Category Archives: lounge

A Near Thing -8

Are you clued-in to check the beat? These swingin’ verses are straight from the ‘fridge, daddy-o. And they also pertain to the neighborhood of Christmastide.

If you try too hard, swingin’ cool gets loud and loungey and–gasp–showtune-like. Hence David Tobin’s “Almost Time for Christmas Day.” He’s one Hep C cat.

Marrying gospel and John Prine, John Field is his own man with “Nearly Christmas.” A bit loud, but my head’s a-noddin’.

Billie and The Haint plug in garage nonchalance with “Almost Christmas.” It’s a beatnik banger, a hippie howler, a millennial meltdown.

Actual big band swing is still a genre of historical note, so let’s apply ourselves to the sweet girl gang The Morning Report in their “Christmas is Just Around the Corner.” Wartime was warm times way back then.

A jugband ragtime lassez-faire meandering, “It’s Almost Christmas” ups the ante of local in-the-know dead on time. Hats off (then back on, ‘cuz its Chicago winter!)!

A Near Thing -9

The music I can ONLY swallow ironically is lounge swing pop. Surely it is never intended to be taken on face value….

Well Paul Rolnick is batting for the cheap seats with the ploncky “It’ll be Christmas Before You Know It.” IS he rolling his eyes? Naw, he’s icky earnest. Ew. (Billy Stritch might be pulling our leg with his silky version.)

Leaning into the curves (wait for it…) Joe Escobar sets up and eases into “Christmas Time’s Around the Corner” with such panache he didn’t even spill his martini. Smooth (except for that unnecessary brass.)

Piano jazz bar and a nod to Frank make Tom Deger & DarkHorse a nose ahead with their “It’s Almost Christmas Time.” Playful country electric and a drugged-out swirling helps.

“Jingle (Bells)” …keep dancing (older now)

Add the word JINGLE to your number and Xmas hits the spot. Bells may be implied.

Andy Beck and Brian Fisher bring you another kids’ assembly pageant with “Jingle Bells Jukebox.” Jumping and shaking to follow.

“Jingle Down the Christmas Tree” is PJ Parker’s sultry euphemism for the best gift ever–the oldest form of dance there is.

Michael Hurtt & His Haunted Hearts cowboy up the slide guitar with “Jingle Bells Boogie,” a quite danceable honky tonk wonder. Asleep at the Wheel don’t quite bring it to their tired version.

Almost a word-for-word rendition, Wayne Newton manages to demolish the family joy of this traditional song with his smarmy lounge version “Jingle Bell Hustle.” Only one word has been added to the original. Can you spot it? Should you?

ël-No, the twenty-second

The intrinsic suppliers of the poverty paradigm involve shit-out-of-luck parameters that seem out of our control. No Christmas for you and your loved ones, ‘cuz–just ‘cuz.

Scott Anderson honky tonks the blue grass with his spiral into bad luck “Ain’t No Christmas Round Here.” It’s the usual country-western lament, but that banjo just keeps me from cryin’.

Yulenog blows smoky jazz lounge for the gambling addict who leaves it all on the table and “No Christmas” follows his sorry ass home. Pretty messy.

Baby It’s Coal: okay

On opposite day the kids want coal for Christmas. How goofy can we make this trope?

Pete McPherson is feeling the chill, so he wants country swinging “Coal for Christmas.” To hedge his bets he slurs ol’ Santa’s name, and also readies the shotgun to get what he wants. Damn, that IS cold.

Yulenog gets environmentally conscience-less when lounge swinging how much they want “Coal for Christmas.” (They’ll take oil, for that matter.)

Yee Hawliday: missing home

When you’re not home on the range, you probably have a home to get to. So out there, you’d miss it more’n a trucker come Christmas day.

Praying for a way back, The Brymers add soul to country for their “Cowboy Christmas Day.” Sad one.

Mary Kaye brings out the pathos with an old hand who knows when it’s time for “Goin’ Home for Christmas.” Friends, i’m not sure she means above ground… (sniffle).

Hey wait, is that lounge music for a “Cowboy Christmas“??? Starlet Knight dives deep into diva to tell a tale of not being home in time. —little girl.

Yee Haw-liday: corn pone

Everyone’s jumping on the cowboy Christmas song bandwagon and talent is no prerequisite.

Donna and Carroll Roberson strangle out “A Cowboy Christmas” stringing together cold, God, and cattle with little emotion, just pop plodding.

With ladles more orchestration, Wayne Newton lounges up “Cowboy’s Christmas” for the casino-goers. The attempt to psychoanalyze the loner goes awry with the coconuts clacking as horse hooves missing the beat of the electric bass.

And a Party in a Pear Tree: staff affection BLUE ALERT

One of the consequences of office Christmas party ribaldry is the casual hookup and subsequent shame spiral that can cripple a corporation. It’s the reason for the season, or at least a good way to win money betting on the office Xmas scorecard. (Gillian undressed in the copy room before 5 PM! 50$ for me!)

Johnny Fritz ushers in the ‘what-the-heck’ with “The Office Christmas Party.” Easy listening light rock just shows to go how naive is this guy. Romance isn’t that easy, bra.

Mickey John bull has a sing along darkly pop number in “The Office Christmas Party.” Get HR on the horn, pronto. We need more sensitivity training.

The predatory approach from Samantha Fields makes the easy listening pop of “The Office Christmas Party” sinister, like a 1930s man-hungry cartoon character.

Nastiness without the obscenity, “X-Rated Christmas Office Party” from Lil Poverty Angels is electronica rap that reads as more wish list than rap sheet.

The aftermath of messed up assignations may result in “Office Party Blues” an electric piano rocker of petty proportions from the Jacobsen Brothers.

A broken heart mars We Grow Up’s “Office Christmas Party,” in which alt crash-and-burn begins at the company revels. How ironic.

Now that we’re depressed, let’s dive into the dumps with the scratchy folk of Fugitives and “Christmas at the Office Party.” Ah, nihilism for Christmas. BLUE ALERT

Rudy Casoni brings the Sinatra-style mash with the progressively crazier “Office Christmas Party.” Yikes. Lounge BLUE ALERT

As Seen on TV: Gossip Girl/Riverdale

Let’s just imagine the show by the music it picks, ‘kay?

“Oh It’s Christmas” by The Rosebuds is bouncy alt-pop fun, setting the instamood to light and flirty.

The Weepies garble through “All That I Want” for a contemplative but moody thinky scene.

“Chrismakwanzakah” by The Dan Band gets our party rebel on, but fun-sized and definitely not threatening.

Again, play the hormone level of these tunes off the will-they/won’t-they tensions of the show i won’t get around to.

Fascinations Grinds Chorus adds a pop ‘billy (shudder) to “This Christmas (Underneath the Christmas Tree)” so i guess at least one of ’em are hopin’ to be humpin’.

“I Know You’re Real St. Nicholas” is lounge folk with whispery undertones. Must be during foreplay.

As Seen on TV: Animaniacs

A contender for overall best wit for the young, this ’90s Steven Spielberg produced foray into WB Kids attempted to bring vaudeville to the end of the century. Middling results.

“The First Noel (parody)” is much more comic than previously sampled songs so far. Punny!

Their pinnacle is their ‘Christmas Carol’ takeoff (Wakkoff?) trying to moralize capitalistic Taxman Plotz, with the songs “Ghost of Christmas Past,” “Ghost of Christmas Present,” and “Ghost of Christmas Future.” Love the all-out orchestration.