What to do when you’re unable to shop for Christmas?
Usually, the song is the poor man’s gift. Vincent Ortiz makes a valiant effort at this shtick in his “Broke Christmas.” It checks three items off his own wish list, so okay.
Phillip Hudson and DJ Southanbred elegantly dodge the unmoneyed moaning in “2 Broke 4 Christmas.” This hip hop may be mean and sexist, but only in the most ingenious way.
Is there enough room around the tree skirt for some under the skirt action?
You might know Lady Gaga (w/Space Cowboy) has a risque number “Christmas Tree” which we’ll mention in passing. If this oral invitation is all you know, however, stay tuned.
“Christmas Tree” by The Lovers the French duo from Sheffield with Fred de Fred and Marion Benoist is only a 3 on the naughty meter. ‘Can You Show Me Your Christmas Tree’ w/francois accent.
“Under the Tree” is where The Superions seduce their intended… until the phone rings! Erotic alt.
Casper and the Cookies retrorock “Kiss Me Under the Christmas Tree.” Only first base (to start out), but i’m too busy dancing to miss out. Baby Jesus would agree: what a party!
Megan Simon has something to say to you and your new girlfriend. “Fuck Yourselves Around the Christmas Tree” is alt rock fun with an ice cold jazz deadpan.
Snowsnatch almost apologetically proclaims “I’m Gonna Fuck You Under the Christmas Tree Tonight.” This experimental mumble garage poetry may/may not get you in the mood.
Let’s plug in the dub box. A song like “Fuckin’ Under the Christmas Tree” otter be hip hop, even whiteboy styling. This blow by blow playbook is rhymed out from here to there… and there… and– there!
You’ve cleared the room to fit in the tree, so how ’bout a turn across the floor?
“Will You Dance With Me Around the Christmas Tree?” ask The Wiggles (through a tin can apparently). Country for kids. Gotta be the dinosaur.
Singin’ Steve elevates the kidsong to gospel chorale with “Waltz With Me ‘Round the Christmas Tree.” His footwork seems proselytizing, you ask me. (One, two, three, fir….)
Cowboys have been two-stepping around the Christmas tree since Pecos Bill was born, and ive already featured Boggus and Murphy bluegrassing this hit. Let’s give Riders in the Sky a dance in a cave with “Two Step ‘Round the Christmas Tree.”
Remix it up with the electronic dance music of Santa House synthing “You Make Me Wanna Dance (Around the Christmas Tree).” For the kids.
Less about dancing than romancing, Alex Pangman sings “Truckin’ Around the Christmas Tree” while teaching some finger waggling jitterbug. Boogie woogie blue grass.
Now you thought i’d have to include some Brenda Lee here… but let’s go more annoying with The Fabulous Gabriel smothering his efforts in tambourine and electric keyboard. “Let’s Rock Under the Christmas Tree Tonight” wants to be that original song no one else thought of. Barf.
If you wanted to boogie within infringement law to the old ‘Rockin” classic, let’s try “The New Old Way to Rock Around the Christmas Tree.” Crescendo supplies the a cappella to uplift your soul, if not your shoes.
I’m getting out of the mood, so i’ll listen to “The Tree That Couldn’t Rock” by Manos Wild. But that rockabilly sax is changing my tune and now–that’s better….
One doo-wop wonders, The Episodes, shake it to “Christmas Tree,” a 1962 Four Seasons Records 45 single.
Todrick (Toddy Rock Star) Hall (with Chester Lockhart) try their new viral sensation “Splits on Christmas Trees.” See if you catch the fever and strain your hammies in your jammies for mes amis.
Songs that are entitled “Ornaments of Christmas” aren’t trying very hard. Thusly Anna Gossett Johnson and Adrian Park walk around this jingly mess.
Likewise Paige Stroman’s folk “Ornaments.” Vague filler for her album. Memories for our hearts, gang.
“Each Ornament Has a Story” shuffles out of the off-Broadway ‘Fancy Nancy Splenidferous Christmas’ just a klutzily. Talky and pedantic.
The attempt at significance doesn’t help Bill Pere’s musical number “Ornament” from his musical ‘Christmas on the Poor Side of Town.’ Pass the yawn.
Odd and affecting, Jianda Monique sings “You’re Such a Lovely Ornament” as if she’s talking about something else. Atonal, but not quite dada.
On the other hand Samad rap-sodizes about his growing wonder at the celebration of family at his most vulnerable in “Ornaments.” A little pachelbel, a little metaphor, et voila.
Not all Xmas parodies hit the mark.
Norman Grey and Heidi Davis take on Metallica’s ‘Enter Sandman’ with “Enter Snowman.” All the ingredients, but the cake didn’t rise.
Chris Everett has more fun if not more success with “Livin’ la Vida Snowman” for Seattle’s KUBE comedy Christmas song contest.
Unfortunate is what we call the Beach Boys take for Mariah Carey’s “Lil Snowman.” Shiboobee, indeed.
The talented Joel Koptische hits ’90s nascent rap slightly more funnily with his parodic “I’m Your Snowman, Baby.” Ice ice.
Snowman breaks up with you!
Metallically “Beware the Snowman” chills the pop out. Redeads make like a sleigh and ride.
Could adds to the sitar raga rock oeuvre with “We Are the Snowman,” a plaintive ode to the odd cold ones.
“Bob the Snowman” has no feet, but check out his dance number from Phredd. Folk rock for the sock hop.
Middle of the road easy listening pop resonates in “Snowman” from James Darby. He won’t stay, granted, but to admit that it’s the same old song… James… really?
Alt polka from Elevator Music moves your frozen feet to “Snowman Song.” That’s the ticket.
Suitcase hard rocks “This was a Snowman” about the forgotten sentinel of the outside. Or maybe a drug trip.
Kevin Kane wallows in “Snowman Blues,” an uptempo guitar beating you might need more than you think.
Pop blues sympathizes with that lonely figure of geometry in Ernest J. Papay’s “Snowman.” Ends hopefully enough.
Mo’ cold, mo’ blues. “No Man Like a Snowman” becries the sad state of Reba Russell Band’s romantic adventures. Brrr.
“Mr. Snowman Blues” is chilling at the party like no other. Renah Wolzinger dances around perhaps the coolest of all snowmen i’ve heard sung about. On the cover, looks like a kids’ album, but deep jazz blues.
Amy Jill and Bradley Williams (why so many firstnames?!) between exhortations of ‘Merry Christmas’ chase the ingredients of “The Snowman” into sad formation. Melancholy even.
It would be so simple if John Safranko were a “Snowman.” Pop organ soft shoe to dismiss all those troubles. Except when he wishes for a tuba. What?
XTC wants to know, in their own tribal folk pop way, why she treats him like a “Snowman.” Wah.
Buford Pope has a folk rock diagnosis of his “Snowman” of Dylanesque proportions. He’s not gonna make it.
Sometimes the angst (off the holiday topic) is sooo cool, i have to hip you to it. The Wiyos serve us up a slab of speakeasy jazz so smokey mokey you have to give an ear, dad. “Snowman.” ‘Nuff said.
Wizards of Boat’s “Melted Snowman theSnowman” psychedelically folk guitars the possibilities to keep you guessing. I guess.
Roger Miller scat plays to The Fulltones’ advantage whilst singing about missing his love, feeling like “The Snowman.” Road ‘grass of the finest drivin’ kind.
Let’s all get along. “Don’t Knock Over My Snowman” warns Bryan McCabe, but i think he means don’t shake his basic life principles. R+B rock.
Ennui leads Jefferson Pepper to feel like a “Plastic Illuminated Snowman” with the bulb burned out. Likeable country rock, but it don’t get much worse a message.
Loneliness from the homegrown UK hip hop of Stephen Thomas. But “The Stylish Snowman” updates the looking for love in all the wrong places and broadens our minds as to the transitional states of matter (solid, liquid, gas) and why we don’t have to be so narrow. Clever by two.
Scary monsters may not come up much round Xmas time, but since Rankin & Bass’s 1964 TV special, we have a place for the Abominable Snowman in our holidays. I gotta be upfront and admit most Abominable Snowman songs don’t mention Christmas, but then ‘Frosty’ the song doesn’t either. And some of these are pretty good.
So let’s get the kid-friendly one out of the way. Krazy Kuzins hip hop their way through “The Abominable Snowman” which alludes to the aforementioned cartoon. Kids get to holler.
South Oxfordhsire Youth Music Group chorale up the myths with “Himalayan Abominable.” Jazz jumpin’ school assembly fun.
Big Block Sing Song has a samba hip hop “Abominable Snowman” song that simply rocks. Dance if you like.
The title springs from Fetty Wap’s attempt to access his birthday (6/7/1991) as a PIN… the second single by from his self-titled debut album… peaked at number 4 on the US Billboard Hot 100, becoming his second highest-charting single.
This rant goes collegial with angrypicnic’s dada recitation “679 (Christmas Parody).” Pranks for that.
Macklemore’s eighth career single and the fourth single from their debut studio album, The Heist (2012) was a sleeper hit… peaked at number one on the Billboard Hot 100… sold over 7 million copies in the US alone… reached number one in the United Kingdom, Ireland, Canada, France, Denmark, Netherlands, Australia and New Zealand… the video has garnered more than 1.1 billion views on YouTube… in 2014, the single won two Grammy Awards for Best Rap Performance and Best Rap Song.
Such ironic fame for poverty demands demeaning from Meet the Bullens with “Thrift Shop Christmas Parody.” And also from, erm, Tamworth rapper Cracklemore (John Sutherland) in “Christmas (Thrift Shop Parody).”
The debut single by Chief Keef featured Lil Reese… peaked at #73 on the Billboard Hot 100… #20 on the Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Songs chart… #15 on the Rap Songs chart… the video for went viral with over 28 million views on YouTube, before being taken down for use of the ‘N’ word.
Mr. Grind figures “I Don’t Like Christmas” compares to the list of thug life no-nos.