What’s the bell-sound of the broken-hearted at Xmas time? I mean that lovely mellifluous tinkling is all overhead, and your head’s in your hands–your heart’s in your throat… it’s the worst.

Kenny Loggins hangs a portrait of the lonely boy and “The Bells of Christmas.” Country ballad popular music, so i’d hazard a guess she’s dead.

Show tune from the lady’s POV. Not enough communication dooms the romance in “The Bells of St. Paul.” It builds prog-rock style to the highs and lows of a Titanic-sized affair. What a ride.

Hair rock from The Darkness sets the falsetto to It Hurts with “Christmas Time (Don’t Let the Bells End.” See, if the bells stop, so does your love. Boo. Oh, and hoo.

Light jazz from Jason Gleason pours out some “Sleigh Bells and Wine,” a soppy soaper about the crying aftermath of the holiday post-dump.

I love watching the flatulent-propulsed The Beaten Generation’s “Ring Out the Bells.” This garage morosity is slurred through some foreign accent and regrets the choices and words… but never the bells. Never the Christmas.

No Christmas without you is a common love-song cry, but the pissed off holler of the broken up is the anti-carol. Xmas smashed!

The blues will do that, wallow in what messes up all that’s good in life… but what about some cool Doo Wop to bring the blues into view. Woo hoo hoo from Larry Chance and The Earls in “No Christmas Cheer.” So there.

Giles Field hates everything after you ripped out his heart, so “No Christmas” (Blue Alert) with a garage lilt to the alt. Skipping to the loo.

P’raps a bad mood could scuttle the entirety of Christmas.

Rocket from the Crypt lists their troubles in “Cancel Christmas,” a pounding modern rock declamation against the box we got stuck in, man.

Billy Anderson goes full Grinch in the striking pop/blues new age “No Christmas in Whoville.” He doesn’t really mean it, though.

Haust (& Okkultokrati) does mean it. Screaming metal rage punctuates the dissatisfaction with the holidays in “No Christmas.” ARRGH!

Santa spirals in “Christmas Got Cancelled” by Dean Stanton, an affecting garage march into economic oblivion that swallows up the elves, the kids, and Frosty, too. No escape.

Maybe there’s no Christmas ’cause we forgot. I do that all the time.

Nearly a miss from The ReMinders: the growly blues pop “Almost Forgot It’s Christmas” wanders and wonders in comic ignorance about what all the fuss is about anyway. What’s the deal with the twenty-fifth??

Nick Hudson tinkles out the emo (BLUE ALERT) in the lugubrious “I Forgot about Christmas“–but he means THIS year, next year he’ll be better.

Third Earth and Friends (feat. Jo Syme) admit “I Forgot About Christmas” for a perfectly good reason–had a job! Not something you hear from millennials much. But the swinging garage rock screeches just right.

Coal dust induced music for Christmas might be a punishment, but let’s listen to the weirdness of the 21st Century taking on Santa’s wrath.

Deathray Davies squeeze ’70s pop for all the irony they can in “I Got Coal.” Apparently a deal with the devil displeases Kringle. Jaunty oddness.

Passing critical on mankind “Santa Gave Me Coal” is a cry for global help from Inward Chills. Anything but that! Funky folk fun.

Industrial techno does a little something for me, so have you met “You’re Getting Coal for Christmas” by Professional Wrestling? This is a warning of sorts as we’ve already sampled, but the repetition without relief, the mechanization of music, and the ultra creepy puppet footage raises this to masterful commentary on Western Civ.

OR–

you can stay at home, surround yourself with loved ones, and NOT COMMIT CRIME.

Try it.

You could follow Santa’s example. The rule-followin’ good boy is documented by John Vosel in “Santa Knows,” a country ballad that might bore you. Or you could learn something.

Tarrus Riley represents the reggae of #crimefreechristmas with “Crime Free Christmas.” Put down your gun and play.

Dryer is not into Christmas, still garage/punk-advises “Don’t Steal or Kill This Christmas.” It’s like The Kinks but trying much harder.

What a perfect time of the year to perfect the five-fingered discount.

Tamale House Migas Plate rowdy down the garage with “Shoplifting for Christmas.” It’s for the kids.

For the rest of the family Rx2 homestudios the chiming and rhyming easy listening “Shoplifting for Christmas.” Ask for anything–the size of his pockets!

Done Lying Down uses ‘that greedy little palm of my hand’ for some “Christmas Shoplfiting,” funky alt-blues rock with an agenda.

New Bad Things explores experimental garage with “Shoplifting You Something for Christmas.” Some of those boxers, ‘kay?