It’s the bottom of the ninth, inns are full, here comes the star of Bethlehem… watchagonnadew? I recommend comfortable desert shoes.

The Waltons collab on a barely needed TV reunion to sing bunches of songs, including the tolerable folk pop “Follow That Star.” Apparently staying that course is all you need. Now you’re good.

Mariah Carey emboldens the cartoon movie ‘The Star’ with the title track, “The Star.” Unnecessary tremulo, belting out the ends of lines, whispery bridges… yeah, it’s her.

Countryside Church warbles out some thrashing rock guitar pop with “Follow That Star.” It’s neatly combed hair rock.

Sometimes a bell is not a bell, but more a… climax. Even at Xmas, fergawdsake.

“Jingle Those Bells” is Superion’s euphemistic take on S&M for the hollies and jollies. It’s worth the trip.

Fashionable Glasses has little use for all the holiday trappings, but YOU, baby, YOU matter. Especially when you got “Nothing But the Bells On.” Hard party pop, with just a twinge of ’80s rock. ‘M feelin’ it.

I remember an ancient comedy bit with Paul Reubens as Pee Wee Herman on David Letterman’s The Late Show. He shook a coffee can full or rocks (or summat) and chanted the acerbic host’s name again and again with every rattle. That constant noise brings madness. So with Santa having to listen to that gay get-out-of-the-way chiming of the bells from his sleigh all night.

Be Your Own Boss Entertainment irks out some rapping with “You Hear Them Bells Go.” Santa’s not so happy now.

The Soundtrack of Our Lives retros a blazing ’60 Invasion beat with “Jingle Hell (Stuck in a Chimney).” I’m not following the lyrics all that much, but i gotta share this monster mash.

If i say Jungle Bells you don’t say -wha? You say -oh, a Jingle Bells takeoff. How many musicians pursue this wordplay you ask?

The Superions conga out in “Christmas Conga (Jungle Bells)” about the Santa shenanigans you usually see in The National Enquirer. Not so much with the jingling, however.

Tubba3ply mash up the ska and the electronic for a mystical night of “Jungle Bells.” It’s downright pagan-tastic.

Succumbing to the primitivism of modern-madness, GattuZan also UK-punks up the pop a bit with another “Jungle Bells.” But there’s no escape from the fa-la-la refrain.

Full reggae mad, Skindred rocks out “Jungle Bells” with a master backbeat. YEAHH!!

South African Blues Broers have more literal claim to their “Jungle Bells,” a litany of the animals (not exactly) adapting to the holiday spirit. A little rockabilly, a little folk-pop. Just a little.

Vincent Cardinale just goes hokey folk with his kidding “Jungle Bells.” Plenty to grunt along with here. And a lesson.

Best up is the repeated entry “Jungle Bells (Dingo-Dongo-Day)” by Les Paul and Mary Ford. Catchy as malaria! Thanks, 1953!

The traditional carol ‘Jingle Bells’ is its own holiday. People celebrate the song by rocking and dancing and partying in their own denominational deviations after just a whiff of its wildness. Be advised, bells matter less than booty here.

“Jingle Dance” from Rembunction features choice shaking of body parts to an infectious parang riddim.

1961 is where you want your wayback machine to show your moves. That’s when Chuck Blevins lays down “Sleigh Bell Rock.” Straight from the fridge, dad. The modern rockabilly of Three Aces and a Joker also allow for the picking them up and putting them down.

1960 may be too far gone for this kid. “Xmas Bell Rock” from Barry and the Highlights doowops up a storm. But my pedal extremities ain’t shindiggin’.

Everything old is new again. Classic rock sounds from Dude York make a pogo out of “Jingle Bell Rock,” not the song you were expecting. But you can still cut a rug to it.

The only thing more depressing than being without money for Christmas, is having no one to spend it on. Way too much sentiment swings this way, so we’ll try to limit our mopey options to this NO CHRISTMAS cause and effect.

Wailing with soul, Gene-O sails his R+B schooner “No More Christmas” like a howling animal in amorous pain. Owie.

Brown and Garrett slather up some blues in the raw “Ain’t No Christmas Baby,” an electric dissertation in desperation.

Americana electronic rock from Dave Clarke & Noel Redding pouts out “No More Christmas” as a dismal dance of one-sided longing. Gives me the munchies.

Celebrating the brattiness, kids might beg for coal for Christmas. Reverse psychology or sociopathy–you decide!

“Coal in My Stocking” tops the bluegrass list of Williamson Branch. Children want to help their po’ miner Daddy. Kids sing the darnedest things.

Novelty pyjammaed gramma Beverly Smith kidsongs “I’m Getting Coal for Christmas.” In it she belabors the bad-boy antics that brought about this quid pro quo. A cry for help, or for the cops?

Driving the point home, Ed the Dread repeats “I Want Coal for Christmas” to a lick he learned on his new electric guitar. Rock and–well, just rock.