Category Archives: metal

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Identity Cypress

The tree is beautiful, your significant other is beautiful… what’s a poet to do?

For Brian Velez, “My Christmas Tree” tells him he’s meant for her. Or it is her. With this much coffehouse poetry and slamming folk guitar, it’s hard to know.

The extended metaphor gets excruciating elucidation from Darrin Martin in “You’re 100 Christmas Trees.” Is that Dixieland in the bridge? Is this guy serious? Falsetto?

I think Samuel J Morris is also mistaking his one and only for the fir. “Help My Christmas Tree” he seems to say through not fully fluent English. I’d call Dr. Oliver Sacks (‘cept he’s dead).

David Johnston will come right out and say it: “She Looks Like a Christmas Tree.” Unplugged rock that might give you verse envy.

“I Want to Be Your Christmas Tree” swear Black & Blond Music. I’m not sure what woody benefits you’re hoping for, but your ‘billy blues fascinate.

With you around (and no one else) King Virtue feels “Like a Christmas Tree.” Hot enough to melt snow, anyway. Trippy ’60s style rock heavy on the percussion.

The Whomping Willows also aspire to adortion with “Let Me Be Your Christmas Tree.” Jazzy pop that covers the smell of desperation with musical justification.

Women get equal time! “I’m All Lit up Like a Christmas Tree” wouldn’t pass the Bechdel test, but Janey Clewer and Randy Waldman anticipate her baby comin’ home with boogie woogie jazz that’ll get his attention.

Hip hop from Nroc Leoj swathes his girl in the metaphor “Lights on the Christmas Tree.” She lights up his world, a’ight?

Well the song loves her. Boogie woogie metal from Mad for Action where the story is that the good-for-nothing blond didn’t listen to the haters but acheived “Like a Christmas Tree.” (Sparkly on the outside, dead on the inside?)

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Tinsel Get You Five

What century is this? Do people still use tinsel? Even if great-gramma ISN’T coming over?!

That image problem is addressed in “Tinsel” by Tom Prin, a piano lounge investigation into the value of this archaic argent addition to your tree.

Vince Newbold harangues “Glitz and Tinsel” as empty of meaning with Jesus, like jazz pop.

Train mentions “Tinsel and Lights” in the grand Christmas skyline of pop jazz love in the city. But, there you are, it’s a given in the large scheme of things.

“Give the Tree a Little Tinsel” is foreplay for Taylor Marchand. This jazz trysting is family appropriate.

Also simple background “Tinsel and Wishes” from Skye Zentz in her back den, the world is fragments of images and Christmas seems like a dear mess. Let’s clean it up.

But SHeDAISY borrows the Hollywood nom de guerre “Tinsel Town” to make some pretty alt pop describing their own locale decorated just right for the holidays. Call it momrock.

Bra’ Mike enlarges the scope for his kiddie show tune “Tinsel World.” Move in or move on.

Kids123 also play it to the toddlers with “The Christmas Tree Song.” It starts with tinsel….

There’s nothing more that The Hipwaders like than “Tinsel and Lights.” Alt rock playfulness.

Jeff Woods (The Singing Santa) posits in “The Tinsel Song” that anything can be decorated with this byproduct. This is appropriately archaic metal rock.

Anthropomorphic Snow Sculpture: abominable detour 10

Let’s end our detour around the Abominable Snowman angry and loud.

And a BLUE ALERT. Briss Mula starts out kidding around (is that a Scandinavian accent?), but his hiphop hits hard into thug life. Life is cold, so “Abominable Snowman.”

Paul Graves lightens the mood with a thrashing metal narration of a Himalayan standoff in his “Abominable Snowman.” Nearly melodic.

Commending the Fallen turn up the death on their metal with their “Abominable Snowman.” Is that just gargling?

Impaler enunciates for our pleasure with their classic metal “Abominable Snowman.” At least to start with. Violent content! Just like life!

Parodies’ Paradise: 2013 “Year Zero”

Swedish metal band Ghost provided fans with a free streaming of ‘Year Zero’ if they promoted the band on Facebook, by endorsing its frontman to be elected the next Pope of the Catholic Church. The 10″ vinyl version of the single includes the B-side ‘Orez Raey,’ which as the title suggests is the A-side played backwards.

This satanic song subs Santa for Satan with “Hail Santa” by Wagoner Bros.

Parodies’ Paradise: 2005 “B.Y.O.B.”

The title means “Bring Your Own Bombs” and the Armenian-American alternative metal band System of a Down released it in March 2005 as the lead single from their fourth album Mezmerize to protest against the Iraq War… reached number 27 on the US Billboard Hot 100, the band’s highest peak to date on the chart.

This metal madness gets love from Psychostick with “N.O.E.L.”

Parodies’ Paradise: 2000 “Get Down with the Sickness”

This song by the American band Disturbed was released as the third single from their debut studio album… one of their best-known songs and a concert staple, usually played last… their first single to be certified platinum in the United States by the Recording Industry Association of America.

Dave Malosh (The Paybacks) does this for an FM radio bit of nastiness via “Get Down with the Christmas.”

Parodies’ Paradise: 1984 “Panama”

Van Halen’s song about a car became their anthem…. #13 on the US Billboard Hot 100… #30 on the Irish Singles Chart… #64 UK Singles Chart.

ApologetiX weaves from Kringle to Christ with their “Santa Claus.” Poppin’ fresh.

Parodies’ Paradise: 1971 “Iron Man”

Black Sabbath’s single peaked at number 52 on The Billboard Hot 100… VH1 ranked the song as the greatest heavy metal song of all time…  Rolling Stone awarded it spot number 317 on the list of the 500 Greatest Songs of All Time.

Bob Rivers makes this the star of his parodies with Ozzy vocals and elegant reverb. Ladies and gentlemen, “I am Santa Claus.”

Ghost of Christmas Pastiche: Metallica

Albums by less than Christian artists ironically covering Xmas are 1$ a dozen. It’s them playing bourgeoise. (Ha!) Many do that. (For $$$) Which makes it hard to find guitartists willing to put the musical stamp of some one greater on their own little holiday project. But, Youtube is endless…

So here’s “What If… Metallica Played Christmas Songs!” cobbled together by Creble Star with no little talent.

Tripping Bells: Horse

Running on empty here for heroin. Xmas is depressing enough without singing about riding the beast one-way to the end.

Except the General sings [live at The Dolls House] the gentle metal ballad “Heroin for Christmas Again.” Afterwards you might need to plunge your head in a tub of ice-cold denial, or go volunteer at a soup kitchen for an afternoon.