Mall Santas may disrespect the magic of Christmas, done poorly. But there are naughty songs about how awful it gets (that means sex, mommy).
“Mall Santaz” are gangsta playas as playfully rapped by Pineapple Posse. Lots of obscenity for the kids here!
Santa’s lap (at the mall) is a metaphor for sex, at times. For the truly twisted.
Joey & Rory juggle the kiddies’ wantings with the adult flirtatiousness of “Come Sit on Santa Claus’s Lap.” It’s country barn pop.
Casdaluchi Ent & Luchi Toons get confusedly, ungrammatically not-quite-growed-up with “Sit on My Lap Like Santa Claus.” The broken music box beat distracts from the weak-sauce double entendres, but the rap is earnest.
Tell me it’s not so! Mall Santa’s touching!!
No Assumption metalicizes the pedophilic tendencies of the giving oldster with their “Mall Santa.” They’ll none of it.
The Buglies dramatize that nasty fiend with booming laughter in “Santa’s Lap Dance.” Excuse me while i go wash. Garage atonal porn.
Not exactly forgivin’, but appreciative, Lil Poverty Angels unload their word jazz electronic rap on “Santa’s a Dirty Old Man.”
How crazy do you have to be to be a mall Santa?
The Gebharts aren’t crazy about their “Shopping Mall Santa,” but their dry as a hangover garage-quiet-rock makes their protagonist gonzo as blueberry Wheaties.
Murder the Mood metalicize “Mall Santa” to transform into stand-in Big Red. It’s like a secret identity, but head-bangin’ is the power.
Welcome back, Red State Update! “Sit on Santa’s Lap” is a chimey white easy-listening rap that threatens and invites in varying amounts. It’s off the Rails Steak House!
You know it’s home for Christmas when the lights are up. It’s the best.
Old Dog Orchestra has some fun garage pop with “2010 Lights,” stirring up all those reminiscences and past loves and stuff back home.
Garage bluegrass (?) from Paul Baribeau hangs out in his childhood basement and gets weird, until he enjoys those “Christmas Lights.” They just might slow that racing rhythm down.
Keep (feat. Gabrielle Sareena) hitch the millennial mopiness up to some rambling rap with “Christmas Lights.” BLUE ALERT ‘cuz the hard feelings won’t just let go despite the new loves.
Cashiers ring, are you listenin’? To the charge, that is blisterin’? …bells remind some of us of debt.
The Progress bemoan the lack of change while they’re “Jingle Bell Broke.” (Caution: no actual bells were harmed during these lyrics.) Just solid folk/rock protest against the riches.
“Make It Jingle” equates the timpani with the dolla. Big Freedia queens up this dance number with all the right ringing: car keys, bracelets, you know–it’s not all bells.
Let’s take destitution down a notch and get racial wit’ y’all. Socio-economic conditions in the hood bein’ what they are, don’t get your Xmas hopes up.
Paco Gzz BLUE ALERT raps up a storm about the imbalance of his broken home. “No Christmas” may be too real for some, too angry for others. Get over it.
Big Mista adds a bit more party ‘cool’ to his “No Christmas” rap. It’s a journey from NO Xmas to Xmas evee day. Yo. He’s allowing his rapper fame to inform on his dichotomy. Unpack dat, bitch.
The unhappiest may not rejoice when the 25th rolls around. Get thee to the Ghetto and experience the lack of the black.
Harmonizing a lovely hymnal background The Realest YK rap out the message of the not-have in “Christmas Missed Us.” Spookily spiritual.
From the bad block Jae Tipps (BLUE ALERT) raps “Cancelled Christmas” as testimonial to the times. Poverty preach!
Wally Tusk has a cool Bandcamp folk stumble-growl about how no money means “No Christmas.” Brace yourself for the pain.
Some of you don’t deserve a Christmas, did you stop and think about that, naysayers?! Sorry? It never crossed your mind? Then No Xmas, mister doubty-pants!
Sir Cliff Richard lends easy-listening schmaltz to a gospel reaching show tune in “Christmas Never Comes” for the kids not raised right. Season them, stat!
Soaring show tune paints the backdrop in “Christmas No More” by David Lyve. Sweet pipes. But, why so harsh on the Santa? Christian spirit, guy!
Eagleman Band glees up the barbershop sextet with all the fervor of the mild mannered missionary afraid of saying the wrong thing in mixed company. “No Christmas Day” is a lesson in how to lessen.
Try B-Shoc’s “There’d be No Christmas” instead, a power electric rap ballad that, if repetitive, brings the shivery soul you needed to remind your pagan butt to honor Hizzonor.
Poverty really puts the hammerlock on Christmas. Without trappings, feasting, or gifts would there be a holiday? Would it drive the desperate to–robbery?
Listen for clues from burrell with “No Christmas in the Hood.” Pretty, melodic rap, with a punch.