version.

Young Haircut has a Bandcamp posting “Christmas is Cancelled,” an alt blues serving of mumble-grunge which grows to BLUE ALERT social consciousness. Dangerously rebellious ideas may be found herein.

“Christmas Cancelled” is also announced by Macka B with parang blame for you npn-Christians. Do it right or he’s taking his bell and going home.

Sometimes all we notice is what’s NOT there. It’s Christmas. There’s all the trimmin’s. But where the presents should be– well, not those.

Someone took a talented performance from Mr. Peter of a fine looking congregation somewhere and edited the bajeebers out of his “Nothing at All for Christmas” so that it becomes only a list of what you don’t get. No rhyme. No season. Just friendly gospel show tune.

I have no idea how to introduce or credit “Empty Box 4 Christmas.” This ‘Vince Coletta Project’ (wasn’t he a comic book artist?) stumble-raps a sad story about what this howler got (or didn’t) for Christmas.

De Postman jams a slasa carib with “Nothing for Me.” No questions nor angry accusations, only a big fat nada.

Does the fat man in the red suit forget? It’s his one job! How–?

‘Course Nat King Cole tugs at the overly orchestrated heart strings with “The Little Boy That Santa Claus Forgot” (grammar, dude). Jazz out of poverty, imagine that.

Beboop from Kidsongs isn’t all that bad. But the shameless begging in “Santa, Please Don’t Forget Me” might turn a ‘naughty’ into a ‘than guy’ (as in more this guy than that guy… you know what, nevermind; sometimes an English major does more harm than good at cobbling together jokes.)

Just as tragic, the music hall “Why Don’t Santa Claus Bring Something to Me?” from Billy Williams tries to un-Scrooge us all.

Amazing Amar carribs up the jingle with “Santa Claus You Forgot Us All.” Not so morose as it is merry.

Who’s not getting a present for Christmas? YOU’re not getting a present for Christmas! No you AREn’t! Such a BAD boy!

Slipping politics in where it’s not wanted, Tony Stills country pops the rock with “Donald Trump is Getting Nothing for Christmas.” It’s on message (and as old as 2015), so i’ll allow it.

Polkadot Cadaver also points the finger, and drops f-bombs (BLUE ALERT), with “You Don’t Deserve a Goddamn Thing for Christmas,” a fun folk fermentation that rises all the way to the top.

“Pong Ain’t Getting Naffin” is an I-message from Mr. Blood. But he’s all ’bout the 3rd person, so it still sounds testimonial. Or that’s just the riddim. He’s not sure why nothing’s his deal, though.

While we’re down in the bowels of mother earth, let’s tip a dulcimer to the men (and women) who loosen the anthracite from the veins of the planet.

AJ Lee delivers “Christmas in a Coal Mine” as a fretting little girl worried about her daddy coming home. Pretty, light folkcountry for such a terrifying topic.

A bit more Tom Waits-ish, Matt Miskie gets the gruffer POV when he makes his folk way to “Christmas at the Coal Mine.” Also sad, cuz people might die.

Adam Bolt’s “Coal for Christmas” is about the miner Daddy who brings home presents, but they’re all coal anyway, ‘cuz they’re poor. Folk but a bit more Celtic. And Daddy dies.

The Barra MacNeils thistle and stomp for “Miners’ First Noel” about the laborers who take a nearly-tragic moment to reflect on the season and celebrate. Party/prayer break!

Since Mexicans may have started this whole cowboy thing, let’s give a moment to the original cowboy observance of Christmas.

Daniel Schorr (with alternating Spanish and English) serenades us with “El Vaquero de Navidad.” I love the ho hos and the childish wonder. Welcome to the OK corrido.

Put3ska was a popular ska band in The Philippines in the ’90s. An eight-piece band that played ska with Tagalog and English lyrics, they took their name from the Tagalog slang for son of a bitch: putriska. “Birthday Holiday” is one of their hits and suggests that if it’s your birthday it already IS a holiday. So sing that to Jesus why don’t you?