Consume-mas Quantities: ‘sup supper?

Dinner is as down home as family, and about the most family-ish music is folk.

The cleaned-up version of folk sounds like the pretty young people sync-ing and storytelling of The New Christy Minstrels with their moralizing  “Parson Brown.” It’s a skit! It’s a song! It’s a swell Christmas dinner!

Pop folk sounds like little minister Dustin Donovan with his “Christmas Dinner 2011.” It’s a parable about a peeping poor boy and the shut-in he shares with. And it’s beautifully sung (if not filmed). Think about the homeless while ye be stuffing yer face! Retaining an Old World twinkle, Peter Paul and Mary strum out the original to this instructional tale: “Christmas Dinner.” This looks hard at the poor and the suffering… no comic reprisals. That’s more Christ-like, more honest folk. This is largely Noel Paul Stookey, so here’s his solo of the same:

Consume-mas Quantities: for the birds

Turkey is the traditional Christmas meal for the English. Songs celebrate the healthy carnivorous choice, and also cry the warnings for the fowl.

Sometimes we just say “Big Dead Bird” for dinner without mentioning the type. Be suspicious of this melodious easy-listening comedy (with accordion) from Lou and Peter Berryman. It may not be the bird you’re thinking of. The whole meal stinks, in point of fact.

Riddim fun from Echo recommending “Run, Turkey, Run” away from Christmas men with their cleavers. Turkey trot might be the appropriate step.

Of course ‘turkey’ means more than bird. Jenny T posts the “Xmas Turkey Song” reminding us losers we are what we eat.

Turkeys at time get revenge on us as with Learn English Kids’ “Turkey Trouble Song.” It’s a bit plodding (teaching reading), but wicked fun for the childrens.

Antsy McClain and the Trailer Park Troubadours make a bit more merry with “Frank the Christmas Turkey,” a pop-alt folk stew of charming, chanting fun. Deadly though.

 

Consume-mas Quantities: sandwichery

For those of you easily bored, bread becomes a vehicle for meat and cheese delivery, a la the sandwich. Christmas sandwiches may not have much of a following… yet.

The Chris Gethard Show has celebrated ‘Sandwich Night’ for many years, and even goes so far as to compare it to the Yuletide. BLUE ALERT their “F*@k Christmas, I Wish It was Sandwich Night” is bellicose, but uses condiments. It’s a bit like ADHD filk singing.

Angry head banging from Metal Lunch celebrating in their own “Christmas Sandwich” way. It chokes me out.

A bit off topic, The Beacon Baptist Bahamanians mounted a holiday musical A Peanut Butter Christmas, featuring wishful Christmas targets like “A Peanut Butter Sandwich.” Kid fun–happy and in tune. Kudos.

Christopher Dennis is a bit more reverent with “The Christmas Sandwich Song,” a tale of the old world and this family’s labor of love. My, that’s tasty balladeering!

Consume-mas Quantities: breaking bread

We tend to fill up with simple starches earlier in the day. (One of my beefs is that breakfast is usually flour or egg-related, it’s so limiting! Find me a restaurant that plates up cold pizza for breakfast and i’m there!) We’re not talking stollen or yulekage, friends, this is the staff of life, ‘kay?

Bread, naturement, is a metaphor for the Christ-baby (he will rise again). Chris Brunelle intones Bernadette Farrell’s “Bread of Life” in an empty church, making it less holy and more rehearsally.

Annie Moses Band sings more mournfully yet professionally with “Bethlehem, House of Bread.” It’s an angelic epic, but not actually bready.

Can’t find any bread in “Christmas Biscuits” by Mark Geary with Glen Hansard (he of the ‘Once’ motion picture academy award song) either. Just a reminder of peace and love.

John Wright gets creepy with his impression of a five-year-old in “Bread for Christmas.”  His falsetto does the Birtha Da Blessed no favors here. I can’t tell if this is a cruel children’s sermon, or misguided ministry for the feeble. But i can’t stop listening.

The Oyl Miller Band of Portland OR have taken bread to a whole ‘nother symbolic level with “Happy Christmas Bread.” It seems to be some kind of odd family tradition here. The boys are in fine form and sing from the diaphragm, so God help them.

Consume-mas Quantities: most important meal of the day

Wake up Christmas, whaddya eat? Who cares–let’s have presents!

No, now, you know the rules, first a nutritious yet merry breakfast….

Ohh—-kay.

Nathan Puts is quite pleased with himself for his seven seconds of comedy in “Christmas Breakfast Song Ideas.” Okay fine bye.

Xmas morning eats are so underplayed, however, some of us crave breakfast when it’s all over. Merrym’n dolefully shake up the traditions with “I Want Oatcakes for My Christmas Dinner.” ‘Course that may be only because they’re Brits, and the only decent meal in the UK (the only meal not boiled) would be breakfast. A lugubrious rock ballad.

When you don’t have breakfast before presents, the repercussions may be dire. “Breakfast with Santa” by Fortress of Attitude foretells the cautionary tale of trouble by which may we all profit. I know it’s talky, but it’s worth it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rr74mrf7I40

Sweet Christmas! diabetes

After feasting on sweet stuff for a month, we have to deal with the consequences.

HPU nursing has an informational talent show (no winners, sorry) in “The Diabetes Song (The Christmas Song)” set to ‘Chestnuts Roasting.’ It’s a real downer, but full of helpful info about how not to die in this condition.

Stuckey and Murray have an angrier song “Santa Gave Me Diabetes,” which while fun folk rock AND based on a true story, still poops on your corn flakes with its cautionary tale of profligate sweet-eating. Take that, fun.

Sweet Christmas! fruitcake 2

A mixed beginning, but let us accentuate the positive. Some songs refer to the fruitcake as a good thing all told… at least as good as holly, and rooftop reindeer, and caroling–the standbys we expect.

Disney stands for the traditional: “Toot Suite, Christmas Treats” recites a Goofy-sized list of goodies (including corn flakes) to eat this time of year. Fruitcake is in there too.

Mannheim Steamroller also orchestrates a menu of expected activities for Christmas, including fruitcake with “The Fruitcake Song.” It tags in wacky then runs back to harmony.

Many a high school choir cracks up their audience (parents) with a winter performance of “The Fruitcake Song” which applauds the messy melange. Despite years of the TV show Glee, most of these affairs are clumsy and embarrassing. One Madrigals‘ team styling seems to mock the sincere formula of the song. The kids here are having fun and don’t look stoned at all.

Dead serious, are Eraserheads, ‘The Beatles of the Philippines.’ Their “Fruitcake” is Invasion-tastic, but hardly about the dessert or the December day. And their video is a hard day’s night.

Let’s Devo it up with The Superions. “Fruitcake,” like the most appreciative songs here, lists the ingredients. Done.

Fergha and Robyn are just trying to get a song recorded. It could be about anything. It’s about a suitcase full of fruitcake. “Fruitcake” uplifts. Leave it at that.

On the other hand, fruitcake is where you can get your extra rations of alcohol. Michael Lusk partakes of “Grandma’s Loaded Fruitcake” in a harmless boot-scooting country style. Cheers!

James J. ‘Jimmy’ Wisner aka Kokomo doesn’t care who knows what he loves from gramma in “The Fruitcake Song.” This reggae/folk-style sing-a-long echoes rap styling and I almost feel like contributing a verse when it comes around to me.

 

Sweet Christmas! cake 1

When it comes to Christmas, i say CAKE and you say something about produce that hangs off a tree.

Cake is fine any time, though.

And so is reggae. I know we just had a slice, but Jamaica Jam bakes up “Christmas Cake (In the Oven Baking)” as a dance party for the holidays and for the children and for the holiest of holies having a birthday. This beats out Adu Deme & Dave Azi just a dred with their more solemn “Christmas Cake.” (No cake in the song, mon.)

Punk pokery takes place under the auspices of The Yobs with “Who Had All the Christmas Cake?BLUE ALERT These boys are unhappy about the cake eaters who may or may not have come down the chimney. While we’re down and dirty, Swaggy G white-child-raps “Christmas Cake” in which this seasonal treat somehow represents his ass.

Hey, did that cake come from home–or did it come from Christmas? Red State Update has a brief reminder about how your eating habits affect your holiday bliss with their “Christmas Cake.” Miss you boys!

Sweet Christmas! pudding, doughnuts, pie

Other confectionary carols?

Well, let’s skip ‘We Wish You’ with its oddity of asking for figgy pudding… although, Plank Road Publishing has some classy antique school-kids’s song entitled “What is Figgy Pudding?” which is as good an excuse for a song as any around the non-ecumenical holiday singing assembly.

Dunkin’ Donuts has a holiday album celebrating fried dough from 2004. It’s fresh from the Phillipines, if that matters. Please to praise “Merry Munchkins” ’cause it’s about love. Sam Concepcion, Cheska Ortega and Audie Gemora sing bilingually.

Everybody loves a great pie. Christmas time, pies tend to be mincemeat. We’ll explain why tomorrow. For now, let’s look at generic tarte. A few singers sell the basic pastry, like Mongstar with “Christmas Pie (Christmas Cock Riddim).”  I think there’s chicken in this pie, but it’s got an island beat you can eat to.

Some singers like Music Box improv tell us that “What’s in the Pie? (An Improvised Christmas Song)” is not meat, minced or otherwise. Lively, but in an unbalanced way.

Kirby Heybourne claims his “Wassail & Apple Pie” is other than the traditional as well, but his driving guitar and cracking vocals promise a standard-setting song.

Larke makes “Xmas Pie” about corporations getting their piece of it. It’s not flaky or savory so much as symbolic and censorious.

Coming in somewhere between Barenaked Ladies and Brain Setzer is Fayetteville Ska Alliance with the remarkably fun “Have Another Piece of Pie.” Party pie please!

I’d rather go Victorian for your victrola. “Dame Get Up and Bake Your Pies” comes from the traditions and doggerel of Mother Goose and whatnot. While it’s become popular to delve into the dank origins of why the maids lay and the ducks lost their wings (political scandal and bad health i’m sure), let’s simply listen to The Revels Children’s Chorus lull us into holiday horrors with this rendition: