Category Archives: rock

Merry Criminals! homicide

Look at all these presents i got for Christmas, i made a killing!

Kunt and the Gang roast Mike for drunk driving and vehicular homicide for the holidays in “Killed a Kid at Christmas.” Hilarious (dark) British sketch musical.

The same thing done suitably depressingly blues rock (Tom Waits-ish) spirals down with Billionaires Club in “Happy Holidays from the Taggarts.” What coulda been dysfunctional-family-brutal takes its time to ballad out a horrifying manslaughter. I mean really upsetting. Guess that makes it an I-dare-you song. Don’t look away, or i’ll double dog ya. (I happens to love it.)

Revenge of the Egg People have a bone to pick with Father Christmas. “Seasons Greeting Felony” is a rock party tribute to taking the life you didn’t want to have around. Ouchies.

Merry Criminals! crooked Santa

The usual suspects around this time of year includes one slippery red-suited sneaky surveillor.

The Mafia Guys moan a minor key dirge “If Santa was a Criminal.” Pretty cynical… wait, i’m getting convinced of his nefarious ways! (Many crimes enumerated.)

In the BLUE ALERT “Santa Killa” Dark Half charges Mr. Klaus of burgling cookies, jaeger, weed, and the coin as well. That’s a rap.

Wendell Ferguson closes the case with “Santa’s Doing Time,” a gnarly blues recitation of injustice. A flimsy folk take on “Santa’s Doing Time for B and E” has Steven Pugh entertaining/horrifying the kids.

Nigel Cuff looks at Santa and sees two things: B & E. Rollicking rock with a tint of punk in “Santa Claus is a Criminal.”

Merry Criminals! domestic abuse

As tragic as this social illness is at this warmest of times, attention must be paid to violence in the home over the holidays. I mean shit.

Danny Peralta’s “Domestic Abuse on Christmas Eve” is an odd way of observing the betrayal of the hearth. This unplugged guitar jam is all excuses and insults as if POV the abuser. This mumbling prevarication neglects even the mention of Xmas, which may be the unkindest cut of all. Cold.

Merry Criminals! larceny

Envy rears its green eyes this time of year, so lock up your Daisy Springfield rifles! Domino-masked nogoodniks are a-commin’ for what you believe is yours.

The presents were stolen! in Scud FM’s “Christmas Crime.” Lounge blues highlighted with some disco electronica. But they even took the dog!

It was the “Selfish Elf” who stole it all! A bit of the old Bo Diddley from James Leo Oliver pointing blame hither and yon.

Psychedelic rap from Splish Splash and Youngicewater twist the real out of “Christmas Robbery.” BLUE ALERT, or is it?

Lyrical pop from Ages revives the ’90s enough to romanticize “Stealing the Season.” The miserable ones.

The Screaming Thieves light alt “A Christmas Story (A Robbery)” with smiling slight of hand. Dig the picking.

In a strange twist, Bah & The Humbugs bear witness to some punks “Stealing Nativity.” Simple vandalism you say? Lord no, the bastard.

Barry Thomas Goldberg & The Ironweeds shred the soft rock out of “Christmas Robbery.” Sweet thievery.

And a Party in a Pear Tree: next!

Christmas party season ends at some point. Now what?

For a fun addition, Jethro Tull weaves a newage rock tale about the “Last Man at the Party.” It’s a rollickin’ frolic about the wind down after all’s done.

For my money, the best holiday song is “New Year’s Steve” from Fortress of Attitude. Yeah, it’s not Christmas. But it’s on their Christmas album, and Steve’s party is rock awesome. My hero!

And a Party in a Pear Tree: ruined

Not every Xmas fling is worthy of song. Some are best forgotten. Or listened to, then pretended to not really be a thing.

Dr. BLT (feat Roxie) complains “You Crashed My Christmas Party” with such bluesy American rock verve that the ‘bitter pill’ seems yummy from way over here.

It’s a ‘bore’ bemoans Weezer of their rock “Christmas Celebration.” Wah.

The Walkmen pooh pooh the festivities of “Christmas Party” with Rolling Stones wah wah. They can’t stand it. ‘Cuz it’s over.

The Monkees can barely survive their pop/rock “Christmas Party.” One listen to it a year is enough.

Joy Riding is all ‘partied out’ in their “Christmas Hair.” Alt-pop that claims no more drinking, just wanna see your hair.

Unable to remember the party at all, Hunky Graham posts his amateur fun uke rocker “The Christmas Party Song.” No regrets, until he recalls it.

“Holiday Party (Cocaine Tonight)” from “Co-Op: Original Cast Recording,” peformed by Renée Elise Goldsberry and Alex Brightman is that drug trip nightmare in the middle of a party that… i think you now what i’m talking about. Whew.

La Pistolas get silly retro rock for a Monster Mash inspired “Creepy Christmas Party.” Eek, your secret Santa got you a coffin!

And a Party in a Pear Tree: Filipino, policemen, pirates, Ohio City

What kind of Christmas party is this?!

Melanie Anne Pademal may be a bit judgey when she pop raps “Filipino Christmas Party.” There’s required drinking, i think. Still, i had fun.

Five for Fighting bar scratch a fun-filled “Policemen’s Xmas Party” song which turns out is more showtune party rock than social criticism. Thanks!

The Wiggles play like ADHD children for “It’s a Christmas Party on the Goodship Feathersword.” Ghastly kidsong.

“The Ohio City Singers Christmas Bash” is a Stones-inspired soul rock sung by The Ohio City Singers. Daresay they know what they’re talking about.

And a Party in a Pear Tree: Kosher time

You can have a Hanukkah party, right? They don’t just sit shiva, they get out the candles and get lit, amiright?

First off, let’s allow for a non-offensive/generic “Holiday Party Song.” Eugenegenay gets abstruse with steel drum soul. And God gets a shout out, but which one?

Earle Monroe gets instructive with cooking rock in “Ultimate Holiday Party Song.” His inclusivity gets a little pointed, but it’s all in good שַׁעֲשׁוּעַ.

And a Party in a Pear Tree: the opposite of headbanging

Are you ready to party? ARE. YOU. READY! TO. PARTY!? Crank IT!

Just kidding.

Some parties are just so middle class, so slow-paced, so–so OLD that, well, it’s not like a party at all.

Snoresville from Mick J Clark. “It’s Christmas Party Time” has more musical guest chatter than it has pop melody, and i LIKE tubular bells.

Sam Scola has a headache-inducing bit of pop puffery with “The Christmas Party.” Give that tambourine a rest, man.

Hypnotically, Desk Jockeys trundle out a “Christmas Party (Dance Mix)” like an alt-cocktail lounge pop slow dance number. Line up by height!

Millennially ironic merriment from Chloe Rabideau and David Vukovich. But “Christmas Party Song” is so alt-low key that the back-patting wide-grinning love fest gives a round of applause to the line ‘Share the love.’

Just as quietly boisterous, Dr. Dog has a “Christmas Party” with ’60s psychedelic influences that oohs and ahhs with liquid serenity. It’s more lay the carpet than raise the roof.

And a Party in a Pear Tree: swingin’

How cool is your Christmas party? Are you hearing THESE sounds?

Frantic pop rap from Luke testifies “Christmas Time is Party Time.” Freakin’ about time we got our party music on.

‘Billy from Karling Abbeygate grinds the gears and whoops the wassail. “Christmas Party” is down and dirty fun.

“Christmas Party” can be about the dancing or the gifting… or the grooving. Brendan Hanlon & The Batmen lean into this ’60s rock smasher and make your hips swivel.