Category Archives: jazz

ël-No, the twenty-second

The intrinsic suppliers of the poverty paradigm involve shit-out-of-luck parameters that seem out of our control. No Christmas for you and your loved ones, ‘cuz–just ‘cuz.

Scott Anderson honky tonks the blue grass with his spiral into bad luck “Ain’t No Christmas Round Here.” It’s the usual country-western lament, but that banjo just keeps me from cryin’.

Yulenog blows smoky jazz lounge for the gambling addict who leaves it all on the table and “No Christmas” follows his sorry ass home. Pretty messy.

ël-No, the seventeenth

What a powerful metaphor–No Christmas. It’s like a similarity to another unlike thing. Whoa.

Daiv Lee Roth waxes blues-y with his coffee house ramblings in “Ain’t No Christmas.” Like, darkness/no presents. Man.

Nothing to Write Home About

You’ve heard all about it from our friendly neighborweb blog, so what are you naughty ones going to do around December?

“Expect Nothing for Christmas” answers the ever correct Smallfish with their jazzy experimental ditty. ‘Struth.

Vacancy

Or did Santa just mean to single YOU out for no presents?

“Forgot Mrs. Claus” lays the jelly roll blues from Ben Levin onto the possibility that everyone else receives. Of all the omissions you coulda, big guy! Oh!

Zero

Got presents? If the answer is no, then quickly consult our comprehensive checklist: Believe in Santa? Been bad?

There ya go.

“Naughty Naughty Children” get a dose of advice from the bee-bop Rock’n’Roll of Grace Potter & The Nocturnals. Although, try harder might fall on deaf ears.

Lacuna Coil metals the reminder that “Naughty Children” might be passed by–by Santa! Krampus’ll gitcha, tho. For all the terror-pedaling, this is fun.

Gracious Me extrapolates the incorrigibility to the realization that being on “The Naughty List” unholsters all the stress of what you’ll get and allows a for a form of jazzy diva freedom. Swing low, sweet churl.

Baby It’s Coal: you ain’t seen nothing yet

Dare ye to threaten willful kinder with coal for Xmas!? They’ll stack up the attacks to high to measure, is what they will. So i hear.

Shenanigans galore from Paul Mills who power country picks out “Santa Left Me a Lump of Coal” a la Ray Stevens tomfoolery. Please don’t take notes, kids.

Also targeting St. Nick, Eric Eaton throws manners to the wind with his indirect request to Santa in “Coal for Christmas.” Santa my not love them (he’s been caught being bad his own dirty self), but the blues licks light me up.

Ben Smith’s jazzy picking protagonist never met a rule he could abide. Wide berth now for this ragtime wrong-doing roster: “Coal for Christmas.” Here we go!

Xmas Tech Support: telephone

Blasting into the Nineteenth Century the latest whadjamajiggit will allow us to communicate Christmas better.

Why the ‘phone might even replace the postals for catalog ordering! “555-Ho! Ho!” from Hal Willis is the country comedy that gets some to knee slapping. It’s sad, it’s funny, it’s uplifting, AND it’s pretty stupid, too.

Many moons later the idea of a telephone connection is taken pretty much for present. When separated “Christmas on the Telephone” may be the only exchange possible. Thus, saggy smeary pop tunes like Brian Gari’s.

And if you won’t even call… “Christmas by the Phone,” a rock driving country womper of heartbreak from Good Charlotte.

Somewheres over a century ago was recorded “I’ll Telephone to Santa Claus” as sung by Stanley Kirkby on Edison Blue Amberol cylinder 23315, 1914. Get a quiet corner to hearken, children, to the tinny timpani of antique jazz band.

And a Party in a Pear Tree: already in progress

Finally! You’re here! Christmas party is already going strong!

Reggae romping with Donchez Dacres fills the room with opportunities to echo back, spiritualize, and dodge fireworks. “Christmas Party Song” is a trip.

If you’re warmed up enough, i’d like you to trip the light with KiWi and their oddly fantastic “The Christmas Party.” The electronica veers from Russian march to K-pop to fx-sneezing. Come on, that’s a party.

Frenetic K-pop from Nightcore just keeps saying “Christmas Party” over and over with electronic buzzing to fill inbetween. Find me a chair!

Krisanthi Pappas narrates the success of the soiree with her jazzy uptempo “Christmas Party.” Catch up!

And a Party in a Pear Tree: left out

Who’s coming to your Xmas shindig? Probably not Frankenstein.

But first, a word on who you really shouldn’t invite. Dom Powell warns you that “Satan is coming to the Christmas Party.” In appropriate light metal, the metaphor rings the bell on bad actors who don’t dig what you’re trying unironically to celebrate.

A Peter Pan Players holiday album Monster Christmas Mash (1974??) follows the Universal Classic Monsters (post Bobby Pickett mashing) as they attempt to integrate into Christianity–but learn their wanting to was all the goodness they ever needed. Or something. The album is bedeviled with silly story, but contains a kids’-Dixieland show stopper from the man-of-many-parts Frankenstein: “Nobody Ever Asked Me to a Christmas Party.” Who would Jesus host?