Category Archives: jazz

EX-Mas, begging

The stages of grief over losing your love include bargaining.

Harmonic blubbering from East 17 ruins the merries and jollies with “Stay Another Day.” Boy band emo. You’re embarrassing her, man.

More slick, still heart-on-sleeve, “Ex-mas Song” by Young Rog tries to imagine Christmas wivowt da two uvuss… ca’t do it! R+B slow roll.

More comically vis-à-vis Rudy Casoni pulls the Chairman of the Board schtick (coming off more like the King of Comedy) with “Sno’ Balls.” Suggestively waving what she’s leaving behind as she sashays out. (Not quite x-rated.)

Spinning the Driedel

Alternatively, December sex can be observed between a Jew and a Jewess.

Goldentusk ragtimes “Sex for Hanukkah” with such speed you know he’s trying to dazzle into something. And he does.

Coming Down the Chimney (BLUE ALERT)

While we are on the subject of the Clauses, what about Nick?

Back to SNL for Amy Poehler, Maya Rudolph, Kristin Wiig to get dreamy about how “Santa’s My Boyfriend.” Retro ’50s rock’n’roll innuendo.

Karen Petrocella also torches with “Santa Guy.” This is not a ‘Baby’ takeoff, but a jazzy love song (barely PG-13, but steamy).

Steel Panther glam metals “Sexy Santa” just right for all the girls and boys. You’d swear it was the ’90s.

Soul steals the show with The Louisiana Blues Brothers and how they heard “Santa was a Freak Like Me.” He’s on the prowl for the naughty.

Almost convincingly straight Dejan Milićević as LAZZ presents himself as “Sexy Santa Claus” with limp MOR rock and a lispy accent.

The Theme Song has an awesome collection of one-minute bust ups over whatever the beef of the moment is. Nasty time for Santa with this playful rap “Merry Motherfucking Christmas.”

“Naughty or Nice” is the moaning pop guzzle we’d expect from Francine the Queen of Obscene. Very, very naughty.

The Mulaney Sisters raise the roof to thank the Netflix ’18 flick ‘The Christmas Chronicles’ with their “Sexy Kurt Russell.” That ‘Christmas leather daddy’ is the present they want. (To ‘bone,’ not open.)

Don We Now: Santa suit samore

Synecdoche is when a part of something stands for the whole thing. It’s simple idiom we don’t detect but use easily like ‘all hands on deck’ (meaning all sailors assemble on deck).

So the red suit is enough to signal the whole Santa is here thing.

Einstein’s Wardrobe add “The Man in the Red Velvet Suit” as just another detail to the whole scene. Not a mention of the Santa. Folk MOR.

Rod Stewart does his big jazz band diva thing for “Red Suited Superman.” You know who is cool.

Follow along with The Trail Band and their oompah country “Big Red Suit.” A childlike exploration of wonder seeing so many things but not knowing their meaning.

It may be still be mysterious to some (see yesterday) but The Ballroom Band is happy with the “Man in a Red Suit” celebrating the birth of Jesus, without knowing her personally. Give us a rockabilly smile.

When you see the red suit you think St. Nick, because “Santa Claus Wears a Red Suit.” It might look like Daddy, but–red suit! Jeff Gustafson wonders in this fizzy jazzy concoction.

Using the red suit as ammo to suck up, The Many-Splendored Things want Santa to know he looks “So Good in Your Red Suit.” Odd alt-pop insists they want nothing from that old guy. (Except 100,000$.)

Fetishizing the clothes, Merrill Leffmann admits “I Love a Man in Uniform.” Her jazz siren call drips all over the articles of attire, but seems to miss the man.

Take a Card: addresser

Grasping at straws we include a (fine) song from Rob Snarski what sings the inscription on the “Christmas Card from a Drunken Sailor.” I wish the (few) cards i got had so much writing in them! Dreamy alt folk.

Country gospel from Christopher Toland honoring “Mama’s Christmas Card for You.” Reverentially formulaic.

Spoken country from Merle Haggard belaboring every detail on “Grandma’s Homemade Christmas Card.” Where’s the 5$?

“A Christmas Card from Daddy” by Mike Bryant lets me know what to get Daddy in return: singing lessons! Yikes.

Also all heart and no caliber, Noel Delisle nasal-croons “Christmas Card from a Servicemember.” Quit with the jolly, get guilty feeling.

Same Sex Mary and Jack Johnson bring it home with “Christmas Card from a Gary in Las Vegas.” It’s not a straight parody of the Tom Waits ‘Hooker’ non-Xmas song, but spiritually, it’s beholden. (Eventually it gets ‘billy rager-garage BLUE ALERT [!?].)

Take a Card: jazz

The revolution against tonality takes many forms. The genre jazz is as widespread as is category music. All it needs is a little unpredictability, though enormous range doesn’t hurt.

Starting country, wandering through girlband, Brooke White edges into jazz with “Christmas Card,” a pro-con list of some considerable melody.

Crazy piano meanders through Anine Stang’s “Christmas Card.” More girl power balladeering, but this is a horror movie of a song.

Boy jazz vocals can be a stretch (to cracking), but Kirk Talley gives it the ol’ falsetto try with his “Christmas Card.” Get the dogs out of the room.

The pretty but crazy stuff sounds like Teresa James excruciatingly scrutinizing “The Christmas Card” she may or may not send to you. Wild clarinet improv while she considers.

Sing a Song of Singing Songs: be cool

Let’s take a moment and find something not so wacky or weird. Are there songs about songs that be cool?

NiknJaps does exactly what i wanted: a pop experiment about the process of writing down the Xmas Sound. “My Christmas Song” comes in short, but sweet. Cool dat.

Finn McGinn & the Muddguards narrate the whole stage show (like in ‘Piano Man’) in unironic country (like that’s possible).”So Let’s Sing” celebrates best it can, given what’s given. So, that’s cool.

Glenn Trujillo and Rich Wenzel go deep into their alt-folk past for “This Christmas (Sing for Christmas).” It’s spiritually cool.

Kurt Elling settles your hash with piping hot jazz. “Sing a Christmas Carol” tootles around the canon, but rousts yon spirits brightly. Tell me that’s not cool.

Sing a Song of Singing Songs: no

Had enough?

Lab Rat’s dad homebrews “Please Don’t Play Another Christmas Song” as a blues tutorial in how to suffer the holidays. Solid chops.

Devon Yesberger demands we stop the madness of yet another song with yet another song. Get it? “Not Another Christmas Song” is some nice jazz with just a whiff of wit. Passes the sniff test.

Sing a Song of Singing Songs: hmmm

Taking it seriously, Robert Serling and Emily Lozcalo emote “Just Another Sad Christmas Song,” but i think they ran out of nouns. It’s folkie funk about missing you.

Sir Cadian Rhythm frontman Jack Weppler takes “Another Christmas Song” more seriously with a bluesy jazz rumination about how this song’s the only thing, baby. Moody.

As Seen on TV: Hotel Transylvania/Milo Murphy’s Law/Teen Titans Go

The Adam Sandler toon movie series landed on Disney last year, but both are smart and rich enough to add some talent. “The Christmas Wrap Song” is kid mummy unleashing his inner present preparer for a few seconds in the stale comedy conflict.

Heir apparent to Phineas and Ferb, again features colorful Americans interacting with a soupçon of fantastical oddities. “Christmas, It’s Not a Time of the Year” is only glimpsed here, but showcases the creative team’s talent. Thank you.

The mutant DC spinoff that has cultivated cult followings spins out an occasional tune of ADHD length including “All Hail the Jolly Fat Man” (sweet jazzy fanfare).