Category Archives: rockabilly

Presents of Mine: the gift card, you lazy bastard

When you don’t know what they want, when you don’t have the time, when you don’t care–

Big bald whiteys Super Secret Project beg you not to get them crappy presents. To Pachelbel’s Canon in D minor SSP go all in with “Cash or a Gift Card.” Not that’s a carol.

Some live it and love it. Kyle’s Xmas is a show sponsored by Colorado Public Radio. This year he brags it’s gonna be a “Gift Card Christmas.” The reason for the season.

Black Jesus is sending you love telling you to “Open up the Gift Card.” BJ54321 means it from the bottom of the envelope.

Lil Poverty Angels return with the problem “Who Took My Christmas Gift Card?” BLUE ALERT Not playing. Rap.

Thao Nguyen (with Maria Bamford) gets really country over the dilemma of “The Gift Card Song.” The illogic of it all!

The Snake Oil Willie Band make a fun joke out of “Gift Card.” Bouncy rockabilly excuses.

Presents of Mine: shopping rhythms

Some folks take the long lists and crowded aisles in stride while Xmas shopping.

Garage pop from A Shaw Thing tries to lean in to the marathon with “Christmas Shopping.” Up beat and beat up.

Bluesy funk from J Randy Krauss makes family “Christmas Shopping” a sentimental lovefest. Too far?

Manic depressive from Ren and Stimpy. “We’re Going Shopping” covers the great and the groans of their expedition. Happy happy joy joy prevails.

More love/hate from Anarchic Worms with their electro pop “Shopping Gifts for Christmas.” It’s like a Stephen Hawking dance album.

Rockabilly sells it. “Christmas Shopping” by Angry Johnny and The Killbillies honky tonks the spirit within an inch of its life. Wouldn’t wanna be on their list, tho.

Parodies’ Paradise: 1979 “Crazy Little Thing Called Love”

British rock band Queen slipped into rockabilly on their 1980 album The Game… the single peaked at number two in the UK Singles Chart in 1979… became the group’s first number-one single on the Billboard Hot 100 in the US in 1980, remaining there for four consecutive weeks.

Joel Kopischke tries to make a list prioritizing his Xmas activities in “Crazy Little Christmas Time.” TV, ebay, family–you know the drill.

Parodies’ Paradise: 1956 “Hotebreak Hotel”

The first of Elvis’s hits topped Billboard‘s Top 100 chart for seven weeks… Cashbox‘s pop singles chart for six weeks… No. 1 on the Country and Western chart for seventeen weeks… reached No. 3 on the R&B chart… his first million-seller… reached the top 5 of Country and Western, pop, and Rhythm ‘n’ Blues charts simultaneously… eventually be certified double platinum by the Recording Industry Association of America… inducted into the Grammy Hall of Fame… in 2004 Rolling Stone magazine named it one of the ‘500 Greatest Songs of All Time’… also included in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame’s ‘500 Songs that Shaped Rock and Roll.’

Those chameleons of ApologetiX has transformed the lyrics but not the smooth soul for “Cut-Rate Hotel.” I think they mean manger.

Ghost of Christmas Pastiche: Elvis

Duh.

Granted most E-impersonators’d rather cover ‘Blue,’ a few have tried on the swivel hips for Xmas songs he never sung.

Steve King and Planetdance Elves attempt to raise the geriatric with “Mistletoe and Wine.” Not a standard yule number, but it smells like Vegas. A-huh.

Many other auteurs have brand new songs that swing and sway like rockabilly, which attracts a certain sneer, and well, Elvis just comes natch’ally. (Most of these have been categorized before; most of these bear repeats.)

Johnny Earle’s “Mistletoe Rock” does indeed rock. It sounds almost accidentally Elvis.

Dennis Kolb casually channels Mr. Graceland with “Christmas Stockin‘.” It’s a 6 on the e-meter.

Dave Rudolf conjures the Pelvis with “Fruitcakes for Christmas” with a sly arrogance. What’s that smell?

Shakin’ Stevens has a worthy heir to the Tupelo Tornado. though it share more genes with Ricky Nelson. “Rockin’ Little Christmas” deserves air time.

Kerr Donnelly Band really mush mouths it with “Rockin’ into Christmas.” Give them an audience with the King.

Professional impersonator Ryan Perry has delivered on our promise: an original Elvis Christmas song in his style to honor his legacy. It’s okay. “Merry Christmas, My Love.”

Under the Influence for the High Holidays

I’m not running low on alcoholic Xmas music, but i have an odd subcategory to share with you: drinking/drunk with Jesus. These songs hardly mention the holidays, but it’s thematic. And some of these rock.

Leave it to Jello Biafra and Mojo Nixon to get déclassé on “Are You Drinkin’ With Me Jesus?” Honky tonk rock with just the right levels of snark: can you walk on that much beer? Guffaw. The Gravel Spreaders pick and grin on this song, too. Still funny the second time.

Roy Payne takes a moment to scare the bejesus out of you with a quiet country “Drinking Beer with Jesus.” A sermon at the fount. (Cheap shot on Jerry Springer, though.)

Thomas Rhett drawls out his “Beer With Jesus” with a bit more ham-fisting preaching. This is deep country, boy. Got God?

Hopeless alcoholism might turn around with the miracle of Christmas. Mark Gostnell introduces us to his bottom of the barrel life in “Jesus Talks to Me When I’m Drunk.” Keep your sponsor’s number handy for when this growling folk piece winds up.

Here’s a rocker for you. Red Elvises rockabillicize some Latino for “Drinking with Jesus.” These Russkies command me to party. I must obey.

Three Sheets to the Wind for the High Holidays

Drinking and driving have been addressed in this blog heretofore, but Santa’s weaving through the sky is so seminal that we need another day’s worth of holiday hijinx to cover the sorry topic.

At least one ‘Grandma Got Run Over’ parody might slip in. Haven’t had one in a couple months. At least Kevin Binkley plays it deadpan in “Santa Got Pulled Over by the DOT.” He he.

Gallagher’s Twin tries ‘Jingle Bells’ as a musical basis for “Santa’s DUI (A Cautionary Tale).” Color me cautioned.

Alcoholics Unanimous rage rock “Santa Claus DWI” in a rather charming old fashioned lilt. Ha ha.

Word and Record usually deliver a fine bundle of comedy and “Santa Got Picked up for a DUI” is more fun. Tight bluegrass, a crisp yodeling range of harmony… ahhh.

Occasionally just anyone thinks they canister the novelty Christmas music game. Rigo Sebastiani works “Santa got a DUI” without much musical backup, or talent. But he sells his vision of funny. I buy it anyway.

At other times soft alt gets so weird that by the time I recover from my hypnotic state I’m not sure what I was listening to. Debt of Nature presents exhibit no. 1 with “Santa Claus is DUI (Full of Love).” I can’t stop listening, but what the fugue state?

Rocking and rolling Steve and The Jiggi Verandah Band lean into “Santa Went DUI.” It’s as cool as a monotone, but it is cool.

Johnnie Clutch & The Rumbleseats retro the whole deal with a frosty number entitled “Santa’s Too Drunk to Drive.” Elves and reindeers, prepare to be rocked. Wild. (The Hot Rods also do “Santa’s Too Drunk to Drive”  with a cutesy intro: ratchet it back, boys.)

Pickled for the High Holidays

Here be warnings of holiday hangovers.

Soul sisters The Thiams add some calliope to their RnB for a drowsy up and down trip back to the bar. It makes me dizzy, Mommy. “Christmas Hangover” is fun for all ages, but regretted by the adults after it’s over.

Muskrat Roberts gets is Richard Farnsworth on with his whining country mumble-mouthed “All I Got for Christmas was a Hangover.” A cautionary tale, to be sure. But he chuckles throughout.

Charles Attard assist Cheryl Camileri have a little skit to go with their bluesy rock lounge act in their front room. “Christmas Hangover” here is a sore point that fuels their Xmas bickering (‘It’s Rudolph, not Adolph!’). They’re cute, but they’re no Timbuk3 (despite trying). And yeah avoid that hangover thing.

A little rockabilly will tempt and taunt you. Book Club’s “Christmas Morning Hangover” at times overlaps tracks, grows discordant, and yells. But it ends on a sweet message while combining studio antics, antique home movies, and amateur animation in an adorable way. Fun fun fun when this hangover’s done.

Not All There for the High Holidays

More consequences for over-imbibing over the High Mass? Waking up and not knowing where you are… wait are there bars, the vertical iron-kind?

The well known tragic life leading up to this eye-opener is from The Pogues. “Fairytale of New York” might’ve originally been entitled ‘Christmas Eve in the Drunk Tank’ or sumpin like that.

The Traditionals ‘billy up their punk with a tale of woe in “In the Drunk Tank on Christmas.” I hope you woke up on your side with your dancing shoes on.

Merry Mistletoe: Kissmass, Harris, Earle

Well, let’s admit, the best thing about country western is the birth of rock and roll. Or their bastard stepchild rockabilly.

Mary Kissmass’s “Blue Mistletoe” has all the thrumming bass and wicked guitar changes you’d expect of the ‘billy. It’s cool beans.

Jeff Harris seems to translate modern music into rockabilly with fluency others (Brian Setzer) covet. “Stand Under the Mistletoe” is five by five, man alive.

Johnny Earle ain’t no thing but a chicken wing. His “Mistletoe Rock” ghosts Elvis, but captures a dance spirit you must give it up to.