Category Archives: metal

Anthropomorphic Snow Sculpture: abominable detour 10

Let’s end our detour around the Abominable Snowman angry and loud.

And a BLUE ALERT. Briss Mula starts out kidding around (is that a Scandinavian accent?), but his hiphop hits hard into thug life. Life is cold, so “Abominable Snowman.”

Paul Graves lightens the mood with a thrashing metal narration of a Himalayan standoff in his “Abominable Snowman.” Nearly melodic.

Commending the Fallen turn up the death on their metal with their “Abominable Snowman.” Is that just gargling?

Impaler enunciates for our pleasure with their classic metal “Abominable Snowman.” At least to start with. Violent content! Just like life!

Parodies’ Paradise: 2013 “Year Zero”

Swedish metal band Ghost provided fans with a free streaming of ‘Year Zero’ if they promoted the band on Facebook, by endorsing its frontman to be elected the next Pope of the Catholic Church. The 10″ vinyl version of the single includes the B-side ‘Orez Raey,’ which as the title suggests is the A-side played backwards.

This satanic song subs Santa for Satan with “Hail Santa” by Wagoner Bros.

Parodies’ Paradise: 2005 “B.Y.O.B.”

The title means “Bring Your Own Bombs” and the Armenian-American alternative metal band System of a Down released it in March 2005 as the lead single from their fourth album Mezmerize to protest against the Iraq War… reached number 27 on the US Billboard Hot 100, the band’s highest peak to date on the chart.

This metal madness gets love from Psychostick with “N.O.E.L.”

Parodies’ Paradise: 2000 “Get Down with the Sickness”

This song by the American band Disturbed was released as the third single from their debut studio album… one of their best-known songs and a concert staple, usually played last… their first single to be certified platinum in the United States by the Recording Industry Association of America.

Dave Malosh (The Paybacks) does this for an FM radio bit of nastiness via “Get Down with the Christmas.”

Parodies’ Paradise: 1984 “Panama”

Van Halen’s song about a car became their anthem…. #13 on the US Billboard Hot 100… #30 on the Irish Singles Chart… #64 UK Singles Chart.

ApologetiX weaves from Kringle to Christ with their “Santa Claus.” Poppin’ fresh.

Parodies’ Paradise: 1971 “Iron Man”

Black Sabbath’s single peaked at number 52 on The Billboard Hot 100… VH1 ranked the song as the greatest heavy metal song of all time…  Rolling Stone awarded it spot number 317 on the list of the 500 Greatest Songs of All Time.

Bob Rivers makes this the star of his parodies with Ozzy vocals and elegant reverb. Ladies and gentlemen, “I am Santa Claus.”

Ghost of Christmas Pastiche: Metallica

Albums by less than Christian artists ironically covering Xmas are 1$ a dozen. It’s them playing bourgeoise. (Ha!) Many do that. (For $$$) Which makes it hard to find guitartists willing to put the musical stamp of some one greater on their own little holiday project. But, Youtube is endless…

So here’s “What If… Metallica Played Christmas Songs!” cobbled together by Creble Star with no little talent.

Tripping Bells: Horse

Running on empty here for heroin. Xmas is depressing enough without singing about riding the beast one-way to the end.

Except the General sings [live at The Dolls House] the gentle metal ballad “Heroin for Christmas Again.” Afterwards you might need to plunge your head in a tub of ice-cold denial, or go volunteer at a soup kitchen for an afternoon.

Tripping Bells: Pyschochemicals

Doing drugs is a better participation than a spectator sport. Some holiday songs seem like more fun to sing than to hear.

I Was Once a Dinosaur play “Drugs for Christmas” like they expect applause. And laughter. Make it stop.

Heavy Smoke party hearty but beforehand let us know “All I Want for Christmas is Loads of Drugs.” So, like a pot luck?

Drink N.B. Merry: whiskey3

Now for the dark days of the chronic carouser. We’ll spend another month on sheer drunkenness, but for now let’s blame the potent potable–whiskey–for the way things turnt out.

Shawn Brewster kicks off the childhood regret of missing family fun from this time of year. His lugubrious jazz slobberfest “Christmas and Whiskey” whines about being old and cold, but it’s hard to look away.

Maudlin country from JJ Voss also bewails his outcast state in “Whiskey, the Tree, and Me.” Does the drinking help you forget, or does it help you dwell on it? Dude, get a present.

Not quite as weepy, Don Hackney resents California from his down home country soul in “Whiskey Lights of Christmas.” Poor old Doris.

Professor Gall admits “Whiskey was the Medicine (To Get Me Through Another Christmas Eve Night).” It’s a circusy caterwaul in the manner of Tom Waits. Swirly, Shirley.

Adding to the minimalist list of happy holiday helpings, Ray Galindo croaks about “Hot Dogs and Whiskey for Christmas.” It doesn’t help his bluesy needs.

John Bell keeps his blues serious, but Xmases his “Ribs N Whiskey” standard with Christmas lyrics. His weird falsetto and blind flailings make a misery out of this parody, but that’s as it should be.

Garage punk from Jonny Manak rages that “Santa Stole My Whiskey.” It purports to psychedelia, but it’s just prankish boys.

Just as angry, The Fisticuffs punk-mouth that “Santa Smells Like Whiskey.” It’s low class trash, but isn’t that what we pogo to? Oi!

Enough! No way! Irish metal from The Kringles complains there’s “No Whiskey in Heaven (No Ice in Hell).” It’s a tip of the tam to Elvis Costello with a salute to Zappa, but i mean that in the best way.