Christmas Countdown: 13 seriously

Tim Dinkins lisps out the spoken word country bummer “The Little Boy’s Letter to Santa Claus,” about a boy who don’t want toys–only his Daddy back, adding the date of his daddy’s demise: June 13. (Bet it was a Friday.) [Jimmie Selph’s 1947 version had the rumor of Daddy runnin’ off for younger fields.]

Kenny Rogers ties for awful times with “Kentucky Homemade Christmas.” Poverty reduces the reason for the season to just love. But that’s not enough when you got kids: Little Linda ain’t no baby. Hell she turns thirteen in April, She’s been dreamin’ about that dolly in the window for half her life; She’s old enough to realise that it ain’t never comin’–I’d damn near rob a bank to get that doll. Damn is right.

Counting the ages from 6 to 13, The Osmonds reveal “Christmas Means More Every Year.” Starts selfish, but gets to the true meaning. Elder-slow easy listening.

Watch for Rockets rocks their “13 Days of Xmas.” No lists of gifts, just loud ennui. Good stuff.

El Sancho also rocks, this time with more punk, as befits “Merry Christmas Joey Ramone.” This singer discovered that singer when 13. It took. Homage, homie.

Christmas Countdown: 25 [boo]

Kupid the King and Ayy rap out a sly countdown from 24 to 1. But, as the freestyle is entitled “25 Days of Litmas” and gets less and less merry and more and more dispirited, we have to celebrate to achieve equanimity. Joy?

The Silent Box warn that you cannot hide from December 25 since “There’s No Day Like Christmas.” This carnival ride of industrial pop celebrates on the outside, cringes on the inside.

Christmas ain’t for 25 more days (guess it depends on when you hear it) refrains Danzr about the neighbors putting up the “Christmas Tree” too early. Rollicking–and a bit retro–Britpop. Fugue!

File Thirteen sings more outtake (who wrote this??) than lyric in the ironic, sneering, rocking “It’s Christmas.” Things may not be merry or bright, A little bit of gingerbread and it’s alright… (except for Karen).

December 25th is literally the world’s worst date claims Sense Offense in a BLUE ALERT poppy rap number “I Hate Xmas.” Australian and upbeat, this hates so juvenilely good.

Worse? Body parts and human consumption mar the distorted rap of KidCrusher’s “The Naughty List.” Where the fuckin’ weed at?!

My spirits start to sink every year When December 25th draws near ‘cuz, as The Reducers redesign, they get “Nothing for Christmas.” This Brit punk howler is not your grandad’s novelty. Well, maybe your dad’s.

Andy Cold paints an anthropological portrait o’ poverty in “Scary Christmas,” a rap tragedy of rice and chicken.

December 25th is a cruel mistress, instructs the rap of Chilly Gonzalez. “Christmas Business” is that party pooping poison about how Christmas makes you broke and sad and exhausted. Grinchify us, Chllly!

Driving pop from 9teez wails: Grandma bought me a pyjama; I said to her “hey old lady don’t you know I’m 25 ?” (Pink? You’re kidding me?)! “Merry Fistmas” wishes you a crappy New Year.

Punkrock spells it out: “Xmas Has been X’d.”December 25th has been blacklisted Since Dawkins found the proof Jesus never existed. Can you imagine no religion? No? NOFX will explain its loss from stem to stern.

Christmas Countdown: 49 BLUE ALERT

The Wish You Weres are a punk band from deep in the heart of Kentucky. Their extensive “Wishlist” features each band member asking for their specifics: a toaster, a turtle , an Easter Basket full of dead chihuahuas… but that’s not the worst. What they got YOU (it’s under the bed) is the worst. This seems to be take 49, according to the lyrics. BLUE ALERT–so fun as expletive.

Christmas Countdown: 123

Sometimes the first three digits aren’t the beginning, just a configuration.

Kayla Perez re-roots us to the original material (Matthew 1:23) in the swaying “The Best Gift.” Rafters vibrated, if not raised.

It’s easy as 1-2-3 to observe Christmas for Apostle in the oompah-pop “More Than a Beauty.” Kicky. Catchy.

MxPx’s “Christmas Party” occurs at 123 Sycamore. Punk hi jinx. Weee!

KC Star (feat. Avery Bruce) overplay the pop syncopation to achieve a anxious look-out for Santa. Get comfy in my bed, hey, maybe count some sheep (1-2-3) instructs “A Christmas Carol?” Confused? So are the closeted artists.

‘Nuttin’ for Christmas’ anchors “I’m Working Retail for Christmas.” We Are the Union enacts the rude shoppers (“1-2-3 pick it up pick it up”) as well as the sad stockers (I’ll gladly move if you just say “please”). Rollicking punk.

Christmas Countdown: 1… 2… 3…. [BLUE ALERT]

Kicking off a kick-ass carol might begin with a ‘count up.’ A one anna two anna–take it away Lawrence Welk–!

Kelly Clarkson begins “Winter’s Dreams (Brandon’s Song)” with staccato vibrancy. But it’s all pop/love treacle. Ho, ho hum.

Even more pop, K-pop in point of fact, Wa$$up toggle ‘twixt languages for their “Jingle Bell.” But the 1,2,3 let’s go is serious this time.

1,2,3 go intros the silky rap (oddly to ‘Winter Wonderland’) “I Saw Mommy Kissing Sacramento Santa.” There’s a 916 Sacramento area code reference in there, too–but Big TL gives us very soft-core blue language. So, for MOST of the family.

But 1,2,3 Go! needs some (punk) rock for true trajectory. So, “Socks for Christmas” from The Wish You Weres is a contentious (hence, BLUE ALERT) reaction to the bourgeois platitude that is the gift-without-thought. Well… GO!

Christmas Countdown: 1977 BLUE ALERT

Adam Ant’s Christmas, 1977” is a tell-all about what MAY have happened at a certain person’s party. It ain’t pretty, but that’s between ZATH’s lawyers and him. Garage tomfoolery.

A two-parter from Hector Collectors: “Christmas 1977” starts out cursing playfully, but then turns wistful for the year in question wishing they had a junket like Mike Bevins. Quite Brit’sh. But punk pop.