Category Archives: garage

Anthropomorphic Snow Sculpture: funny 1

Let’s shovel the ‘Frosty’ parodies off the lot right away. Most of those are drug-related and i’ve done what i can to eliminate all coke=snow songs from the last couple months. Most of the others are amateurish at best. Here are some i can stand.

BLUE ALERT Afroman has studied the naughty “Frosty” and discerned it’s sexual habits. Learn, if you dare.

Don Ohman (‘The Singing Roofer’) is also misogynisticly offensive with “New Years: Frozen the Snowwoman Song.” She was asking for it, dressing like that.

Back to BLUE ALERTs Roy ‘Chubby’ Brown goes low class UK with obscene carol parodies, staring with “Frosty.” Crude, rude, and bawdy parts galore. John Valby does more or less then same thing, without as much anatomica.

Matt Rogers’s overused “Frosty the Pervert” rounds out the trifecta of BLUE ALERTs. That’s enough, boys.

Bubba Claus pretends he’s drunk singing “Frosty the Beer Mug.” Apart from a strip poker ref, blue-free tawdriness.

On the other mitten, Dan Collins acquits himself admirably with “Jesus the Savior.” He yells ‘Catch me if you can!’ after tipping moneylenders stands. And what does he sub in for thumpity-thump thump?! Look!

Homer and Jethro have a 1953 novelty bit about “Frosty the De-Frosted Snowman” down on the farm. Okay, don’t believe me! I see your corn and raise you pone.

The best tribute to Frosty doesn’t use the melody at all. Fandango Quartet has mixed results singing the right lyrics to ‘O Holy Night.’ their friends like it…..

Sufjan Stevens updates the rascally rogue with his garage-tastic “Mr. Frosty Man.”

Anthropomorphic Snow Sculpture: pop 7

Let’s foreclose our popular music songs about snowmen with what the kids call the latest thing.

“Big Snowman” from Navarro plays alt with our ices. Protect your hearts, ‘migos.

Dale and the Deadheads narrate a long ago time when snow came down like snow. “Bill, the Snowman” is a beatnik throwback comedy bit worth a party play.

Guided by Voices, did i tell you this already, drop “Doughnut for a Snowman” as prog rock pretty pop. I can’t remember what i was talking about….

Experimetnal jazz screaming from Cattle Drums. “Snowman Won’t Melt” eventually rocks every which way but on key.

Folk blues psychedelia doesn’t begin to describe “Jon the Snowman” by Jack Spann. Look out.

Dreamy psychedelia, “The Waving Snowman,” make The Wytches the band to watch.

Gregory Scott Slay bases his “Visit with a Snowman” on a visit with a snowman. More psychedelic rock with a metal backbeat. Snowman laid down this track, too. BLUE ALERT

Angry but oh so danceable is the punk BLUE ALERT “Viki is a Snowman.” The Jims holler largely for one minute.

Odd but danceable, “Ex-Snowman” by Big City fills you required ironic pop daily allowance.

Nihilistic pop from The Naked Picassos warns about that watching “Snowman.” Run, kids.

Disco funk expressed by Holidelic results in “Snowman’s Lament.” Give ’em snowballs! Watch out!

Pop mixed media allows Strangejuice to get sentimental, yet surreal, with their “Snowman.”

Pop punk garage by Go Eat Worms make “vs. the Snowman” a saga of surprising power.

Angry garage separates “Snowman” into three round balls. The Fezz throws gas on the fire of mujsic.

Emo garage from Kenzi Gregory unravels joy with “My Snowman.” Well, more than one. They don’t last. Hate my life.

Grrl garage pounding from The Ravens. “Evil Frosty Snowman” is not what you think it is.

Banging garage metal from Nothing to Envy portrays “Yeltsin the Snowman” as a scary monster. Surprized?

Record label Flying Bomb has been an outlet for punk, garage, experimental music since the ’90s. White Stripes got their toehold to success here. Now let’s dip into their phenomenal Xmas compilation from ’02. Happy Supply’s “Young Snowman Got It Bad, ‘Cause He’s So Round” puts the frozen one back on the street, in a cheerful love song.

This comes by way of good buddy Pete the Elf.

Anthropomorphic Snow Sculpture: abominable detour 9

Time to get weird with the cryptomorphs!

Experimental rock with Bertolt Brecht alienation comes from Nick Siegel’s “The Abominable Snowman Struggles with Loneliness.” Great concept album, still just sad songs.

Chemicals overlays industrial percussion on top of beat poetry voiced as if by a ten-year-old. See if “Abominable Snowman” doesn’t live up to that!

Islands rocks the garage with progressive experimentation in “Abominable Snowman,” more about their performing endurance than the disparate elements. Their box cashed back to earth from outer space. Dig me?

Snow Way: too too too

Can’t stop the snow! Must adapt or play!

Children’s Christmas Songs and Stories frolics with “The Snow is Here to Stay.” Upbeat.

Wm. Fitzsimmons whispers gentle alt-folk with “Covered in Snow.” You’ll learn to love it.

Hot Buttered Elves get dangerously garage with “Too Much Snow.” Drugs were involved.

Nipsey deals out protest rockabilly with “Too Much Snow.” He might mean on the TV.

Peter Vesth plays some lounge country ‘with friends’ for “Too Much Snow on the Ground.”

Tender country pickin’ from Wendell Ferguson (feat. Katherine Wheatley) in “99 Feet of Snow.” Snuggly fun.

Bel Air has some driving difficulties bc of “Too Much Snow.” Gnarly garage crooning.

Parodies’ Paradise: 1999 “Kryptonite”

The 3 Doors Down song was originally released as a demo for local play by 97.9 WCPR-FM in Biloxi, Mississippi… first charted on the Mainstream Rock Tracks chart reaching number-one for 9 weeks… then hit the Modern Rock Tracks also staying at number-one for 11 weeks… one of the longest-running songs on the chart… reached number one on the Pop Songs chart for 5 non-consecutive weeks… peaked at number 4 on the Adult Top 40 chart… number 3 on the Billboard Hot 100… the band’s highest-charting single there.

ApologetiX feel with the birth of JC with their “Christmasnite.” Hard rocking gospelity.

Parodies’ Paradise: 1966 “Time Won’t Let Me”

The Outsiders worked up a major hit out of garage rock…. reaching #5 on the Billboard Hot 100… ranked as the 42nd biggest American hit of 1966.

The ’60s Invasion have twisted it into an ode to present shaking in “Mom Won’t Let me.”

Tripping Bells: Acid

Is Christmas the hallucination of God? Time to touch the sky and see through the vocals of some singers.

“Christmas on LSD” by Chad Johnson wanders, wonders, and dead ends with lite rock. It’s like he tripped into pillows.

“Christmas On LSD” by Skip Haynes and Aliotta Haynes Jeremiah is an old fashioned folk rock blend and sounds like a VW bus.

“Christmas LSD” by Light Sunny Day plays on Jeff Buckley’s ‘Hallelujah.’ And goes BLUE. These guys are professionally sober.

Fat by the Gallon bring it with garage/punk yelling. “Christmas on L.S.D.” is angry, loud, and unrepentant. Go. Go. Get clean.

Tripping Bells: Coke

Let it snow for Xmas! Our less than zero drug of choice from the yuppie era is your basic blow. A bit spendier than some brands.

Stitches self destructs large withdraw fueled holiday pieces. “All I Wanted as a Kilo” is dirge paced hip hop complaining about all the problems that might go away with the administration of certain powders.

Wasted Irish yodeling leads us to Money’s “A Cocaine Christmas and an Alcoholic’s New Year.” It’s regret for Christmas.

Experimental garage rage rock from NNMaddox with “Cocaine Christmas.” Less apology, more industrial living. Be the machine for the holidays, i double dog dare ya.

About Right for the High Holidays

All those songs about alcoholic drinks remind us that Christmastime is about celebrating full out, red solo cups tipped to the ceiling, regrets solidifying while inhibitions melt. And i wouldn’t spend so much time on the subject if there weren’t so many songs about it. Originally i figured about to offer you a month of half drunk Christmas songs and half stoned Christmas songs, but we can’t stop composing ourselves in re alcoholism. So let’s indulge in a fun bit of slang to denote each entry (alphabetical, natch from about right to zozzled) but we’ll be climbing the stages of toasting t0 tipsy to totaled to a friend of Bill’s to hungover to rehab, while also slipping in some drunk daddies, Santies, Jesuses, and maybe Rudolph or someone else. Damn son, i need as shower already and i hain’t even started.

One of the easiest targets, songsmiths–i’m talking to you, is parodying ‘I’ll be Home for Christmas.’ And while Harold Swords fulfills the comedy needs of the few with “I’ll be Drunk for Christmas,” we can do better–like smurfswacker’s entry which splashes in a dash of class. Or Hilary who throws her diva range all over her take off (warning: karaoke soundtrack/no picture).

Face it, most of this stuff is going to be low brow hollering fun: Zach Smith plays BLUE ALERT adolescent humor to a pretty folk echo in “I’ll be Drunk This Christmas.” Funny.

Peter and the Test tube Babies also scream “I’m Getting Pissed for Christmas” a la punk. But it’s just one more day of sucking it down.

But Curt Brash poses “I’ll be Drunk for Christmas” with jazzy scat and cool lackadaisicality. It’s barfly Tom Waits, or–you know–Tom Waits.

Then comes the garage gentleness from The Blood Moons, which turns their “I’ll be Drunk for Christmas” into a bar band anthem that sells this sad sentiment. It’s morose and hopeless but you can dance to it.