Overslept? You can miss Christmas that way. Ask Scrooge, he almost did.
Hungover and crashing hard, Masters of Stank (HEAVY BLUE ALERT) white rap “A City with No Christmas.” They can’t be bothered to even try to yule, though they do protest shrilly.
Too tired is the excuse Retro-Gamer Dave gives in his show tune romp “Why I Missed Christmas.” Pee Ess, he means the First Christmas. It’s a story.
Out of respect, Christmas could be deleted should just the right obituary appear. Hang the stockings at half hearth, children.
Comic rap from Unckle Eddie tells the tale of shooting the wrong antlered animal in “Christmas was Cancelled.” Some twangy country swing backing that up, there is.
Closer to home, old Grandad has his in Moper’s “Christmas is Cancelled” an experimental rock ballad that’s worth the wait (and the Bea Arthur interpretive church dance). This is punk gravitas, people. (So, BLUE ALERT.)
“Christmas is Cancelled” graphically illustrates the drunken aftermath of sleighicular homicide with light childish showtune music hall humor. Get on board with The Royds, or off with you and your good taste.
Ask me, some horrid Bond villain might just target the holiday season and reduce humanity by a full fraction by doing away with Christmas. That could be a mastermindful thing.
Bratty children get moody when disappointed around present time. “I Wanna Cancel Christmas” by Ron Hamilton & Gary Emory (from the quite childish Peanut Butter Christmas) outlines the dastardly plans of the spoiled (for next year).
The web cartoon Dr. Monster features just such nefariosity when the Missile Toad takes on Frosty the Bro-Man in “Christmas is Cancelled.” Prick up yon ears, this kidsong masterpiece showcases our beloved Jack Douglass, so it’s got the steal of approval.
Some, in fact, are proud of earning a place on the no-buy zone for Xmas.
Lexxi Saal purrs “I’ve Been Naughty” to Santa like he’ll understand. Yet, in her own pop music way, she doesn’t.
Jakub Ivanický for Hoxton swells with glee admitting “I’ve Been a Bad Boy.” This video game composer has landed a musical show stopper (or maybe just a chuckler). Worth a couple listens.
The opportunity to squeeze treasure out of dirt ought to occur to more musicians taking on the ol’ coal for Christmas routine… but it’s just more metaphor.
Sampling old Xmas shows Jon Pablo’s “If I Get Coal for Christmas I’m Making Diamonds” is just an experimental stroll down musical possibilities. Certainly it’s fun, but not novelty.
LA’s drag Cavern Club Theater put on a little mucial revue around ’09 (entitled ‘JESUS CHRIST! It’s Christmas!’). The number here “Coal in Your Stocking” gets ugly, but Tammie Brown fronts The Boofant Sisters with vim and vigor to (attempt to) bring down the house with this show slower.
Not too many tunes perpetuate the stereotype of cowboys as killers–especially at Christmas.
Kids love it, though. Plank Road Publishing offers a show for the wee ones to put on: ‘Christmas at the OK Corral,’ but instead of squaring off with lethal weapons mean old Bart intends to cover the old West town in “Bubble Gum Goo.” Ew, Teresa Jennings, gross.
Then the completely unnecessary musical adaptation of ‘A Christmas Story’ includes the fantasia “Red Ryder Action BB Gun,” which of course is more showtune than western. Owned by Clarke Hallum (listen to that last note!). If you need me to expand the context here… count yourself lucky and move on.
‘It’s much worse than dying alone,’ bewail Fortress of Attitude in “It Sucks to be Born on Christmas.” This ponderous elegiac is both blues and slo-mo pop ballad, but really reads (for me) as showtune. Enjoy.
‘Another Fucking Christmas Play: A Fucking Musical’ gets not so much mean or real as real mean about the holidays. “Another Bastard is Born” is not about JC, but some low rent unplanned family and the misery of overpopulation, again. Churchy flavored, so somber as hell.
If you were to string every cinematic/televised crime scene together, you’d be dead (there’re too many). Surely these happen on Christmas Day.
Kerry Pastine and The Crime Scene holler out a swampbilly “Crime Scene Christmas” as if they were getting away with it. I’m taking a step back, myself.
Not many years later, coin operated machines played the hits as those with silver selected them. (Although the first ones may have only unlocked the machinery so you could crank it yourself.)
Andy Beck and Brian Fisher continue to churn out the elementary school assembly holiday pageants with their “Jingle Bell Jukebox,” a jazzy fast-paced showtune for very high voices.