Category Archives: metal

WHAT ELSE? Metal Pole

The alternative holiday Festivus should inspire punk and metal and other angry protest music. It does, after a fashion.

Atomic Potato has a rousing ska-polka “Festivus Song” that might get your feet stomping.

Hijackalope uses mixed media with mixed results for their “Festivus.” One thing for sure, it’s punk. No wait, it’s garage. No, it’s experimental. Sigh

Alt-punk adds thoughtfulness to “A Festivus Miracle” from Venice Sunlight. Quite a ride.

Mr. Plow screeches out the metal for a “Festivus” anthem that pays tribute to paying tribute. I merely bobbed for this one.

Rushed punk from 125 and I Love You! makes noise about struggling against society, but it’s entitled “A Festivus for the Rest of Us.” That’ll do.

Never Content is all in for their “Festivus for the Rest of Us.” Love will be waiting!! What?

EX-Mas, disbelief

Shock reverberates after such trauma. Didn’t see it coming… couldn’t be at a worse time… what the fa-la-la–la-la…?

Merrill Leffman divas into the disbelief with “Dumped Before Christmas.” Her confusion is only surpassed by her tonelessness.

Followin’ her to her rendezvous, Big Yayo slathers on the soulful blues with “She Left Me for Christmas.” She wha? He wha? They wha? Damn.

Static Monsters bring back the talent with an alt-pop “Just Got Dumped” that slides effortlessly into metal, then back. This is the roller coaster of repercussions, so hang on.

Fiancé Unto Castle K-mart (BLUE ALERT)

We have established beforehand that swearing is an emphatic heightening the word meanings to their superlative status (mostly because we don’t know more words). So the king of all bad language might mean how ecstatic we are with Christmas.

Doug Walker (“The Nostalgic Critic”) of Channel Awesome nails this conceit with “I Fucking Love Christmas.” Here presented as metal fun musical video within the complete skit. This gets pretty twisted.

HATE Xmas.07 BLUE ALERT

Is it fun to hate of the the happiest time of year? Some of these songs pile on, without much rationalization.

Snap-Her punks the premise with “I Hate Christmas.” Why? It’s stupid, that’s why! Yah! BLUE ALERT

Catholic School Girls redundantly inundate us with redundancy in “I Hate Christmas,” a BLUE ALERT speedy screed of garage rage. Just ‘cuz.

Least intelligibly, Lerker throat shreds “I Hate Christmas” to pop metal. Yes, BLUE ALERT. Band practice as anger management.

As Seen on TV: Community

Rick and Morty‘s creator’s earlier brilliant-but-what’s-the-demographic? sitcom was not known for breakout songs, but attention must be paid to these study group misfits during the holidays.

The 2010 stop motion episode ‘Abed’s Uncontollable Christmas’ brings it.

The “Intro Song” is a takeoff of The 88’s series opening music this time with Xmas.

The characters turn into Christmas claymation tropes and have a couple memorable 3-line songs for characterization, including “Brittabot” and “Christmas Douche.”

The meaning of Christmas is put together in the show stopper “That’s What Christmas is For.” John Oliver! Christmas pterodactyl!

The next year is about singing Xmas for Glee club. To win over the surly main character, the Jewish nerd girl sings “Annie’s Christmas Song.” Brother, that’s jazz striptease junk with Betty Boop botheration.

The overlooked housewife gets a big gospel (half) number with “Happy B-Day, Jesus.” Go tell it on the lafftrack.

The actual “Community Glee Club” performance is a sad throwaway about how the hot blonde is tone deaf.

“Troy & Abed’s Christmas Rap Battle,” however, convinces the Asperger’s kid and the conflicted cool athlete to celebrate a holiday they would otherwise disdain. Much prettier, or at least much faster.

Comedy gold from those boys finally in order to convince the geriatric in “Baby Boomer Santa,” an addictive song  about the evolution of St. Nick through musical genres. An American Pearl.

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Identity Cypress

The tree is beautiful, your significant other is beautiful… what’s a poet to do?

For Brian Velez, “My Christmas Tree” tells him he’s meant for her. Or it is her. With this much coffehouse poetry and slamming folk guitar, it’s hard to know.

The extended metaphor gets excruciating elucidation from Darrin Martin in “You’re 100 Christmas Trees.” Is that Dixieland in the bridge? Is this guy serious? Falsetto?

I think Samuel J Morris is also mistaking his one and only for the fir. “Help My Christmas Tree” he seems to say through not fully fluent English. I’d call Dr. Oliver Sacks (‘cept he’s dead).

David Johnston will come right out and say it: “She Looks Like a Christmas Tree.” Unplugged rock that might give you verse envy.

“I Want to Be Your Christmas Tree” swear Black & Blond Music. I’m not sure what woody benefits you’re hoping for, but your ‘billy blues fascinate.

With you around (and no one else) King Virtue feels “Like a Christmas Tree.” Hot enough to melt snow, anyway. Trippy ’60s style rock heavy on the percussion.

The Whomping Willows also aspire to adortion with “Let Me Be Your Christmas Tree.” Jazzy pop that covers the smell of desperation with musical justification.

Women get equal time! “I’m All Lit up Like a Christmas Tree” wouldn’t pass the Bechdel test, but Janey Clewer and Randy Waldman anticipate her baby comin’ home with boogie woogie jazz that’ll get his attention.

Hip hop from Nroc Leoj swathes his girl in the metaphor “Lights on the Christmas Tree.” She lights up his world, a’ight?

Well the song loves her. Boogie woogie metal from Mad for Action where the story is that the good-for-nothing blond didn’t listen to the haters but acheived “Like a Christmas Tree.” (Sparkly on the outside, dead on the inside?)

TreeMendous Holiday Fun: Tinsel Get You Five

What century is this? Do people still use tinsel? Even if great-gramma ISN’T coming over?!

That image problem is addressed in “Tinsel” by Tom Prin, a piano lounge investigation into the value of this archaic argent addition to your tree.

Vince Newbold harangues “Glitz and Tinsel” as empty of meaning with Jesus, like jazz pop.

Train mentions “Tinsel and Lights” in the grand Christmas skyline of pop jazz love in the city. But, there you are, it’s a given in the large scheme of things.

“Give the Tree a Little Tinsel” is foreplay for Taylor Marchand. This jazz trysting is family appropriate.

Also simple background “Tinsel and Wishes” from Skye Zentz in her back den, the world is fragments of images and Christmas seems like a dear mess. Let’s clean it up.

But SHeDAISY borrows the Hollywood nom de guerre “Tinsel Town” to make some pretty alt pop describing their own locale decorated just right for the holidays. Call it momrock.

Bra’ Mike enlarges the scope for his kiddie show tune “Tinsel World.” Move in or move on.

Kids123 also play it to the toddlers with “The Christmas Tree Song.” It starts with tinsel….

There’s nothing more that The Hipwaders like than “Tinsel and Lights.” Alt rock playfulness.

Jeff Woods (The Singing Santa) posits in “The Tinsel Song” that anything can be decorated with this byproduct. This is appropriately archaic metal rock.

Tremendous Holiday Fun: Peppermints Or Namints

Songs that are entitled “Ornaments of Christmas” aren’t trying very hard. Thusly Anna Gossett Johnson and Adrian Park walk around this jingly mess.

Likewise Paige Stroman’s folk “Ornaments.” Vague filler for her album. Memories for our hearts, gang.

“Each Ornament Has a Story” shuffles out of the off-Broadway ‘Fancy Nancy Splenidferous Christmas’ just a klutzily. Talky and pedantic.

The attempt at significance doesn’t help Bill Pere’s musical number “Ornament” from his musical ‘Christmas on the Poor Side of Town.’ Pass the yawn.

Odd and affecting, Jianda Monique sings “You’re Such a Lovely Ornament” as if she’s talking about something else. Atonal, but not quite dada.

Verne Wickham plods along with his “Ornaments” mistaking sentimentality for dreariness.

I am Abomination cuts through the crap with the prog metal “Ornaments are for Hanging.” Take that, attic full of memories!

Anthropomorphic Snow Sculpture: abominable detour 10

Let’s end our detour around the Abominable Snowman angry and loud.

And a BLUE ALERT. Briss Mula starts out kidding around (is that a Scandinavian accent?), but his hiphop hits hard into thug life. Life is cold, so “Abominable Snowman.”

Paul Graves lightens the mood with a thrashing metal narration of a Himalayan standoff in his “Abominable Snowman.” Nearly melodic.

Commending the Fallen turn up the death on their metal with their “Abominable Snowman.” Is that just gargling?

Impaler enunciates for our pleasure with their classic metal “Abominable Snowman.” At least to start with. Violent content! Just like life!

Parodies’ Paradise: 2013 “Year Zero”

Swedish metal band Ghost provided fans with a free streaming of ‘Year Zero’ if they promoted the band on Facebook, by endorsing its frontman to be elected the next Pope of the Catholic Church. The 10″ vinyl version of the single includes the B-side ‘Orez Raey,’ which as the title suggests is the A-side played backwards.

This satanic song subs Santa for Satan with “Hail Santa” by Wagoner Bros.