Wars are draw-out conflicts that grind up collateral damage like fruitcake. Is there ever a reasonable reason for a war?
Ramshackle Glory has a fun rant with their “War on Christmas.” It’s just a little too early, man. Alt poetry that’s quite against smiles.
Stiff Donut manifests their social warfare with “Class War on Christmas.” You think they hate, YOU hate with all your trees, and wreaths, and–American flags?! Garage party. BLUE ALERT
Mrs. Claus wouldn’t stray completely away–would she? I mean, not as the town trollop?
Vince Lundi gets sophomoric with his indictment of her sleazy easiness in “Merry Christmas, Mrs. Claus!” a rock tribute to the ho ho ho who sits on his north pole. It’s that way.
The folk approach from Matt Roach offers “The Mrs. Santa Sleeping Around Song.” The innuendos go up-you-end-os.
Garage folk (or just ‘unplugged’) recommends “Hold Your Head Up Santa Claus” ‘cuz yo’ wife a whore. Less attempt at humor, more attempt at music from JWJ.
Mrs. Claus looks so lonely that one special night. Could just give her a kiss.
“A Kiss from Mrs. Claus” would be the best present. Alt from Hoggle’s Jewelry (Arbor Christmas: Vol. 1).
Lips’ll be locking with the jazzy pop stylings of Baggio with their “Mrs. Claus.” You got them singing. Your fault.
WSLY (feat. Hazen) has been a good boy and offers a sleigh ride for her–and let’s see where it takes us. A kiss? You don’t say! Breathy garage pop for “Hey Mrs. Claus.”
Poor ol’ Mrs. Santa, she’s left all alone for a day no one should be lonely. Can’t she have, like, a friend to carry her through the isolation–?
Placeholder Confidential offers that “Mrs. Claus, Oh My!” could use a friend. Cute pop garage in lieu of flowers.
Perhaps the roots of Christmastime extend to centuries beforehand with the Roman empire’s Saturnalia. This celebration seems to have undergone generations of changes with opposite-world day for masters and slaves, carnivale, and rituals to honor the Golden Age (when old Saturn was king of the gods). After Christ’s time, it resembled a full week of partying-feasting ending on 12/24 (Julian calendar).
A (sad) comedy bit WITH SONG comes from Space Barbarian Productions. “Saturnalia” is a bitchy biz pitch gone trippy with Saturn promo-bombing the meeting. The song is a couple minutes in and charmingly glee-showtune barmy. It’s only a minute and a half, but should serve as introduction.
David Warren Solomons has a catchy electronic chant-song in Latin. “Io! Saturnalia” includes English translation, but the attempt to recapture what might have been an antique tune is sideswiped by the US political references of 12 years ago sprinkled about. Is it to laugh?
Saturnalia has been appropriated by Goths and Deathheads as anti-Christmas. Sure it’s pagan, but they were nicer than the usual barbarism and exchanged (gag) gifts. Cauda Pavonis (Latin for peacock) has the only offering i’m willing to take time with. “Saturnalia” is prog rock rowdyism that hints at upbeat anarchy.
What we were hoping to stumble across is that “Saturnalia” carol that respects with disrespect. Moka Only has an experimental garage rap that qualifies.
Boxing Day can be confusing, just another random day trying to find its significance.
Ian Evans reminds me of Zappa with his experimental guitar wanderings and portentous verbiage. Try “Boxing Day” and say the first thing that pops into your head.
Gonna give Olav Risan the benefit of the doubt, his punnage of “Boxing Day” sets twangy deep country music to the task of overlapping domestic abuse with the holidays. True meaning targeted, but it’s a slight miss.
Malaprop gives us garage madness with their “Boxing Day.” Pissy worry and headaches for all.
Now that we’ve brought up the penis, what shall we sing about for the holidays?
Dr. Danny Roadkill is aroused to sing about his “Christmas Boner” in a soft ukulele folk sort of way. Amateurish marvel, but not very long.
Euphemism alert: Evulva has a stumpy alt bit (supposedly Christmas-ified here) labeled “Erect My Heart.” Not foolin’ anybody, boy. Especially with that last line–gasp!
How about the near miss? Lil Mikey warbles how “She Gave Me Blue Balls for Christmas.” Bluesy (natch) rock. Awww.
Nerf Herder garage rocks “I’ve got a Boner for Christmas.” No hurry to put that away, and seems to be enjoying expressing himself.
Whew, it’s a long month. Let’s shovel some more swearin’ treasures of Christmas songs into the posts post haste.
lil aaron over-modulates his boyband playfulness into an elctro “Fuck Christmas.” Pop breathlessness worthy of the Disney channel.
Harder rock from Mikey Galactic who wants his “Fuck Christmas” to include everyone. You too. Aw, i didn’t curse him anything.
Joe Goes may have watched too many Epic Rap Battles. “Merry F’ing Christmas – by Jesus and Santa” a hip hop comic duel wherein J-boi is the voice of reason, Kris the K a ragin’ colonic of a ‘coholic
The Fuck Off and Dies have a short pithy holiday metal greeting in song form “Merry Fucking Christmas.” They didn’t just sign it, they mean it.
Cutely off key The Jet Boys garage the roof with “Merry Christmas, Fuck You.” Everyone all together!
Common talk for common folk, some of the best cussin’ is from our cousins in the backwoods. They got the time to guttertalk the holidays. What else they going to do–get jobs?
Grampa with an agenda Chip Taylor calls all y’all on the hypocrisy of Christ’s day with yer shopping and sipping and ignoring the poor. “Merry F’n Christmas” sticks with the euphemism of the single letter, while drawling out slow country molasses guitar. Preach: Jesus light up that trailer park.
Sounding like every other song, with a minor twang, Flat Earth Man presents “Fuck Christmas.” There’s anal, ammo… not so much with the amusement, though. That’s no joke.
Country’s bastard, country rock, can fill stadiums, but The Rugburns bring the garage to their “I Hate Christmas,” a noisy noisome complaint about stickin’ your dick in anything that moves. Take a bow, gentlemen.
What begins as heartbreak can infect all customary Christmas celebratory delight. She left you, so the whole package can go hang. You understand.
Dave Kilgore deadpans the light rock of “Merry F’n Christmas” adding to the comedy of contrast with his increasing venom. Poor guy.
Skate Punks (SK8PNX) want to go home with you, but it’s not meant to be. So garage rock out the “Merry Fucking Christmas” sadness. But xylophones don’t make me sad, dudes!