Santa Jobs: litigator

If Santa loses his job, he probably got sued out of it. Maybe he should get more comfortable in a courtroom (not just on 34th Street).

As defendent, Santa also had to put up with dumb old Dr. Elmo who gratuitously stretched out his success of ‘Grandma Got Run Over’ with “Grandpa’s Gonna Sue the Pants Off of Santa.” The Caribbean beat is a nice touch, but this is novelty by the numbers.

Bill Engvall paints his funny li’l ol’ redneck ditty “I’m Getting Sued by Santa Claus” to tickle your funny bone. Honestly, he spends more time on twangy country tuning than larf out loud wit. Singable.

Lawrence Savell has quite a little sidebar writing and singing about legal hijinx. His “I Dreamed I Saw Santa Working in the Library” is one of his better electronic folk numbers, though if you listen to it, he’ll probably bill you.

Santa Jobs: unemployment

If Big Nick ever picked another job, it would be because he was adventurous, whimsical, reinventing himself–right? Right?!

Surely that ol’ chimney skater wouldn’t ever simply LOSE his gift gig?

Titty Twister spins the sad yarn of Santa going homeless and his gang going criminal in “Santa Claus is Unemployed.” Smelly hair metal.

Jeremy Lister posits this worst case scenario with “Santa’s Lost His Mojo.” Fortunately this is only a cry for help, so all you rotten ingrates will appreciate him again. Enjoy his pop rocker but think about what you did.

Theocracy tells the story we don’t want to hear the night before: the economy dragged Santa down to the coal mines in their “All I Want for Christmas.” BTW all they want for Christmas, despite their hair metal, is ‘their old job back.’ Makes you think.

Odds Bodkin gets more serious with an old school folk protest song jollied up children-style. “The Takeover Before Christmas” does unwind an epic yarn, but make sure you’ve got arms on your chair to clench and an edge upon which to sit. Santa gets run out of work by Big Toy and forced into early retirement. But… keep listening… that Christmas magic isn’t done with our favorite fatman….

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Santa Jobs: samurai

Is Santa a day-saver? Can he make things right? Well, he is a hero to many children… maybe he has a second calling fighting zombies and aliens (and i presume ninjas) as a samurai. Actually he is more of a bubba-san.

If that’s unclear please take a psychedelic trip along the corrido ballideering of Chuck Pickelsimer and his ode to “Samurai Santa.” If you can follow any of it, you may never be the same afterwards.

Santa Jobs: ruler

The Pever Pan Carolers (as the Peppermint Kandy Kids) have a scheme when posing “Santa Claus for President.” that is to get Christmas all year round. I guess the Pres has got nothing better to do than hand out stuff.

Sammy Kaye and orchestra seem more genuine in their vote for “Santa Claus for President.” I guess we’ll all still 365 toys, but it’s ’cause he loves us back.

Kenton McPeake has more of o grassroots folk take on “Santa Claus for President.” Here we have a political statement thumbing our nose at D.C.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DRNO8krwh4g

 

Santa Jobs: not-god complex

Well, if Santa’s NOT God, maybe his job is balancing the celestial scales by incorporating ultimate evil.

Aurelio Voltaire spells it out for you (just move one letter!) with “Santa Claus is Satan.” Despite some goth trappings, this smacks of children’s song. He’s having enthusiastic guitar fun.

Tony Martin similarly strums up the Santa myth (albeit with more production values) in his “Who Put the Devil in Santa?” This is ’80s pop turned on its ear, winding itself up louder and louder. A real showstopper. Testify!

Screaming and syncopating (barely) Toykillers lay down some club feedback with “The Devil May be Your Santa Claus.” Headbang on the chimney with care.

Those with a casual Christmas connection sometimes think of all of Santa’s multicultural helpers (Black Peter f’r instance) as Santas themselves. It’s NOT TRUE. But, to have some fun, let’s include The Bearded One’s head punisher Krampus in Rusty Cage’s “The Krampus Song.” It’s more folk fun, with a family style round of chords that should have all of you singing along.

Something Fierce lays down the garage rock for their rollicking “Satan Claus.” Now we know the truth. And we can dance to it.

Santa Jobs: god complex

Whether or not the elves can get behind Santa, we write letters to the big guy, not them. So it’s time to start thinking about Mr. Red. What’s he doing Right Now?

In fact, is Santa who he is, or only his job?

If that’s true, what other jobs might he have?

First of all, let’s deal with the all-seeing, all-knowing job: God.

A few artists have something to say about Santa as God.

Hank Snow spins a schoolroom spoonful of treacle with “God is My Santa Claus” either creating an ouroboros tautology, or refuting our original posit. Ok, i guess God is everything, including the Great Gift Giver.

Pearl Jam mellow alt rock the confusion of “Santa God” ascribing it also to childhood’s naiveté.

A little more garage punk (kiddie style) Contranzor declares “Santa is Your God.” Oh, i see, we worship materialism. Well, now that’s just social commentary….

Joe Treewater just covers his bases by confessing “Sorry God & Santa.” It’s a smooth unplugged folk play (except for the atheist digression toward the end).

Dan Hart grows on this symbiosis with comic folk pop in “Santa God.” Looks like they are two different entities after all, or at least opposite polarities.

Toymakers Local 1224: contract-4

A brief mention of the unpleasant hard rocking of sweet harmony barbershop country singers The Oak Ridge Boys. In letter form, they ask “Santa Bring Your Elves,” but personally i believe you’ll never see those elves again. Don’t do it.

Warm smoky throated Pauline Lynnes may appeal to families with little ones, but she has a jazz siren sensibility and sexy folk fullness. “Little Christmas Elf” comes off half country ballad, half funny kid song. Tell me what you think.