Chubby Chasers Anonymous, let the meeting begin. Who would like to admit their wandering gaze has seared a mall Santa recently? Anyone?
The FuMP’s Amy Engelhardt’s reels from the department store sitter’s inappropriate selfies in the slightly obvious comedy showtune “Saint Nick Dick Pic.” Sorry.
Sarah Lynn Strange dials up a diva storm on Jill Louise Leger’s “Mr. Mall Santa.” This show tune stops when the panty drops.
Mommy, there’s something wrong with Santa Claus–he’s sweating, swearing, and spewing! Ok, kids, 2003’s ‘Bad Santa’ rocked our ironic socks off as the saint was portrayed by the skunk. But it was only quote-unquote funny because we knew it to be possible. What kinda loser takes THAT job!?
Henry McGoo seems to be “The Second Santa at the Mall.” Garage rock from Honecomb Bunker takes us back to those good old days of glue-sniffin’, gun-totin’ old guys trusted to kids.
“Blotto in the Grotto” is the best illustration of this nightmare. This music-hall brit-pop comedy from Little Timmy Tinsel & The Fairy Lights rollicks a rock-’em sock-’em scene from the department store. Hey, is that Dad?!
Will being the Santa down at the mall ruin your life?
Jarrod Dickenson judges the ankle-biters in his “Shopping Mall Santa’s Lament.” The power his folk ballad wishes it wielded is hinted at in the kazoo solo.
The burlesque romp from the musical of ‘A Christmas Story’ “Up on Santa’s Lap” might be period appropriate, but this showcase around the ‘you’ll shoot your eye out, kid!‘ barely delivers. Do your job, man.
Trix may be for kids, but Santa is for everyone. Adults, hide not your need for santaffirmation, it will winnow your heartstrings to thread.
filnobep has an odd series of gangsta rappers sitting on Santa’s lap and wishing as far as urban crisis will let them. Most of the beat-men don’t sing, however, so let’s rejoice when “Tay-K Sits on Santa’s Lap” and lays down a rhyme. The guy who improvs as Santa is pretty good, too.
Not sure where “The Santa Mannequin Challenge” got started: bored millennials/fundraising goody-twoshoes? But try Lil Poverty Angels tutorial on how to get into the Xmas spirit without moving. Word jazz rap.
Slidawg & The Redneck Ramblers paint you a pitcher with the Bubba who tells Santa “All I Want for Christmas is a Billy Bass.” Look it up, kids. Redneck light rock done right.
Improv Everywhere elevates the flashmob into original street theater. Which can go really wrong. But it doesn’t with “You’re Never Too Old to Sit on Santa.” Showtune heaven.
So let’s enjoy the high utility cost of the strings of lights webbing over the outside and inside of your festive holiday domicile. These began as candles on trees, then went electric (but we’ve mostly covered tree lights on this blog), then got narcissistically all over. I mean, Halloween? Fourth of July??? Easter?!?!
Mr. Matt Farley’s back as The Very Nice Interesting Singer Man with his serenade to meaningful “Christmas Lights.” Put ’em up and life makes more sense! Word jazz.
Great Lake Swimmers want you to “Hang a String of Lights” to get with the programming. This lite alt party music might be played on repeat while doing so.
Winterval gets more solemnly emo with “Hang the Lights on the Tree.” Those were the days, when we did that, don’t you recall? Sigh.
Kevin McKinney slackers into the showmanship with “Everybody Wants to See the Lights.” It’s a sad thing, all that expectation weighing down a man. Slo-mo alt-pop that makes whining into poetry.
K1 barely parodies ‘Deck the Halls’ with “Deck the House with Christmas Lights.” The iconoclasm gets wild, however, so follow the rapping bulb!
More overtly humorous (passive-aggressive comedy?) The Therapy Sisters strategize like Caesar for “The War of the Lights.” This sing-songy showtime might hit a bit close to home for some of you. Deal.
Let’s decorate our majestic tree with a blazing star and hope all is tranquil. It’s Christmas! Let’s get silly!
“There’s a Star” is an experimental exploration of folk-jazz from the ever-mindful Bah & the Humbugs. It’s a trip–to the treetop.
Ostensibly a kidsong, Todd McHatton’s Tony the bunny (kin to Kermit in accent) wants to “Put the Star on Top.” It’s also oddly playful and weird.
And now a word from the star itself: “Twinkle Twinkle Little Me” from Stevie Wonder tells the tale of the heavenly body that alit on your conifer. (The Supremes make this song too scary for me.)
And wishing to be the “Star on the Xmas Tree” from pkruse 1234. Oompah retaliation about a crappy world.
Mighty Magical Pants also personifies the decoration with “I’m Gonna Be the Star.” This showtune flips out about the li’l twinkler that could.
Overslept? You can miss Christmas that way. Ask Scrooge, he almost did.
Hungover and crashing hard, Masters of Stank (HEAVY BLUE ALERT) white rap “A City with No Christmas.” They can’t be bothered to even try to yule, though they do protest shrilly.
Too tired is the excuse Retro-Gamer Dave gives in his show tune romp “Why I Missed Christmas.” Pee Ess, he means the First Christmas. It’s a story.
Out of respect, Christmas could be deleted should just the right obituary appear. Hang the stockings at half hearth, children.
Comic rap from Unckle Eddie tells the tale of shooting the wrong antlered animal in “Christmas was Cancelled.” Some twangy country swing backing that up, there is.
Closer to home, old Grandad has his in Moper’s “Christmas is Cancelled” an experimental rock ballad that’s worth the wait (and the Bea Arthur interpretive church dance). This is punk gravitas, people. (So, BLUE ALERT.)
“Christmas is Cancelled” graphically illustrates the drunken aftermath of sleighicular homicide with light childish showtune music hall humor. Get on board with The Royds, or off with you and your good taste.
Ask me, some horrid Bond villain might just target the holiday season and reduce humanity by a full fraction by doing away with Christmas. That could be a mastermindful thing.
Bratty children get moody when disappointed around present time. “I Wanna Cancel Christmas” by Ron Hamilton & Gary Emory (from the quite childish Peanut Butter Christmas) outlines the dastardly plans of the spoiled (for next year).
The web cartoon Dr. Monster features just such nefariosity when the Missile Toad takes on Frosty the Bro-Man in “Christmas is Cancelled.” Prick up yon ears, this kidsong masterpiece showcases our beloved Jack Douglass, so it’s got the steal of approval.
Some, in fact, are proud of earning a place on the no-buy zone for Xmas.
Jakub Ivanický for Hoxton swells with glee admitting “I’ve Been a Bad Boy.” This video game composer has landed a musical show stopper (or maybe just a chuckler). Worth a couple listens.